robin signing in ;o)
By robin
3/31/2009 8:27:23 PM
I was thinking and praying for many of you here today and realized I have not signed in for a while. Lately I have been given or developed a lot of hope. Things seem to be getting better. I think I am starting to let go and forgive. At times I even have glimpses of a peaceful future where this is a sober and over time to look back on. Maybe I am a dreamer, but things have been so much better lately. I love you all, Robin


I am living alone for the first time in my life    
"I have a lot to share, I have been relapsed in my addiction now for over three months. I had stopped going to the recovery meetings because I have lost desire to go. I have been working long hours. I had the opportunity to go and visit my daughter in Germany last week and I stayed with her. She lives in a dorm with three other girls. Yes I was on my best behavior while I was there. I really have to tell you that girls are very messy. I would not eat in that kitchen ever. Any how I learned some things about my daughter who 7 months ago wouldn’t have anything to the with the church. She stopped going to church when she left home at 18. she is now 22 and traipsing all over Europe and mainly Germany. She speaks fluent German and is now going to church and spends most of her time either in school there, traveling or teaching with the sister missionaries. She made me listen to church music the whole time I was there. I watched my little girl get on her knees and pray every night before she went to bed not caring who saw her. If I even said a cross word she was right there to remind me that that was inappropriate for me to say. I was truly humbled in her presents. Back in November or December we made a commitment to each other to get our Temple recommends back. She has had hers since January. I have been acting out lusting and viewing inappropriate material and indulging in self gratification. I THINK ITS ABOUT TIME I STARTED BACK TO THE ADDICTION RECOVERY MEETINGS.

I came home from Germany on Monday night to an empty house. Last Friday my wife moved to Phoenix. I am living alone now and am having a very difficult time. I have never lived alone in my life. Monday night when I got home I was tired I had not slept in over 24 hours and had not seen the sun set the entire time. I can’t explain the depressed feeling I had inside when it hit me that I was alone. When I get in this state I tend to indulge into my addiction. The tired feeling immediately left and I felt temptation like I had never felt before. I indulged for the next two hours and hardly remember it. All I know is that when I finally went to bed I had not only mentally destroyed myself I had also physically hurt myself. I laid in bed and literally trembled all night long. I think I only got about four hours sleep. I was still trembling inside, cried for a while and then got on my knees and prayed to the Lord for help. I was and am scared to be alone. The Lord answered my prayer immediately and let me know that everything would be ok. I now know that I have to bee alone because I have always leaned on my wife and others. The Lord wants me to lean on him not anyone else. I need to put 100% trust that he can help me through this. I also read in the book of Mormon Mosiah chapter 28 about Alma the Younger and his conversion. I was immediately comforted and given new hope that I can be healed. I know the road is tough and I also know that if I will constantly pray and read my scriptures The Lord will help me through my addiction. I came back from Germany with my heard drive full of church music and things that my daughter gave me to help me to grow strong in the church. I spent the week in the mission field around the sisters and elders for the whole week. I really believe God was preparing me for this time that I am spending alone. It is now time to heal. Please pray for me. I know God answers prayers.

posted at 05:43:49 on April 8, 2009 by smwil46
Sorry for your hardship    
"I hope you try to get some outside help as well. Is there any meetings around, do you have a bishop to help you?
will pray for you, and the rest of us addicts"
posted at 14:49:59 on April 8, 2009 by harveyf
without a weakness we would all be too perfect    
"just got fully tempted at work so i had a look at second corrinthians where paul besort thrice that the thorn in his side would be removed. one of my priesthood leaders the other day put forth the idea that in heaven some of us like jesus proved that we would be able to go through life without sin and that life would be too easy for us and so in order for us to be tested god gave us a weakness. regardless of how many times we have repented we can repent again and instead of wasting time questioning whether we were really serious about repenting the last time and being despondent we should immediately cry out to god again and with greater intent, more godly sorrow, more conviction and more willingness to surrender to gods will. Say sorry for the pain caused to jesus and for the pain caused in other relationships and continue to plead for gods love and mercy and for the power to overcome. If we were all perfect we wouldnt need god at all so like paul i glory in my ability to see my weakness and to see my need for my savior. He loves all of us and we are never alone. He is always knocking waiting for us to open. He will fill the void in our lives and it is the void that only he can fill"
posted at 02:26:17 on April 9, 2009 by newrealities
hello stranger ;o)    
"Oh Scott, I am sorry to hear that you are alone. Is she gone for good or just a while? I can see how that would make things extra challenging. Loneliness is tough.

What a beautiful daughter you have! I am sure your visit meant the world to here. She has so much hope for you. Families are the best.

I am glad to see you back here. We have missed you, but never stopped praying for you. I am glad to hear you are recommitting. You can beat this, you will. Look how far you have come! Get to those meetings! Be good to yourself."
posted at 10:53:21 on April 13, 2009 by robin

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"I have come to know that thoughts, like water, will stay on course if we make a place for them to go. Otherwise, our thoughts follow the course of least resistance, always seeking the lower levels. Probably the greatest challenge and the most difficult thing you will face in mortal life is to learn to control your thoughts. In the Bible it says, as a man ‘thinketh in his heart, so is he’ (Prov. 23:7). One who can control his thoughts has conquered himself. As you learn to control your thoughts, you can overcome habits, even degrading personal habits. You can gain courage, conquer fear, and have a happy life. "

— Boyd K. Packer

BYU, Speeches of the Year, 26 Sept. 1967