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Avoiding Step 4
By sobermind
5/26/2009 8:52:21 AM
I thought it would be the right thing to type where I am today. I am avoiding doing step 4 again. I always am a ball of anxiety surrounding this step. I am fearful about the unknown. I am worried about the very thing that this step does so well and that is that I will uncover more things to work on and shatter my confidence. I don't do inventories of myself well. I know this work is the heart of the repentance process. I know this is the step that circumcises the heart but who honestly desires heart surgery.

I am greatful that the opposite of fear is faith. I am greatful that the surgeon is Jesus and that he knows exactly what is best for me. I am greatful that my life as a member allows me to know with firmness right from wrong. I know that when weakness is cleared then strength replaces it. I believe in the power of this step. One day at a time, I'm not alone I can get through this with his strength and the strength of those he will place in my path for support.

I am begining again Fear- my own dishonesty Resentment- expectations of where I am financially and 'should' be Guilt- over playing to close to fire and using people.

Comments:

Make a start,    
"Step Four can be broken down into three parts: The resentment inventory, the sexual inventory, and the inventory of the harms we've done to others.

If all you can do is list things for each section, don't worry. Your sponsor will help you fill in the rest of the collumns in Step Five. This Step is overwhelming for some of us. We need help. Just list all of your resentments, all the sexual stuff that's bothering you, and all the people that you feel you may have harmed and then you and I will get together. Together we'll get at the "causes and conditions" that drive our addictions. I love you, Brother.
-S"
posted at 11:58:03 on May 26, 2009 by Anonymous
Complete Inventory    
"My first time through I just focused on my crimes. Later I realized that if I was doing a business inventory I wouldn't just count the broken goods, I would count all the usable inventory too. I think for addicts in general and myself in particular, we are very good at beating ourselves. I used to undermine any chance to really succeed. I realized later it was because I didn’t believe I deserved success. Only taking inventory of my faults was really painful. In later 4th step work it was nice to take a break from the ugly stuff and take some time to recognize that I wasn’t all garbage even in the midst of my addiction. There was always something deep inside me that wanted to be good, kind, helpful and serve God. Alternating between the two lists may make it easier to get through. Be just as honest about your good side."
posted at 16:35:00 on May 27, 2009 by Anonymous


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"Just as the landfill requires dedicated work and attention, laboriously applying layer after layer of fill to reclaim the low-lying ground, our lives also require the same vigilance, continually applying layer after layer of the healing gift of repentance.…Our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, feel sorrow when we choose to remain in sin, when the gift of repentance made possible through the Atonement can clean, reclaim, and sanctify our lives. When we gratefully accept and use this precious gift, we can enjoy the beauty and usefulness of our lives... "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006