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Young, Sad, and Miserable in Sin
By SinWithSatan
6/11/2009 2:09:30 AM
I'm 16 years old. I'm an Aaronic Priesthood holder. I've grown up in a family of 8 kids, all born in the covenant. And the past two years of my life I have been struggling with an addiction to Masturbation, and Pornography.
I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. I have a testimony that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true church upon the earth. I know my Father in Heaven is deeply sadden by my transgressions. I can feel the absence of the spirit of the Holy Ghost. It is rarely ever with me now days, but when i do feel the spirit, i bask in it's comforting feeling that it gives me.
However my addiction has never came to a stop. I carry on day, after day, sinning again and again, telling myself that was the last time. I make promises to myself that I will not sin again. There's been many incidences when I have overcame temptation. I've gone a few weeks without participating in the immoral act. But it comes back, and I cannot seem to escape it.
I live a good life. My family, my friends, everyone I know believes me to be one of the best LDS youth in the stake. And I am a pretty good kid. All but this addiction.
I keep seeing myself after this life, with great remorse and guilt. I see my family in the Celestial Kingdom, and me in another.
Ah, it makes me so sad. And I am fed up with myself. I do not want this in my life. I know that if I don't stop, it won't be the end of things. I will move onto bigger sins. This addiction of mine is ruining my life.

Comments:

Patience    
"I am 24 and have been addicted to masturbation since 14. I also come from the active family where most people I know believe me to be one of the most spiritual persons they know. I was able to go on a mission. I also have a testimony of the gospel and it is very deep. I study for an hour everyday and seek the Lord's guidance in my life.
The spirit does come in. I have prayed for years now and the last direction I got was to be patient. I felt distinctly that the Lord was not going to take away my desire yet. But that I should move on with my life and just keep struggling. I know that I have been directed in other things as well: career, schooling and advice to my family. My priesthood hasn't been revoked since I still try.
It is a lie, no matter who tells you, that you are unworthy to move on with your life or to have the spirit. Focus not on your sin, but on your relationship to God. One day the Lord will inspire you what to do.
Hope this wasn't to forward."
posted at 09:02:38 on June 11, 2009 by Anonymous
Good start...again    
"Hey there. I want you to lift up your head and not get down on yourself. There is nothing but hope for you. I was one of those "best LDS youth in the stake", except with this hidden part of me, just like you. My problems with this addiction began much earlier than yours and unfortunately, I'm now 34 years old and still trying to get a handle on it. Be grateful that you are seeking help so early. You still have plenty of time to have some real success with this, and to really learn how to apply the atonement in your life BEFORE you go on a mission. And what a blessing that will be. It will make you an even better missionary to have that REAL understanding of how the atonement truly works in your life rather than just a doctrinal "sunday school" knowledge. I think that can be a great goal for yourself. Maybe quit focusing on "I have to stop masturbating and looking at pornography" and instead make it a positive statement: "I want to become closer to the Savior and really understand how his atonement can help me beat my addiction". I don't know where you live, but if you're near a Deseret Book or Seagull Book, go TODAY, and buy a book called "The Continuous Atonement", by Brad Wilcox ( http://deseretbook.com/store/product/5013881 ). If you don't have any cash, ask your parents for some. Tell them you just heard this book was really good and you really want to read it. If they can spare some cash, I doubt they'd turn down a request like that. He beautifully addresses your concerns of "I make promises to myself that I will not sin again. There's been many incidences when I have overcame temptation. I've gone a few weeks without participating in the immoral act. But it comes back, and I cannot seem to escape it.". This book will give you great hope if you can get your hands on it. But more importantly, just try to honestly study and pray each morning and pray when the temptations come. When you pray, tell the Savior you're weak, that you want to sin, but you want to follow him more, and ask him to take the temptation from you. There are a few ideas that may help you. You have a great opportunity to make weak things become strong and learn in your youth about the atonement. Take advantage of it. Please don't let this linger in your life. The prophets are correct. Continuing in this path will lead to you to far more immoral and even illegal acts and to losing things that are most precious to you. I know this is true because I've seen it in my own life and in the lives of many many others who have not taken care of this when they were young. But I also know that it is absolutely possible to take care of this now. You don't need to walk the path to ruin that many others do. Choose to follow the Savior. And if you haven't yet, go talk to your bishop. I was always scared to do this when I was young, but your bishop can help you. Tell him everything. You'll walk out of his office feeling lighter and happier than you have in years. Good luck and the Lord will bless you. You can do it!"
posted at 11:22:30 on June 11, 2009 by derek
Honesty...    
"I used to be afraid to notice people with the same problem, but I've known now that it is great to see others support with the same goals in mind. I'm 19 years old. I have the same problem. To say the least... I support you and know that God loves you still.

