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Am I the only girl with this problem?
By purityquest
10/23/2008 9:15:37 PM
Hi-

I just found this site, scarily enough, by googleing the word "masturbation". I really was searching information on repentance, but frankly- the temptation to click on the other sites that came up was getting stronger and I am so glad I clicked this one first. I seriously need some help- and from what I have read here, it seems like even those who are sure they are the only one doing what they are doing find out they are not alone. Not that I want other people to be sinning like me- I just wish I could talk to someone who understands.

I grew up in the church, and have always been the molly mormon "most likely to become relief society president" type. But I have also always had an intense curiosity and preoccupation with sex. I was first informed about "how to have babies" at the tender age of 5 by an 7 year old relative, who also introduced me to mutual masterbation. How she found out about it I will never know, but I can see now that this situation was more of unknowingly being molested by someone who also didn't know better. The problem is that my curiosity was peaked, and I have been obsessed with sex ever since. As a young teenager, I learned from "For the strength of Youth" that my fascination with internet porn, sewing my own lingerie (in secret) and reading erotic romance novels had to stop. There had also been occasional touching, but that full blown problem hadn't developed yet. Shocked that my actions were really so bad, I quit, I repented, and I thought I was good. I heard stories about how pornography can be horribly addictive, and I was thankful I had "beat it" when others couldn't.

Then I started college. My friends started getting married, and I spent alot of time shopping in lingerie stores and listening to their honeymoon stories. My curiosity shot through the roof, and my thoughts ran wild with fantasizing. But I didn;t want to get in trouble and ruin that "perfect spiritual girl" image I had. So I avoided masturbating, so i wouldn;t have to go to the Bishop, but still played everything out in my head. I was kind of out of it spiritually. I even prayed once for a sex dream so that I could have those thoughts but wouldn't be held accountable for thinking them! I ended up pushing the borders further with my curiosity, till I found myself actually asking my Bishop specific questions about "how far" I could go and still be technically moral. He was alarmed- and after a nice long spiritual talk, informed me that I was probably more interested in sex than any young woman he had met. I hadn't realized I was so weird.

Then I found the internet again, in a moment of weakness. I found pictures and videos of immoral women equally obsessed with sex, and felt a twisted kinship, not to mention a carnal feast for a suddenly overpowering appetite. The high didn;t last for long, and I felt incredibly guilty and swore i would never do that again. I would go months without that junk, attending temple baptisms (I'm not endowed yet), and teaching my Sunday school class with what I thought was great spirituality. Then I'd find myself at home alone with the internet, and it would happen again, and each time i would crash lower for longer. But I still thought I could get over it.

A few months ago, though, I broke my cardinal rule and started touching again-which quickly turned into full blown masturbation that has only gotten worse. Ive been to see my Bishop a few times, and thought I had thoroughly repented and finally had the spirit back, but I seem to keep crashing, even though i am reading my scriptures daily, praying, attending meetings, and being faithful in my calling. In fact, my worst masturbation episode was less than 24 hours after finally taking the sacrament again and having an incredibly spiritual experience teaching my class.

I feel like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, but its not working. I can fast the day before, read my scriptures in the morning, listen to church talks on the way to school, and be in the bathroom masturbating by noon. I dont even need the porn triggers anymore, its straight to the physical stuff. I've always felt like I had faith and a strong testimony, but I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, I might be the one that the "sunday school answers" dont work for.

I need help. Every time I go to my Bishop, he gives me the same (good) advice, but doesn;t really let me confess. Its weird, like hes afraid I'll share too much detail, or hes assuming i havent "gone all the way" yet so I dont have to give a formal confession. (Speaking of which, is masturbation considered a serious sin in the context that I should be going to the bishop and confessing each time that I do it? Or is it one of those things that only requires confession to God?)I want to stop. i dont want this sin anymore, nor do I want the consequences if i continue. But in the moment, i cant seem to remember that i want to stop.

Is anyone out there going through this? Or am I the only female with this addiction?
Any advice would be welcome. And thank you for your stories- they are what saved me from myself tonight.

Comments:

You are not alone!    
"When I first came to this website I thought that I was the only woman here too! But I'm not! There are a few of us who blog here. :)

Thank you for sharing your story! You sound like you are so strong! I would recommend talking to your bishop and asking him if there are any twelve step groups in your area. The steps have really helped me to involve the Lord in my addiction and get things on the right path.

I like you, was very curious about sex at an early age. I had some little friends (we were probably 5 or 6) and we all got a little too curious for our own goods as well. I didn't start doing the masturbation thing until I was a little older, but not much. At that point in my life I didn't even know it was wrong... Part of me knew it wasn't what I was supposed to be doing but the other part of me couldn't confirm that it was bad, probably because I was so young and generally at that age if it feels good, then it's okay. I also think it's because I couldn't put a name to what I was doing.

Then we had a young woman's lesson on it when I was about 17 and I knew at that moment that what I was doing was wrong. I still didn't go see the bishop. I ended up going a little to far with my boyfriend because of it and still didn't talk to my bishop about my addiction, just the part with the boy.

Years later I was still struggling. When I met my husband he admitted to me that he had the addiction when we were engaged. He told me he just wanted to let me know that he came with some baggage but if I was willing he still wanted to marry me. I told him the same thing.. I also have this addiction. Long story short we ended up messing up big time with each other and were not able to get married in the temple. That is finally when I told my bishop I had a problem. He was so focused on getting us to the temple because of our other mishap that my addiction was slipped under the table. I did really well for the year we worked to get to the temple, and we did get sealed a year later.

I still struggled.

After talking to a new bishop he referred us to an LDS addiction recovery group. We attended it together and I started to see some hope and progress in my life.

I still have relapsed. Sometimes it happens. But I know that with these steps in my life that I can over come this addiction.

Heavenly Father love YOU!! You clicked on this site for a reason. You ARE NOT ALONE!!"
posted at 21:48:02 on October 23, 2008 by toes_23
Me Too!!!    
"Holy cow there are more of us!! I'm in the same situation. I'm a girl who is addicted to porn and masturbating and it's hard. It seems like it's a guy thing so we are so strange but really we aren't. I don't have much time to say anything but there is Toes and me. Read through our blogs. We are in this together and I love you so much for finding this website and having the courage to post. I'll write more later but you are not alone, I promise."
posted at 22:30:22 on October 23, 2008 by Matrix
Sorry it's so insanely long    
"Okay, I have time now so I can say what I want. You sound a lot like me. I always had thought of myself as the "Molly Mormon" type girl. I was president in every class in Young Womens and was pretty much pegged to be the Relief Society president as soon as I turned 18. Little did anyone know, I had some serious sins on my hands. I can't say I know when it really started but I know I've always been interested in the idea of sex. I read books and I liked feelings I got from it but I had no idea why. It wasn't until I was about high school age that I started masturbating but I had no idea thats what I was doing or that it was something bad. I did it all throughout high school and I got so depressed but I didn't know why. It was finally when I was in college that my institute teacher talked about chastity and he put it so plainly that for the first time ever, I knew what I was doing was wrong.

I went and confessed to my bishop and he was so awesome. I was not a unique case to him and I'm so glad because I think things would have ended differently if I had been. He only told me I was not alone but I still felt like a loser. I was a girl with a guys problem. I must be some kind of freak to do this. He tried his best to help but I kept slipping (I still do). He was really awesome about things and then he got released.

I thought I was doing so well until I slipped again and went to talk to my new bishop. He was clueless about addiction (still kinda is) especially related to women. He still doesn't know how big of a problem it really is everywhere. I hate having to talk to him but I do anyway. He also is one of those that doesn't want me to confess to him. He'd rather just talk and give me advice on something and it's usually the primary answers (which are good but not what I need). I believe that majority of bishops are not well informed on addictions especially when it comes to women having them.

Well, I stopped listening to him and decided I knew best then things really got bad for me. I made the dumb decision to go mess around with a boy. We didn't have sex, luckily, but it was still very very bad. I went and talked to my bishop and he pretty much just slapped me on the hand. I decided something needed to change so I went out and found an addiction recovery group just for women in our same situation. I've been going for a couple months now and it's wonderful. There are only a handful of us but its so much better then nothing. I also recently messed up with a boy and I'm going on day 3 of being "clean and sober". I feel so bad about it but whenever that happens, don't beat yourself up. Just pick yourself up and move forward even though its hard.

My best advice to you? Get a 12 step manual and do it. You can get it online on LDS.org under family services or a distribution center. If you can find a group close go to that as well. If you live in Utah County, come to my group. I'll give you all the info to get there. The 12 step program is really the only way to beat this. Its not easy but it's worth it. Don't hate yourself or think you are alone or that you're a horrible person. That's the world talking. Heavenly Father loves you and he's the only person that matters. He doesn't hate you, he's not mad at you, he doesn't think you are a disappointment. He's sad that you are hurting and he wants to help.

If you have any questions from someone who really truly understands what you are going through, Toes and I are here. I'll do anything I can to help, Toes will vouch for me on that. I hope you have a good day and feel free to ask, say, vent, etc. anything you want. We'll be here. Love you tons, Purity."
posted at 01:45:33 on October 24, 2008 by Matrix
Law of Chastity    
"I am an active, well-thought-of-in-my-ward LDS woman and have this problem too; I have for a very long time. I'm very uncomfortable with the "m" word, though; I was thinking this morning that it's a 12-letter word, and that it is something the 12-steps can help with. Can I lighten things just a tad by coming up with a substitute word, one I don't hate to look at or type out repeatedly?? I know I'm a little weird already and hope my fellow strugglers don't roll their eyes too much. How about "map". It almost stands for "made a poor (choice)"

My history: My father was abusive, physically and sexually. My older, prettier sister was put through hell for years, I was spared that, but touched inappropriately a couple of times by him. My sister finally died in her sleep in her mid-50's; divorced, a drinker, and with a broken heart. She never got over the pain. Her pain has about killed me. Our mother died when we were almost teens. I found the church at age 20, and married in the temple at 22; have been active ever since. My marriage was unhappy until the kids left and I asked for a divorce. My husband turned his critical, depressed life around and we've had a miracle of a resurrected marriage. There were years of unhappy, then nonexistant marital relations. All through those years I "mapped" regularly. I thought it was a victimless substitute for normal sex; a release; based simply on my cyclical needs. I thought it was commonplace (the kinsey report says 90% of males and 65% of females). During the unhappy part of my marriage I felt sad (after mapping) at what I was missing, and angry with my husband for not making me happy. I've continued occasionally, even though our marriage and intimacy is so much better. More of my sad story: my family of origin is riddled with addictions; my kids have had depression, anxiety, one cancer and once suicide attempt. They are bright, but now inactive adults. I've ranged from hating myself to hating my genetic background to finally turning it all over to God and trusting in Him. I have found 12-steps as an approach to what I've thought of as my "main" addiction: compulsive overeating. I've had some success and know that Heavenly Father can help. I think of myself as a recovering addict, and am grateful for the 12-steps.

I honestly have not seen mapping as disobeying the law of chastity; I've held a temple recommend all these years. I thought it was just something people did but never talked about. I can't imagine the never-marrieds or widows going their whole lives without release; I still struggle with expecting them to live for years without "comfort". I have never mentioned it to my bishop. (Matrix, you are awesome, I think I will take this to my grave, and could never talk to anyone about this. I am hardly worthy to be on the same website. I'll write more about your bishop troubles later. I think Scott's idea is a good one!)

But after reading here, and talking with my husband, I can see that mapping IS a breaking of the law of chastity. I can see that I should stop. So--I'm here, too. You all are not alone.

I am posting anonymously, but will sign myself

-Ellen"
posted at 09:30:35 on October 27, 2008 by Anonymous
No fears    
"No problem with using the word "map" actually it was kinda nice not to have to see the "m" word.

That said- your story totally broke my heart! My father is pretty emotionally abusive (though never physically or sexually) and I have struggled with feelings of hatred and blame for him for years. I grew up feeling pretty worthless and dumb under his constant criticism, and I know that these feelings have contributed to my addiction. I'm beginning to see that its not all his fault, though- he came from a family that was way worse. So in his mind- he is actually overcoming and incredibly tough upbringing by only doing a few of the things his dad did. I'm learning to forgive my Dad, but now I'm struggling with an intense wish that my grandfather had never been allowed to be around children. Or that my grandmother had married someone else and i got to go to that family. He died when I was little, and my only memories are of being afraid of him. Hearing the horrible stories now of how he treated my dad, I realize why I felt that way. Right now I dont know how to forgive him- and what he did still wasnt as bad as your dad! I'm so sorry your life includes such painful experiences.

Thank you for your advice and understanding. I am single and mid twenties- and dont expect to marry for awhile. I do feel gypped sometimes- angry that other women my age get to experience the things my body wants- without it being a sin. But you bring up an interesting point- the physical intimacy of marriage isn't actually a cure for the "m" addiction, is it?

You are so brave to post your story. I am brand new and so far from really getting a handle on this- but I'm beginning to see one thing. The people here- they are just like me.They get it- and they accept me where I am. For once in my life I can tell the truth about who I am and what i feel, without the paralyzing fear of intense rejection and criticism. The people here just lovingly encourage me (and beg me) to stay on the path that leads to change. Its so safe here. We are not alone."
posted at 00:34:16 on October 30, 2008 by purityquest
Not alone    
"I just came across this site today and I was glad to read the posts on this topic. I also have struggled with this addiction and have felt like I must be the only woman who does. Everything I have read that comes from the church is completely centered on men with this problem (and everything I have read from other sources denies that it should even be viewed as a problem--which is not at all helpful).

For the first time, I think that I may have some hope of overcoming this problem. I am meeting with my branch president on a weekly basis and the progress. This helps me a lot because I have to tell him every week "yes, I have remained clean this week" and he encourages me and tells me to keep the sacramental covenant I made for another week. Thinking of it in short periods of time also helps. When I think of quitting forever I get overwhelmed and think "I'm just not strong enough". But I started with one day and said, "I can be strong for one day" and then "I can be strong for one week" and I have been there, recommitting each week for 9 weeks now--the longest I have ever gone. I also am fasting every Sunday for continued strength. Overcoming this has been slow, but I'm progressing. I have tried many times to quit on my own and a few times with the help of different bishops, but I think this time it may actually work. I am doing the 12 step program and I am finding it to be really difficult to cut through the layers of lies I have told myself about this problem and get to the causes. It has been tough admitting to myself that masturbation is not just a problem in and of itself, but a symptom of an overall tendency I have to escape my problems rather than face them, to wallow in self-hatred and insecurity and to avoid real relationships, preferring my imaginary ones.

