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Self Check... help step 1?
By Gondor44646
4/29/2009 6:58:45 PM
Before I type I might need help understanding Step 1... which is to admit your powerlessness and the problem... in these words I think I am forgetting Step 1... I feel like I have control, but do I? Or am I missing somthing?

It seems there are a few new people with the same problem of masturbation... ug, same here... 19yrs old... I’m not doing well right now. I wish I would have typed about all the good moments this past week, but I missed it now. I'm typing now to help myself vent and learn from my own typing… I failed once this week, but the previous week was good, and although its not perfect I still don’t want to loose it all, that and I always need to come back. I am trying to delay myself from my problem by typing right now… otherwise I would have already gave up… but this is the feeling that goes through my head before my problem takes over…(this seems stupid but it’s the irony that I live with.) Well, the good news is that I think that I can stop my problem. I was not being honest with myself... unfortantly now I think that I have been stoping myself because I am not ready to see my life without my problem. I thought of it like a drug addict that wants to stop, but cant see life without induldging... Dang I hate that… now what?!

… ((“So you want to stop but you don’t want to stop?!)). Perhaps I am afraid to live life without it, or maybe it’s just easier to remain in my passive state or in my problem. So how do I make myself willing? I believe I want to stop and or take control of my life, but whenever I am having difficulty I am more willing to got to that probelm. That and my mind plays tricks on me to keep this strong feeling of hopelessness. I feel like all guys, man, males, are all trapped by sex and they can’t control themselves. Although I think this is false, it keeps reoccurring. It seems that it is not because I can’t control it, it’s because I am persuaded by the comfort and easiness of indulging in passiveness and or my problem… which ever way… ... I think... but this sounds like I am stopping step 1?! I dont know

Sometimes I think the only way to becoming willing to get out of this is to hit rock bottom… when the pain of the solution becomes less than the pain of the problem. I would hate to have to come to that point, but it sadly makes since even right now while I am having difficulty. I know I can pray to God for help, but I also know that my will is against me right now. I can't fake scincerity even though I know my problem makes me sad and meserable. That is the most annoying thing about this, God can’t force me, and sometimes I wish he would. I wish I could snap my fingers and have it all go away again.

I have been thinking about this more. Now that school is almost over, I wonder if there is any place I can go that would help me overcome my problem over time...((other than a support group of course)) I would like to say college, I guess this is the same with most other things...Does anybody think that would be helpful? I keep thinking about it, but I keep ending the idea assuming its just another thing that is too big to be possible.

Ok… that is all I have to type… I am going to try to resist a little bit longer... Thanks...That is all.

Comments:

Self Check    
"This is a rough area. It is a part of the drive of the natural man. The struggle you are in is healthy, you appear to be weighing your thoughts, feelings, and healthy and unhealthy guilt. I am not a bishop, but I know in having conversations in this area recently with my stake pres I gained some great wisdom. I know when my head is swimming and it goes back and forth and I am in conflict involving another party helps me sort through all that. I know that I can see glimmers of clarity as I pray, and to sustain and have accountablity I have to involve someone else. It is only as embarassing as I give it strength to be. Courage and faith comes from Him. I write this as a supportive note, I write this because I am with you in this struggle."
posted at 08:59:14 on April 30, 2009 by sobermind


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"I will speak briefly of the principle of repentance. How grateful I am for the understanding we have of this great principle. It is not a harsh principle, as I thought when I was a boy. It is kind and merciful. The Hebrew root of the word means, simply, "to turn," or to return, to God. Jehovah pled with the children of Israel: "Return . . . and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful . . . and I will not keep anger for ever. Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the Lord thy God." When we acknowledge our sins, confess them and forsake them, and turn to God, He will forgive us."

— Richard G. Hinckley

General Conference April 2006