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Not a Coincidence - "Dear Son, what I wish you knew about porn"
By mint
9/18/2014 2:29:10 AM
I barely made a comment asking for parents to talk to their kids about Sec education, specifically pornography and if masturbation is such a huge deal that too. The next day I saw this article and I loved it. I'll just copy and paste it. Read it guys it's awesome!


"Dear Son,

You have your own smart phone, and you have access to the family computer, too. I realize you know how to use these devices more than I do. I also realize that if you want to know anything, it's not hard for you just to Google it and find thousands of websites that will tell you about anything you want. But there are just some things that Google can't tell you; like whether Stephanie in your second period really likes you or not. It also can't tell you whether you should try out for the soccer team or the swim team.

Another thing that Google can't tell you about is pornography. I realize in this information age that you have probably already seen pornography (or at least have had friends show you). I also realize that, despite my best efforts, I can't shelter you from the Internet. And no matter how hard you try not to, you'll probably come across pornography, anyway.

So instead of pretending that you may not see pornography I'm going to talk to you more about when you see pornography.

First off, let me just say that there's a reason pornography is a multi-billion dollar business. A lot of men view it because it's exciting, and they find it attractive. As a boy yourself, you will, too. Don't feel embarrassed or ashamed by it when you see it and like it. It only means that you're human.

Second, don't let the excitement of it overrun you. It's fake. There's a reason they call the people in the videos actors — because they're acting. Real sex isn't like what you see online. It's not as loud, wild and vulgar. And it's not supposed to be that way, either. Pornography is widely made for men and meant to appeal to men's fantasies. As a result, producers create videos that are going to be the most enticing to men. But real sex isn't just for men. It's for women, too. And if you measure your sex life by what you see in the videos, you're going to be disappointed because it won't all be about you. Don't be the kind of guy who only wants his selfish desires satisfied. Your wife will like sex, too if you do it right — if you focus on her, too. And when you both enjoy it together, it'll be a lot better than anything you see online.

Third, even if you like what you see in the videos, that doesn't mean you'll like it in real life. Again, this goes back to the fact that the people in the movies are actors. They're supposed to act like what they're doing is great and wonderful — that's what sells the videos. But don't let the videos tell you what you should or shouldn't like. Don't let them tell you what you should or shouldn't do with your wife, either. And definitely don't let them tell you what your wife should like or what your wife should do. That's for you and your wife to figure out together.

Fourth, pornography really can destroy a person. I know, I know. Millions of men view pornography, and they're not all perverts or deviants. And I know that most of the men who view pornography are regular, average productive citizens. Nevertheless, pornography really can destroy a person. It creates unrealistic expectations that will leave you unsatisfied sexually. It'll leave your wife unsatisfied sexually. And you'll be tempted to leave an otherwise great relationship. Or you'll get kicked out because it makes your wife unhappy.

I'm happy to talk about whatever questions you have. And I sincerely mean it when I say that I'd rather have you ask me whatever questions you have than to ask Google. I'm not perfect, so I can't guarantee that I'll always have the answer, and I can't guarantee that I'll always take the questions well. But I will talk with you about it. And we'll be able to find an answer together.

All my love,

Dad"

Comments:

Thanks    
"MINT thanks for sharing. I wish that would have been available to me earlier in my life... however I wouldn't be the person that I am now for good or for bad without my experiences. I just appreciate the honest and open communication that is being had about a lot of different subjects. I still have a lot of work to do in my life. I am really scared right now because of my choices, but the honesty from the letter gives me hope that change is possible, even for me."
posted at 07:58:01 on September 18, 2014 by sjanderson
For the record    
"My dad was always as open as this dad.

I still turned into an addict.

So, if anyone out there is blaming their addiction on parents who didn't talk to them or who weren't open or loving enough, you can stop blaming it on them. My parents were the best parents in the world.

And if you think that there is something you can do as a parent to guarantee that your kids won't be addicted, you can stop thinking that, too.

And if you think that the addiction your kids are struggling with is your fault--you could have prevented it if you had been a better parent--you can stop thinking that, too.

Be open with your children. Talk to them. Love them. Do all the things this post by MINT suggests, but don't blame yourself if they still struggle. And if you struggle, don't blame your parents."
posted at 13:24:18 on September 19, 2014 by BeClean
Beclean    
"If you drank beer...I would drink all the beer with you and just talk forever. Be all Vulcan about everything and stuff. Or maybe you could be Spock and I'll just be James Kirk. This all makes perfect sense in my brain for anyone who's dubious."
posted at 11:19:35 on September 20, 2014 by they_speak
mint    
"How old are you now?"
posted at 11:23:35 on September 20, 2014 by they_speak
Thanks, TheySpeak    
"I would enjoy many conversations with you, Speak, despite our rocky first posts years ago. Didn't Jim and Spock clash at first, too?

***Pro-beer argument withheld***
..., I still think beer is an illogical drink, Jim. Why continue to drink something that smells and tastes terrible the first time you try it? (Not to mention too much of it makes the drinker smell bad and act inappropriately.)"
posted at 13:10:44 on September 23, 2014 by BeClean


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"One of the false notions of our society is that we are victims of our appetites and passions. But the truth is that the body is controlled by the spirit which inhabits it."

— Terrance D. Olson

“Teaching Morality to Your Children,” Ensign, Mar. 1981