Lawnmowing at dusk
By derek
9/5/2008 9:23:05 AM
My wife and I have spent the better part of 2 summers getting our yard put in. We've got about an acre and it's been a ton of work. This summer we finally planted grass seed because there was no way I was going to pay to sod an acre. When you seed grass, you have TONS of weeds for the first little while and you just have to keep mowing and doing occasional weed treatments and eventually the grass overtakes the weeds. So yesterday I was out mowing the grass and weeds. It's frustrating that the weeds are there - ugly greenish yellow sticker weeds and things like that. But I noticed as the sun went down and it started to become dark that I actually liked mowing because with it darker I couldn't see the ugly yellow green weeds, couldn't see much color at all, and everything looked like a real lawn. It was exciting to get a glimpse of the way our yard will look once the weeds are gone and grass is grown in.

So what does this have to do with this forum? I thought of all the good spouses of us addicts and I know you must lose hope and get frustrated often because of all the ugliness and the spiritual weeds that you see now in your spouse. And I hope that in those moments, you can try to "turn down the light" a little bit and remember what your spouse was like when you couldn't see all those weeds. When you married him, he was probably close to everything you wanted. And now, more light has been shed on things and you see him for what he truly is. But like my good growing grass that's hidden in all the weeds, all those good things are still there hopefully. Maybe it would help for you to remember those good things you saw, and as I saw the potential in my lawn, you will see the potential in your spouse. Maybe it will give you hope that things will get better, like viewing my lawn in the semi-darkness did.

I know it's really trivial comparing lawnmowing to what our spouses go through, but I just hope you can focus on your husband's potential and what he is becoming.


Thank you    
"Thank you for this post. I read it often"
posted at 13:09:57 on September 25, 2008 by robin
"Thank you! I feel this about my husband so very very often! We are both "blessed" to have this addiction. He turns the lights off for me and I for him.

I wish that all women/men who are spouses of addicts could have a taste of an addiction so they can empathize better with their each other. In one of the groups I went to one of the women there mentioned that at her old group it was basically a husband bashing/venting meeting. I am glad I didn't go to that group. Being a woman they put me in with the loved ones (frustrating). I feel so guilty sitting on the loved ones side, It feels like some of the women can't say what they need to because I am there.

It is sometimes hard for me to take advice from the "loved ones" because I don't think they understand what addicts go through. It just hard for me to see it from their side sometimes. Maybe I need to "turn off the lights" for them."
posted at 16:26:04 on September 25, 2008 by toes_23
"That was a really inspiring analogy Derek. Thank for sharing.

posted at 18:00:34 on September 29, 2008 by Anonymous

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"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide some things once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. "

— Spencer W. Kimball