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So tired
By zoltib
12/9/2007 1:39:16 AM
I've been addicted to porn and masturbation for about 5 years now, getting close to 6. I'm so tired of it. I'm tired of telling myself that I will change and having nothing come of it. I'm tired of hating who I've become.

I've started to realize how much my addiction has changed me. I used to be a very outgoing person with lots of friends, I felt comfortable around people I didn't know, and I made friends easily.

I went to a party tonight, but left early cause I couldn't handle being around so many people that I didn't know. Instead of trying to meet some new people I just freaked out and talked to a couple people I knew then left. At this rate I'll never meet anyone.

Earlier this year I moved to another state where I didn't know anyone in order to take a job. Overall it's been a great experience, mostly because it's forced me to come face-to-face with who I've become and what I'm missing out on by having this addiction.

I've met some great people, but aside from co-workers I've only made a couple friends. I have a hard time meeting people because I find myself believing that nobody would want to know someone as messed up as I am. I don't want them to get close to me, cause I don't want them to find out what I'm really like.

Comments:

I know the feeling....    
"I really am not very happy with myself. I have run into the same problems you have it seems.... I really hate it. Having a different personality is one thing, but I also am not as productive in the work environment as well as school...."
posted at 19:53:58 on December 17, 2007 by hope4change


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"Lucifer will do all in his power to keep you captive. You are familiar with his strategy. He whispers: “No one will ever know.” “Just one more time.” “You can’t change; you have tried before and failed.” “It’s too late; you’ve gone too far.” Don’t let him discourage you. When you take the path that climbs, that harder path of the Savior, there are rewards along the way. When you do something right, when you resist temptation, when you meet a goal, you will feel very good about it. It is a very different kind of feeling than you have when you violate commandments—an altogether different feeling. It brings a measure of peace and comfort and provides encouragement to press on. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990