Masturbation to wife
By schman
11/9/2014 5:45:12 PM
Where to begin... I've struggled with pornography/masturbation off and on since I came back from my mission. Believe it or not, I did not masturbate once before I came home from my mission. I struggled a bit with pornography, but I was naive and sheltered and didn't even know what masturbation was, so escaped it. I was rasied in a very LDS home and pornography was not readily available, so it really wasn't an issue then.

That being said, with the advent of the Internet and all that comes with it, it is now readily available to anyone at any time.

I was bad for a day, repent and be good for months and then have the bad day again where I fell back into temptation. I thought, if I got married, then this won't be a problem any more. Nope. I was better for a year or so, but pornography came calling once more.

I finally confessed to my wife my problem about 9 years ago. Soon after she had our first little girl. To this day I feel so horrible after seeing the hurt in her face. But we came up with a game plan and she promised to ask me every week how I was doing... because I could never lie to my wife. She asked every week for almost a year and I was good that whole time.

Things became better and I was sober for almost two years. Enough time for her to have our second child and the "no sex" month or two that comes afterwards.

I fell and I remember how absolutely horrible I felt. I then became sober again and firmed up my resolve and again didn't have any problems for about 3 years until we had our third child... and the same thing happened.

That being said, pornography isn't as big of a deal as it was before I talked to my wife about it as it seems like I have it under control for the most part.

Now I'm at another stage in my life... or rather, my wife is. My wife and I have always enjoyed an amazing sex life. My wife never told me "no". and I could get her to have an orgrasm almost every time. Last year, we found a position where she actually had an orgrasm deep inside, by hitting her "g" spot that we didn't think existed until last year (we'd been married 11 years at the time). Consistently that position causes her to have a deep orgasm. Needless to say, I felt great, because at the time, I didn't have any problem with pornography or masturbation and my wife and I were very satisfied.

Then at the beginning of this year, my wife decided to go on a diet. She dropped from 135 to around 125 after a few months. Her desire dropped a little bit, but we were still doing good. Her goal was to get rid of the extra "flab" that she had on her buttox, something that I have never cared about as I've always thought she was beautiful. All of that being said, this is her desire to do this. I have always thought she was beautiful and have never told her otherwise and I have never pushed her to do any of this. Lo and behold, she came across a "no carb" diet that she became obsessed about (my wife has OCD and has had issues with poop in the past and I believe it has moved to her weight now that all of our kids are out of diapers). She then dropped to 109 and is skin and bone and covered with veins. She didn't want to make any changes and I honestly didn't see what she was doing to herself until we went to Hawaii and all of her family that went with us mentioned that she looked way too skinny.

Long story short, she is seeing a Therapist and a nutrionist about this and is now up to 115, but she can't stand the whole process.

So, through all of this low carb diet, her sexual desire has become null, zip, nada. She will have sex with me, but when I try to get her involved, she just says, "just be happy that I'm having sex with you. Why can't you be happy with that?" She doesn't want to be pressured into having an orgasm, which I understand as no one wants to feel pressured, but I have never pictured me wanting her to orgasm as being pressure before now. This is obviously a woman thing. Problem is, there is no end in site and I can't see a time where she will want to have an orgrasm again if this year has been any indicator.

I don't know why, I just long for that connection we had during the first 11 years (sure we had ups and downs, but not like this).

Anyway, last Tuesday we had another blow out session over this and argued for about an hour as I wanted to make love, not just have sex. Needless to say we haven't had sex since. Well, during the last few weeks, I've been masturbating again... but I'm doing it to my wife. No pornography, no lusting over someone else.

My wife and I did a video of sorts... my wife was a bit of a kinkster and she liked watching us while we made love... not the recording afterwards, just during (so like a mirror). Anyway, I watch those videos while I'm masturbating. Funny thing is, I don't have the same guilt I used to receive back when I was involved with pornography as this is my wife. That and I don't feel like I'm pressuring my wife into having sex. The bad thing is, we haven't had sex for 8 days (the longest period we've had besides the times after having a child), and she seems ok with it. We usually have sex once every 2 or 3 days. We haven't talked about it and I've told myself that if I masturbate, that I need to act like myself and be happy with where I'm at... I'm just scared that my wife will think this is normal as I'm looking at this as a temporary thing and hope beyond hope that things will go back the way they were. I love my wife, more than anything in this world and would do anything for her.