I have spent so many years hiding this addiction (and I have only recently really admitted to myself that it is indeed an addiction) and I am glad I found this site because I can be open about it without fear of judgment. I have a really hard time being open even with my branch president, who I know isn't judging me. Thank you for posting"
posted at 21:45:27 on November 8, 2008 by ican
ICAN    
"Thank-you for such an uplifting post. I'm glad you found us. I like how you spoke of getting at what's "behind' the symptom. You inspired me to do some searching of my own."
posted at 22:43:27 on November 8, 2008 by Anonymous
Most lds people don't know this or believe this but...    
"Thomas S Monson actually has keys to authorize unmarried post pubescent women(but I don't think post menopause) and men to masturbate. what I've learned is that God has intentionally staged Monson and the other brethren in the quorum to be the priesthood leaders on this planet so that they can test the members of the church if they will be obedient to the things they prefer them to be(as long as those things are within the bounds the Lord has set). And the Lord supports their decision! he supports it because he knows that good discipline in virtually any form can lead a human soul to being exceptionally more powerful than if they only consider doing what's natural. There are other priesthood leaders in this galaxy and universe that commonly authorize unmarried women and men to masturbate and god supports those leaders too! you still probably don't believe me but the orgasm was designed to celebrate life and creation. How many righteous women within the church have ask their husband to donate sperm some way where the man used masturbation rather than vaginal intercourse? The toxic effect from masturbation only comes as a result of being disobedient."
posted at 06:53:07 on February 24, 2011 by Anonymous
Where are you getting your information?    
"That's interesting but do you have something to back it up?"
posted at 07:01:56 on February 24, 2011 by Anonymous
*crickets*    
"."
posted at 07:21:15 on February 24, 2011 by They Speak
That's because you are the only dude who knows this    
"NEVER HEARD SO MUCH CRAP IN ALL MY LIFE.

Please dude tell me you are kidding because that is just hilarious.

Nice try at the justification and miniimization."
posted at 08:54:58 on February 24, 2011 by ruggaexpat
One more thing    
"If ever a Bishop or Stake Pres were to approve of masturabtion, he would proabably be released, be subject to a breathalizer test and given a disciplinary council.

Man I cannot believe I read this.

Dude this is not the Evangelist Recovery Program.


Wrong church buddy, must be some seriously strong stuff you are smoking!"
posted at 09:01:27 on February 24, 2011 by ruggaexpat
You are right, Anonymous    
"I don't believe you."
posted at 09:44:51 on February 24, 2011 by Anonymous
As far as I know,    
"J. Smith, Hinckley, Monson, and a number of non-lds people are against masturbation because Paul and a number of other inspired people in the Bible spoke out against any form of sexual activity that is not between husband and wife. Sorry Anonymous. Monson didn't come up with the rules. God did. And he did a couple thousand years before Monson was even born."
posted at 10:16:41 on February 24, 2011 by ETTE
False Doctrine    
"It is very clear cut that masturbation requires confession for forgiveness. I have been at the same point of not believing that anyone could possibly go through life without it, but that is one of Satan's biggest lies.

Anonymous people: grow a pair and get an account name. You will still technically be anonymous."
posted at 10:39:15 on February 24, 2011 by lawrence
Masturbation Keys?    
"I missed that lesson."
posted at 13:26:10 on February 24, 2011 by Anonymous
...    
"and another fundamentalist cult is born."
posted at 13:27:55 on February 24, 2011 by Anonymous
Forgiveness    
"Hey group,

Please let us remember the most divine principle in overcoming any challenge. The anonymous user made some false statements as human beings commonly do to gain attention. We can correct and reinforce truth without calling names or being rude as all of us know that is completely contradictory to our focus of overcoming these problems. My purpose is not to say that I am any better than any of you because Heaven knows I have been error of insulting others, particularly teenage siblings that make silly remarks and selfish requests on a daily basis.

The main thing that I wanted to discuss is that masturbation is a very common difficulty that many youth, male and female go through because the immediate psychological result is an increased amount of mental energy and excitement. The danger is that many are told from the worldly perspective that it is completely natural and in no ways harmful as a substitute for premarital, unprotected sex. We must always remind ourselves that Satan is strongly influencing the lives of too many in this world as we continually see more violence and moral dilemmas. The act of masturbation and pornography both have the same horrendous affects on the brain that many illegal stimulant drugs do. Because the behavior does not include any physical digestion or some other form, it is not considered to be addictive or dangerous. How false! Truthfully speaking, the addiction intensifies--the brain craves something more to satisfy our humanistic needs. The irony? In my own personal opinion, the true craving or need is a closer relationship with Deity or in our case to have a more intimate relationship with the Lord and Heavenly Father. Every human being craves intimacy, even beginning at early childhood with the desire to be held and shown affection. What is the usual connotation for the word intimacy or to be intimate today? Exactly. We must prove to ourselves that we really desire to be closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ by actively pursuing spiritual tasks. Each one of us has been immensely blessed with INCREDIBLE spiritual energy--we have the potential to convert many and be powerful tools in the hands of the Lord. Satan knows this--the Lord knows this, but will not ever require us to do anything by force. The plan of salvation is a true expression of love as it allows us the right to choose for ourselves to be happy. Overcoming these difficulties that many times were not deliberately chosen at first, but will make us stronger than we could ever imagine.

We are the chosen generation, prepared for many years to fulfill ancient prophecies. We have been endowed with great power and blessings if we will only do everything in our power to attain them. These addictions are not typical for one gender or another, or even a percentage of people--each situation is unique. The Atonement is applied personally to be available for every individual. None of us can completely understand the difficulty and beautiful uniqueness and complexity of each other's minds, but there is One that can. He understands the pains of adversities of us all. He knows what it is like to be betrayed and have a broken heart.

Please do not settle for the weakness of the world because each of us is destined for greatness. It is my choice and your choice to become clean and become more like our Savior, who loved us so greatly that He united His will with the Father's to give us another chance. It is a difficult battle brothers and sisters, but we will come out triumphant if we are on His side.

With love for each of you,
Aurelius"
posted at 16:27:07 on February 24, 2011 by aurelius89
Elder Russell M. Nelson    
""My spiritual prescription includes six choices which I shall list alphabetically, A through F:
Choose to Be Alive
Choose to Believe
Choose to Change
Choose to Be Different
Choose to Exercise
Choose to Be Free ""
posted at 16:32:54 on February 24, 2011 by aurelius89
Letting Go    
"One more thought and I promise not to make any other comments on this thread for today. While walking with my puppy around the street, it helped me realize my own beginnings in this issue and how I learned to overcome the darkness of my childhood as it seems to be a common theme with all of us. Once again, I make no claims to be master of this or appear better than anyone else here.

For many years as a young child I witnessed and experienced the deeply piercing stings of emotional and physical abuse from my father. On many occasions I would come console my weeping mother who has struggled from the abuse and the ambiguous bipolar disorder. Confronting my father provoked him to the points of choking me near to death, being thrown across rooms and into hard objects, punched, beaten, smacked, sworn at, insulted (mostly being called a "cry baby" for showing emotion), and in any other way harmed by a figure that should resemble strength and comfort. For many years and still today I struggle to completely trust my father as childhood fears still creep into my mind and discourage me from becoming close. Some time during my childhood I remember being sexually molested by my special needs uncle that still flashes back in my mind to remind me of the extreme discomfort. These negative emotions often cause me to seek some form of relief found in my addictions. Many times I justify acting out because "life is too hard" or "I cannot control the way I am" to fight off the temptations.

With complete openness and compassion I wish to express that I understand what it feels like to be afraid and uncomfortable. These negative acts incited personal anger issues and commonly perfectionism which led to my development of clinical depression. Nonetheless, with total honesty I can say that my uncle and my father have made efforts to repent and change based upon their own individual needs and capacities. It is not my right or desire to judge them for their wrongs as that is solely between the individual and the Lord. I even can say without any doubt that my uncle and my father are two of my closest friends and learning to forgive them doesn't mean I forget what happened, only that I'm not willing to let any imperfect act caused by human weakness to impede me from enjoying an eternal relationship with any family member. Maybe I have been blessed beyond normality to be able to forgive others, but not to say so in a boasting manner. It has been ever so difficult to do and very much relative to my problems that I'm dealing with right now. The Savior said something to the effect of being merciful for then we receive mercy in His Sermon on the Mount.

Brothers and Sisters, we must be forgiving of all those who have caused us grief and pain. That is the great challenge, but overall will help us to have more charity--for even Moroni who was utterly alone when he lamented the loss of his people, but made the clear declaration that "charity never faileth" as we strive forward with faith in the latter days. I feel privileged to be associated with each of you and fight for truth against the evils that have so easily tried to defeat us. However, we will be like Captain Moroni and post our Standard of Liberty before the world to declare that we are going to fight for God and for those we love. It is through the divine power and saving grace of our Elder Brother that we will survive. Darkness may set upon us and mists of darkness may try to cause us to lose our way, but as Elder Wirthlin stated, "Sunday will always come.""
posted at 18:22:46 on February 24, 2011 by aurelius89
Wow Thank you so much for your stories.    
"Like some of you have mentioned. My sexual curiousity was starked at a very young age. Cousins would get together and touch and it was passed from cousin to cousin. So from the times i was 3 or 5 the pure innocence was lost. From that time I had an enormous curiosity for sexuality and romance. I don't know exactly when I started self stimulation but it was between ages 14 and 16. I have to say, I always knew it wasn't right. It cultivated feeling of shame for me, but at the same time I searched for some kind of information to tell me it was okay. It has never been an overwhelming addiction for me my urges were not consistent very frequent but at the same time even though I wanted to stop I didn't feel like I could forever. I will tell you the dangers of this practice. It puts you in a sexual mind set. It makes it much harder for a youth to have a pure a clean relationship, because of the thoughts involved, and the pleasure you can experience. There is a reason when the prophets and leaders of the church give us advice. Though at times in the moment we do not understand, in time I wish I would have listened to their words, it would have saved me a great deal of heartache. I also strived for perfection,I tried to be "molly Mormon" But the guilt in the back of my mind, didn't let me enjoy that the way I wanted. Every relationship I have had I let it go father than it should have. I didn't value that beautiful gift of my virtue, because I didn't understand what I do now. My extreme curiousity for sexuality weakened my resistence. That concluded in throwing my most precious gift in the trash, giving it to someone who didn't deserve it, who was incapable of appreciating that. In time I got married And like someone stated before, marital relations is not a cure for the "M" word. In the beginning I didn't share my addiction with my husband,in fact after being intimate, I would hide go and be "alone". During the first year of marriage I think my problem was at its worst most frequent. In time I got comfortable enough to share this with my husband, he was far too understanding. Anyway that marriage ended And I was never able to go to the bishop about this, I have searched diligently for something to tell me that this is something I don't need to confess to the bishop about. But ladies I am so amazed by you all, you are amazing women, Now I know what I must do, Thank you for sharing your stories with me and giving me the strength an determination to confess the way so many of you have done. There is a happy ending to my story, recently I met am amazing strong righteous man. Just the thought of perhaps sharing my life with such a man of being worthy of his amazing love, temptation has no power over me, just knowing he exists, the things that I had such a hard time overcoming seem so insignificant , I have not have any urge to self stimulate for over 2 months no urge at all, And I have great urges to become the woman I know I can be an no longer put of, or procrastinate to do so. Feeling the love of such a person, though I have repented completely of chastity issues, I have a greater understanding of why we need to take the Prophets words to heart. It hurts me to know that because of mistakes in my past, I didn't save the most beautiful purest part of me to give to him, only him, Someone who deserves it, who could realize the magnitude of something so precious, in fact I regret every tiny kiss, and I wish I had saved it all for this amazing man that I hope to share my eternity with.
I hope maybe this can help some of you, the prospect of being worthy to share eternity with an and celestial love with an amazing loving man. It is the only thing that helped me."
posted at 14:30:51 on March 19, 2011 by Anonymous
Hmmm    
"I'm not sure that the idea of a worthy man and a celestial marriage is enough to cure an addiction. There are plenty of people on this site who are married and struggling. I'm glad that it's helping motivate you, but make sure you don't lose sight of working the steps, etc."
posted at 17:42:03 on March 23, 2011 by dstanley
You already did WANT2.    
""I have told him already that I have a problem that I think is related to the Law of Chastity and that I wanted to talk with him at some point but I wasn't ready yet. "

Pray to be ready. The Bishop will love you and help you just as the Savior would. He will not remember details...That is is blessing of the mantle...Use this important tool to recovery.

Find a Recovery group, counselor and get to work. Recovery is work, and you are worth it. The Savior will be there for you as you call on him for help and advice. Tell your Heavenly Father all of it. He know it but He requires of you to tell him. Pray out loud and tell him your feelings, your problems and remember to give thanks. Pray, Pray, Pray that is your most important defence.

You already have the appointment. Come here for support and help. Write here or in a journal. Get it all out!!

Love and prayers....

Recovery manual is on the left of this page......."
posted at 15:05:21 on April 4, 2011 by Hero
Want2    
"You've done the hardest part. You've told him you want to talk about a law of chastity issue. When I first talked to a bishop about my problem (before I was a member), I talked about my soon to be ex (at the time) and I having sex before we were married (about 15 years before I talked to the bishop). I chickened out about telling him what I really wanted to discuss which was that I was starting to feel like there was something wrong with mb. I emailed him and asked if we could meet again, told him there was something I needed to say, and asked him to not let me leave without saying it. Then when we met again, he ended up asking me if it was about mb and I said yes. It was not as awkward as I thought it would be. My current home teacher knows about the worst of my addiction. I babysat his oldest 3 kids when they were little. I was afraid it would make things awkward, but I don't at all feel like he or his wife (our RS president) think any less of me. Sometimes I think it has actually improved their impression of me. They know how hard I've worked and continue to work. It will be OK. You are not unworthy of God's love. God loves all of us. You're in the right place. Welcome. Keep coming back. Post your status good and bad. If you look at my posts, you'll see some where I'm doing great and some where I'm struggling. I hope to see a post soon about how your meeting with your bishop went and how much better you feel to have it off your chest. :)"
posted at 00:01:11 on April 5, 2011 by dstanley
ABUSE!    
"Many who suffer with addictions or marry sexual addicts have been abused in childhood. I am sorry you had that experience. I believe your Bishop should be told about the abuse. I believe the more he knows the more he can help you. The Lord requires that you lay all at his feet. It may been painful, but I can assure you the Savior has and will take that burden from you but you have to give it to him. The Bishop has the unique mantle to help you with that process. You should take every advantage of any counseling, help or advice that can and should be rendered to you in dealing with this very painful issue.

There are in some areas Recovery groups specific for Sisters who are dealing with SA. If not in your area the ARP group meetings would help you immensely.

