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starting over
By sjanderson
7/24/2014 10:29:48 AM
I am so angry at myself for relapsing grr!!! Really I am, also probably bigger than that I am sad because of the distance I am putting between myself and other people. To speak honestly I am not sure that this addiction is something that I will get over. I have tried to choose my words carefully because I know that I of myself can't do anything and I realize that, my concern or worry is that I can't make any progress with the Savior's help. The very longest I have ever gone in my whole life is 7 months and as I look at a life of over 25 +years of poor choices I think this is not possible. Please forgive me for being negative and for expressing doubt about the Savior's ability to change me and my heart. I think though this might be at the heart of my concern and worry, that somehow either I am too bad for him to save, or too far gone or I am somehow otherwise outside of his grasp. Maybe it is all part of the learning process. i don't want to complain that it is too hard, but as I feel right now it feels like there is no way out. I haven't even go to the part about where do things stand with my wife and I. On a positive note though I told her about the slip and my bishop and my sponsor. This is a big step for me, in the past I woudl have hidden my actions from one if not all three of these people. I don't want to anymore, I want to be transparent, really I do, but my actions don't demonstrate it. I say that I want to be this, but my actions show that I am actually somethign completely different. Anyway thanks for listening. I am going to keep going forward and give my heart back to the Savior.

cheers

Comments:

Keep going    
"Seven months is about 210 days. This means you are making progress. Hopefully there will not be a next time but likely if you continue to follow the steps the relapse may even be a longer period of time, perhaps over a thousand days. The longest I have ever gone since since the age of 15 without masturbating is about 2,100 days.

Get up and do not give up. Keep trying and praying for help. The LORD does not want you to give up. Like Peter said: "Lord to whom else shall we go?" (See John 6:68). If you decide to forsake your progress and go back to pornography and lust it will only lead to misery and heartache."
posted at 21:28:24 on July 24, 2014 by Anonymous
Gratitude    
"Way to go, SJ. Get back up and keep going forward. That is "all we can do."

Identify everything positive you can about your situation, your life, and your recent successes. Show genuine gratitude for what you have. That is how you get more of something--you express gratitude for it and send out positive thoughts about it. Are you familiar with the law of attraction? What are you attracting in your life?

Have you seen The Secret?
http://youtu.be/2VoUnXly5GM "
posted at 00:09:56 on July 25, 2014 by BeClean
Relapses    
"Relapses are blown out tires on the road of life. You can either change the tire and keep truckin' or you can sit on the side of the road. Change the tire and soldier on.

This is where you get to prove if you will live what you have learned. It is an opportunity not a problem. You've already been honest about the relapse!!!!! You did it! Positively reinforce that step in your mind. You. are. getting. better. Repeat that.

(Don't say that to your wife btw. I'd flip my lid if after a relapse my hubby told me he was getting better. lol)

It's ok to feel guilt when we relapse. Guilt is a pain that helps us change course. It is a healthy acceptance of our responsibility of our actions. But then there is shame. Do not let yourself feel shame. Shame is a tool of the adversary to make us depressed and discouraged. Live shamelessly. "
posted at 07:20:46 on July 25, 2014 by maddy


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