If you haven't already, you could try talking to your parents and or bishop... there is this quote I remember from something... "you are only as sick as your secrets"... getting support from others who care alwyas helps ((if you feel it safe about it anyway))"
posted at 14:00:47 on June 11, 2009 by Gondor44646
desire to do evil    
"That appears to be a negative "subject" but it is a quote of scripture. I noticed as I was doing my 12-step work that I wanted to keep the Spirit of the Lord with me. Now, I always *said I wanted to do that, before. But it wasnt as strong as it is now. I am still studying the Steps, and in Step 9 it becomes clearer to me that simply DESIRING to keep the Spirit with me is LOSING my desire to do evil. As far as my body is concerned, my body is going to take care of itself, in dreams. General Authorities have said this is Gods way of handling the physical biological pressure. Thats good news to me!"
posted at 19:37:50 on June 11, 2009 by Anonymous
You're not alone    
"Hey, so I'm 15, but I will be 16 in like 3 weeks, and pretty much I can completely relate to you. In my ward and stake I am an active member. I go to all the activites and attend church and bare my testimony often. I love church and the gospel, but I can feel myself losing grip and having the spirit disapear. I generally follow and do everything I'm supposed to do, but masturbation and pornography seem to get me every time.

It's rough. I know it, trust me I've been stuck in this boat since I was 8, and I'm a girl and nobody ever seems to give advice to the yw about these kinds of issues cause we apparently "don't do these things." Which I guess makes me a little out of the ordinary.

But I really just want you to know if you ever need another youth in the church to talk to I'm here to talk to anytime. You could even text me if you were in major crisis, just ask me for my cell if you want.

Sam."
posted at 00:06:03 on June 15, 2009 by Revorg12
Thanks for Sharing    
"The struggles and success of the individuals on this site are a help. It gives me strength and helps me to understand my thoughts and temptations and to continue on the path of recovery. I have been working the Churches 12 step program for almost 2 years and have found it to work if you work it. I am not perfect but feel like I am on the right path. Love you guys"
posted at 00:01:20 on June 20, 2009 by SandyMan
Dont Give Up    
"Hey man. I'm a priest too. And I'm kinda like how u describe yourself but in my own stake. I've been talking to my bishop for over a year now about it and its been tearing me up. But I eventually got fed up with it like you. Use that bro! Change it into motivation for you to quit. The first few weeks are the hardest but your body will eventually begin to regulate itself again. Pray a lot, read your scriptures, stay with people and be busy thats helped me a lot, keep a calender and check mark the days that you dont mess up and circle the days you do. If your tempted to masturbate, drop down and do 50 push ups, I dont think you'll really want to afterwards, either that or hopefully your not too strong and you'll be too tired to. Praying for ya man!"
posted at 22:25:47 on July 3, 2009 by T-REV
Thanks Everyone    
"Hey I'd like to thank everyone who has commented and given me advice! It really does help reading your words and has made me feel the spirit very strongly. After having such negative thoughts about my problem, i am uplifted by you and can start viewing things in more positive ways. Although i don't know you all, I love you for taking the time to help me out! Thanks again, and I hope to have good news soon about my addiction."
posted at 03:14:00 on July 16, 2009 by sinwithsatan


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"One of the great myths in life is when men think they are invincible. Too many think that they are men of steel, strong enough to withstand any temptation."

— James E. Faust

General Conference, April 2002