So the question I pose is this: if you are masturbating to your wife, is it still a sin?

I've often thought about this. Like, what if my wife passed away. My desires will still be there, how can someone just stop... it doesn't seem possible to me. As long as I'm only lusting over my wife, is it still a sin?


no. not a sin.    
"Totally cool to masturbate to your wife. Then again.. I'm no God. Maybe ask him. Maybe ask yourself. You'll know. For yourself. Maybe it's sin. Maybe it's righteous. Prsonally I don't listen to anyone but my own conscience on these matters. Or rather I only listen to others in so far as it fosters my ability to get answers for myself. Of myself and of God. "The keeper of the gate is the Holy One of Israel; and he employeth no servant there; and there is none other way save it be by the gate; for he cannot be deceived, for the Lord God is his name." For me here the gate is prayer. Meditation. The keeper is the Lord. And the answers are my own experience. Nothing else will do."
posted at 20:16:28 on November 9, 2014 by they_speak
yes, it most definitely is    
"Yes. Yes it is for sure a sin to masturbate to wife if she is not physically with you.

Whether you are looking at porn, or masturbating by yourself, it chemically all does the same thing in your brain and is part of the Addiction Cycle. Lust is the force behind all sex addiction, even if your lusting after your own wife. Lust is always a sin.
Have you ever tried going to some 12 step meetings? They may help"
posted at 01:32:53 on November 11, 2014 by Makemyburden
"Here's an article that may help: Can we masturbate without lusting:"
posted at 01:38:52 on November 11, 2014 by Makemyburden
Its not the right thing to do.    
"YES. Its a sin. Think about it. Your wife isn't there, so it isn't love you are feeling. You aren't thinking about how much you love your wife and how beautiful she is while you are self stimulating. It doesn't work like that. You are totally focused on YOUR needs in that moment, and that isn't what love or sex is about. Why, because what you are thinking while doing it isn't reality. Your imagination is taking a beautiful daughter of God, and subjecting her to your will and your fantasies. You are creating an experience that is completely one sided and completely unreal. You aren't masturbating to your wife. You are masturbating to a porno in your head and the female just happens to look more or less like your wife. It then twists and distorts how you perceive reality. So the next time you are intimate with your wife, your going to find a slight or major disconnect, because she isn't and doesn't want to be like what your fantasy is, and so things will be off just a little. You will start to want more self gratifying activities during intimacy instead of working on pleasing each other. What you really want is personal love and connection, and you can't do that when you are alone."
posted at 02:08:20 on November 11, 2014 by Anoni Mouse
"I appreciate everyone's comments. So let me give a few more details and maybe I can get some more direction. I believe I mentioned in my original post that my wife and I are very much in love with each other. We had an AMAZING love life until earlier this year. I LOVE making love to my wife. Take note of the word… I LOVE making love to my wife, not having sex. If my wife would let me spend an hour or two just on foreplay (kissing, massaging her back/legs, etc.), I would and have done in the past... but she doesn't want me to anymore. When I try, she stops me and says she’s not in the mood. She just wants me to get off so she can go to sleep. At this stage in her life, she does not want any intimacy.

