Print
That Hopeless Feeling...
By Gondor44646
9/21/2008 9:07:00 PM
I feel hopeless right now, I want to give up. ... No, that’s just stupid I can’t give up it’s not actually an option. But I just can’t see it anymore. I'm 18 years old; I am a senior in High School... I don’t know what to do with my life... High School is going to be done soon, and I really don’t have anything in me. I suppose I'm good with computers, Cisco networking... I wish I could say go on a mission, but I feel so worthless to even consider myself ever ready or worthy to go...

My story is just like anybody else’s. I am a por* addict. It started with the simple sin of mast****... I don’t know what to say. Can somebody type to me honestly about mast****, of course I believe it’s wrong; it may just be the worlds view that has always confused me. This is possible right? Can Youth get past their years without this problem? It’s just that helpless victim trapped feeling... It must be possible other wise we wouldn’t be accountable to it.

What about Por*. What could you say to your youth that would help them understand why they should stay away from it even though they are tempted in so many other ways? I was only 12; I was so oblivious as to what was going on. I know being attracted to girls is not bad, but back then I was thinking of them in bad ways, curiosity?! No... Why was I thinking like that... where I could turn around, where could I have learned better, and decided to keep myself clean in all things, thought or action? I honestly don’t know if it is possible, my whole family seems to have issues, all of my brothers... I feel like it’s a built in trap.....

What am I saying?? Well so what?! I'm imperfect, I admit it! I am doomed otherwise, but there is Jesus Christ. And I have been given knowledge, and I know why these problem(s) are bad. I'm not sure about my past... I can’t change that, but as of now I know it is possible to stop, and I need to stop. Were all just like little children, our God has given us this mortal experience to teach us, and we are learning. Sin is still sin, and although we might sin at one point, forgiveness is available. So I am a stupid teenager, I mest up, but do I have to continue like this? No... Although at this rate I must also admit I'm addicted...

Ohhh... pity pity pity, how I feel miserable, feel like an animal uncontrollable... Please is it still worth it? Am I still worth it? I've done this in the past, and then I fail again. Am I just tricking myself with a false since of control? Please somebody fill me with hope, hope that it is possible, and that I can change, however difficult it may be......


(( p.s. this is completely random, but has anybody seen the show Inuyasha? ... there’s no reason I ask, but it would give me a light laugh... ))

Comments:

We're all sinners    
"We all have issues we need to overcome. I believe that everyone born has that "one thing" that they just can't deal with or overcome by themselves. It's hard to see it as such but it is a blessing that brings us to God in the only way that really matters-humbly and submissively.
Of course you can overcome this thing you're going through-but not by yourself. I'm sure you are feeling that, nothing short of a miracle can remove this obssession. You're right. We work 12 simple Steps to the best of our ability and we can expect a miracle to happen. We are promised a "change of heart". Isn't that all we want? To not have to struggle with our addiction anymore but to have the path made easy? To finally recoil from unclean things like we would a hot flame?

Don't give up hope, Gondor. Your situation would be very grim, indeed...if not for there being an Atonement. We get many chances to correct our path. Have you been to an LDS 12 Step meeting, yet? You can still go on your mission."
posted at 23:51:26 on September 21, 2008 by Anonymous
I'm Sorry    
"It makes me sad to read this blog. I feel for you so much and I'm sorry that you feel that way. I know you can change though. You just need to get going in the right direction and stick with it. If you try hard now, you will definately be able to go on a mission. I think you'd make an exellent missionary from all the blogs I've read from you. You have experience that some people need to hear and can relate to. I know you can do it."
posted at 17:30:43 on September 23, 2008 by Matrix
Sorry, Confess.    
"I think the thing that triggered my change from such a henious and evil practice, was a COMPLETE confession of all my sins related to it. and it was painful, but after it was over, it was as if i had a great weight lifted from off my shoulders. I feel your pain, and it is something i garuntee you will over come. think of it as having a relation with your self which would be abomidable above all save murder. it is not so serious as to deprive you of blessings, but it can get there quick, so get out! I have faith though i do not know you. good luck and god speed."
posted at 22:38:31 on September 28, 2008 by jayman
honest typing    
"Yeah, I think that some youth can grow up completely avoiding masturbation. It is probably pretty rare, though. I remember (get ready for the horrible misquote) reading in The Miracle of Forgiveness. I think President Kimball mentioned masturbation and some statistics (which, of course, are very high) and stated that latter day saints are no exception. I think that a lot or most people struggle with it or have struggled with it (certainly not all people, though).
He also mentions that while it is a serious sin (serious enough to need confession and honest repentance) it is not as serious as fornication.
I dont think he was trying to downplay the seriousness of it, but hopefully that gives you some perspective and some hope. I firmly believe that it is possible to completely overcome it. I have had many ups and downs in my recovery, but at one point I was able to maintain complete sobriety for about 8 months. If I can keep clean for 8 months, then I should be able to for a whole lot longer.
Also, a worldly view of masturbation/pornography is quite interesting. People say it is natural and healthy to indulge in lustful thoughts, yet they wonder why there are so many sex scandals, child molesters, and other sex offenders. The law of the harvest states that you reap what you sow, and people try to ignore that. There is my 2 cents.

Oh, and I thought the Inu Yasha guy was a girl for the longest time, with those cat ears and long hair and all."
posted at 08:18:01 on October 1, 2008 by roast_rump
Some good Information    
"Try reading the talks from this seminar at BYU call Cyber Secrets: http://www.byub.org/secrets/ The material here contains some of the best understanding of the destructive power of Por* and mast* that I've ever read. It's been very helpful to me in my recovery."
posted at 14:46:54 on October 2, 2008 by Scandeo
Some good Information    
"Try reading the talks from this seminar at BYU call Cyber Secrets: http://www.byub.org/secrets/ The material here contains some of the best understanding of the destructive power of Por* that I've ever read. It's been very helpful to me in my recovery."
posted at 14:49:21 on October 2, 2008 by Scandeo
Thanks...!    
"Thanks, for typing to me everyone... This always helps me put things into correct order, it seemes whenever I fall to temptation everthing is twisted to fit incorectly, but whenever I feel that truth it makes sence again... I liked your comments Roast Rump, I have also read The Miracle of Forgiveness... President Kimball is awsome... I wish masturbation was not common... I wish it would forever leave my mind and life along with all the other usless junk... but it is as it is, I must overcome it. It is still a serious problem although not the worst... I've noticed the prophets to be right every time... these simply carnel acts get worse and worse untill before you know it... well you know the rest...

after all this though... I just wish I felt good, or clean... self-confident and happy. But I dont... feel like a stupid animial that cant control himself, worthless and usless... ehhh... that makes me feel bad just typing it...

Ohh... I about fell over when I noticed what you said about Inuyasha... ha ha... ( Even though we dont fully know each other in person if it helps anybody to know... I just laughed... ha ah...ha... ok? ) I didnt think anybody would actually say somthing about that... thats great... /|\ /|\... I used to like that show a lot... saddly, I'm hesitant to say anything more about it... :( ...

Also thank you for your link Scandeo... I'll check out the byu seminar talks, I bet they will be good...

that is all... thank you so much...."
posted at 23:16:41 on October 2, 2008 by Gondor44646


Add a Comment:


***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)








help
join
"Brothers and sisters, stay on the straight and narrow path. No, stay in the middle of the straight and narrow path. Don't drift; don't wander; don't dabble; be careful. Remember, do not flirt with evil. Stay out of the devil's territory. Do not give Satan any home-field advantage. Living the commandments will bring you the happiness that too many look for in other places. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006