Love and prayers,"
posted at 17:25:47 on April 5, 2011 by hero
Want2    
"I'm so sorry you were abused. It is so common for female addicts to have experienced abuse at some point, to the extent that for a long time I worried that there was something in my past I didn't remember. Also, although it is often portrayed as a man's problem, it definitely is not. I was in rehab with many other female addicts. You're not alone. Tell your bishop about the abuse. I don't think telling him about it will make it seem like you're not taking responsibility, but it will help him understand the history of your addiction. I'll be praying for you."
posted at 23:12:29 on April 5, 2011 by dstanley
Reconsidering    
"I'm beginning to get cold feet about going in to talk to the Bishop. It just makes me sick to think about it. I really don't want to have this converstaion with a man. I know that sounds horrible and probably a bit old fashioned, but then I am kind of old fashioned that way. I know I need to, but I am just not sure I can follow through."
posted at 16:01:49 on April 7, 2011 by want2change
Want 2!    
"Just keep your appointment. Let the spirit guide you. Rely on the Spirit, not on your own.
The Spirit Guides, it does not drive you!! Trust, have faith....Confidence that the Lord wants what is best for you."
posted at 00:21:15 on April 8, 2011 by Hero
Dear Want To Change    
"Your Bishop may be a close friend, but the mantle and the man are seperate....I am currently serving as Bishop of my Ward....I am also an addict with 528 days of sobriety. ..you can read my story here. Your Bishop will love you and respect you. He knows how difficult confession is. He holds the keys to your healing. Confession is an integral part of your recovery.....it feels great. Trust the love he has for you by virtue of his office. Trust me when I tell you that it is a great first step down the road to feeling better about life than you have in a long time.....I give you my word."
posted at 23:16:05 on April 8, 2011 by chefdalet
Hopeful    
"Well, I met with my Bishop yesterday. It was so humiliating and a most difficult thing to do, but I got through it. And although I know the road ahead is a long one, I am feeling more hopeful than I have in a very long time. The Bishop was wonderful just as you all said he would be. I think it was as difficult for him to hear it as it was for me to tell him. But we had a good conversation. The whole abuse thing has caused me to have major trust issues, and I know that is part of the reason it was so hard to confide in him. But I have to learn to trust him.

Hero, his first recommendation was the 12-step program. I told him I would prefer to go to a group that is just for women. There's not one in our area, so he asked me to go to one of the ones that is available to us, so I committed to go. I may be going as soon as Wednesday evening.

I've also obtained the name of a female LDS counselor that I can talk to about the abuse and the things associated with that and I put a call in to her this afternoon.

Chefdalet - Thanks for your post and kudos to you for staing sober for so long. I look forward to to the day that I can stake such a claim. And you know, you are in a unique position to be able to help so many that have this problem since you have gone through the process already. You can and I am sure you are a blessing to your ward. Thanks for your encouragement.

You all are so amazing. I don't know who created this site, but I am so glad. You have been a great strength to me. Blessings to all of you."
posted at 13:32:17 on April 11, 2011 by want2change
Want2Change    
"Congratulations! Taking that first step is always difficult, but you have past that hurdle. Don't be too nervous about your first meeting. I know it is hard to go. I stood outside the door for a minute just breathing and praying. When I walked in I was nervous about who I'd see, or more accurately who would see me.

But the truth is, everyone is there because of addiction. Everyone is there trying to improve themselves, and become more the person our Heavenly Father knows we can be. You are taking righteous steps and He is with you NOW. At the meeting you will find acceptance, peace, and motivation. Regardless of gender or specifics of transgression.

I'm happy for your, and I pray that you continue on this path and find the healing, peace, and joy Heavenly Father desires for all of us."
posted at 14:26:21 on April 11, 2011 by paul
Great News    
"Want2, That is such great news! Thank you for letting us know where you stand. I am so glad that you will be attending a 12 step. Please commit to at least a year of recovery work on the 12 steps. You will be so rewarded in every aspect of your life. Really work the steps. Do all the extra work in the back of each step. That is working the steps. This is an action program just like the gospel is action.

Please get in contact with that counselor. You owe it to yourself. You are worth ever effort. You are a daughter of God, deity, and His DNA is in soul.

Please continue to post here. There are many here with experience and wisdom.

Love and Prayers,"
posted at 15:05:48 on April 12, 2011 by Hero
Slipped    
"I seemed to be doing so well this past week or so, but I slipped up last night. I am so disappointed with myself. How can I do that so soon? This is going to be much harder than I think. I don't feel like I can pray; I know Heavenly Father is so disappointed in me. I am disappointed in me.

Hero, I made the appointment with the counselor. I will be going over there on Monday. Say a prayer for me. It's going to be a hard day.

I am planning to go to the first 12-step meeting tonight. I am very anxious about that. I know it will be good for me once I start it; it's just going to that first meeting."
posted at 10:23:46 on April 13, 2011 by want2change
Keep on the path!    
"Satan is telling you should not pray.. Pray and tell your Heavenly Father who loves you and understands you more than you understand yourself, all your feelings. Say it out loud. He requires us to go to him by our own choice and tell him what he already knows. Sham is from Satan, Love is from your Father in Heaven.

Go with faith, confident expectations, knowing that you are being obedient by following His council. When we do what He says we get what only He can give us. That is something to look forward to. All that God has. You are doing great. When we know better we do better. Do not let the past hold the future hostage.

Love to you!"
posted at 14:25:26 on April 13, 2011 by Hero
Hard road ahead....    
"When I started AR program, the leader kept reminding us that our addictions took a lifetime to develop and not to expect that a few meetings would "cure" us....argh... not what I wanted to hear. Stick to it....do the work. Like anything in the Gospel, your success will in part be due to your effort. Do not let a day pass without celebrating each small victory. Your Father in Heaven has something few humans comprehend. .....unconditional love. No matter what you for, he will continue to love you and cheer for you. Watch for triggers. ..Satan will temp You the most when you are hungry, angry, lonely, tired or stressed..HALTS. Pay close attention and avoid these feelings. You can do this."
posted at 21:17:49 on April 17, 2011 by chefdalet
Want2    
"I've been busy and away from this site. I'm so glad you talked to your bishop! Sorry about the slip. I know how devastating that can be. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You made a mistake, pick yourself up and try again. God does want you to pray, even when you slip. I hope you went to ARP. I'm the only female sex addict at mine, and sometimes the only female period. It's not that bad. The guys have always been welcoming and supportive. I love ARP, and miss it when I can't go. The first time or two can be hard, but now it feels like family. Keep trying and working. It's hard work, but it's worth it. I'm so much happier being sober (today I'm back to 1 month). You can do this! :)"
posted at 18:57:23 on April 19, 2011 by dstanley
Hanging in There    
"I went to the second AR class this week. I'm still not comfortable with it, and I really haven't said much at the meetings. I do wish there was another female there that I could call when I needed some extra support. I have had a couple of bad temptations this past week, but I was able to abstain, and I am truly thankful for that. I know the strength is coming from God. I really do want to stop this behavior, although I have to admit there is a part of me that struggles with seeing why it is so bad. I am just going on blind faith right now.

Coming to read here when I am tempted has been a lifesaver. I hope the posts will remain active. I need this site!"
posted at 23:31:00 on April 24, 2011 by want2change
Struggling with Erotic Romance Novels    
"I am glad to have found this site. I wasn't even sure I was willing to try stopping what I've been doing, but I decided to do a search on how to stop. I wasn't told much about sex as a young girl, and I had a boyfriend who tried to take advantage of that in high school. After he broke up with me, I tried getting him back by giving him what he wanted, and it almost happened. By divine intervention, my dad showed up (I had invited him to my parents' empty rental house) and interrupted us with a knock at the door just in time. I graduated from Seminary with honors the next day, and I thought, 'I am such a hypocrite.'

After that, I decided men weren't worth the effort, went off to college, and found myself in a relationship that was more physical than anything. I threw my previous caution out the window. There still wasn't any sex, but there was kissing, laying together, and touching, so he taught me how even just a little friction could bring pleasure. That was when I learned how to masturbate. I still considered myself a prude when it came to sexual matters- I had still never touched or seen a naked boy- there was only the friction, but that was enough.

When I met my husband and we planned to marry, I told him about my history with masturbation, and he told me he was addicted to pornography. I didn't know how big a problem that would become...I figured that my desire to masturbate would stop when I could actually have sex within the bond of marriage. Although I have been able to avoid it most of the 13 years we've been married, there have been a handful of times when I've relapsed, usually when I found myself aroused in my husband's absence. I could probably count the instances on two hands though, until about 2 months ago.

My husband is in night school, and also works full-time during the day. We have three kids, and I quit my job to be home with them, which landed us in my parents' basement. I have never been so bored and depressed in my life, from what I remember anyway. I was diagnosed with severe depression not long after our first child was born, which was 11 years ago, so I've struggled for a long time, but this time, I made some bad choices as a result. My husband, still having trouble with pornography from time and time, has made me resent him and become angry quite often. I've even mentioned divorce a few times. One day about 2 years ago, I decided to look into the kinds of things he was looking at. Doing that was the first mistake of many. I became very aroused, and started masturbating again. My pleasure was often better that way than it was when I actually had sex with my husband, so it was hard to avoid, especially with starting to indulge in pornography. Three days later, I stopped looking at pictures and stopped masturbating. I knew I had to, and my husband was shocked. He said he had no idea how I did it cold turkey like that, and he admired my strength. I assured him it was because I'd only indulged for a short time, but the images have never left my head.

That brings me to 2 months ago. I saw a 20/20 special on a certain book by a certain author and decided I had to read it. It was an erotic novel. I started masturbating again. I just couldn't help it. Since then, I have been addicted to the erotic stories, feeling like that kind of romance is missing in my own marriage after 13 years and 3 kids. I have read several erotic romance books since the first, and I haven't been able to stop. Depending on the reading material, I've masturbated anywhere from once a week to 3 times per day. I have been glued to my computer, reading whenever I could get the chance and doing as little as possible for my kids and the house. I knew it was an addiction. I should say I know it is an addiction. I decided tonight (although I made a list of books I would like to read next) that I just have to stop and have faith in God's ability to help me overcome it so it can't rule my life. I've also dealt with food addiction as a coping mechanism for depression, so I recognize the signs of addiction. I even stopped reading for close to 2 weeks at one point, and felt extremely miserable and empty. I felt like the erotic stories were the only thing that brought me pleasure. My husband had the nerve, especially in the beginning, to try to make me feel guilty for finding pornography in writing rather than in pictures as he does. I usually have to pry information out of him to find out how he's progressing with his problem, because he'll withhold the truth out of shame he says, but since I started reading, I didn't feel it fair to even ask him. He may have decided that my actions gave him the right to indulge himself. I don't know.

I decided that I couldn't tell the bishop because he is at least 70 years old, for one, and although called to the position he's in, he's still a man! I told my husband that explaining my sins in even moderate detail would have him picturing things and thinking impure thoughts along with me. So, I can't tell him. I haven't gone to the temple since this all started, and I often can't stay in church all three hours due to back and leg pain caused by sitting so long, so I feel my spirituality sliding for more than one reason.

We have a 12-step book that my husband got from attending a class for his own issue, so I'll have to try turning to that. I just wish I could distract myself from the feelings I get when I read those types of books. Other books don't interest me, never really have. It's good to know I'm not alone, definitely. I'll just have to take one day at a time."
posted at 01:16:28 on July 25, 2012 by Anonymous
I getcha    
"Totally get where you are. I'm sorry for your struggle! I can relate to having trouble talking to your bishop. That was one of my major concerns when I first started seeing mine. I was so worried I was going to trigger him and then I'd be responsible for his thoughts as well as mine. But, I grew to understand that those worries were lies devised by Satan to keep me out of my Bishops office. I came to trust that my bishop represents my Savior and he is given a mantle of protection. I had to take that leap of faith. On the otherside, I felt so much better - and I didn't feel at all like I triggered him. So I encourage you to not let that stand in your way.

:-)

Sidreis
bythelightofgrace.blogspot.com"
posted at 12:10:09 on July 25, 2012 by siouxsie
Yeah, I'm a girl also who does this also....    
"A Lot. And I really hate admitting it. You are definitely not alone."
posted at 14:00:33 on July 25, 2012 by Anonymous
-    
"I love what someone said in a previous post. Masturbation is not the problem, it is a symptom. If your mind is out of control that is when you masturbate.

I love the link to this song because it makes me think of my Heavenly Father and His Son and all they have done for me. It gives me hope. You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhYz4_-wp0I />
I don't think the maker of this Youtube video had that in mind, but their is nothing offensive in the video."
I had the same problem and found the Best help!    
"I had the same problem! I am LDS and also your molly mormon type. I was totally NOT interested in 12 steps program though, because having more faith or becoming more spiritual is NOT the key to quitting masturbating and other unwanted sexual behaviors! And I am not ok with those group counseling situations. Check out candeohealthysexuality.com I was addicted to masturbating from ages 7-28 and I have not slipped for a year and 5 months now. My best record ever by far!"
posted at 22:37:44 on September 20, 2012 by Anonymous
Help Me    
"I am the Laurels President in my ward and I love the gospel and the church. I have been "addicted" to pornography & masterbating for the past couple years. I feel like a different person when I am in public and when I am by myself. I really haven't felt the spirit for more than a brief fuzzy feeling in over a year. :( I want help and I desperately want to stop, but there is no way I could ever talk to my Bishop about this. I would literally die. I am a very very introverted person and I am extremely shy; admitting or even talking about my immorality is too much for me. I feel horrible and trapped. I have overcome depression On my own (which the depression was probably due to my guilt and shame of my problem) and I want to overcome this on my own too. Any advice or help? - Hopeless & Helpless"
posted at 22:24:08 on September 27, 2012 by Anonymous
In the same boat.    
"I am also an LDS female who struggles with "mapping" (as some were calling it). It has been something I've for as long as I could remember. I didn't realize it was a sin until we had a chastity lesson during YW and they outright said sexual stimulation was a sin. I realized then that what I was doing was ruining and degrading me. I would feel angry or grumpy when I didn't do it. But with a lot of praying and hard work, the problem stopped. This was about two years ago. I hadn't thought to talk to bishop about it then, so I guess it wasnt necissary. I hadn't mapped for a very very long time.
Then, I met an amazing boy. I loved him. He wasnt a member, but I was so enchanted by him that I decided I would get to know him. I soon found that he "loved" me. We talked on the phone and held hands and were considered "dating." I realize my mistake now that I am out of the situation. High school relationships are dangerous territory, especially with nonmembers. I wouldn't want to blame my current mapping problems on anyone besides myself, but I know that he contributed to it. He and I engaged in phone sex. We also hugged very intimately but never kissed. The phone sex occurred probably three times, but many of our conversations aroused sexual feelings. I started mapping again. All my hard effort was for nothing. I hadn't even had an urge in a loooong time. But this boy changed everything. He encouraged mapping and forced me into phone sex. I wanted it. I say he forced me, but I really really wanted it. When he and I broke up, the main reason was because I wouldn't give him what he wanted.
I cried more because of how guilty I felt about what I was doing than missing or caring about him. I tried my hardest to stop and most time I didn't map was probably 3 weeks. Since then, it's been a hard on and off struggle of my crying and bearing my burden to Heavenly Father and repenting fervently over and over.
Only now have I really started debating talking to my bishop. He's new ago I don't know him very well. I don't trust him, either. Plus I still live at home. I'm embarrassed of my sin and am always beating myself up (I already have body image issues) I don't know how to go about talking to the bishop without getting even more embarrassed by having my parents ask questions.
I am sticking to personal repentance for now and will try to stop the win completely I have already made many goal and have some great methods that work to keep my mind off mapping. If the problem starts up again after this personal try, I will consider the bishop again."
posted at 23:32:48 on September 27, 2012 by Anonymous
A fresh start    
"Hey guys & gals,

