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Just getting started I suppose
By tiberius58
2/21/2015 11:58:20 AM
I feel like it's time that I have found a group of good, LDS folk who are struggling with the same things that I struggle with. I've been dealing with my addiction for around 4 years, and I feel like I haven't made much progress. I'm 16, the only priest in my branch, and I have tried very, very hard to be worthy to bless the sacrament on Sunday, but in the past 3 months I've only been worthy maybe 5 times. Things are getting really bad again, the longest Ive been clean since I turned 16 was 63 days, and the longest since I told my parents was 165 days. I just relapsed today, after 30 days even. I'm really upset with myself, and today I even went to the temple. I was worthy and had tried my hardest to be worthy, but as soon as I got home I was hit by a wave of temptation that was overbearing. My parents had left right after dropping me off at home so I was alone, and couldn't control myself. I've tried all the techniques, humming the hymns, trying to distract myself, I've put multiple pictures of Christ and the Christus statue in my room, yet eventually I succumb. I've read a bunch of other posts and I can't find any underlying reasons why I look up pornography. I love my life and I'm not lonely, my parents are wonderful and I don't have any kind of emotional or psychological problems. I feel like I often rationalise things in my head, or try to figure out whether pornography or masturbation is worse. So now to the point: is there anything else that I can do to help myself? I feel like making this blog will be wonderful, but along with that? Thanks in advance.

Comments:

Suggestions    
"Now these are just some suggestions, so take them as you will.
1. Work out. Find something you are passionate about (Running, soccer, rock climbing, etc). That gives you something to do. If you are constantly occupied with good activities, then you will be less likely to relapse.

2. Even though you are not using pornography to fill any voids in your life, it is still an addiction. Alcoholics are always alcoholics. You will always find pornography somewhat alluring.

3. Prayerfully formulate a plan and take it to the Lord. It is His grace that will get you through this addiction.

By no means is that all conclusive. I just thought I would add the idea of working out. It's helped me a lot."
posted at 23:15:25 on February 21, 2015 by intothewest
Welcome    
"Welcome Tiberius. I am always so proud of our young men and women who come here looking for help. You are really are our finest. I am so impressed that you've talked to your parents. Also, your honesty about being worthy is just great.

Addiction happens for a million reasons. Sometimes it starts with pain and scars or it could be something as simple as curiosity. Working the ARP steps (particularly Step 4) will help you tease out where the roots of the problem start. It is individual for everyone.

My husband has had a pornography addiction as well, and we have a couple decades of walking this journey. If there is nothing else you remember from this post, just please remember to have hope.

I really related to what you said about the temple. My husband had a very similar experience where we had just come home from such an amazing experience at the temple and then an hour later he was on the computer looking at porn. To me, it was no less painful, but it made more sense to me if he looked at porn after a horrible day. I didn't get it why he would fall into the trap after feeling the Spirit so strongly. The truth is that now that I know a little bit more about addiction I've learned that that is just the nature of the beast. It hits when we are down but it also attacks us when we feel confident. We stop it through diligence at ALL times by submitting to the Savior.

I like what West said above. Make a plan. Be active. I would add to it that helping others will actually help the addiction. But the best answer I can give you how to help yourself is WORK THE STEPS! Your journey will be unique and those steps will help guide you. If you have an ARP meeting in your area then you are old enough to attend. (16) Your parents already know and so that will be a huge benefit to you. Also, my husband found that getting a great therapist who deals with addiction moved his sincere but faltering attempts towards recovery into high gear.

I hope some of this helps.
Welcome to the site."
posted at 21:05:41 on February 22, 2015 by maddy
You wont be able to do this alone.    
"This is the right place to be. I've had to accept that I have to balance my alone time with Real Meaningful and honest relationships. I would not have the sobriety I have today without the support of a person I can trust with sharing my fears and challenges. This problem teaches us the lesson that We Cant do this ALONE. Developing a real relationship with Our Savior is also the key....I say "real" because for many years the Pornography fantasy world had twisted my perception of Higher powers. So now I'm learning to Trust them for who they are and not who I imagine them to be; I feel a lot closer to them now.

Hanging out at IHOP or other safe place after the temple with your buddies is a great defense . . . .

All the best."
posted at 08:33:35 on February 23, 2015 by R_Matt
Thank you    
"Thank you all so much for your ideas and support!!! Track starts next week so that'll keep me busy for a good 2 1/2 hours every day. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time and this website will be a huge asset for me. You guys are all amazing, thank you."
posted at 10:26:43 on February 23, 2015 by tiberius58
I second what R_Matt said    
"To make a real run at recovery, true recovery, you can't do it on your own. Confide in your parents. I know it is hard. It is terrifying and you may feel like they will be so disappointed or whatever. Don't listen to the shame based rationalizations that keeping it to yourself will somehow help.

I have known some younger guys, preparing for missions or marriage that did just that. They were in my recovery group with me. I was so jealous that they had the courage to enter recovery so young, to confide in their parents and to get the appropriate help. Me, I was too scared, too full of shame as a younger man to ever tell anyone about my struggles.

I tried so hard to be a good kid, deacons president, teachers president, Elder's quorum president, but always felt like a duplicit scumb bag when I would fall. I served a mission, got married in the temple, all while trying so hard to "be worthy", I also tried to do it on my own.

My problems and addiction got worse and worse. I almost lost my family, and guess what, my parents know about my addiction now anyways. And guess what, they still love me. In fact, I would say our relationship is more real and genuine now that there is raw honesty and trust between us.

Have courage. Stand tall. You are not alone in this fight, so please don't try to fight alone! Take care!"
posted at 08:13:52 on February 26, 2015 by WHATTODO2


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"If it were possible to make your road very easy, you wouldn’t grow in strength. If you were always forgiven for every mistake without effort on your part, you would never receive the blessings of repentance. If everything were done for you, you wouldn’t learn how to work, or gain self-confidence, or acquire the power to change. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990