Is God Real?
By sjanderson1
2/9/2016 2:45:38 PM
I am writing this as sort of a letter to God today, so please be patient.

Are you really there? I need to know and understand what you have for me in life. My wife and I have been separated for over 18 months now and we have been distant in the house for over 2 years so there is a lot of lonileness in my heart right now. on top of that I don't make enough money. people will say you make enough, you just don't plan well enough. Well that may be the case and I am wiling to work on that, there is just the fact that I can't make it month to month without help from somebody. I am completely embarrassed and emasculated. it is bad enough my body doesn't work right, and I have been in a dead end job for 14 years, now there is the question of my future at the job that I have today. I have prayed for the job I applied for in November, government job ,out of the rat race at least for now, but as usual it is out of my hands and my control. I feel like you hate me, genuilely hate me, because the good things I try and do are don't work out or don't make any difference in life. I have tried to sacrifice to learn to be more like you, and then I read books where they say you don't want us to be poor and that infact you want us to be rich and all I need to do is decied what I want in life. Well I have wanted my family back, and that hasn't happened. I have wanted to find a more fulfilling job and better paying job with a career potential. that hasn't happened. I read stories where you come to people and tell them what to do, tell them that they are love etc, well the heavens have been silent for weeks and months. Yes I know I have onlyl 16 days of sobriety and yes I have beenchooseing to watch tv that is questionable as far as helping me want to escape my life, nothing porographic, the same with books on cd. I guess you would say well tought ts's you don't do this so you don't get what you need or want. What I feel like is you are active like the mean and angry and capricious God that I always fetl you were anyway. what is the difference between you and Satan frankly? I don't see a big difference. Certainly I don't want to go back to acting out, but frankly life on your side of the fence doesn't make any more sense than the other. you promise big things and don't deliver, in my mind talk is cheap. My wife has always told me tha tI haven't been worty of your love or answers because of my p@rn issues and stuff, well okay great that is fine, how many years do I have to change to be worthy of your love, to see some love In my own life. The one person I wanted in my life hates my guts and gets angry when I call, and I can't provide for my family. This is not what I had planned in my life. I thought you were all powerful and when you don't boether to be involved in my life when I need you, I don't have a great reason to believe that you are who you say you are


He IS real    
Since you posted your letter to Him in a public forum, it seems acceptable to respond to it. Disclaimer: I'm not going to pull any punches. But it's completely up to you if you decide to listen to any of it or not, or how much you feel is relevant and useful to you (or not). Here goes.
You say you're willing to work on it, but in the next sentence you say that you "can't" make it from month to month without help. 1-sit down and go through your finances. Calculate your incomings, then calculate your outgoing expenses. 2-work out which of those outgoings are actually necessary to live, and cut out the rest. You'll likely find you have enough to live off. And if not, you will know you are doing all you can and it's okay to ask for help until you're able to either earn more or cut more costs.
As far as the job - have you prayed that the right thing will happen, and to be able to accept His will, or just that you will get the job you want? In my experience, when He has withheld something from me that I really wanted, it's because He has something better in mind for me, because He knows what's best. What are you willing to do to gain those blessings? If it's out of your control, have you actually let go or are you still clinging on in an attempt to control things? 1-Give it to Him! Find out what He wants you to do; does He want you to stay in your current job? Does He want you to apply somewhere else? Does He want you to sell your house and move closer to your wife? 2-Find out! But don't ask Him unless you're willing to follow through when He answers.
Quit making excuses! You say you don't want to go back to acting out, but you also admit to watching things that are questionable! You can't have it both ways. Either you want sobriety and you're doing all you can to get and maintain it - which includes surrendering to Him, or you don't. 1-Cut out any questionable media - and I mean ANY. TV shows, books, music, whatever. 2-replace it with uplifting media. This might be conference talks, classical or instrumental music, scriptures, Ted Talks etc. Things that can be inspiring and allow you to be more receptive to the Spirit.
You feel unworthy of His love? Guess what! We all are. We all sin and fall short. But guess what else? He loves us anyway!
Do you stop loving your children when they make wrong choices? We're told in scriptures that earthly parents might do because we are imperfect. But He is perfect, and He never stops caring about us, even if we aren't listening to Him. 1-Pray to Him. Really pray - pour out your soul to Him, every angry, shameful emotion, every little bit of joy, every sorrow, all of it. Recognise the good in your life - there is some to be found, and once you start listing it, you'll likely have trouble stopping! 2-keep a notebook beside you when you pray. Record any thoughts that come to you. He just might be waiting for you to listen to the things He wants to say/impressions He wants to give you.

In order to truly start to overcome addiction and change, rock bottom needs to be hit. That rock bottom is different for everyone. But until you hit and truly start to surrender to Him, acknowledging that He is the ONLY one who can overcome it for you, and allowing Him to take the reins, you're going to keep going in the circles you seem to be trapped in.

Finally, if you feel so inclined, I recommend a talk by Elder Kevin W Pearson; 'Improving Your Personal Prayers'. He explains prayer a lot better than I can.
God IS real. He does love each of us individually and without question. Sometimes we cannot feel it because we have moved too far from Him. He feels our pains and sorrows and is saddened when we wilfully sin. He cares for us more deeply and more personally than we could ever imagine. "
posted at 16:43:37 on February 10, 2016 by Anonymous

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"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004