I am so glad that I found this site. I have always been very interested in sex I first realized it when I was about four. My issues with "Mapping" started when I was 14 after my discovery of Twilight fan fiction (so much for a Mormon author) Unlike most of the other people on this site I knew what i was doing was wrong from the get go, but I loved the feelings I got while mapping way to much for me to stop. I am very sporadic with my mapping, sometimes I will do it for 3-6 hours a day and sometimes I wont do it for several months. I also used my mapping as a way of coping with stress and anxiety. Just recently my mapping limited to literature but over the past year movies were added to my repertoire (because I am in college now and I have my own computer) I have tried to stop multiple times over the past several years with my longest clean period being 6 months.
I have decided to really make an effort this time because over this past week I have spent a good 12 hours mapping and viewing when I should have been studying form my history exam. I know I need to get over myself and go see my bishop but that has me scared to death. He helped bless me when I was a baby so its just weird and scary for me to ask him for help with my problem. Also because I still live with my parents it adds an extra dimension of awkward. Now here is the big kicker ,2 months ago I told my bishop and parents that I was planning to serve a mission when I turn 21. I still really want to go on a mission, and I am not going to lie I am tempted to just hide my issues so I can still go, but I have decided that if I can't practice what I preach then I have no right being a missionary. I do plan on going to visit with my bishop about my problem I just need to build up my courage to do so or move to a different ward where i don't know the bishop and it would be less awkward."
posted at 01:52:26 on September 28, 2012 by waywardsheep
To WAYWARDSHEEP    
"Know that if you do not resolve this problem and attempt to go on a mission you will cause great heartache to yourself and may throw away a great opportunity for spiritual growth. I plead with you to go thru all the steps of repentance in full before you enlist to serve a mission.

Satan will do everything he can to prevent you from serving. He hates missionaries and missionary work because of the light of Christ it spreads. Do your best to follow the 12 steps and so when you do go out to serve the experience will be one of great joy."
posted at 07:26:33 on October 2, 2012 by Anonymous
9 Days clean!!!    
"So its been nine days without mapping!!!!!! I feel like a beast!!"
posted at 02:46:47 on October 17, 2012 by WAYWARDSHEEP
Pray!    
"Pray and dissmiss the beast ! Congratulations by he way!!!!"
posted at 19:25:39 on October 17, 2012 by Hero
92 days for me.    
"Just so you know, I am a guy. It has been 92 days since I committed the sin of masturbation. Before that last episode it was about six years. I had to completely give up reading sexual material I had occasionally indulged in. I feel through the LORD I can become clean of this."
posted at 00:51:45 on October 18, 2012 by Anonymous
I thought I was Alone* too    
"I have received great strength from all of the comments above..I've had the same problem with M for years now and never thought of it as something BAD..I've just come across this website&its an step forward for me...to get help from this addiction

Filling in my missionpapers&this is one thing I need to talk about with my Bishop!I know through Christ,I am able of overcoming this obstacle

Thankyou for having the courage to open up and sharing your stories"
posted at 18:17:22 on October 25, 2012 by kawaii2
Anon to wayward sheep    
"You are coming from a place of fear. If you do not...blah, blah, blah... Be careful to not make this about "if you do nots". How about focusing on falling in love with the Lord and following him? Then everything that needs to happen will happen in God's perfect timing."
posted at 21:59:08 on October 25, 2012 by Anonymous
Open your mind    
"There is nothing wrong with masturbation. It's completely normal, the only reason you're having such strong impulses is becuase you are sexually repressed and it becomes a negative feed back loop of pleasure and guilt.

You need to understand that you are a human being, a biological entity, and nothing anyone preaches can change that. Sexual desire is one of the greatest things about having a physical body. I think it's very sad that we were taught to feel shame and guilt for being our beautiful selves. It's a very damaging form of physiological control and causes people more sorrow than joy.

My advice is to stop putting so much emotion into this obsession of not having a sexual thought or desire. Let them come, acknowledge them and do what you will. You'll begin to notice how little importance it seems to have as you move into a more enlightened state of mind. Good luck to you. Love yourself and be yourself."
posted at 01:29:15 on January 7, 2013 by Anonymous
-    
"Masturbation is not a heinous sin, but it indicates slavery to the flesh. Latter-Day Saints are not taught that sexual feelings are sinful. They are very good inside the bonds of marriage. I really enjoy the relationship my wife and I have in the privacy of our bedroom.

If sexual relations are used outside the bonds of marriage we are seeking to become a law unto ourselves. God has given us His commandments because they are the best way to live life to the fullest and to also prepare us for eternal life. If we choose to live a lower law we will face the consequences of that."
posted at 00:54:18 on January 8, 2013 by Anonymous
Sometimes I feel so alone    
"I am glad that I found this forum. As a woman in the church it is easy to feel extra pressure to be more pure and virtuous than the men. I know that is not the right way, but the pressure is there.

I need to vent my story on here.It is going to be so long so I understand if you dont read it. I would love to get support from anyone who wants to read it.

I was molested by my grandfather when I was about six years old. It was not full on genital contact, but enough to where I felt sexually stimulated and confused at such a young age. It scared me so much that the only way I could adapt was to "go numb". Cognitively I would just check out so that I wouldnt have to experience what was happening. This is something I still do to this day, it is a disorder called depersonalization, and I still struggle with this today, a mild case of it. My grandpa also abused my older sister. It went on for probably a couple months and then my parents found out and put a stop to it. I never went to therapy and my parents never talked with us about it.. I think they just felt it would be better to not say anything.

I kind of pushed those memories away all the way up until my second year of college. But from a very young age, I was getting orgasms in my sleep. I did not "map", like some of you have called it (I dont like saying the M word either, or typing it for that matter) for the first time for years and years later, but I found that just pressure was enough sometimes. It took me a long time to recognize those feelings as an orgasm. Once I did (around age 14-15), I just felt so much guilt for it, but I let it go and prayed about it .

I am a tall, athletic and very attractive woman. I found that I got a lot of attention from guys quickly. The first guy I dated was when I was 15. He was 18. I did not really want to date, but liked the attention I got, that I didnt get at home. He put a lot of pressure on me to look a certain way and pressured me to do things with him. He just used me. Really. I felt insecure and he re-awakened those same feelings in me that I had felt when I was a young girl.Once again, another "worthy" priesthood holder using me as an object. It scared me, made me feel like a victim again, but at the same time felt good. I was still responsible for my decisions though. I could have said no. This was the start of me making many mistakes with the law of chastity for the rest of my life.

Next guy I dated when I was 16, I feel like I ruined him. I brought my problems into our relationship and it was not long until heavy petting was going on. I carried guilt for dragging him down. I went into depression and just cried all the time. Felt like I was living a lie at church, because everyone thought so highly of me, but I was really a huge mess. I did talk with my bishops, struggled to repent, do better. I would become worthy and then date another guy who I would mess up with and feel like I was worthless. Then another guy I dated after graduating high school was very pushy, just as the first, we got into heavy petting as well. The guilt I felt was unbelievable. I was not happy. Not living. Not thriving. How can Heavenly Father possibly love me after I have let him down so many times, over and over again?

Then I was able to repent, talk with my bishop, work things out. Things were going better. There were a couple of times that mapping had happened in between here, but I stopped quickly and did not think much about it.

I met this amazing guy. The first guy I would really actually consider dating. Strong in the church and very family oriented. Of course we started dating and I have not known anything else than to be physical to show affection and we were quickly making small mistakes.. enough to where we needed to talk with our bishops. Long story short, We wanted to get married, got engaged and called it off because I just was not ready. We made more mistakes... kept dating long distance for a while, and then got engaged a second time. I really thought I was more ready but was not (this was before I had even acknowledged my abuse and before I have gone to therapy for it). We called off the wedding a second time. It was devastatingly hard to do but I had to do it. We were both in such a terrible emotional state and so drained that we both just cracked and we ultimately went too far.. having sex. Went from about to go to the temple to be sealed for time and all eternity, to being in a dark deep spiritual depth of hell. I went into a deep, deep depression and we both just loved and hated each other. No more trust there.. but both wanting to work things out somehow. We went to see our bishops.. and it never happened again.. until 8 months later we just crashed and burned again, this time much worse than the first time. This has been the darkest time of my life. I still struggle with depression and my depersonalization. I NEVER thought that this could be me.

Anyway, the way this all ties together... we are trying to work things out, thats a whole different story. But he is on the other side of the world for work right now and will not be back until the summer.

I have been repenting and trying to heal the best way that I know how, but lately I have been struggling with something new, masturbating. I never really struggled with it until the last month or so, and I dont know what to do. Is it something that I need to talk with my bishop about? Like, if I get to a point to where I feel like I am not in control anymore? Is that the point where it is a problem? When should it be reported to your bishop? "Masturbation is not a heinous sin..."? But it is something that should be confessed? I feel like there is some confusion there.

Anyway, I just do not want to feel like a slave to it at some point, so I know I need to stop. It is so incredibly hard right now.. I havent been able to go to the temple for over two years and it is so discouraging. I work so hard to get there and then I make another mistake that takes me away from the temple, the place I would just LOVE to be. I feel down on myself because as I woman, I dont feel like I should have so many problems with sexual sins, you know? And sometimes I feel so angry about it... like I just dont want to be a woman anymore. Sounds weird, but that is how I feel. Anyway thanks for listening, I just needed to vent.

-V"
posted at 16:31:01 on January 8, 2013 by Anonymous
Sometimes I feel so alone    
"I am glad that I found this forum. As a woman in the church it is easy to feel extra pressure to be more pure and virtuous than the men. I know that is not the right way, but the pressure is there.

I need to vent my story on here.It is going to be so long so I understand if you dont read it. I would love to get support from anyone who wants to read it.

I was molested by my grandfather when I was about six years old. It was not full on genital contact, but enough to where I felt sexually stimulated and confused at such a young age. It scared me so much that the only way I could adapt was to "go numb". Cognitively I would just check out so that I wouldnt have to experience what was happening. This is something I still do to this day, it is a disorder called depersonalization, and I still struggle with this today, a mild case of it. My grandpa also abused my older sister. It went on for probably a couple months and then my parents found out and put a stop to it. I never went to therapy and my parents never talked with us about it.. I think they just felt it would be better to not say anything.

I kind of pushed those memories away all the way up until my second year of college. But from a very young age, I was getting orgasms in my sleep. I did not "map", like some of you have called it (I dont like saying the M word either, or typing it for that matter) for the first time for years and years later, but I found that just pressure was enough sometimes. It took me a long time to recognize those feelings as an orgasm. Once I did (around age 14-15), I just felt so much guilt for it, but I let it go and prayed about it .

I am a tall, athletic and very attractive woman. I found that I got a lot of attention from guys quickly. The first guy I dated was when I was 15. He was 18. I did not really want to date, but liked the attention I got, that I didnt get at home. He put a lot of pressure on me to look a certain way and pressured me to do things with him. He just used me. Really. I felt insecure and he re-awakened those same feelings in me that I had felt when I was a young girl.Once again, another "worthy" priesthood holder using me as an object. It scared me, made me feel like a victim again, but at the same time felt good. I was still responsible for my decisions though. I could have said no. This was the start of me making many mistakes with the law of chastity for the rest of my life.

Next guy I dated when I was 16, I feel like I ruined him. I brought my problems into our relationship and it was not long until heavy petting was going on. I carried guilt for dragging him down. I went into depression and just cried all the time. Felt like I was living a lie at church, because everyone thought so highly of me, but I was really a huge mess. I did talk with my bishops, struggled to repent, do better. I would become worthy and then date another guy who I would mess up with and feel like I was worthless. Then another guy I dated after graduating high school was very pushy, just as the first, we got into heavy petting as well. The guilt I felt was unbelievable. I was not happy. Not living. Not thriving. How can Heavenly Father possibly love me after I have let him down so many times, over and over again?

Then I was able to repent, talk with my bishop, work things out. Things were going better. There were a couple of times that mapping had happened in between here, but I stopped quickly and did not think much about it.

I met this amazing guy. The first guy I would really actually consider dating. Strong in the church and very family oriented. Of course we started dating and I have not known anything else than to be physical to show affection and we were quickly making small mistakes.. enough to where we needed to talk with our bishops. Long story short, We wanted to get married, got engaged and called it off because I just was not ready. We made more mistakes... kept dating long distance for a while, and then got engaged a second time. I really thought I was more ready but was not (this was before I had even acknowledged my abuse and before I have gone to therapy for it). We called off the wedding a second time. It was devastatingly hard to do but I had to do it. We were both in such a terrible emotional state and so drained that we both just cracked and we ultimately went too far.. having sex. Went from about to go to the temple to be sealed for time and all eternity, to being in a dark deep spiritual depth of hell. I went into a deep, deep depression and we both just loved and hated each other. No more trust there.. but both wanting to work things out somehow. We went to see our bishops.. and it never happened again.. until 8 months later we just crashed and burned again, this time much worse than the first time. This has been the darkest time of my life. I still struggle with depression and my depersonalization. I NEVER thought that this could be me.

Anyway, the way this all ties together... we are trying to work things out, thats a whole different story. But he is on the other side of the world for work right now and will not be back until the summer.

I have been repenting and trying to heal the best way that I know how, but lately I have been struggling with something new, masturbating. I never really struggled with it until the last month or so, and I dont know what to do. Is it something that I need to talk with my bishop about? Like, if I get to a point to where I feel like I am not in control anymore? Is that the point where it is a problem? When should it be reported to your bishop? "Masturbation is not a heinous sin..."? But it is something that should be confessed? I feel like there is some confusion there.

