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Confessions of a Periodic
By sjanderson1
4/1/2016 11:23:09 PM
Last night my SA Meeting we were reading from the white book in which the Personal Story talked about being a Periodic user. That describes me to a T. Right now i am recovering from a periodic binge with food just a few minutes ago Whilte iit is not the same as p@rn, i still feel gross, almost as if I had and there is a part of me that sort of thinks that maybe p@rn would have been better...I am really struggling right now with a lot of things. Larges of which is what to do next with my life my career and my family. I am trying to follow the 12 step advice to do the next right thing, unfortunately for me there are things like food that knock me off my game. Doublly difficlut is the physical limiatioins in my life, that I want to be more active, but when I buy into the bill being sold by Satan I still end up being lonely and afraid.

I guess the reaons I am putting this out there is I don't count myself as a S@x adcit totally, that is i can have a few days, weeks of months free from looking at p@rn or m@struation,but there is still that gapping hole in my heart and soul. I honesty don't understand why I feel so bad about myself... i know I am supposed to turn my life over to God. i have asked several times here at this site and other places wanting to understand what is wrong with me, what i am doing wrong etc.

Comments:

Question    
"So can I ask why you don't think of yourself as a sex addict?

My old ARP facilitator used to talk about the hole that the wind blows through....the hole in each of our lives that we try desperately to fill. We fill it with money, success, people, sex, drugs, recreation, etc.... but none of it fills the hole. Only one thing/person satisfies and that is Christ.

I here you on the parallel addictions. Food is such a common one to tag along for the ride. Food and sex are built into our evolutionary programming so strongly that I'd say that they are some of the, if not the top, most common 'substance' addictions."
posted at 01:10:37 on April 3, 2016 by maddy
commenting back    
"MAddy,
i gues i dont' think i qualifiy as a sexaddict because I think that this boxes me intoexclusive behavior, thatI falsely believe at tims if I just get rid of looking at dirty pictures then I will feel strong and brave and able overcome my obstacles in life. Instead it seems like it is only worse now that i am "free of those primary addictions" Yes I guess I am addict, I just get tired of the identifying of myself by my behavior and not by my worth. I have struggle so much in feeling like I am of any value, then telling myself that I am an addict I slip into not feeling of worth or value. Now I know that this is not a reason to feel bad about myself. i don't think this is communicating my feelings what i am feeling right now"
posted at 19:37:53 on April 10, 2016 by sjanderson1
Addict vs addiction    
"Anderson, it sounds like you are balking at the use of the term 'addict'. Yet from things you have said, you understand that you have an addiction. If I'm right in thinking this, I agree with you. Calling someone an addict risks defining them by that term, and as children of God we are so much more. An addiction is a condition that some people are faced with on this earth. One day, and for most people it won't be until after this life, that addiction will be removed completely. I believe that those with addictions need to do all they can - WITH the Savior's help - to overcome their addiction before this will happen. But having an addiction does not lessen their value as a child of God."
posted at 20:36:00 on April 10, 2016 by Anonymous
Finding what works for you    
"SJ,
I think people have to find things that work for them. Finally calling myself an addict was very empowering for me. Because my addiction is codependency it is very easy for me to avoid identifying myself as such, but one I made the switch into thinking of myself as a full blown addict, I found a humility and acceptance that propelled me towards Christ. I still love at the beginning of an ARP meeting saying, "My name is.....and I am an addict." I smile every time I say it. Does that make me kooky? Maybe. LOL but it is very liberating for me. This is just my story and my take on things. It feels like I am saying, "I am a sinner, and I can't stop" and Christ smiles and says, "I got this." It always feels like I am living step 1 everytime I get to own up to it. Anyway, that is my .02 fwiw"
posted at 19:34:22 on April 11, 2016 by maddy


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General Conference, October 1988