She thinks that the only time I need it is when I initiate as well... and when I try to initiate, she begrudgingly allows me to "use her"... which I HATE. I hate feeling like I'm forcing her to do anything. There are no moans, not much movement, or any other involvement on her part. I can’t ask her what she wants me to do, because the answer is always the same, “Whatever you want.”. In other words, “I don’t care, just finish.” So imagine a somewhat perfect love life for more than 10 years... fall apart gradually over about 1-2 months time, about the same time she started her stringent, no-carb diet. Her obsession to look like a model took over and I became second. As I mentioned above, she is seeing a Therapist about it. Problem is sex was obviously brought up in a couple of sessions... I was present as well, and the Therapist said that one of the things I can do is remove the pressure that I put on my wife; the pressure of my obsessant need for her to orgasm. Something I was never aware of as I didn’t picture it as “pressure” as we both very much enjoyed making love in the past… at least I thought so. There were times where she couldn’t orgasm, but she always tried and I NEVER got upset if she couldn’t orgasm or not. I was just happy that she tried. Anyway, I'm trying my hardest not to “pressure” her. Some days I just want to talk about it and she gets so defensive whenever I bring it up and gets very upset and says that she’s "broken" as she no longer has any more desire to be intimate. Of course this makes me look at myself and I’m thinking of how I treat her and I’m at a total loss. I believe I’m a decent husband in many ways. I’m usually the one who cleans dishes, dust, mow, among other chores. I’ll do the laundry once in a while when I know she’s had a long day, but she usually does the laundry. Last Mother’s Day I went all out and made sure everything in the entire house and meals were taken care of. After the kids were down for bed I proceeded to give her a full body massage for almost 2 hours. The whole time about every 10 minutes I would come close to erogenous areas to see if there was any response (a moan, sigh, anything) and there was none, so I would keep going. She then stopped me and said that we needed to get to bed. She let me orgasm once we were in bed, but that was the end of it. I can’t tell you how dejected I felt. I thought I made everything perfect and provided a relaxed environment and… nothing.

So I try to communicate and ask what I can do to help, the answer is “nothing, I’m broken.” And she just expects me to accept it. No, “I’ll get better.” Or “This is only temporary”.

Anyway, I feel horrible, especially in light of what the Therapist said of not pressuring her. So I try not to bring it up any more. Recently (last few weeks), I've started to masturbate to her, because I don't want to "pressure" her into having sex. I feel if I bring it up to her that she'll get upset and again feel the “pressure” that she shouldn’t be feeling. Of course when we do have sex… that’s what it is… sex. It feels like I’m just masturbating anyway because she’s there, but not there… if that makes sense. Since I feel like I’m bothering her whenever I do want it, I just masturbate instead (this doesn’t happen every day by the way, maybe once every week or every other week). When I do this, I don’t seem to be so down at the situation I’m in and try to be happy with where I’m at. Of course, I do still have the guilt of masturbating and after reading some of your comments; I’m going to cut it off completely and just go back to bothering my wife when I want it.

I’m painting my life as miserable, but honestly, in all other aspects, I’m quite happy. My wife and I go on dates, we cuddle on the couch watching our favorite shows, and we hold hands all the time to the point where it usually makes people nauseous. That being said, I usually initiate any kind of affection, but she does usually return it, as long as it doesn’t lead to the bedroom."
posted at 14:30:18 on November 12, 2014 by schman
"I understand what you are trying to do, and while it may be better than seeing other pornographic sources, it is still objectifying your wife. This article puts it well, to me."
posted at 16:47:00 on November 12, 2014 by changeup
Try Being Honest    
"It's possible that if you explain to her that you have needs and don't want to bother her, she might be cool with what you're doing, and you won't have to deceive her.

I'm guessing your wife has some major hormone issues from all the lost weight. It's interesting how we are a product of our hormones. It's very hard to enjoy sex if you have no sex drive. On the other hand, I think your wife should understand that you have a healthy sex drive and need a way to meet your needs."
posted at 10:03:58 on November 13, 2014 by ETTE
Sex is not a need    
"I'm a recovered sex addict and I have learned that sex is not a need. I am still a fairly young man and the libido is definitely there but I am not a slave to it anymore.

Reading up on the brain chemistry behind sexual desire has been enlightening for me (read "He Restoreth My Soul"). Your brain tries to make you believe that you will die without sex. This is not true.