Anyway, I just do not want to feel like a slave to it at some point, so I know I need to stop. It is so incredibly hard right now.. I havent been able to go to the temple for over two years and it is so discouraging. I work so hard to get there and then I make another mistake that takes me away from the temple, the place I would just LOVE to be. I feel down on myself because as I woman, I dont feel like I should have so many problems with sexual sins, you know? And sometimes I feel so angry about it... like I just dont want to be a woman anymore. Sounds weird, but that is how I feel. Anyway thanks for listening, I just needed to vent.

-V"
posted at 16:44:50 on January 8, 2013 by Anonymous
Other women here    
posted at 12:00:35 on January 11, 2013 by Elowen
girls    
"girls u inspire me
i haven't confessed someone
i watched porn.for chubby girls you see i am fat and no one
makes me feel special well no one likes fatties in my ward or school
so i came acroos bbw and they had confidence
so yeah lame excuse
i am not really into watching it
now i just started to see it in comics
i love comics but yeah they are xxx
i know its bad
i feel bad
so slowly i am stopping myself
but i felt as if i am the only one with this pro lem
but after reading this post
i am happy and have regain that little thing i never do found around
"its ok, god is with u, u ain't the only chick with that problem""
posted at 17:21:34 on January 21, 2013 by Anonymous
It gets better. It really does.    
"I can totally relate to so many of these comments. I was never abused or anything, but I did discover "Mapping" at a young age...I'm not even exactly sure when. While as I got older, I really started to think that it probably wasn't right, I never saw or heard it talked about until I was in Young Women's, and read the part about sexual purity in the For The Strength of Youth pamphlet.

I felt guilty, and knew I should probably talk to my bishop, but he was also my dad, and I wasn't 100% sure if I even needed to go see him. As a 12 or 13-year-old girl, nothing was more intimidating to me than telling my dad the worst part of myself. I just assumed he would tell my mom about it.

I did it pretty infrequently, and always felt so bad inside afterwards, praying that I could be forgiven. I still went on temple trips, because I thought that I'd repented, but it didn't ever feel like it was all the way gone from my life. Once my dad was released as bishop, the next bishop happened to be my uncle, which I thought was even worse. He was so loving, but I was so scared of what he or anyone else who found out would think of me that I did not want to meet with him.

At this point, I was almost certain that the only way I could ever completely free myself from this was by talking to a bishop. A few times I almost gathered the courage to make an appointment, but was afraid to, and thought that maybe since I was at least open to maybe talking to my bishop about it, that was enough for me to be forgiven by the Lord. I would slip up every once in awhile, though, and feel worse each time than the time before, afterwards. My increasing awareness of how wrong it was only made it worse.

Eventually, once I was in the singles ward, I really felt I had stopped, and knew I should talk to the bishop about it. I was about to leave for college, and while I felt that I was able to withstand this temptation indefinitely, I knew I would not be freed from the guilt until I had confessed to my bishop, and moved on from it.

I notice that some of you were unsure (or decidedly against) seeing your bishop about this, but please let me help change your mind. I wasn't thrilled to see my bishop about this...in fact, my bishop was the same uncle who had been the bishop of my ward earlier, so I really didn't dodge that bullet the way I thought I had. But I prayed for the courage to talk to him, and asked to see him after Relief Society one Sunday. When I sat down with him, I just blurted it out, with only the briefest of introductions, before I got too afraid to tell him, and then just started crying. It had been a spiritual weight for so long, and I really wanted to be free of the guilt. I never wanted to slip up again.

I was so worried about what he might say, but he only told me how important it was that I had come to him, and that he sees many of the young men struggle with this same problem. Stopping wasn't the main issue anymore--when he asked me what had ultimately motivated me to stop, I quoted a little bit of this Native American story I'd once heard. It's a little long, but so apt:

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson
about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between
two "wolves" inside us all.

One is Evil.
It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed,
arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies,
false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good.
It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute
and then asked his grandfather:
"Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied,
"The one you feed."

I told my bishop I'd decided which wolf I wanted to feed, and after talking a little more, we said a prayer, and I left just feeling light as air. Nothing had been more terrifying than going to see him, but nothing was more comforting than knowing I had been forgiven by the Lord, and knowing it would not be the struggle it had once been.

Since then, there have been times I have thought about what would happen if I went back to my old habits. And not once has it ever seemed worth it. I make every effort to put it out of mind, because thoughts can so easily become actions. Since I talked to my bishop, my life has been blessed with a much more constant presence of the Spirit, and when I read Alma 36 (which I encourage every one of you to study very thoroughly), I just well up when Alma suddenly feels the joy of forgiveness. I have never felt anything more powerful in my life than the Atonement.

At the time, I was glad to clear that up with my bishop, and finally conquer my difficulty with putting my fear of God before my fear of Man. I didn't think too much about the timing, but I am so happy to say that when they made the announcement about the missionary age change, it meant I was both worthy and prepared spiritually to serve a mission. It was a little intimidating, having to tell my new bishop in my college ward something so personal during my mission interview, when I wanted him to think so highly of me, but when I told him, he asked if I felt that I had been forgiven, I said yes. And then he just smiled and asked, "Isn't the Atonement wonderful?" Very few times have I felt the Spirit in my life as strongly as I did then, and I just said yes and cried and smiled and felt so wonderful. I only wish I had gone to my bishop long before, so that I could have had this joy in my life for longer. Don't wait to see your bishop.

I am just tickled to death to say that I now have my mission call, and am looking forward to serving others. Ultimately, we can't help others as well when we have struggles that make us focus so much on ourselves, and we really need to be there for others. For those of you who have not yet found the courage to talk to your bishop, I cannot say how important it is to talk to a man of God, who can and will help you through this, and help you to feel God's love for you. Please go see your bishop, and now. You never know what will happen next, and it is important to prepare right now. For those of you who are seeing your bishops, and still struggling, just remember that Christ is stronger than Satan, and if you feed your faith, your fears will starve to death. Never stop praying to be better.

For awhile after, even once I had truly found the desire to stop, I felt that I couldn't get away from this sin. Not that I was constantly tempted by it, but I was worried that it would somehow always be something that defined me. Like a portrait of me through past sins. However, I have since realized that not even God is going to keep track of something you've already repented of. You are as clean and worthy as anyone else, once you go through the repentance process the right way, and that is something you should be proud of.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I just wanted to add that in addition to the blessings that will come to both you and current/future loved ones when you overcome this, you will also be able to look back on this as something that ultimately strengthened your testimony. You will grow closer to both your Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ, and your faith and knowledge concerning the atonement will increase dramatically. Just remember: Nothing is impossible, especially with the Lord's help. It gets better. It really does.

Much love to all you sisters (and brothers)!"
posted at 07:57:39 on February 15, 2013 by Anonymous
What about after marriage?    
"Is it wrong to masterbate after you are married? My husband thinks that it is okay for me to do it when he is not home. I have done it a few times but I feel so guilty afterwards"
posted at 00:17:59 on April 12, 2013 by Anonymous
Yes it is wrong after marriage    
"While masturbation is not heinous sin it still leads one towards a path of being carnal. Sex is good between a husband and wife because it bonds them together. When participated in by yourself it is only for self gratification and there is no bonding. The LORD intended that sexual relations bring a husband and wife together.

Try your best to not masturbate but do not beat yourself up if you slip. If you are really tempted when your husband is gone call him."
posted at 00:27:53 on April 12, 2013 by Anonymous
It's Time    
"Like most of you, self stimulation has been something I've struggled with since an early age. Through neighbors and family friends I was exposed to my sexuality when I was 5 or 6 years old. While reading a book about girls bodies and what "real girls" had to say on the issue, I came upon the section about masturbating. I had no clue girls could do that. Over time I became curious as to how that would be accomplished and unfortunately found what I was looking for. Fantasizing is something I've dealt with since before I really new tons about sex. It's always my down fall. Over the years I've tried to stop, succeeding for months at a time and then "slipping" again. But the first time I realized I needed to speak with my Bishop about it was my sophmore year of college. All the weight I'd been carrying for years came crashing down and I felt sick, like I couldn't breathe. I knew that my guilt was more than my fear of judgment from my Bishop. I was surprised by the compassionate way he received my confession and the joy that true repentance brought. Nothing like it. It got better for a while, but the pattern started up again. Slip, recovery for a few months, slip again. I thought I could beat it on my own, that I had repented and now knew what to do. I didn't need to talk with a Bishop. And then I received my mission call. About a week after I felt that guilt set in again. I hadn't self stimulated for months, but I still felt awful. After telling my roommate about my problem I gained the strength to speak with my Bishop (sure that I would no longer be able to serve a mission after confessing). My Bishop had me speak with my Stake President. It wasn't the most pleasant experience. He wasn't the most understanding. But I really wasn't concerned with the way he reacted as long as he told me I could go. And I did. And a few months into my mission I slipped again. I spoke with my mission president, and once again was treated with love and kindness- I wanted so badly to be rid of this burden. He taught me the true meaning of repentance. He taught me that our best is different everyday. Since my mission I've slipped a handful of times, and in January I spoke with the a Bishop again. It's humiliating. I was doing so well until last Monday. And then I slipped again. I was immediately disgusted with myself and felt the full weight of what I'd done. It takes very little for me to become aroused. A song lyric innuendo, a passionate kiss on a t.v. show... it's a constant battle. I didn't admit to myself that it was an addiction until Monday. I'm meeting with my Bishop tonight. What a lousy introduction to a new ward. I'm hoping that we'll be able to come up with a more specific game plan than to be more diligent. There's something at the root of this and I need to find out what. I'm sicking of being a slave to my thoughts and my body. It's nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with this. I've also committed to tell my mother. I've been trying to do this alone for far too long. I deserve to feel better than this. I have more to give and Satan knows that. Sisters, if you're debating about going to see th Bishop, GO. The only thing that will come of it will be peace and healing. Be brave. You are daughters of God. He wants you all."
posted at 21:04:27 on May 8, 2013 by Anonymous
To Anonymous just above    
"you said two key things above that will help you with your recovery: 1) " There's something at the root of this and I need to find out what," and 2) "I've been trying to do this alone for far too long."

In a conference talk, an anonymous couple's struggle with pornography was read (the husband was the one with the addiction). In it, he said words to the effect that he never would have gotten better had he not understood the (psychological) roots of his addiction. So you're on the right track about finding out what's at the root of your addiction.

The core problem with all of us addicts (self stimulation with me, I am an old guy) is that we are medicating ourselves against the pains, pressures, fears, anxieties and voids in our lives. The fact that we try to medicate ourselves is the real root of the problem. Instead of facing our problems with the Lord's strength, we turn instantly to the quick fix of acting out, be it sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping, food, television, etc.

Whenever you act out on ANY addiction, you are stroking the pleasure center of your brain, and this dumps pleasure-inducing chemicals into your bloodstream. This is the counterfeit high that momentarily takes away the fear or anxiety or pain or boredom or whatever. And it comes at a price, the price of addiction. We need to find a way to get the Lord to help us with these pains and pressures and dreads that we can't bear alone, rather than turning to our bad habits.

A second point is that addictions thrive in secrecy. You have come a long way in getting the secret out to appropriate authorities. Congratulations on that. It's a huge step. I would suggest the LDS 12-Step program and finding a support group to attend (they have groups especially for women with sexual addictions in the Salt Lake City area if you are there, and general addiction groups for all addictions that include men and women). Some people find great help with these groups.

churchgirl on this site has been clean for over a year, and she posted a while ago that she would be willing to help anyone overcome this problem. Just type her name in the search bar near the top right and click on her most recent post when they come up. I think she put her email address in there. She might be a great help to you.

You have the right attitude, Daughter of God, just keep on fighting. Remember that last line of "How Firm a Foundation":

"The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, I'll never, no never,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!"

God bless you and all of us in our goals to quit our addictions.
--Dan"
posted at 15:47:03 on May 14, 2013 by dog
I'm glad I'm not alone    
"I have had a problem with porn and masturbation since I was 11 years old. It all started because I typed in the wrong name for a website. I am now 18 and realize this really needs to stop. I have repented on my own before after a session of efy but later returned to the issue. Because I have delt with this throughout my teenage years it has prevented me from receiving my patriarchal blessing. I soon plan on switching to the singles ward and plan to confess to the bishop there. I just couldn't muster the courage to do it to my home ward bishop I have known forever. I know I need to do something about this soon because I desperately need my patriarchal blessing. So I guess I just have a few questions for you guys. What will the bishop do when I confess? Will he make me tell a fmily member? Will he not let me take the sacrament? Will he not let me have a calling? Also will my patriarchal blessing reveal this issue? Is telling the bishop absolutely necessary? I consider my problem a five out of ten. I do it probably 2 or 3 times A week and don't consider the content extremely bad. I avoid complete nudity because it grosses me out but I do view pornagraphic materials. Answers would be very much appreciated! I am so glad to know I am not the only Mormon girl with this problem! It always seems like people talk to the women about how to deal with men in these issues but the truth is it is a problem for women too!"
posted at 22:04:41 on August 19, 2013 by Anonymous
I'm glad I'm not alone    
"I have had a problem with porn and masturbation since I was 11 years old. It all started because I typed in the wrong name for a website. I am now 18 and realize this really needs to stop. I have repented on my own before after a session of efy but later returned to the issue. Because I have delt with this throughout my teenage years it has prevented me from receiving my patriarchal blessing. I soon plan on switching to the singles ward and plan to confess to the bishop there. I just couldn't muster the courage to do it to my home ward bishop I have known forever. I know I need to do something about this soon because I desperately need my patriarchal blessing. So I guess I just have a few questions for you guys. What will the bishop do when I confess? Will he make me tell a fmily member? Will he not let me take the sacrament? Will he not let me have a calling? Also will my patriarchal blessing reveal this issue? Is telling the bishop absolutely necessary? I consider my problem a five out of ten. I do it probably 2 or 3 times A week and don't consider the content extremely bad. I avoid complete nudity because it grosses me out but I do view pornagraphic materials. Answers would be very much appreciated! I am so glad to know I am not the only Mormon girl with this problem! It always seems like people talk to the women about how to deal with men in these issues but the truth is it is a problem for women too!"
posted at 22:04:43 on August 19, 2013 by Anonymous
When you confess    
"the bishop will probably ask you several questions: When did it start, how often do you do it, and when was the last time? I've never in my life heard of a bishop telling a family member or requiring someone to tell a family member.

If m/b is your only problem, I haven't heard of anyone being put on probation or being told not to take the Sacrament. But with porn, it might be a different story. Whatever the consequences, you need to confess to the bishop honestly and completely.

