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I am so tired of this!!!! PLEASE...
By hope4change
10/15/2007 6:49:53 PM
I am near tears right now. I am so tired of living like this. I can't stand it. I just argh. I have been looking at porn and masturbating for a while. I just kind of shove it under the table and say I will kneel down and plead with the lord for help. I am so tired of this! What do I do? Please help! I have been doing this for a few years now and it really needs to stop. I want to have a normal life. I don't want to ruin a marriage and or a family one day. I am only 15. This has to stop.

Comments:

just hang on    
"hope4change,

you have just got to hang in there , if you haven't yet you need to go and talk to your bishop it might be the hardest thing to do but , that's what there , there for i sto help . the 2nd thing is to do is try and find a addiction recovery meeting in your area it's amazing what they can do for you.
Like i told one of the bro. on here is that you just need to take baby steps and that means you take and put your foot in front of you one foot after another the lord is holding on to you threw this and will not let go of you even though you may fall a few times he is there to pick you up and dust you off. all any one has, is hope and that can go a long ways with the help of others and the best freind is god and his son and those that are here, we are here for you to vent and find help and how to change your life , your still young and have alot going for you . when ever i get down and want to act out I start to sing in my head primary songs and you can't belive how much those songs can help or your fav. scriptures that you have if you don't have one, get one and write it down so that you can see it everyday and i can tell right now that you will see things start to change in your life . But you need talk to someone and and get it all out so that the healing can began. this is something that will take over your life and could destroy you and others if you don't get the help from others, I know you can't do this on your own I have tryed and it only works for awhile and then it comes back and comes back harder than ever than before. If your not reading your scriptures imay I sugest that you start there is alot of great things in there that will help you as well.

Youe need to remember that all is not lost and that you can rise from this it's going to take sometime but you will overcome this but it won't be over night like we all would want to happen but it like one of bosses said to me one time you can't do everything all at once you can see the elephant and you know that you have to eat that thing but it's too big and so we just want to give because it is to big , but if you just take one bit at a time soon you have that elephant gone and once you do that things look so much better. and look what you have achieved

All i can say is hang in there and keep praying , you may not think he is there but he is and he will help you just got to let him in fully into your life and I know for a fact that he will help in any way he can. we arre here for you as well and will do what it takes to get you though t his as well . May the lord bless and keep you safe and protect you and i will pray for you that you may over come this that's in your life , your not alone in this you got me as well and others here."
posted at 06:45:31 on October 16, 2007 by newsoul
there is hope...    
"Hope4change

Keep trying... keep trying. Please don’t give up you can do it. I am also in the same position as you. I am 17 years old, and I have been battling this for years also. It has taken so many blessings from me, but now is the time to act. Talk to your bishop, attend AR meetings, read the scriptures, study the scriptures, pray 24 hours a day, and keep yourself busy! I promise it is possible to get out; it is hard, but possible. Through the blessings of Jesus Christ I have been able to sustain for a while and this is how I know that it is possible, because it is occurring in my life. I have tasted the same miserable problem, as you and I have become fearful for my future. Talk to your family, my mother was a great support. You may be fearful (embarrassed) to talk to your bishop or your parents but I promise you they only want to help.

One of the hardest things that I encountered when struggling with this problem was how I felt about myself. Your self esteem can not be based on what others think, remember that you are a child of god, and that our Heavenly Father loves you and wishes to help you.

My parents are also devorced and remaired, it was one of the hardest things to do was to confess my problem to them. I did and they have been a great source of help and insperation, my bishop also... I email him all the time he gives me scriptures to read and study and email back. If you have not already, please confess your problem ...at least to your bishop, your bishop will not tell your problem to your parents, however it is good if you tell your parents and seek help. You must confess to allow healing to continue. step 5 ... humbling yourself to them (bishop, familey) can be one of the greatest things that can help.

If you have already confessed, then continue to allow them to be a part and help you in your recovery. . . . ...

