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grattitude
By sjanderson
12/27/2014 7:17:44 AM
I have a lot to be grateful for today and this holiday season. i don't want to be grateful, i want to wallow in self pitty and self doubt and regret, that is easier and better known to me.

i am grateful to still be employed especially given our situation at least some money coming in is better than none at all. I think i get so very impaitient with God looking at my Pat blessing and expecting things. Those were promises that helped keep me going at times even though i was an addict and now it can be hard to give up the addiction and hold strong with the hope of the Savior. In fact in some cases because i didn't feel like God could or would answer prayers i gave up for the addiction instead. even now i want to believe that God is powerful enough to help and heal us, but the pain at times seems to be too deep.

i know it sounds crazy to hear myself say that, 'I know all the answers' it is living them that is a problem.

i love home my girls have perfect faith in the Savior and i wish i could prevent them from being hurt like i have been hurt and disappointed, yet i guess that is not part of the plan.

Back to gratitude. i have five and a half months of sobriety, have been told i can go back to the Temple etc and baptize my daughter. there is a lot of stress between my wife and i am grateful for the hard work she is putting in in trying to understand her own anger and issues.

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"Jesus rejected temptation. When confronted by the great tempter himself, Jesus "[yielded] not to the temptation‚ÄĚ. He countered with scripture. Gospel commandments and standards are our protection also, and like the Savior, we may draw strength from the scriptures to resist temptation."

— D. Todd Christofferson

General Conference October 2006