I think it is wrong to use sex as an escape. I think it is wrong to be dependent on it in any shape or form. God is the only dependency that will never fail us. We must turn to him. "
posted at 11:44:10 on November 13, 2014 by marcbelles
Don't have Sex and Don't masturbate    
"Yeah, I'm a sex addict, in other words, there is no way in heck my wife will ever want to have sex with me if I try in the SLIGHTEST to initiate. My wife has told me she feels broken. She doesn't say if she's ever going to recover. I used to get upset or angry if she didn't want to have sex when I did, and I felt like I wasn't wanting it that much. What it sounds like to me is that your wife is feeling used.
So I'd say stop. Just don't. Don't masturbate. Don't have sex. Just wait until she is ready. There is very very very many more ways for you and your wife to enjoy connection and love than just through sex. Try these other ways. Try talking with her and try being interested in her like you were when you were dating. Questions questions questions. Ask her about everything. (and completely avoid anything about sex, intimacy, or anything pertaining to you.) And DON'T MASTURBATE AND DONT HAVE SEX.
I know it will feel like you are going to explode and die, but you CAN live without sex, and if not having sex with your wife makes you not want to be with her anymore, ask yourself why? Because your wife, even though she might not say otherwise, in reality is not okay with you using her to orgasm.
It's tough. It sucks. But its worth it. I can only wait for my wife to initiate, but it builds our trust. You'll probably hear from people that say sex is necessary, but its not. Its great. it can be very helpful, but its not a necessity. There is a way that people have their needs met when they can't have sex and they don't masturbate, and that's wet dreams. Sounds lame, but its true. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Its always rough. Hope things go well for you mate."
posted at 00:19:08 on November 14, 2014 by anoni mouse
Don't have Sex and Don't masturbate    
"Yeah, I'm a sex addict, in other words, there is no way in heck my wife will ever want to have sex with me if I try in the SLIGHTEST to initiate. My wife has told me she feels broken. She doesn't say if she's ever going to recover. I used to get upset or angry if she didn't want to have sex when I did, and I felt like I wasn't wanting it that much. What it sounds like to me is that your wife is feeling used.
So I'd say stop. Just don't. Don't masturbate. Don't have sex. Just wait until she is ready. There is very very very many more ways for you and your wife to enjoy connection and love than just through sex. Try these other ways. Try talking with her and try being interested in her like you were when you were dating. Questions questions questions. Ask her about everything. (and completely avoid anything about sex, intimacy, or anything pertaining to you.) And DON'T MASTURBATE AND DONT HAVE SEX.
I know it will feel like you are going to explode and die, but you CAN live without sex, and if not having sex with your wife makes you not want to be with her anymore, ask yourself why? Because your wife, even though she might not say otherwise, in reality is not okay with you using her to orgasm.
It's tough. It sucks. But its worth it. I can only wait for my wife to initiate, but it builds our trust. You'll probably hear from people that say sex is necessary, but its not. Its great. it can be very helpful, but its not a necessity. There is a way that people have their needs met when they can't have sex and they don't masturbate, and that's wet dreams. Sounds lame, but its true. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Its always rough. Hope things go well for you mate."
posted at 00:19:09 on November 14, 2014 by anoni mouse
"Schman, dude, you don't sound like an addict to me. Don't become one by listening to closely to other wack jobs such as myself about how messed up your behavior is. I don't know you aside from what I'm reading here but you seem like a normal guy trying to figure out the best way to go about things. Your life and your sexual behavior do not sound "unmanageable" to me. If it is, then maybe the 12 steps can help you. In truth they can help anyone develop a relationship with God and lead a better life. But life is on a continuum and where you are on it, including addiction, only you and God know. Only you and Him know where your conduct stands at this moment and what the right move from here is. Anyone who will tell you they know better are fools."
posted at 08:44:33 on November 14, 2014 by they_speak
Who are you?    
"I guess you have to ask yourself, can you go without sex and masturbation or do you have to have it. Then you'll know if you're an addict. And if your an addict, like the poppycock above, you'll know that your thinking is flawed and that you will need help on thinking clearly. Because most addicts believe that masturbation isn't bad, and most believe that they have the "right" to have sex with their wife whenever they want, and while pretty much all men believe they don't get sex enough, addicts try and do something about it because they feel like they can't live without it. It doesn't mean your evil. It doesn't mean there is no hope for you. It just means you need help. And that's okay."
posted at 17:18:49 on November 14, 2014 by anoni mouse
black and white    
"I've just found black and white thinking and opinions to be unreliable. It's not reliable to say masturbation absolutely is wrong or absolutely isn't wrong. Not everything is a nail and a hammer isn't the only solution.
