Here we go again
By swell41
2/11/2009 5:10:30 AM
I've been struggling with addiction for close to at least 25+ years. With a few years here and there clean time. Did the group therapy, individual thing, 12 step groups, 37 months in the joint and nothing seems to work. My so called wife died from this disease, lost my kids when I got locked up.

Now I wrecked my new car and face going back up. I was talking to my girlfriend and she told me that we couldn't be together untill I loved myself as much as I loved her. That's when it hit me. All these years I've been trying to get out of my skin, It's because I don't really love myself. Same with my sister, she's been searching for something her wole life, but escaped this torment.

Every time I relapse its because I dont do the little things, the big things bite me. These days I pray to love myself as God, my family, and friends do. I don't say the addicts prayer "please God get me out of this mess and I'll never use again." It doesn't work. The System or others will do as they see fit.

So once again I'm on a roller coaster of recovery.
Pray for me as I pray for all struggling addicts.


Good Luck    
"You're in my prayers. The best time to start recovery is always right now."
posted at 05:57:01 on February 11, 2009 by John Anon
"Thank you for your blog, I especially liked your girlfriends honest but sobering advice. I am praying for you to feel good tonight, and know someone else out there has and still is uncomfortable in his skin at times."
posted at 01:53:37 on March 12, 2009 by sobermind
"so many times ive used the addicts prayer never heard it called that but its true so many times i told myself that thru the jail time the inpatient rehabs the outpatient ones the counsling the lock downs the group homes your right it never works He knows whats in your heart He knows when your real He will provide a way as long as you want it for yourself. I have hit my knees more in the past week than i have in my life, and although I may not get an answer or help right away but i have had feelings and i have been calmed the more i pray and work diligently to change my ways the better i feel"
posted at 23:29:57 on October 31, 2010 by NatoshaC
"hey man i have been there i am young really young but man i know what you mean i hate myself more than anything i have attempted suicide like three times but i am trying to learn to love me the way god does thats what you got to do to man."
posted at 13:30:50 on October 25, 2011 by cwatts18

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"Freedom from your transgression will come through sincere faith, true repentance, willing obedience, and the giving of self. Why the giving of self? Because selfishness is at the root of your problem. Where selfishness and transgression flourish, the Spirit of the Lord can’t enter your life to bless you. To succeed, you must conquer your selfishness. When your beacon is focused on self, it does little more than blind your vision. When turned outward through acts of kindness and love, it will light your path to happiness and peace. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990