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So disturbing...
By hope4change
12/17/2007 8:03:58 PM
I really am not sure how to put this all together in a sensible fashion but we'll see how things go.

I have gone several years into the bad pictures and mb. So... I have gone a total of one week of "soberness".

Anyways... I just have heard of so many marriages and families that have been br0ken up because of somebody looking at porn. It bothers me. It bothers me to think that if I don't get this under control I could be one of the next on the list...I don't have to talk to a fiance and have to explain my past problems to them.

Now... you must understand that at this point I am 15.

Point being...in 4 years (almost 3 really) I should technically be serving a mission. After that...college and a family?? That is what disturbs me though... I have heard of those that were addicted, go on a mission (with no problems), and then end up in a bind....

What right do we feel we have to do that to people? Why do we feel like it is only our problem?

But where to go from here? .... I really don't know.

Sorry for the rant/long post/whatever,
hope4change

p.s. I wanted to add the following.....


And the deception I have put my family through? Letting them believe that I am such a good kid? Why am I so good!? So good I can't control myself? We already had one case of the same in my extended family and they believe that it was the last. I hate to break the news to them...

Curiosity always kills the cat..... that is what I have decided.

Comments:

Don't give up    
"Thanks for your comment on my post, while I'm sorry for your sake that you know what I'm going through it helps to know I'm not alone.

I've had many of the same thoughts and fears that you share here. Something I've learned recently is that everyone has their own problems to deal with. For the longest time I lived thinking that I was the only one in my family with issues. Then all at once this illusion came crashing down. I realized, maybe for the first time, that we're all facing our own challenges and we all have problems that nobody else knows about.

It's so easy to believe that we are the only person alive that struggles. The only addict. That we have gone too far for God to ever forgive us, but it is so wrong! I find myself fighting those myths on a daily basis. If we let ourselves believe those things, it only hurts us.

The fact is, you are trying. Like I keep telling myself, that's the first step in the right direction. You've been clean for a week! Focus on how good it feels to know that, and how great it would be to get through another day being clean. Take it one day at a time and don't ever stop believing in the power of the atonement and the fact that it can and WILL work in your life as you work with all your heart to overcome the struggles that face you in your life.

Way easier said than done, I know.. I'm still trying to do this stuff myself!

Don't ever give up,

Zoltib"
posted at 00:34:59 on December 18, 2007 by zoltib
So Proud    
"As odd as this may sound, I am proud of you hope4change. Because you are only 15 and wanting to change so badly it shows what kind of person you are. Most kids your age don't care or don't realize that what they are doing is wrong. I know I didn't. Because you are so much younger then a lot of other people, I think you will have success in overcoming this addiction. I do understand your hesitancy to tell your parents. I still haven't told mine yet because I don't want to feel like a bigger disappointment to them. I probably will eventually tell them but not right now.

Yay you've made it a week!! That is so awesome. One thing my bishop told me what take it a day at a time. Work on one day and do your hardest to not give in to the temptation. Once that day is over, start over on the next day and again, work your hardest to not give in on that day. One thing that is very important to remember is to never let your guard down. As soon as you do, that's when Satan gets his hold and is hard to shake. I believe that the reason that most RM's fall back into their addiction is because they let thier guard down enough that Satan gets his foot in.

You can overcome this. It takes time but you can. The feeling you get when you know you can finally control yourself is unbelievable and I know that anyone can get there if they turn their hearts completely to the Lord. He will help you if all you do is ask. He promised he will and he never goes back on promises. He loves you and he is ALWAYS ther for you."
posted at 13:49:53 on December 18, 2007 by Matrix
Thank you!    
"Thank you very much for your comments. I just wish things were different...

Thank you,
hope4change"
posted at 20:00:36 on December 18, 2007 by hope4change


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"I will speak briefly of the principle of repentance. How grateful I am for the understanding we have of this great principle. It is not a harsh principle, as I thought when I was a boy. It is kind and merciful. The Hebrew root of the word means, simply, "to turn," or to return, to God. Jehovah pled with the children of Israel: "Return . . . and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful . . . and I will not keep anger for ever. Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the Lord thy God." When we acknowledge our sins, confess them and forsake them, and turn to God, He will forgive us."

— Richard G. Hinckley

General Conference April 2006