For me the problem with masturbating to my wife is it's like lighting a fire atop a box of TNT and hoping to just keep warm without an explosion. But I'm not reading anything about that kind of problem with this guy. A run in with masturbation every 2 to 3 years hardly sounds worthy of a first step admission (I'm powerless. My life has become unmanageable.). But again, unmanageable means different things to different people.
All the story telling about the nature of his masturbating to his wife in my mind based on the available information is just that, story telling. The thrust of his actions might be really honorable. And even flattering to his wife *gasp god forbid*. Is there a better way? A higher law? Sure probably. I'm not saying I know I'm just saying nobody knows save him alone."
posted at 20:45:05 on November 14, 2014 by they_speak
Does Masturbation Help You Feel The Spirit?    
"If someone goes a day, a week, a year or more in between acting out through masturbation, and still can't stop, regardless of the time frame in between, it's still an addiction. That's what I'm saying. For the guy who first put the question out there, I'd read this article:
and I here's the best part, (in my opinion) some of the comments below his article:
S on April 27, 2013 at 2:17 am said:
Okay, so that’s fine and dandy for the married man, who has a viable, respectable, church approved way of dealing with sexual feelings, and desires…. find the alternative till, your wife and you come to a agreement of when to share in the “healthy” sexual interaction… to bad that healthy sexual release isn’t available for the single man, or many of the single male/ female adults in the church… All you singles out there, good luck with that. To bad there isn’t a better alternative, it feels like an all or nothing alternative.
Andrew, are you saying that without lust, men will have no desire to masterbate?
Reply ?
Andrew+ on May 2, 2013 at 1:00 pm said:
S: I don’t have any idea if other men will stop masturbating if they eliminate lust from their lives. Apparently “normal” men can function just fine with lust and masturbation in their lives. Maybe those two things make “normal” men happy. Maybe lust and masturbation help “normal” men love their wives more and draw closer to them mental, emotionally, spiritually and physically. “Normal” men sure make a lot of noise about how important lust and masturbation are to their health and normalcy. Maybe they’re right. I have no idea.
What I do know is that since I am a sex and lust addict, lust and masturbation leave me impaired and absolutely miserable. They wreck my life. Bummer that I can’t lust and masturbate like “normal” men. Clearly something is wrong with me. If I was “normal,” I’d be laughing and carefree about lust and porn and masturbation. It would all be one giant joke. Oh well.
I’ve actually found that I’m much, much happier on all levels when I eliminate those two items from my life. Based on the experiences of LDS and non-LDS men I’ve met in Sexaholics Anonymous, many of them are also miserable and impaired by lust and masturbation. They’re happier without those two things in their lives, too. Like me, there’s clearly something wrong with them. They just don’t seem to be able to enjoy lust and masturbation like “normal” people.
Also, I know a number of married people in Sexaholics Anonymous who were separated for a time from their spouse as they worked on addiction recovery. Guess what? They stayed sexually sober–or learned to stay sexually sober!
I think we all need to get away from this idea that we’re going to explode or get really stupid if we don’t have some kind of sex, either with ourselves or someone else. I think somebody needs to take a stand for single (and separated) people and say that it’s OK to do without masturbation. And it’s OK for single (and separated) people NOT TO WANT to masturbate. It’s OK for single (and separated) people to choose NOT to engage in masturbation. It’s OK for single (and separated) people to admit that they might have a problem with lust and masturbation and to look for help rather than to suffer in shame and silence. It’s OK for single (and separated) people to be happy and fulfilled in their lives without lust and masturbation.
Single (and separated) people can be happy without sex! They’re not living half a life! A sex-free life is not a life of misery. Sex is not the highest form of love!
Sex really is optional! I have discovered that I won’t die without it. I can live a happy and fulfilling life without it. I am learning not to be obsessed with lust and sex. I am learning not to objectify the women around me. I am learning to eliminate the lust-driven behaviors from my life. I am confident that single (and separated) people can be completely happy–without sex! Married people can be completely happy–without sex! I can also be happy in my marriage with sex–if I get rid of the lust-driven behavior. If, on the other hand, the sex in my life is broken, I can stop engaging in it until I get it repaired. If I don’t get it repaired, then I don’t need to have it.
When I talk about recovery, this what I mean: Through my willingness to attend therapy, work with my priesthood leaders on repentance, work with my wife on our marriage, and exercise my faith in the Savior’s atonement, Heavenly Father has changed me on the inside. He has given me the ability to run from lust like Joseph in Egypt instead of just basking in and getting drunk on it like King David. He has given me the ability to choose NOT to lust and to enjoy the peace and serenity that follow."
