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From Two to One
By jayman
12/23/2007 2:27:21 PM
I'm 17 years old, an eagle scout, a black belt in karate,lead trumpet in my HS band, a 2 year varsity wrestler, swimmer, and pole vaulter, very active in the church, graduating from HS and College this year, and yet the worst is yet to come.

In spite of my achievemets, i am stuck in the seemingly endless trap of pornography and it's tag along. I am revered by by many as almost perfect, and i feel horrible. i started as far back as almost 8 years, and finaly told my dad at 14. since my realization of my fault, i have sruggled with getting those images out of my head, and controlling my thoughts and actions. since my first confession, i have offically confesses to the bishop, who is my father, 4 times. I have noticed my problem becoming more serious the more i try to repent.

I hate feeling like i'm not worthy of anything. the love my parents give, the company of any young woman, being anywhere near a computer, even when i can control myself. I have 6 months before i go off to college, i need to be ready. I Will change. I have decided to fully understad the doctrine of sel mastery and the carnal mind. ihave started carefully studying EVERY scripture in the topical guide on those subjets. I made a promise to the Lord that if i did that, every day, and was "sober" he would rid me of those images, and give me the strength to desire a change. to shudder at the sight of pornograhpy, in all forms I know i can do this. I thank God for not letting this get out of hand. I know i can do this, it's now only a matter of how long it will take and how much i care about my self and those around me. Some day i will have gone from the torn two face to one single to the glory of God.

Comments:

TruthHurts    
"You can't make deals with God, that is setting yourself up for failure. If God were to "rid you of those images" that would be taking away your free will to think about whatever you choose to.

Praying to God can give you strength and courage, but not deals and favors. That wouldn't be very fair at all. People need to understand that free will means anything can happen, good or bad. God won't help or hinder the physical world, only give strength and courage to face what comes our way. Otherwise, what would be the point? Besides, if God were going to start meddling in the physical world, I'm sure children with cancer and such would come first, not guys who are questioning themselves as they go through a completely normal phase called youth."
posted at 11:16:45 on January 9, 2008 by Anonymous
huh... same here?    
"Wow! I am now 18 years old, I am still in High school, and I have also been battling these same problems for about 6 years now. Play the trumpet...once played football, lacross, and wrestling... I guess what I am trying to say is that you are not the only one out there that is trying to overcome these things. ((expecialy against the world)) It seemes like we have a lot in common anyway. I hope it helps you as much as it helps me to know that there are others who belive in these things. I get the same unworthy worthless hopeless feelings too. Ignore them... they are not true. and yes also.. ask for help"
posted at 17:15:50 on January 12, 2008 by gondor44646
It's Hard!    
"I am 19 years myself. i am an eagle scout, i love sports and am a very dedicated person. I have been dealing with the same problem for a number of years too. you know i never could fully admit i had a problem. I have always felt like a two face, cause every one i know looks up to me. they have all these conclusions of how great of a person i am. sometimes i feel like such a fake and a liar to all of those people not only to them but to my girlfriend whom i care so much for. I am going on my mission soon so i am trying my hardest to manage my addiction. it's been hard... my parents have known anout it before...but it has always been such a shame to me. i always wanted to keep it a secret.

I know that no matter what happens god loves us! he wants us to succeed and grow. i have realized that people like me are not bad people and that there is nothing to be ashamed of. i know i have the determination and will power to stop it completely. some say it's impossible to do that but hey if jesus had enough faith to walk on water i think i can muster enough to overpower this problem. i want so much for my future self and family. I am not a failure...and to anyone who thinks you are , YOUR NOT. satan wants you to think that so he can corrupt you more. have faith in yourself that you can become better. be positive in all you do. read your scriptures. go to church and listen to the speakers. one of the best things you can do that you might not be doing enough is to surround your self with the gospel, and all that it has to offer. I know that if you continually do this, it will slowly fuel your heart and desires to do the right thing before it affects you and your loved ones!!

You have to have hope! the second you are negative or let the spirit out of your life i can gauruntee you will be more likely to do it again. you can do this!! A person can change no matter the circumstances!! If you have a problem with the internet or movies or whatever it might be and its such a temptation to you, try this...be around wholesome people...if you have a temptation on the computer...make sure every time your on some one is in the room. If you have a strong desire to change in your heart AND mind. I gauruntee you will change!!...Some of the best and brightest fathers and people had the same problem you might have!! So don't give up and don't beat yourself down about it. I know i am going to change!!!...and if you have enough faith in yourself and god to help you...you will too!!"
posted at 13:23:30 on January 26, 2008 by Anonymous
Strength Through Prayer    
"Jayman, I am 16 months without a relapse. You said that your problems seemed to be getting worse the harder you try. For myself, when I went through that part, I found 2 things cause that. Number one, Satan tries harder to hang on to you, and second (and this is the hard part) there is a part of you that doesn't want to let go of it. You tell yourself you do, but deep inside you are not ready to give it up yet. With addictions, you will either change by finding the sheer will coupled with persistent prayer and scripture reading, or you will continue until you hit rock bottom. NOW is the time to get this done. Otherwise, you will go on to get married and then "cheat" literally or with the pornography. That is the road I went down and I am lucky to still be married. I found my first porn at 5 or 6 years old and it kept finding me (literally) until, after cheating on my wife for 8 years (the second time, after a 1-year affair the first time, about 5 or 6 years earlier), I was called to be a High Priest. That was my rock bottom. I wanted to puke and die. I got on my knees and 3 years and 1 relapse later, I went to my bishop. I was excommunicated, and by the Grace of God, I didn't lose my family. I only found strength by WANTING TO CHANGE, and persistently praying and reading my scriptures daily (even through my relapse). I am still very vigilant. My employment has me at the computer 8 to 12 hours a day. So, I HAVE TO be vigilant. There is great power in showing our sincerity through prayer and scripture study. But, ulitimately, you have to want to change. That can be the hard part and, I believe, can only happen with MUCH prayer and fasting. May God accompany you on your journey to recovery."
posted at 23:45:57 on February 3, 2008 by Anonymous


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"[The Savior] is saying to us, "Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going," He says, "we can talk about where you are going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness," He promises. "I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls.""

— Jeffrey R. Holland

General Conference, April 2006