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Feeling so sick
By Smallnsimple
10/10/2014 6:37:20 AM
I made a terrible choice tonight and feel so sick about, my addiction has progressed beyond pornography now, I went to a massage parlor tonight, I feel so sick and disgusted with myself, I have been up all night contemplating ending my life, feeling like I will never overcome and only get worse. I know I made the choice and I deserve the consequence. It's so hard to live with myself.

Comments:

Rock bottom is a great place.....to have been.    
"Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. But it CAN get better. A lot of the people on this board have made the same mistake. And look at them now! This doesn't have to be an end, it can be rock bottom....which is a good thing."
posted at 11:12:36 on October 10, 2014 by maddy
I am so sad to read of your pain    
"SMALLNSIMPLE,
I am so sad to read of your pain right now. I hope things are a little better for your now. I can only imagine what you are going through. In my humble opinion you can change, things can get better as you turn your life over to God. Hope you have a good day"
posted at 11:20:27 on October 10, 2014 by sjanderson
Help is available    
"I'm sorry your're in such a dark place at the moment. I have often found it ironic in my life how the adversary does everything he can to influence me to make bad choices, and once I have, he screams in my ear, "It's too late for you. You can't come back from this. You'll never get better." That is a lie. It's NOT too late for you. You CAN come back from this. You CAN get better. I know that God loves you.

I dial in regularly to ARP meetings. I meet with my bishop frequently, and I'm seeing a therapist. All of that helps me. If you can find a good LDS therapist in your area, it might help. Hang in there."
posted at 11:21:55 on October 10, 2014 by DANO42
Thank you    
"Thank you everyone for your encouragement. This is the only place I have found comfort. I have a lot of work to do but maybe this can be a turning point. I have never been this down before. I reached out to my bishop and am going to meet with him. I move in 2 weeks so I'm sad to leave right as I get started."
posted at 16:19:47 on October 10, 2014 by Smallnsimple
God Loves you and you can do it!    
"It's hard sometimes to step back. I know that it seems like the world is ending, but this horrible moment is only a moment in time. You are not defined by your actions. You are a beloved son or daughter of God and he loves you more than words can express. You are doing the right thing by talking to your bishop. If you ever feel suicidal, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. They are angels that have helped me in times of distress."
posted at 16:12:23 on October 11, 2014 by intothewest
We've already lost the battle    
"GOOD! Isn't it awesome!? These feelings you have are here to help you, believe it or not. (Well, not the self loathing, suicidal ones) but the ones that make you feel sick and guilty. That's a good thing. It SUCKS but it's the right way to feel.
I know what that feels like. I would feel, not just that I wanted to die, but that I wanted to never exist at all. I wanted God to uncreate me, to somehow erase my entire existence. It's a sucky place to be.
I could say "You can do it!" or "It'll get better!"
First off, I'd say accept defeat. I used to think, if I just read my scriptures a little bit more, if I just did a little bit more, I'd beat this, I'd learn some new tactics and take out this addiction. I based my thought process on the idea that me and my addiction were equally matched. We aren't. While I'm the large guy dancing around the boxing ring, what I am fighting isn't even human. It's a giant monster, it's a creature so big and terrible that there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I can ever hope of fighting it. In truth, I'm already dead. That monster has me.
So accept that you are defeated. That you cant fight it and that there isn't anything you can do to overcome it. Because there isn't. But God can.
look up "rowboatandmarbles.blogspot.com" Andrew's book "Sitting in a rowboat throwing marbles at a battleship" changed how I was taught to view addiction and how addiction really is, and how to get help. Hope you are in a better place today."
posted at 02:40:05 on November 11, 2014 by Anoni Mouse


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"Now, my brothers and sisters, let not Jesus’ redemption for us stop at the immortalizing dimension of the Atonement, “the loosing of the bands of death”. Let us grasp the proffered gift of eternal life! We will end up either choosing Christ’s manner of living or His manner of suffering! It is either “suffer even as I”, or overcome “even as [He] … overcame”. His beckoning command is to become “even as I am”. The spiritually settled accept that invitation, and “through the atonement of Christ,” they become and overcome! "

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987