posted at 00:57:07 on November 15, 2014 by anoni mouse
feeling the spirit    
"If God tells me it's cool to masturbate to my wife then yes masturbation can help me feel the Spirit.
Looks like Andrew has his head screwed on pretty straight. Didn't find myself disagreeing with much of anything he had to say. Still doesn't answer the original question as far as I can tell."
posted at 03:41:03 on November 15, 2014 by they_speak
crazy talk    
"If your god tells you its cool then I guess it is cool for you. I know my God or higher power doesn't want me to do those things, and I believe in his prophets, which have stated not to do those things, not just to me, but to everyone in the LDS church. So I get the feeling that its kind of a big deal. But what do i know about normal people? If you think its good for you and makes you feel the spirit and helps you become more unified with your wife, then do what you think is your biz. And if you don't think it has anything to do with the question stated, I really can't help you much more on that. haha."
posted at 22:43:19 on November 16, 2014 by anoni mouse
crazy talk    
""Slay him, for the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands"... the Lord is often a crazy talker. But that's different, right?"
posted at 23:00:15 on November 16, 2014 by they_speak
oh and thanks    
"For lower casing my "god". He's a humble Dude he won't hold it against you."
posted at 23:09:07 on November 16, 2014 by they_speak
For the original person that posted this question...    
"hahaha, I'm sorry I offended one of the people commenting by the typo. It wasn't my intention. As for the scripture quote that was posted in the comments, I have no idea what they are trying to say. Killing someone is different than masturbation? yeah I agree. I'm not here to fight with anyone. I don't care to duke out quotes and scriptures and and "prove" who is "right" and who is "wrong". The only thing I have been trying to do is give someone my advice on wether masturbating to their wife is good or bad with the amount of information they have provided for me. I don't know how normal people view the world, I only know that for myself as a sex addict, if your wife doesn't want to have sex with you, even though she claims its okay to use her body, that would be harmful for her, why? because she DOESNT want to have sex. And masturbating, for me, for an addict, masturbation is out of the question because it does nothing, for me an addict, except influence my addiction. I'm assuming that you, the original poster is an addict or wants advice from addicts because you are on the LDS Addiction recovery website. So I'm giving you my advice as an addict. I posted an article from Andrew at that was giving you, the original poster more information that I thought might be helpful to you. I wasn't posting it for any other person or trying to "one up" anyone or anything. So again, I say to the guy who first posted the question, if you're an addict, masturbating can't help you, it can only hinder you. If you are a normal guy seeking the advice from addicts, I can only say that for an addict, masturbation can't ever help me, it can only hinder me. These are my opinions, I do not speak on behalf of The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints. I don't speak on behalf of God. All I have is my opinion and the 70 or so opinions of other sex addicts who I go to meetings with, and they all agree that masturbation in any way will only help us fall deeper into our addiction. That's all I got. My apologies to the author of this post if you are offended by what I've said. My apologies to any other person who's commented on this if they've been offended. I can only see it how I do, and for me as an addict, to say that sometimes masturbation is okay would be to lie to myself. I think, personally, that to self masturbate to my thoughts, images, people, etc is wrong and I know I will not only fuel my addiction, but I will be held accountable before God."
posted at 03:08:22 on November 18, 2014 by anoni mouse
"...I was likening the scriptures unto ourselves. We're not suppose to kill. We're told not masturbate. You suggested the idea that God could give us the green light on masturbation is crazy talk. I was just pointing out that the Lord gives the green light for a lot crazier things than masturbation. Even Nephi initially recoiled at the prompting. Was he a rigid legalist he would have rejected the Spirit. He would've responded with out thinking. Quoting the letter of the law like so many of us like to do. It's easy. One no longer has to reason with the Lord as Nephi did. For they have the answer. The Lord can't teach them anything. That's my point. We have to find our own answers. And those answers, it's possible, might not accord with what we've been taught. If the scriptures and my own experience have taught me anything it's that everything is relative to our own situation and it's wise to approach the Lord as an empty fool. Completely open. For me masturbation under any circumstances might be wrong. For the original poster it might be different. My only goal in this whole thread was to say ask the Lord. Ask the Lord. Ask the Lord. Especially when is not even clear whether the person asking a bunch of addicts for advice is an addict himself. One thing is for certain his context seems most certainly different than mine personally so my answers for what is sin might not be right for him."
posted at 19:06:15 on November 22, 2014 by they_speak
"Not offended"
posted at 19:08:13 on November 22, 2014 by they_speak
"Some really interesting replies here.

