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This sucks
By Tamara0000
1/18/2016 7:52:57 AM
That title sums it up doesn't it?! I have had some up days but a lot of down days. I'm not sure if my marriage will last or even scarier if i even really care at this point. I just want the pain to end.
I have been so worried since my husband's excommunication, if I'm doing the right thing. I know that even the church leaders would say I am justified in getting a divorce but is it the right thing? Afterall my covenant with God is still there even if my husband broke his right?
My youngest is turning 8 this year and although we have talked with her several times about daddy not being able to baptize her she doesn't seem to get it. She thinks he'll just be ready soon. It breaks my heart. I feel like it's another trigger and I don't want it to be. I don't want her to wait until who knows when to be baptized but I also don't want her (or myself) to look through pictures 5 years from now and feel resentment and sadness. I don't know what to do and although I say prayers and plead with Heavenly Father I don't seem to be getting any answers. My mind is constantly swirling with all these problems that have no answers. And so I try to hang in there another day with no answers but I'm starting to loose hope. Is there something truly wrong with me? Is there something i am going about all wrong? How do I be ok each day? How do I make my daughter understand she had to pick someone else to baptize her? So I'm a nutshell this sucks. .there you have it.

Comments:

I am sorry to hear of your pain    
"Tamara000
your story sounds similar to mine, except in reverse. I am the spourse that has the problem I am the one that wans't worth to baptize my daughter last September when she was 8. I wasm the one that is trying to communicate, but can't seem to get out of my own way. My heart breaks for you to hear your challenges, what sems like a feeling of apathy on your part. I am feeling a simliar feeling. That all the effort to try and "be better" doesn't amount to anything because my outside world doesn't change, my heart doesn't change my ability to resist tempation seems to be just as week as ever. Now I don't write this so pile on or to make you feel bad. Please forgive me. What I struggle with sounds similar to what you are struggling with, that there doen't appear to be any answers to what I am looking for. In fact right now it seems like things are getting worse on one level. What I try to do is to remind myself of qf the blessigs that I have, that I have a home that is warm and safe this time of year, that I still have a job even though it is not paying what I need, nor is it really an opporutnty to for advanement. Reminding myself that I have food for today, clothes for today, gas for the car for today is hard to accept. I want to be able to live and move on with my life, to put this evil behind me, but it doesn't seem possible

One last thing I might share is somethign that I have learned recently about God, that is my understandign of God. I read a blog post that someone else put together about their undertanding of Godi in the 12 step program. that for this person they were looking for someone to tell them what to do, a book that would solve all the problems, a system to make it all better. When I thought about it and when the person said that this for them was lookign for God soemwhere other than where he is I realized that I do the same thing. i want someone to fix my problems, I have had enough I have done my part, i ahve been tested and tried it is not fair and I resnt the world and frankly God for this pile of crap that seems to keep coming my way.

I struggle because people tell me that I am supposed to be feeling happy, joyful that I am supposed to be connected with God, that this will help me find my career, find my purpose etc. that my challenges lie in my atttitdude. Again I share this only becuase I get frustrated with what people tell me that I am supposed to do, but I don't have the connection with God to be confident that no I need to be doing X instead or y because it is the right thing to do. I have tried to take the advice that one person shared that he didn't feel he could sense or recognize the spirit effectively, but that he could recoginze lies and that he could act in teh opposite of the lies.

I apologize for vomiting all over your post, I hope my response helps at least a little. I don't and can't imagine the pain and fear you experience. I paay God's peace and happines for you for today. Take care"
posted at 15:33:28 on January 18, 2016 by sjanderson1


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"Each one who resolves to climb that steep road to recovery must gird up for the fight of a lifetime. But a lifetime is a prize well worth the price. This challenge uniquely involves the will, and the will can prevail. Healing doesn’t come after the first dose of any medicine. So the prescription must be followed firmly, bearing in mind that it often takes as long to recover as it did to become ill. But if made consistently and persistently, correct choices can cure. "

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988