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What is he thinking?
By kinipela
12/9/2007 6:43:22 PM
The last time I spoke to my husband was the Saturday after Thanksgiving. He just sent an email last night saying, "I haven't heard from you in a while..." and a short paragraph of what is going on with him (that he wants me to know about). He said nothing about wanting to talk to me or our son. He said nothing about possible reconcilliation. I feel like the wives spoken of in the scriptures, "For behold I, the Lord, have seen the sorrow, and heard the mourning of the daughters of my people...because of the wickedness and abominations of their husbands. Ye have broken the hearts of your tender wives..." Jacob 2:31, 35. I feel as though I have been "put away" and he wants to pretend that all is well. I don't want to talk to him unless he wants to start making changes. Anything else would be living a lie in my eyes. It's just so frustrating and hard, especially since it is almost Christmas.

Comments:

Wife recovering from husbands addiction    
"I have been married almost seven years. We are members of the LDS church and have always paid tything attended the temple and attended church. 2 years after our marriage I discovered on our second computer pornography. I also discovered he was talking to other women online. The spirit had been telling me something was wrong since our wedding night to the day I discovered the truth!!!!!! I just wanted to be loved so, I couldn't believe he would do this. I confronted him and he went to church counseling along with me and the 12 step program twice. There have been many other problems because of the addiction he's had since he was a child: Thoughts,dreams,self abuse,lieing. I still feel that feeling of untrust He works on computers all day how do I know what he is doing?? I don't know how to heal from my pain and really know if he is faithful in everyway. I have one daught with him and he want's to have another baby but I know I cannot live with someone who isn't faithful in everyway. I am 28 years old and I don't want to end up with 2 kids and a divorce. I know I cannot live with anymore lies. What should I do?? How do we really trust an addict and compulsive lier?"
posted at 12:28:39 on December 14, 2007 by Anonymous
Trust your instincets (the Spirit)    
"One big thing I have learned from this is to trust your gut/instinct/the Spirit. Whenever we tried to go through recovery together, or seperate, he would say that when I thought something was wrong, it usually was. Also, if he only goes to meetings, or talks to the bishop, or any steps towards recovery because you confront him or have to encourage him, he's not getting anything out of it. Of course this is only my opinion. I am sure that there are those who feel otherwise. I just know how frustrating it is to try and help and then wind up back where you were before or further back. The most important thing is to make sure you are feeling the spirit and doing what you need to to be in tune with it. I hope this helps. There are people out there that are rooting for you and are here if you need to vent. If you want to chat feel free to email me at kinipela1492@yahoo.com. Good luck."
posted at 22:34:59 on December 15, 2007 by kinipela
He's not thinking    
"As a porn addict myself I can tell you that your husband is not thinking, not clearly at least. I am NOT trying to defend your husband, I've done things that have not made any logical sense, that I've let my addiction overcome rational thought many times.

Addictions alter the way our brains work. They focus on the addiction at the cost of everything else. The hardest things to deal with are the triggers that make us act out on our addictions. Our brain learns that when we experience a trigger, it's only a matter of time until we get whatever brief, false, messed up satisfaction that comes from the addiction.

Unfortunately it's much harder to untrain our brains and make them realize that the supposed rewards are not worth all the bad side effects.

I wish I had some answers for you, but the only thing I can say is stay close to God and let the spirit guide you.

Good luck and God bless,

Zoltib"
posted at 00:55:55 on December 18, 2007 by zoltib


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"Nothing is beyond [Christ’s] redeeming reach or His encircling empathy. Therefore, we should not complain about our own life’s not being a rose garden when we remember who wore the crown of thorns! Having bled at every pore, how red His raiment must have been in Gethsemane, how crimson that cloak! No wonder, when Christ comes in power and glory, that He will come in reminding red attire, signifying not only the winepress of wrath, but also to bring to our remembrance how He suffered for each of us in Gethsemane and on Calvary!"

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987