I suggest you type "churchgirl" in the search field in the upper right part of this screen and look at all her blogs and comments and see how she fared. She had a lot more on her plate than you, and her father was the bishop! And she had two callings. I'm certain it was very tough, and it seemed as though she was wavering, but then she finally confessed, and now she's been clean and pure for more than a year.

The bishop is there to help you heal. Please take advantage of that. Confessing to him is your first step in repentance and healing. The Savior loves you and wants you to begin your journey back to spiritual health. I hope you heal and get your patriarchal blessing soon.

God bless you and welcome to the site."
posted at 23:54:27 on August 19, 2013 by dog
Please help/ I dont know what to do    
""I have a question as well, if thats ok? Before i was baptized i used to masturbate, i wasn't a mormon so i didn't think it was bad. I havent done it on purpose but when i am sleeping somehow i am masturbating and i wake up not having control over what happened and i feel like i didnt even do it on purpose. I have made sure that i didnt just do it any more on purpose like i used to before i was baptized.. so when i have not done it at all i dont understand how tht happens to me while im sleeping.. i get really mad because i feel like i had no control over it and didn't do it on purpose.. do i need to talk to my bishop? i dont feel i should or tht i would be comfortable with telling him about that when its not even on purpose i dont even know im doing it. It has happend at least 4 times, BUT thats only in the past year, which is not too bad but i dont understand why tht is happening to me while i sleep.. i just wake up and im like what the heck.. Any help from you guys or what you think i should do i would extremely appreciate it. Should i just keep praying unto heavenly father to help me and not have tht happen in my dreams and still ask for forgiveness from him about it??""
posted at 21:07:33 on August 31, 2013 by sara123
What You Can't Control    
"I am a young woman of the church that fits a lot of the descriptions given above...molly Mormon, always striven to live a virtuous life, but molested at a young age and curiosity peaked. I still did well to keep it in check, I even served a full-time mission. But ever since I have been home, and also had all my friends getting married and really been more surrounded by the topic of physical pleasure, I have struggled with masturbating in my sleep too. I DID talk to my bishop about it and he said you cannot control what you do in your sleep. Obviously you need to be careful and take precautions as to what you listen to, watch, read etc before bed because if you go to bed hoping for it then you are probably going to do it. But if you really are trying your best you won't be held accountable for what happens in your sleep. He also talked to a psychologist who said if you don't dwell on it and think about it, you will forget whatever dream you might have had within three days. Just work on being careful at bedtime, and if it happens, try to just get up and move on and have a great day. Don't beat yourself up and dwell on it. If you feel your bishop could help you, go talk to him, but you don't need to talk to him for repentance reasons if you really didn't mean to. And can I just say I think it is awesome Sara123, that you are so strong? Really I admire you! I have been a member my whole life and I really struggle controlling it now even when I am awake and I have never had a problem until this summer, but I am working hard to get a hang of things. So I think it is awesome only 4 times in a year! That is really commendable! You are doing awesome!

I feel grateful I found this site because my bishop said a few of the same things, not to be mean, but just cause it was new for him about me being the only girl he had encountered with that problem and I really felt kinda like a freak! So I am really grateful, not that more girls have this issue, but just that I can get advice about things. If anyone has more advice on how not to masturbate I would be grateful!"
posted at 00:11:51 on October 2, 2013 by Anonymous
Anon    
"You might just be the only girl with the guts to go talk to him! You are NOT the only girl to struggle with this. Bishops are just men and they say thoughtless things sometimes. Don't worry....

As far as advice...I personally believe that whether we are a full blown addiction or have struggles periodically that the 12 steps is for EVERYONE. It teaches how to turn to the Savior. My advice is jump in with both feet in the Recovery Manual."
posted at 09:48:40 on October 3, 2013 by maddy
Yahshuan    
"Enter into your closet and pray. And he that seeith in secret shall reward you openly."
posted at 00:11:51 on December 20, 2013 by Anonymous
Yahshuan    
"What is a Yahshuan? Someone who believes that Yahweh is salvation. Not because they pondered in their heart . But because Beginning at Moses and all the prophets Yahshua expounded unto mankind the things concerning himself. In short he is the only one who ever had his life history written about himself before he was born. Now that is some kind of proof. Why would he do it like that? Firstly because he wants you to know him as he really is and actually exists. Secondly so that you will not be deceived. There isn't but one savior. Now let me prove that. You don't believe in the bible? Well, do you believe in yourself. Were you made in his likeness? Are you thought word and deed? Do you have a name? How many names do you have? Will you go to sleep? Burry yourself under the sheets and raise again? Does something have to die so that you can live? Are you three persons in one? Why don't you look at yourself for a change and you could learn something definite.
Psalms 150:6 "Let everything that has breath praise YAHWEH" Jeremiah 31:35 "The waves of the sea roar YAHWEH of hosts is his name". Why did Yahweh put his name in you? and why do the waves of the sea roar his name. It is proof. Somebody will say his name is to sacred to be pronounced. Then stop breathing his name. You breath in Yah and breath out WEH Listen to your breath or listen to someone sleeping. It's Yahweh. Listen to the waves beating on the shore they come in and roar Y A H and return WEH Now you young women you listen. Yahweh is merciful. He did not come here to send you to hell. He came here to deliver you. He put his name in ADAM long before he revealed his name to Moses. His name raised Noah and his family His name was in those waves and those waves raised that arc. Psalms 54:1 " Save me by thy name oh Yahweh" I'm trying to give you some grounds in which you can believe. That when you ask anything in the Saviors name HE MUST FULFILL HIS WORD. But you've got to have something back yonder to back it up. You have to know the truth. The saviors name is YAHSHUA. Translated it means Yahweh is Salvation. That is what is contained in the name of YAHSHUA When you ask in his name you are asking for Yahweh to save you. Moses prayed in the name of YAHSHUA He asked to know Yahweh Asking to know is in harmony with his will. Solomon prayed in the name of YAHSHUA asked for wisdom A divine attribute. Anytime you are in need call on the name that has the power to save. He has the power to take those desires right out of your heart and mind. We are under a new covenant whereby you commune with your heart. You enter into your closet just like the high priest went into the holy place to offer incense and pray That was where he kept the holy garments for the day of atonement That was his closet. Nobody heard him pray. Don't you know that your body is the tabernacle? So enter alone into deep within your soul and He that discerns your heart will reward you openly. It's YAHSHUA he is the healer, he is the overcomer, Whatsoever you shall ask in my name, that also will I do. Those are the exact words he told Moses when Moses asked "Show me thy glory that I might know thee. The answer came back "I will also do that though have asked. All you have to do is lay hold on his promise and use it to your best advantage. Have faith. What is faith? It is the substance of things hoped for. That part you already have. It's the evidence of things not seen. That is why he authored the writings of Moses and the Prophets to give you the evidence of things not seen. You are going to have to use his name."
posted at 08:02:25 on December 20, 2013 by Anonymous
Ok. Thanks.    
"."
posted at 15:17:09 on December 20, 2013 by Anonymous
Your Brother in Yahshua    
"By mercy and truth is iniquity purged. Look at Mary Magdalene They were ready to stone her for committing adultery. Said Moses in the law said such should be stoned. Not valid under the new covenant. All manner of sin shall be forgiven unto men. You think your creator doesn't know that humans are weak? He does not condemn you for messing up. Chastise yes condemn no Hebrews 4:15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Matthew 19:13 But go ye and learn what that means, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.
You young women are way to hard on yourselves When you condemn yourselves to hell. You are wrong. Yahweh is rich in mercy. Maybe you need to look up the definition of mercy in the dictionary. Why don't you call on him? He is pleased to help you. It Pleases him to do right by you."
posted at 18:53:57 on December 20, 2013 by Anonymous
To the Yashua Brother    
"I am a man. But I do not think that all these young women are condemning themselves to hell. Many of them are doing as the Holy Spirit is prompting them to do. They are trying to forsake their sin and walk with the LORD.

We believe that there is ". . . no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who a walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." (Romans 8:1) We also believe:

"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin." (I John 1:7)

We believe we are saved by faith in Christ, works and through His grace. The LORD gives mighty power to His followers to forsake their sins and follow Him. We know a believer is forgiven of their sins when they confess them and forsake them. We have a merciful Advocate with the Father when we repent of our sins."
posted at 10:46:49 on December 21, 2013 by Anonymous
Yahshuan    
"You are going nowhere until you admit that Yahweh is Salvation. When you say that Jesus is the savior after Yahweh has proved beyond a shadow of a doubt in both the Law and the Prophets and fulfilled in YAHAHUA that there is no savior beside him. You are calling him a liar. You may be doing it through ignorance. But the fact remains No one has ever been saved in the name of Jesus. Not saved by Yahweh! Why? Because he has declared that he will not give his glory to any other name. (ISAIAH 48:11 and ISAIAH 42:8) that's prophets I will show it in the Law also The children of Israel knew him as EL Shaddai but when time came for him to deliver them He had to reveal his name. Moses at the red sea said "Stand still and see the salvation of Yahweh" No salvation in El Shaddai. Please not that in Isaiah 42:8 he says "I am Yahweh. That is my name. He did not say I am Yahweh that is my Hebrew name. Don't add to his word. You are not going to be saved by Yahweh when you add to his word and then expect good results. If you do. You are in for one HELL of a surprise. WHY? would you risk eternal damnation simply because you are too stiffed necked to bow to the truth?
It is a simple principal does Ford motor cars write Dodge on their cars? Will you put my name on your paycheck. Yahweh said (ISAIAH 46:9-10) "So shall my word be that goes forth from my mouth. It shall not return unto me void. But it shall accomplish what I please He only does it when he says it. He said YAHSHUA and when he says Yahshua he must fulfill. To prove it is true."
posted at 07:46:43 on December 22, 2013 by Anonymous
OK Done    
"Tonight, every one of us who reads this will go ahead and pray in the name of Yahweh and admit that he is Salvation. We all believe that, so we'll do it.

And then we'll move on with our lives as before.

If that makes you happy, you have a silly belief system, but we're happy to oblige. If that doesn't satisfy you enough, then you haven't yet preached the whole story, because that seems to be exactly what you are saying."
posted at 12:30:34 on December 23, 2013 by Anonymous
Thank you, David Koresh.    
"Now please take your medicine and come back down to earth."
posted at 13:05:37 on December 23, 2013 by Anonymous
bow to the 'truth' huh?    
""There is no truth. Only interpretations, [clearly]" -Nietzsche"
posted at 17:56:30 on December 24, 2013 by they_speak
OK Done?    
"The writings of Moses and the Prophets are the WITNESSES that are referred to in the quote "At the mouth of 2 or 3 witnesses shall a mater be established" Yahshua the Messiah referred to the writings of Moses and the Prophets as being they that testify of me. Isaiah wrote that if one did not speak in accord with the Law (writings of Moses) and the prophets it was because there was no light in them. In Acts 26: 22-23 Paul having received a vision and revelation Was sent to the gentiles with the same old story Moses and the Prophets. Luke 16:28-31 Parable of the Rich Man & Lazarus This parable is self explanatory The great gulf between them is in their understanding.(Such is the case between you and myself) The rich man seems to believe that all that is needed is to send one raised from the dead(Gee I wonder who that is talking about?) NO! If they don't hear Moses and the Prophets Then it is impossible for them to hear the savior. Those are his witnesses. That is why his name must be YAH SHUA His witnesses say that Yahweh is Salvation. And what do you have? PIONDER IN YOUR HEART WEATHER THESE THINGS BE TRUE? (Give me a break) Yahweh is not that stupid, to leave it up to you. The witnesses that Yahweh himself has provided are sufficient to do the job. You cannot have your understanding opened without the Law and Prophets Luke 24: 44-45 Clearly states this (44 Then He said to them, “These are the words which I spoke to you while I was still with you, that all things must be fulfilled which were written in the Law of Moses and the Prophets and the Psalms concerning Me.” 45 Then opened He opened their understanding, that they might comprehend the Scriptures. Between you and I there is a great gulf fixed. That you could cross if you would believe Yahweh's witnesses. My silly belief system."
posted at 14:07:43 on January 5, 2014 by Anonymous
Ohh, what a relief    
"... He's not to stupid to leave it up to me. Thank Buddha."
posted at 19:14:54 on January 5, 2014 by Anonymous
They Speak ^    
"...As if anyone else around here thanks Buddha ;)"
posted at 19:16:02 on January 5, 2014 by they_speak
Ohh, what a relief?    
"Why are you such a cry baby? The facts have been laid out plain and there is nothing you can say against it. Except to call me names. I fear that if I go any further you may have a heart attack. You cannot refute the truth. The truth is that Yahweh uses witnesses to establish a matter. The witnesses he uses are the Law and the Prophets. It's kind of like thought, word, and deed. It is that simple. That is why you are without excuse for being ignorant. The Rich Man and Lazarus
19 “There was a certain rich man who was clothed in purple and fine linen and fared sumptuously every day. 20 But there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, full of sores, who was laid at his gate, 21 desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell[d] from the rich man’s table. Moreover the dogs came and licked his sores. 22 So it was that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels to Abraham’s bosom. The rich man also died and was buried. 23 And being in torments in Hades, he lifted up his eyes and saw Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.
24 “Then he cried and said, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus that he may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.’ 25 But Abraham said, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things; but now he is comforted and you are tormented. 26 And besides all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed, so that those who want to pass from here to you cannot, nor can those from there pass to us.’
27 “Then he said, ‘I beg you therefore, father, that you would send him to my father’s house, 28 for I have five brothers, that he may testify to them, lest they also come to this place of torment.’ 29 Abraham said to him, ‘They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them.’ 30 And he said, ‘No, father Abraham; but if one goes to them from the dead, they will repent.’ 31 But he said to him, ‘If they do not hear Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded though one rise from the dead.’” "
posted at 20:23:57 on January 5, 2014 by Anonymous
... If you would believe Yahweh's witnesses.    
"Um... Thank you. We do believe. Are you preaching to the right group? We read the bible and believe it. We believe Yahweh is God and Salvation. He is the God of the Old Testament. We recognize the significance of the name "Yeshua," known in English as Jesus. We know Jesus is Jehovah, or Yahweh. We worship him as God.

Has someone told you that we don't? What are you expecting us to do differently than we already do? Have you noticed that no one has been arguing with your posts, but we don't quite know how to respond? That's because we sense that you mean well, but nothing you have said is new or different to us. We believe it. (And yet we have unresolved issues. Such is life. Are you without trials because of your faith?)

It's like you have come to us saying over and over, "Drink water. Water is necessary for life. Water will quench your thirst and improve your health. Water is wet. Many witnesses claim that without water, we would die."