Please continue to post and seek help, we all need support."
posted at 17:07:29 on October 21, 2007 by gondor44646
12 Steps    
"Going to meetings was really helpful for me, but what really helped and has started to help me heal, is the 12 steps. Without working the 12 steps (honestly and completely), I would not have had any good level of recovery, not just sobriety."
posted at 09:38:22 on October 22, 2007 by doanair
Where is he?    
"It is sad the he did not post anything after all the comments.My former bishop does not even know what a computer is so I am glad after I talked to him we got a new bishop. I think the former one does not like me at all after all he heard anyway. The new one is great though. I can even text message him. He is probably sorry that he offered help because I bug him so much but it helps me to be able to find someone to talk to when I feel tempted and helpless. I think these blogs are great. It gives him a break. So, I hope Hope4Change comes back here. We need to know how you are doing and if we can encourage you to succeed. Pray so you know who to talk to. I did not know teenagers could participate in those groups. Hummm... everyday I learn something else about this program. Is it good to have a teenager learn what other people are doing in regards to porn and self-abuse, etc? Doesn't it give them more fuel to burn?"
posted at 23:00:25 on November 12, 2007 by almosthere
dont give up!    
"Almosthere- If I am understanding you right, are you saying like someone goes to jail for selling drugs and then comes out of jail knowing how to sell drugs better? If so, then there really isn't anything to worry about (at least at the 12 step meetings that I've gone to). At the LDS meeting they specifically say that we need to avoid graphic details of our sins. And there is that quote in step 1 I think by Elder Packer about studying the gospel and how studying its doctrines can improve behavior faster than a study of the behavior can. In short, at the meetings we read the step together first. Then we go into sharing time. If people are struggling they can say so but since there are no graphic details it doesn't really give you any extra fuel to burn. All it really does it make you feel sympathetic towards your brothers in recovery and want to pray for them. SO hopefully that answers your question. By the way, it sounds like your new bishop is pretty awesome.
Hope4change- just be persistent. By persistent I mean be persistent in experimenting with the doctrines of the gospel like in Alma 32. I agree with gondor44646 in that confession is going to help you probably the most, but if you cannot bring yourself to that doesn't mean that you cannot take some baby steps towards it or towards recovery. Confessing and forsaking is vital, but it is NOT the beginning. The first steps you take are internal and deal with your admitting the addiction and realizing that the Savior can help.
What is really helping me get through hard times and maintain longer and longer stretches of sobriety is trying to learn in my heart instead of just knowing it in my head. I always new that I needed the atonement, but I didn't always feel it. I knew that sacrificing brings forth blessings from heaven, but it wasn't until I started sacrificing something precious to me-laugh if you want but it is sleeping in in the mornings- that I actually realized that it was true and the Lord would bless me for my sacrifice. I mean, I knew it, but I didn't know it inside. Hopefully that makes sense. My prayers are with you.
Oh, and if you don't have the 12-step manual you can download a pdf of it. Just in case you are too nervous to talk about it with people you know you can grab it anonymously and no one will be the wiser! You can get it from providentliving.org, go to "social and emotional strength" and the addiction recovery program.
You can make progress, so please don't despair. We know what you are going through, every last ounce. If you have anything here or at a support group, it is understanding and empathy."
posted at 20:56:15 on November 18, 2007 by roast_rump
Thanks for clarifying...    
"Thanks for the clarification of what goes on in the meetings. I like that thing that Elder Packer said. There are so many people that give you all these reasons why you started with this and that and how to stop and it helped me a little in the beginning but when you start controlling the bad behavior to certain extent and you concentrate on start loving things of the spirit, like the scriptures, praying, going to church, gospel topics, inspirational music, etc, those things are the ones that lead you to confess, to forsake sin, to with for things bigger than our bodies and our lusts. My new bishop is great. I just had a big struggle with the concept of Heavenly Father caring about me because he may be so busy with all the galaxies out there that he creates and cares for and if it was not by my bishop finding time to send me three very good emails demonstrating his own love for me even if I don't feel like Heavenly Father loves me or would find time for me I would be having a horrible Thanksgiving today. So, I feel Heavenly Father's love and I need to accept it and accept the atonement. I will always be almosthere if I don't. It is hard. When you get addicted and you get dirty it is so hard to believe you are loved and even when you do... it is so hard to accept it. Sometimes I pray and when I start being embraced by this warm feeling and when my heart starts feeling like it will explode I can't help but stop the prayer and I don't let the love in. Then I try and try and it is gone. Oh well, I am thankful that I did not give up when I felt I could not be any better. I am better. I am almost there. And I thank you for your explanations and your willingness to help people here."
posted at 05:35:14 on November 22, 2007 by almosthere
Thank you all.    
"I am sorry it has taken me so long to post. Thank you guys for all of your posts. I did it again today. I think I am going to be praying a lot tonight... One thing I have really been thinking about is how addicting it actually is. I got started because of curiosity probably and then went further. I had always been told about how addicting it is and how I should stay away from it, etc. but I guess I kind of just took it all for granted.

Thank you,
hope4change"
posted at 17:48:11 on November 26, 2007 by hope4change


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"The Savior teaches that we will have tribulation in the world, but we should "be of good cheer" because He has "overcome the world". His Atonement reaches and is powerful enough not only to pay the price for sin but also to heal every mortal affliction… He knows of our anguish, and He is there for us. Like the good Samaritan in His parable, when He finds us wounded at the wayside, He binds up our wounds and cares for us. Brothers and sisters, the healing power of His Atonement is for you, for us, for all. "

— Dallin H. Oaks

General Conference October 2006