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Will I Ever Be Free?
By BillW
2/14/2015 6:13:37 AM
The thought came to my mind as I looked at pornography tonight, "what if the second coming happened right now?" I would be found completely guilty. I guess there might be hope for me to stop viewing it, but I seriously doubt I will ever quit it. That thought didn't even stop me doing so right away. I've been reaching for heaven as I'm keeping my hand on the wall of hell.

On a positive note; I was praying the other day for forgiveness. In my prayer I acknowledged my sin, and I prayed, " my sin is my own no one else's" I was acknowledging that all these years of addiction are my own fault and that I'm responsible. As soon as I said that, I heard a voice in my mind say, "Your sin is also mine"

Jesus was teaching me that sin does not own me, He does. The weight of justice is not on me, but was on Him. He suffered for all of our sins, and none is left alone. He shares my sin and is the One who suffers for it.

Comments:

A couple thoughts...    
"I can relate. I have been in recovery for over 3 years now (life now is miraculously better than my life of 20 years of porn/sex addiction). But recovery is possible and life on the other side is amazing!!!!

My thoughts are these. There is no way I could have gotten to where I am without help. Help from my spouse, my parents, my in laws, my bishop, my stake president, counselor and group therapy. It is nearly impossible to do it on your own. Assembling a team of loving support and accountability was crucial for me.

Your thoughts reminded me of a thought I had about the scripture that talks about Christ waiting at the door. Knock and it shall be opened. What I realized is there are 2 doors and we stand in between them. Christs door stands shut in front of us, but he wants to open it, if we simply knock. Satans door stands behind us and it is gaping wide open to sin and all the luring temptations of the world and he does not want to close it and will fight like crazy to keep it open. Both doors cannot stand gaping open at the same time.

The last thought, I often would pray for forgiveness (which is indeed important) but I have come to believe that for years I was praying for the wrong thing. I would pray for the sin to be taken from me, for the power to withstand temptation, or for the temptation to stop all-together. Now, I think a more appropriate question to ask is, what is the underlying cause of pain, discomfort, self-doubt, etc that is causing me to seek for unhealthy, self-destructive outlets? Then plead with the Lord for help in those areas of your life and get to work.

Hopefully that makes sense. I wish you well on your journey of recovery. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life and it hurt like hell. But that is what happens when you are forced to deal with 20 years worth of uncomfortable/painful feelings that you have masked and hidden pretty much your whole life. God be with you my friend."
posted at 12:17:09 on February 14, 2015 by WHATTODO2
Thank you    
"Thank you for your thoughtful words WHATTODO2"
posted at 14:34:07 on February 14, 2015 by BillW
Thank You so much WHATTODO2    
"Hi, I was trying to post something serious of mine and something on the website failed and I lost everything, but after reading this post and your reply I feel like that is an answer to prayers. If you can overcome decades of that, that gives me confidence in myself to overcome my problem. Thankyou WHATTODO2.

To my brother BILLW
I feel you, I cant say I know exactly how you feel, but I have felt very hopeless in the past with pornography addiction. But then I felt an equally great joy when I overcame it with sincere repentance and a changed heart. Similar to Alma when he was grieving severely of his sins and felt so much pain and sorrow, then he felt a great sense of peace and joy that was equally as powerful as the guilt. Trials are given to us to make us stronger, but they will destroy us IF we let them.
Even though I have never met you people, and probably never will at least in this life, Thank you brethren. Even though we are separated geographically, let us work together in "coming unto Christ, and being perfected in Him"
Again Thank You."
posted at 17:47:14 on February 16, 2015 by Anonymous


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"Just as the landfill requires dedicated work and attention, laboriously applying layer after layer of fill to reclaim the low-lying ground, our lives also require the same vigilance, continually applying layer after layer of the healing gift of repentance.…Our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, feel sorrow when we choose to remain in sin, when the gift of repentance made possible through the Atonement can clean, reclaim, and sanctify our lives. When we gratefully accept and use this precious gift, we can enjoy the beauty and usefulness of our lives... "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006