Um... Thank you?"
posted at 20:35:07 on January 5, 2014 by Anonymous
What is the purpose of using witnesses?    
"A witness has the ability to convince. You pondering in your heart leaves all kinds of room to be deceived. Because you have nothing to base your decision on. Yahweh does not care what you think. He said that his thoughts were higher than yours and mine. He said that his thoughts were as high above ours as the heavens are above the earth. You should be relieved. That he has provided a way for us to know for sure. No guess up on it. Ponder in your heart. But rather to know. Based on cogent witnesses. Isn't that what the messiah said. YOU SHALL KNOW THE TRUTH. Our thoughts have no relevance in his purpose."
posted at 21:02:52 on January 5, 2014 by Anonymous
unintelligible babble    
"How many witnesses say Obama's birth certificate is a fake? How many say it's not? Since two orthree witnesses prove it... I Guess they're all right, no?

But that's COMPLETELY BESIDES THE POINT!!

Hey, my friend, answer my question....

What do you want us to do or believe that we don't already believe? You are making absolutely no sense! Who cares that we believe the witnesses (WHICH WE DO!) AND our hearts. We believe both. And we believe in Jehovah/Yaweh/Jesus. So now what?

And I'm so happy to know God loves me enough to for me... AND he does not care what I think.

That's messed up. Is THAT what you want us to believe? That God doesn't care what we think? Then why do you care? Why should I believe any of it? God doesn't care!"
posted at 21:34:25 on January 5, 2014 by Anonymous
*enough to die for me    
"."
posted at 21:35:45 on January 5, 2014 by Anonymous
I'm sorry    
"But I don't really think that you have comprehended one word of what I have said. You said "We believe Yahweh is God and Salvation" Really? Then prove it by the Law and the Prophets. Show me a witness in the law. That says that. Then I want a witness in the Prophets. Then I want to see the faithful and true witness fulfill it. Show me a witness in the law and confirm it in the prophets that you are justified in adding to his word by preaching another name. JESUS"
posted at 22:49:15 on January 5, 2014 by Anonymous
BRAND NEW IN RECOVERY....CHAT ADDICTION    
"I am new here. Haven't even joined a ARP group yet but will see a LDS Social Services Therapist this week. I am a 42 year old married woman with 2 teenagers. I discovered internet chat rooms about 5 months ago. I can't seem to stop. It is ruining my marriage and my family but the compulsion continues. I meet men of all ages that tell me how attractive and sexy I am. I am addicted to the male attention because it fills a void within me. I know what is happening and why but knowing it doesn't seem to stop my behavior. I have had some explicit sex chat, phonesex and sex over Skype. It goes in spurts but never leaves me. It makes me feel powerful to have such a sexual effect on men. I DO NOT masturbate alone or duiring these sessions with men although my interest and desire in sex has multiplied like crazy. I'm at my sexual peak anyway and someitmes indulge in porn. I know this fuels a fire. And I have a husband that is hardly ever interested in sex at all....complicated issue I think due to several factors.....my aappearance and weight, his natural lowerl libido, performance anxiety, and he takes lots of med from a heart attack he had in 2012. Regardless of the reasons, he is not really interested in connecting sexually with me. When he does, I don't trust his intentions and it always ends up in a fight....a vicious cycle.

I thought I had hit rock bottom at several different times.......having a surprise pregnancy and then miscarriage (my husband's child---I've never cheated), having my husband twice lock me out of the house late at night when he knows I've left the house to chat (I had to get a hotel) and having my husband weep from the frustration and pain I've caused him.

but nothing prepared me for 3 days ago. My 16 year old daughter burst into the room out of the blue and said " I HATE YOU, YOU ARE RUINING OUR FAMILY. I WANT YOU TO LEAVE AND i NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN" Wow, I was stunned and my heart sunk to my feet. I had n idea that y chldren knew anything about my chatting or skyping. I knew that I was not myself and had become unplugged with the family but I was foolish to think that smart teenagers weren't picking up on all the time I spend online. I'm afraid she may have heard an explicit conversation I may have had with someone on skype or seen me looking at porn. It was a new and shattering rock bottom for me. I never wanted anyone to get hurt but especially my kids. I don't know if she'll ever forgive me. But I finally want help because of it.

I'm scared of letting this go. it has become my medicine for feeling low...somthing I easily turn to to escape and feel good about who I am again. And I am grieving this life. I actually have made some decent friendships with men---most, but not all are motivated by sex----and I will be sad to let those go.

Just on the path.....scared as hell.....but breathing...."
posted at 23:49:57 on January 5, 2014 by scaraajo
YOU TOTALLY MISSED IT.    
"If what you teach cannot be confirmed by Yahweh himself. At the mouth of 2 or 3 of Yahweh's witnesses. This is so simple a child can understand. Raised from the dead on the 3rd day. We all know Jonah was in the belly of the fish for 3 days. That is the witness in the prophets for Christ resurrecting on the 3rd day. Where is the witness in the Law. The seed of vegetation came forth on the 3rd day of the Genesis. The children of Israel were buried in the Red Sea for 3 days. This is how Yahweh works. He proves the truth. By witnesses. Christ was buried in Golgotha (the place of the skull) When Jacob was told that his son Joseph was killed by a wild beast and they gave him Joe's coat of many colors. In Jacobs mind Joseph was dead and buried. until Jacob saw him face to face in Egypt In the place of Jacobs skull his begotten son was Dead, buried, and resurrected. Isaac was dead buried and resurrected in Abrahams mind. Was Abraham going to offer up Isaac? He had him bound on the alter and raised his hand to strike him dead and the angle stopped him. So his begotten son was Dead, buried and resurrected in his mind. The place of his skull. That is how Yahweh proves the truth by witnessing to it in the Law of Moses and confirming it in the prophets Shadrach Meshach and Abednego in their minds they were dead and buried till they got into the furnace. They all died in the place of the skull. This is how Yahweh establishes a matter of fact. By giving a witness in the Law then he confirms it in the prophets. Then he comes himself and fulfills it. Thought ,word and deed. It's a unity. Not a trinity. This is all that I have tried to express. It has to be Law, prophets and fulfillment or you according to Yahweh don't have a clue. You don't know him. Anybody teaching Jesus hasn't believed the witnesses. It was Joshua correctly Yahshua who took Israel into the promised land. . Can he make it any plainer than that? This is Yahweh witnessing the truth to you. How in the hell do you think you are going to justify JESUS. It's Yahshua. That is the only name Yahweh will save in. Law - Red sea Stand still and see the salvation of Yahweh. Prophets - Hosea 13:4 There is no savior beside me. (That excludes JESUS) He will not give his glory to another name. Prophets Isaiah 42:8 Law Before Moses came back to Egypt they knew the creator as El Shadai. The name had to be revealed so that Yahweh would receive the glory for saving Israel. No salvation in El Shaddai. He will not give the glory to another name.Fulfilled. Matthew 1:21 You will call his name Yahshua for he shall save his people from their sins. This is Babble to you? Yahweh proving the truth by witnesses is Babble? You be wise to take that back. Unless he expressed it in the Law and confirmed it in the Prophets he cannot fulfill it. I had one of your boys tell me right to my face that JESUS was the only name that could save my soul. He even went so far as to say that He declared that to be the truth. This is what you said " We believe Yahweh is God and Salvation. He is the God of the Old Testament. We recognize the significance of the name "Yeshua," known in English as Jesus. We know Jesus is Jehovah, or Yahweh. We worship him as God. SORRY PAL. He is not known as Jesus. ‘If they do not hear Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded though one rise from the dead.’” You are thick as a brick. The witnesses. Yahweh's witnesses say YAHWEH IS SALVATION. You cannot add to that. This is a spiritual revelation. It isn't Hebrew it isn't English. It is a spiritual understanding. Without proof it is not possible to know it."
posted at 01:22:19 on January 6, 2014 by Anonymous
My heart breaks hearing your story scaraajo    
"scaraajo
I am so sorry to hear about your struggles! Thought we've never met, and I don't have any idea what your challenges are like I wish I had a magic wand to take it all away. I too feel like I've hit the bottom of the barrel and then seem to fall even further emotionally. There are a few things I would suggest for you one is to get help! Reach out to someone, get a friend to help hold you acountable. That is something I've had some success with, depending upon my committment to change. What I seem to find is that Satan works really hard to get us to think that we are the only ones, that we are alone and uncared for. The second thing I would do is set up a safe place for yourself, meaning a filter on the computer or password or something, again this is something I'm struggling with, but the more I'm away from our under supervision the less likely I am to act out. The safe place doesn't take away the temptation, it can just make it less likely that in a weak moment I might make a mistake. The last suggestion I would make is trying the program cure the craving.com. it is a pornography addiction recory program I've been in a few weeks and have learned a lot about the chemicals that are involved in the addiction process. Understanding that there are chemicals involved just like drug addicts has helped me be more understanding of what it takes to make lasting change.

Hang in there!! Don't give up, just like Elder Holland said in his talk High Priest of Good things to come: "keep walking there are good things to come" even though you've seemed to hit the bottom, the Saviour has experienced exactly what your feeling right now! He can't take away all the consequences of our poor behaviour, but he can and will make better people out of each one of us. Just keep putting one foot in front of the the other, the Saviour is there for you and wants to take this from you and help you.

I'm struggling right now with the consequences of some really dumb things I've done in my own lifel, the stress of financial consequences can seem overwhelming and a lot of times I have a hard time wanting to get up to go to work each day, feeling like it doesn't matter if I keep working or if I try to stay sober. All these thoughts are from Satan and are attempts to try and get me away from the Savior. I only share those feelings with you to let you know: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! that in my experience is one of the biggest tools of Satan, to get me alone, to get me to think that God doesn't care, the actions I might take don't have any consequences because God doesn't care about me. more importantly than having other people who are experiencing similar challenges you have a Savior who's experienced. Finally after all this I would include one of my favorite songs that helps me a great deal. It is by Chris Tomlin the song is called I Life my Hands.

I apologize for such a long post, my desire has been to reach out and help in some meaningful way, I hope that this helps. As I've already said, hang in there you can get better with the Savior's help!"
posted at 10:02:15 on January 6, 2014 by sjanderson
Why am I such a cry baby?    
"Because I'm trying to become as a little child, like Jesus taught. Ya know?, strict biblical literalism? I'm into that shit."
posted at 12:37:06 on January 6, 2014 by they_speak
I shake the dust off my feet    
"Goodbye"
posted at 17:05:07 on January 6, 2014 by Anonymous
Mithrandir    
"Mithrandir IS Gandalf

http://tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Gandalf/Names

Temper, temper."
posted at 17:29:27 on January 6, 2014 by Anonymous
I Agree with Sjanderson    
"Welcome to the site, scaraajo. You are not alone. You are a child of God with infinite worth. You are always taken care of. God loves you and accepts you, when you come to him with a sincere heart. He is there for you. He can solve this.

I completely agree with sjanderson. Check out http://www.curethecraving.com . Learn how to get your life back in balance. It's free.

Keep coming back here and telling us how things are going. We are here to help."
posted at 17:32:22 on January 6, 2014 by beclean
SCARAAJO    
"Maybe start your own blog thread/post. This one is has been co-opted by Joshua. I mean Jesus. I mean Yahweh. I mean Yahshua."
posted at 17:35:47 on January 6, 2014 by Anonymous
Good person paradox    
"So, Yahshua, you're telling me that if I am a decent person who sincerely tries to follow both of the two great commandments (I love God with all my heart, and I love my neighbor as myself), and if I believe Yahshua died for my sins, but I know him as Jesus, and no one ever tells me that his name should be pronounced Yahshua, then I can't be saved? All because I pronounce his name differently than you do?"
posted at 18:13:01 on January 6, 2014 by Anonymous
Stop engaging him, please!    
"!"
posted at 21:21:42 on January 6, 2014 by Anonymous
Sorry...    
"I'm sure he means well, and I guess he's hoping I'll wake up to his way of thinking. I mean well, too...I'm not trying to argue, I'm really hoping he'll see how ridiculous his reasoning is. As if the only thing that matters to God is how we pronounce his name. You are saved or damned because of how you spell it. That's crazy! I would never say or spell it right, because I don't even know Hebrew. Do I have to learn Hebrew to be saved?

And the idea that simply saying "Yahshua" in my prayers instead of "Jesus" will instantly result in all my weaknesses and addictions vanishing is preposterous. I'm not too proud to try it. I'll try anything...but I'm hoping this guy isn't too proud to see that someone has him all focused on the wrong part of the gospel, and it's not God. I don't think God cares how his name is pronounced. He speaks all languages, and he loves all his children. Their love and faith towards him and their service to others matters much more."
posted at 12:01:32 on January 7, 2014 by Anonymous
Ohhh no ya don't!    
"I shake the dust off my feet FIRST!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDW0ZnZxjn4"
posted at 18:26:29 on January 7, 2014 by they_speak
You are Definitely NOT Alone    
"Although I am not a female, I know more girls with masturbation issues than I know guys that have one. I also know just as many girls as I know guys that look at pornography. The fact is, it is not just an issue for men anymore. You should not feel alone or worry that you are the only one because you are not alone. You are taking the right step though. Keep coming back here and keep doing the things that you are taught and you will find a way to overcome this. Like the rest of us, it may take some time, but you will be able to stop if you want to bad enough. We are here for you!"
posted at 16:40:04 on January 16, 2014 by No2name2014
problem as hell    
"hi so my problem is that i am doing wrong and i know it and here its my story so i think i am addicted to porln and masturbation but because of the stuff that i have read here i can see that porn is way bad than masturbation so this week i stoped watching porn and just masturbationg and btw i am a young women weird ha? masturbating without porn but i think that since the begining that was my addiction, i confessed to my bishop and that was it only one interview and the problem is here!! july 1 we are having a youth trip to the temple and in the interview he told me that i couldnt and i should never go in the temple(i've confessed in march and he saw me in the temple in january thats why asked and said me that) what can i do and i am planning to lie the next time i talk with him because if not my parent(mom) will KILL me."
posted at 19:15:41 on June 1, 2014 by Anonymous
problem as hell    
"hi so my problem is that i am doing wrong and i know it and here its my story so i think i am addicted to porln and masturbation but because of the stuff that i have read here i can see that porn is way bad than masturbation so this week i stoped watching porn and just masturbationg and btw i am a young women weird ha? masturbating without porn but i think that since the begining that was my addiction, i confessed to my bishop and that was it only one interview and the problem is here!! july 1 we are having a youth trip to the temple and in the interview he told me that i couldnt and i should never go in the temple(i've confessed in march and he saw me in the temple in january thats why asked and said me that) what can i do and i am planning to lie the next time i talk with him because if not my parent(mom) will KILL me."
posted at 19:15:51 on June 1, 2014 by sharkeisha
Clarification    
"Sharkeisha,

No, it is not weird that you are a girl with this problem. TONS of girls, maybe just as many as boys have this problem. You are totally normal.

