God is cool
By they_speak
7/28/2014 11:01:45 PM
Of those who often find themselves angry at God I am king. Today my wife was expressing her feeling that she was angry at God. We'd got in a fight a few days ago and I was mean and the dog started acting funny (I'm not home) and she felt like the devil was in the home. She said she wasn't even scared. Just mad. And then she said she felt so mad at God. And in fairness her life certainly hasn't exactly went according to plan in some ways. Inspite of her most faithful efforts. So why not be mad at the Giver of gifts the answerer of prayer? At least for promising us things (answers to prayers) that remain, unanswered.

In that moment, perhaps more clearly than I've ever been on a thing, I could see a couple thing. Well, lots of things. It's hard to explain. I think these experiences often are. I felt the most simple still love/calm say, almost in my own voice, "ohh no" and it was as if I could see God (not visually) and see that He understood her, accepted her (even in her anger), and that in fact if she could only see him (as I think I was seeing him then) she would see that "ohh no" she was not in fact angry at God. Nor would she feel afraid or ashamed of her own anger. But would feel the charity of understanding, as He does, that her anger was only wielded at a misperception of her God and her own experience. And that, strangely, that was okay. She was okay. And would grow to know Him. As he knows her.

We both laughed at how ironic it is that something like that would come to me.


"Anger can sometimes makes us hardened....and weirdly it can help us be vulnerable. When I am in the midst of my ugly moments, a soft voice and a quiet show of love is so powerful.

When I can feel God's love when I am railing against Him, that is when the magic happens. You once told me Speak that God loves my angry rap music. I think He does. He listens, no matter what.

P.S. Hi!"
posted at 15:10:26 on July 30, 2014 by maddy
They speak    
"So good to hear from you!"
posted at 18:17:06 on August 2, 2014 by Anonymous
"I did say that huh. Well, I'm sticking to it :) And hi back, hope stuff's good Maddy.

Thanks anonymous dude/chick. It was nice to have a place I was semi motivated to leave a journal entry. I'm terrible at journaling. I'm currently audio recording my 4th step just to get started some where. I figure after a DECADE in/and out of the program I need to start somewhere. Anyway, when/if I get around to transcribing it I'll probably be dropping more bombs on here."
posted at 04:44:33 on August 14, 2014 by they_speak

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"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004