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Relfecting on the last year
By sjanderson
4/5/2015 6:50:50 PM
Wow, I have been participating in this discussino board for over a year now and i got to thinking about my status today. i guess partly due to Conference and the time that I have had on my own to relfect about where my life is. Initially it is very easy to become angry upset and cry out to Heaven because of the choices my wife has made, the demands that she has made on me. But as i thought about the messages yesterday and today i have a lot to be grateful for in that instead of thinking inside of myself during all of conference hoping that my wife would just listend to this talkt or that talkso she could finally change. instead this time I have without thinking about it a lot have focused more on what I need to listen and change in my life. For that i am grateful to the Savior in changing my life and my heart.

This being said i have a lot of fear in my heart right now that I need to surrender to God. My wife decided six months ago to go to her mothers to give me the distance the she thought I needed to change mr iy life. i have appreciated that I am seeing growth in my life and I am appreciating being able to make choices on my own regardless of what my wife says or does. What is hard is the seeming lack of financial peace in our life. i am greatly worried about my ability to provide for my kids.

Another thing i am worried about is that the lord cannot heal our family. I was talking to my daoughter today by phone who said she wished she could have me come and visitn. to that there was nothing I could say other than i do to. there is so much going on in the situation that they are not aware of, the controlling nature of my wife, yet I am the bad person for 'the addictinon'. Basically i am worried that even thought i am trying each day to turn my life over to God, that there is do big a distance between myself and my family, mostly between my wife and I.
I know I should be happy and grateful for what I have, and I am for the most part, i just struggle as I try to live my life give all my heart to God, yet it seems at times that the change is not worth it. i imagine this is probably a codependent person wanting my wife to make me happy, for her to do her part to make me better instead of opening my heart to the Savior.

all in all i am grateful for the nearly 8 months of sobriety from p@rn and the progressive victory I am having daily, I hope and pray I can incorporate the lessons from the Conference this weekend and that i can have the faith enogh to hand on for one more day

Comments:

A wife    
"Wow!!!!! 8 months is huge! I'm a wife on the other side of things. I just want to say great job being sober. I know it is to be in your wifes shoes some what... But don't give up hope. I think the advisary wants us to feel like things can't be healed but it can. Fight for it! Don't surrender now!! Your doing great and time can't heal, and space can't heal, but the savior can! Put on your armour and fight for things of eternal matter."
posted at 17:50:33 on April 9, 2015 by Anonymous
Hey..    
"I just want to tell you that 8 months is pretty amazing and that you are doing a great job. I think sometimes we get focusing on so much on the other bad stuff that we forget to celebrate to good. So just know that I'm proud of you. It's been almost 4 months for my husband if that's even true.... :) and he doesn't admit he even has a problem yet. It seems like as a wife it takes so long to heal but not only that it takes effort. You really have to work to get better. It sounds like your co-dependent or she is controlling? Im feeling that. I really hope things work out for you. I know most people in my situation wouldn't stick around. Maybe it's my co depandency that's made me stay this long... Or I just like to consider myself stronger than most and wanting to win the battle. Seems like satan would love to destroy our families... And I refuse to let him take mine soooooo I keep fighting. I will pray for you and keep doing awesome!"
posted at 00:31:38 on April 13, 2015 by Humbled32


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"Just as the landfill requires dedicated work and attention, laboriously applying layer after layer of fill to reclaim the low-lying ground, our lives also require the same vigilance, continually applying layer after layer of the healing gift of repentance.…Our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, feel sorrow when we choose to remain in sin, when the gift of repentance made possible through the Atonement can clean, reclaim, and sanctify our lives. When we gratefully accept and use this precious gift, we can enjoy the beauty and usefulness of our lives... "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006