Sounds like your wife really needs some support and love during this time. As a married guy who has a history of porn but wouldn't consider himself a constant slave to it, I understand where you're coming from.

I think you need to ask, What would my wife feel about this if she found out? I think it's important to get sexual support during the after-birth period where vagunal sex is verboten. But that's not really helpful to you at this point.

I think God is forgiving. I don't think He realistically believes we will achieve perfection in this life. My mission president once explained how the church permits divorce when Jesus clearly condemns it in the New Testament. His answer, cribbed from a seventy, was that we are in a fallen world and God adjusts His expectations because of that. Remember, God's goal and glory is our exaltation, not in finding reasons to keep us out.

Follow the influence of the Spirit and do what you feel is right. If you feel the thing you need to do is the uncomfortable thing, then that's unfortunately what you're stuck with. But don't unnecessarily make yourself feel terrible, like some in this thread are advocating, if the Sprit isn't giving you those feelings."
posted at 22:23:48 on December 2, 2014 by Anonymous
Walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh.    
"I agree with some previous comments. It is not right to masturbate thinking of your wife if she is not physically with you. If your wife is not involved in the intimate sex act with you then it is not right. These procreative powers were given for a bonding intimate experience with you and your wife and also for the ability to conceive children. If you are not having the experience with your wife then it is not right.

There is nothing wrong with your wife undressing herself with you in privacy and then letting you fulfill your sexual desire with her while she has no orgasm or even enjoyment because you are bonding with her during the act.

But what you need is to seek the LORD first in your life. Ask Him to help you put sex in it proper role and to fulfill your desire. Ask Him to deliver you from temptation and teach you to walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh."
posted at 19:28:25 on December 4, 2014 by Anonymous
It sounds like your wife is hurting    
"There is a lot of focus here in the comments on your behavior and your needs, but I just keep thinking about your wife. This kind of drastic change in her desire seems to me to be an indicator that either physically and/or emotionally she is not doing so well. My thought would be rather than focus on the sx, focus on her and where she is. Imagine if she had had an accident or a bad fall or a surgery that she needed time to heal from. Would you be worrying about sx, or would you be worrying about her?

Marriage is definitely a two-way thing, and clearly this is hard for you, too, but I think to me the point is that life is unpredictable. You've had a predictable sx life and now life has thrown a curve ball. It's an opportunity to grow and I think could be an opportunity to grow closer if you can allow yourself to redefine what it means to express love and engage in life with her with where she is right now, not compared with where things have been in the past."
posted at 01:55:27 on December 12, 2014 by Anonymous

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"By emulating the Master, who endured temptations but “gave no heed unto them,” we, too, can live in a world filled with temptations “such as [are] common to man”. Of course Jesus noticed the tremendous temptations that came to him, but He did not process and reprocess them. Instead, He rejected them promptly. If we entertain temptations, soon they begin entertaining us! Turning these unwanted lodgers away at the doorstep of the mind is one way of giving “no heed.” Besides, these would-be lodgers are actually barbarians who, if admitted, can be evicted only with great trauma."

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987