By sjanderson
12/27/2014 7:17:44 AM
I have a lot to be grateful for today and this holiday season. i don't want to be grateful, i want to wallow in self pitty and self doubt and regret, that is easier and better known to me.

i am grateful to still be employed especially given our situation at least some money coming in is better than none at all. I think i get so very impaitient with God looking at my Pat blessing and expecting things. Those were promises that helped keep me going at times even though i was an addict and now it can be hard to give up the addiction and hold strong with the hope of the Savior. In fact in some cases because i didn't feel like God could or would answer prayers i gave up for the addiction instead. even now i want to believe that God is powerful enough to help and heal us, but the pain at times seems to be too deep.

i know it sounds crazy to hear myself say that, 'I know all the answers' it is living them that is a problem.

i love home my girls have perfect faith in the Savior and i wish i could prevent them from being hurt like i have been hurt and disappointed, yet i guess that is not part of the plan.

Back to gratitude. i have five and a half months of sobriety, have been told i can go back to the Temple etc and baptize my daughter. there is a lot of stress between my wife and i am grateful for the hard work she is putting in in trying to understand her own anger and issues.


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***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)

"[The Savior] is saying to us, "Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going," He says, "we can talk about where you are going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness," He promises. "I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls.""

— Jeffrey R. Holland

General Conference, April 2006