Second, could you clarify something for me? The bishop said you could never go to the temple? Or he wanted you to wait a certain amount of time being free from porn and masturbation before going back to the temple? I am confused.

Don't lie. You are totally worth more than that. Don't sell out and DON'T go to the temple unworthily. Being clean from this has more to do with your attitude of humility than it does with how long you've been clean. Have you read started the addicts manual? If you haven't, read it, read it, READ IT! I promise it'll will help if you want it to help.

Hugs to you sweet girl,
Maddy"
posted at 07:26:23 on June 2, 2014 by maddy
thanks    
"he said that i have to wait a certain amount of time.
im trying my best :( because i really need to go..."
posted at 13:39:08 on June 2, 2014 by sharkeisha
My two cents    
"Sharkeisha,
I hope that you are doing well. There are some good resources out there for folks with these kind of challengs here are the twelve promises from AA
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through . . .

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity.

We will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

i have struggled with this addiction for many many years and have begun to make progress when I began to speak honestly and openly with the appropriate people . . for me it has been with my SA and 12 step meetings. I hope you are blessed in your effort."
posted at 21:08:38 on June 2, 2014 by sjanderson
My experience    
"I'm really happy I found this. I struggled with a masterbating addiction for about 6 months. I started getting sexually active, and wanted to learn more about my body. I've cleaned up since then. I decided to be a better member and went to see the bishop. I confessed a lot of things. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. However, I don't regret it. I walked away feeling remarkable. He was very calm and collected. He told me (after I confessed masterbating) that it was a selfish act. It only included one person. In the moment it seemed very true. I wanted to be pure. I wanted to be wiped clean of any imperfection. Unfortunately, I eventually went back to masterbating. I wasn't addicted like I used to be, but I did do it. I controlled it, and it still is. I have gone a long time without doing it, but it is hard to all of a sudden stop. So I've been telling myself it's okay as long as it is slowly becoming less of a temptation. I have been researching what other Mormon women think of masturbation. I'm 18, and I want to be worthy and get married in the temple. I'm confused because people don't think it's that serious of a sin. Also, that married women masterbate with their husbands approval. There are so many different opinions...a interesting point was that women don't talk about it in the church. There is no guidance on the topic, and the young women don't even know about it. I think there should be more education on the subject because at 17 I learned about it from a movie. I didn't even know it was wrong. Why can't someone in the church out a stop to the confusion. Anyways, I'm trying my best to stop because honestly I don't want to do it. My question is...should I see the bishop again even though I have almost stopped masterbating all together? I feel that I've repented because I'm sorry and have confessed. I know the last step is to stop doing the sin...so I guess that's up to me? I just want some clarity... I feel left in the dark."
posted at 23:42:05 on July 5, 2014 by Anonymous
My experience    
"I'm really happy I found this. I struggled with a masterbating addiction for about 6 months. I started getting sexually active, and wanted to learn more about my body. I've cleaned up since then. I decided to be a better member and went to see the bishop. I confessed a lot of things. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. However, I don't regret it. I walked away feeling remarkable. He was very calm and collected. He told me (after I confessed masterbating) that it was a selfish act. It only included one person. In the moment it seemed very true. I wanted to be pure. I wanted to be wiped clean of any imperfection. Unfortunately, I eventually went back to masterbating. I wasn't addicted like I used to be, but I did do it. I controlled it, and it still is. I have gone a long time without doing it, but it is hard to all of a sudden stop. So I've been telling myself it's okay as long as it is slowly becoming less of a temptation. I have been researching what other Mormon women think of masturbation. I'm 18, and I want to be worthy and get married in the temple. I'm confused because people don't think it's that serious of a sin. Also, that married women masterbate with their husbands approval. There are so many different opinions...a interesting point was that women don't talk about it in the church. There is no guidance on the topic, and the young women don't even know about it. I think there should be more education on the subject because at 17 I learned about it from a movie. I didn't even know it was wrong. Why can't someone in the church out a stop to the confusion. Anyways, I'm trying my best to stop because honestly I don't want to do it. My question is...should I see the bishop again even though I have almost stopped masterbating all together? I feel that I've repented because I'm sorry and have confessed. I know the last step is to stop doing the sin...so I guess that's up to me? I just want some clarity... I feel left in the dark."
posted at 23:42:08 on July 5, 2014 by Anonymous
My experience    
"I'm really happy I found this. I struggled with a masterbating addiction for about 6 months. I started getting sexually active, and wanted to learn more about my body. I've cleaned up since then. I decided to be a better member and went to see the bishop. I confessed a lot of things. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. However, I don't regret it. I walked away feeling remarkable. He was very calm and collected. He told me (after I confessed masterbating) that it was a selfish act. It only included one person. In the moment it seemed very true. I wanted to be pure. I wanted to be wiped clean of any imperfection. Unfortunately, I eventually went back to masterbating. I wasn't addicted like I used to be, but I did do it. I controlled it, and it still is. I have gone a long time without doing it, but it is hard to all of a sudden stop. So I've been telling myself it's okay as long as it is slowly becoming less of a temptation. I have been researching what other Mormon women think of masturbation. I'm 18, and I want to be worthy and get married in the temple. I'm confused because people don't think it's that serious of a sin. Also, that married women masterbate with their husbands approval. There are so many different opinions...a interesting point was that women don't talk about it in the church. There is no guidance on the topic, and the young women don't even know about it. I think there should be more education on the subject because at 17 I learned about it from a movie. I didn't even know it was wrong. Why can't someone in the church out a stop to the confusion. Anyways, I'm trying my best to stop because honestly I don't want to do it. My question is...should I see the bishop again even though I have almost stopped masterbating all together? I feel that I've repented because I'm sorry and have confessed. I know the last step is to stop doing the sin...so I guess that's up to me? I just want some clarity... I feel left in the dark."
posted at 23:42:11 on July 5, 2014 by Anonymous
My experience    
"I'm really happy I found this. I struggled with a masterbating addiction for about 6 months. I started getting sexually active, and wanted to learn more about my body. I've cleaned up since then. I decided to be a better member and went to see the bishop. I confessed a lot of things. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. However, I don't regret it. I walked away feeling remarkable. He was very calm and collected. He told me (after I confessed masterbating) that it was a selfish act. It only included one person. In the moment it seemed very true. I wanted to be pure. I wanted to be wiped clean of any imperfection. Unfortunately, I eventually went back to masterbating. I wasn't addicted like I used to be, but I did do it. I controlled it, and it still is. I have gone a long time without doing it, but it is hard to all of a sudden stop. So I've been telling myself it's okay as long as it is slowly becoming less of a temptation. I have been researching what other Mormon women think of masturbation. I'm 18, and I want to be worthy and get married in the temple. I'm confused because people don't think it's that serious of a sin. Also, that married women masterbate with their husbands approval. There are so many different opinions...a interesting point was that women don't talk about it in the church. There is no guidance on the topic, and the young women don't even know about it. I think there should be more education on the subject because at 17 I learned about it from a movie. I didn't even know it was wrong. Why can't someone in the church out a stop to the confusion. Anyways, I'm trying my best to stop because honestly I don't want to do it. My question is...should I see the bishop again even though I have almost stopped masterbating all together? I feel that I've repented because I'm sorry and have confessed. I know the last step is to stop doing the sin...so I guess that's up to me? I just want some clarity... I feel left in the dark."
posted at 23:42:16 on July 5, 2014 by Anonymous
Lots of Information - Just not being talked about    
"Hello Anonymous. I understand your feelings of masturbation not being discussed by the church. I thought the same thing. Then I started doing research. On www.lds.org do a search for masturbation and you will find a wealth of resources. The truth is that it is widely discussed in church material, the issue is that in lessons at church individuals teaching or speaking choose not to discuss it in those settings. It is an uncomfortable topic to talk about, but as you pointed out, soooo important. Below are some of the resources that I found on www.lds.org that makes it very clear. Something else that is remarkable and hopeful is that every time it is discussed, so is the way out. So is the healing, so is the forgiveness. There is a lot here to read and I hope it will be as helpful to you as it was to me.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/the-power-to-change.p31#

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1984/04/obscenity-how-it-affects-us-how-we-can-deal-with-it?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1975/04/a-self-inflicted-purging?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/new-era/1984/03/qa-questions-and-answers?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/manual/young-women-manual-2/living-a-virtuous-life/lesson-33-the-sacred-power-of-procreation?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1980/10/president-kimball-speaks-out-on-morality?lang=eng"
posted at 08:12:23 on July 6, 2014 by 1stepatatime
-    
"I find it sad that some members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints say is it not a sin to masturbate. Masturbation is manipulating your own genitals to give yourself pleasure.

Masturbation is not nearly as serious in nature as fornication or other sexual immoral acts with another person, but it is something we should strive to control. One of the purposes of this life is to learn to control our bodies. It may take you years to learn how to control your body. If you mess up just keep following the addiction recovery program. Many people have a problems with masturbation, but do not justify yourself or beat yourself up over it. Pray and gain wisdom and learn to be guided by the Holy Spirit.

I personally have struggled with masturbation for two decades. I have gone years without doing it and then messed up. I just keep getting up and moving on. The LORD loves you and wants to help you on this journey through mortality.

The rest of this entry is my opinion. Some people also have the mistaken belief that if a married couple decide together to manipulate their own genitals while engaging in sexual intimacy that this is masturbation. It is not. If a married couple decides to do this in the privacy of their own bedroom that is their choice."
posted at 11:44:00 on July 7, 2014 by Anonymous
Felling ashamed and in need of help!    
"Ever since I was a pre teen, I had listened to bishops, talks and Sunday school teachers teach the youth about pornography and what it can do to you. I had never thought I would become one of those people who participated in it.

It all started when I had heard of some friends who watched it. Later that week satin pulled me into the curiosity of "what is the big deal about pornography?" So I googled it. That was probaly the biggest mistake of my life. At first I was kinda shocked, but then I started to like it. I got this nice feeling inside and found more and more videos. For a while I just looked at a few videos a day and no physical action was taken place. But, then I came across an orgasam video. So I clicked on it and I tried it out. After the first time I felt ashamed and I would feel ashamed after every time it happened. So one day I decided to tell my momom about what I was doing. She wasnt mad, but she was very disappointed. I felt awful. So I went to my bishop at the time and successfully repented. But, I didnt tell him about the orgasam part. He only knew about the pornography part. So my brain said "you can still have an orgasm without pornography to look at." So I have been doing this for 3 years now. I decided to repent again after the 2nd year began and I wss doing good. But, then summer came and I had a lot of time on my hands. And it began AGAIN. .....

I am faced with the hardest trial of my life. I desperately want to serve a mission. And i am already 18. I know I am not worthy to go right now. But, I know I CAN beat this addiction. The hard part is the fact that I don't want my moms help because she only looks at me with disappointment.

My parents are divorced and compared to my mother my father used to sell and watch pornography for a very long time. Which at first shocked me but then I felt determined to not to become like my father. I have been struggling ever since.

HOW DO I BEAT THIS? I NEED TO GET THE SPIRIT BACK! I HAVE SUCH A STRONG URGE FOR THE SPIRIT.
Maybe a personal mentor who hws gone through(or similar to) what I am going through. Is anyone out there still. I need a strong spirited woman to help me. ANYONE?"
posted at 23:11:54 on September 23, 2014 by missiongirl6
my two cents    
"Yes having someone who 'has been there' has been helpful for me. Being willing to talk about my addiction more openly when it is appropriate has also helped. this forum and the ARP and the SA forum have helped me a lot as well. Having a mentor or sponsor has helped me as well. being responsible to check in daily on my progress has helped me take my desire to action. Also learning to take liafe one day at a time has also been very very helpful for me. I belive that I thought that when i got to a particular day of sobriety things would get easier, that my wife would appreciate or understand my struggle and effor to change. That hasn't happened yet and right now I have to just keep going, hoping that the Savior will be there when I need him."
posted at 05:11:10 on September 24, 2014 by sjanderson
My Only Hold up is the Bishop    
"Its nice to see I am not alone. Itbis weird how people who struggle with certain addictions tend to struggle with the same underlying causes. I struggle with anxiety, overthinking, have a hard time falling asleep, lack of energy ( I think this is a big culprit) every time my reserve gets low my mind wanders and I start to think how much I need this release to help calm me down. It is so weird to admit publicly but I want other women to know they aren't alone either.

I am still struggling with the confessing aspect. I want to believe that I can do this between me and the lord, but I am afraid my guilty conscience will hold me back. I know seeing a bishop is the best thing. But my bishop is my dad, and my stake president is hard to get a hold of. I am very shy and have a hard time even being a primary teacher so for me this step in recovery is such a huge challenge.... I struggle. I wish shyness were not a weakness because I feel it gets in the way of being free and finding true relief. I hate this cycle. I don't think I have it bad, used to be a lot worse but recently its come back and in the moment I feel I have no control. I know I'll regret it when I do it but I seem to be powerless. I guess this is me admitting my addiction to my self. I'm even adraid to tell my husband. We have an amazing relationship so, I cannot blame him one bit for this problem. Marriage will not cure this problem. I did some soul searching today using the 12/step program and I think the underlying problem is my lack of self worth, confidence in myself, and need for stimulation and excitement. Sometimes I feel like I am purposeless and wonder what that purpose is? I know I need to pray more. My lack of communication with god , and fear of talking to people in general I guess makes me curious or desire intimacy with others that I don't always get ( I blame myself, rarely do I blame others) I am my own worst enemy so I guess maybe to help heal my self I need to pray to for to ask him to show me how he sees me...so that I can heal and grow in confidence before god. Then this emptiness can be filled with light and my desire for carnal pleasures will go away. I am just working this out in my head. I know this is a step forward for me. I know with god all things are possible!! I just need to trust my self a bit, too."
posted at 01:09:00 on November 11, 2014 by Anonymous
You are not alone    
"I'm a sex addict and have been sober for 6 years. There is hope! 12 step meetings may be of great benefit!

Makemyburdenlight.blogspot.com"
posted at 01:44:21 on November 11, 2014 by Makemyburden


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"You lived with your Heavenly Father in a premortal life. You were there with Him. Your spirit knows what it is like to live in celestial realms. You can never be truly happy in an uncelestial environment. You know too much. That is one of the reasons that for you, wickedness never can be happiness. What a great thing it is to decide once and for all early in life what you will do and what you will not do with regards to honesty, modesty, chastity, the Word of Wisdom, and temple marriage. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006