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Healthily Expressing Sexuality
By intothewest
7/20/2014 9:48:42 PM
In the past, I have struggled with pornography and masturbation. This occurred when I was 13, though I have not gone back for ten years. Now I am going to BYU. I have never been in a romantic relationship and have several bad experiences that exacerbate my anxiety. I am currently interesting in this girl who is really great. She seems to like me well enough, but wants to take it slowly. I have generally done well with being patient. At the same time, all this repressed sexuality is staring to come out. I have had many more near brushes with pornography and have this insatiable desire to make out with girls. I know that humans are inherently sexual beings, but how do I express my sexuality in a positive way? It seems so hard to look for meaningful romantic relationships (which take so long to develop and have never worked out for me) and at the same time keep my sexuality in check. Exercise is somewhat helpful. What are some other coping mechanisms?

Comments:

Coping mechanisms    
"Welcome!

You are so right that this is normal. Congratulations, you are normal! And you are also right that you can learn healthy ways to cope with these cravings. I'm glad you noticed that exercise helps a little. So will getting sufficient rest (go to bed early and get up early, as the scriptures say). Eating healthy REAL foods will also reduce your cravings and help you cope. Learning to meditate daily helps. Pursuing healthy hobbies (google hobbies for men and find a few you are interested in) can also help.

For more information, check out http://www.curethecraving.com ."
posted at 23:21:42 on July 20, 2014 by BeClean
Media    
"What choices in media are you making? Much of our media is saturated with sexual advertising and many movies are filled with it as well. It can get your mind focused on the wrong things. How are your prayers and scripture study? Pray always to be delivered from temptation.

I also am tempted to look at sexual and pornographic materials on the Internet. So now when I am alone I need to listen to a hymn (at least four verses) before I can do anything on the Internet. It has magnified my love for Heavenly Father and temptation has lessened greatly.

It can be difficult to control your body especially during your years when your hormones are raging. It is difficult, but not impossible. The LORD makes all things possible. I would also look into meditation. Learn how to do it and focus on that which is good and righteous.

Don't ever focus on using your date as an object for lust. Never engage in passionate kissing as it can lead quickly to sexual immorality and cause the woman you are with to commit great sin.

I believe in you. You can do good things for the LORD."
posted at 00:26:04 on July 21, 2014 by Anonymous
Media    
"What choices in media are you making? Much of our media is saturated with sexual advertising and many movies are filled with it as well. It can get your mind focused on the wrong things. How are your prayers and scripture study? Pray always to be delivered from temptation.

I also am tempted to look at sexual and pornographic materials on the Internet. So now when I am alone I need to listen to a hymn (at least four verses) before I can do anything on the Internet. It has magnified my love for Heavenly Father and temptation has lessened greatly.

It can be difficult to control your body especially during your years when your hormones are raging. It is difficult, but not impossible. The LORD makes all things possible. I would also look into meditation. Learn how to do it and focus on that which is good and righteous.

Don't ever focus on using your date as an object for lust. Never engage in passionate kissing as it can lead quickly to sexual immorality and cause the woman you are with to commit great sin.

I believe in you. You can do good things for the LORD."
posted at 06:37:15 on July 21, 2014 by Anonymous
Thanks    
"Thanks guys. Several of those suggestions are helpful, the sleep one in particular. Hymns don't really work for me, but I'm sure I can find other ways"
posted at 12:40:39 on July 21, 2014 by intothewest
Write    
"I find that when I am facing temptation, I write about it. Just write whatever is coming to mind. I often come to the conclusion that the temptation isn't what I actually want, but is covering up something else.

Journaling each day is a great way to release this inner frustration."
posted at 07:32:13 on August 24, 2014 by bestgmever
Focus    
"Hey, doing sexual stuff before marriage is really a distraction. It makes it hard to get to know the person you are on a date with. For me, it was healthier to focus on the friendship before marriage."
posted at 06:22:13 on September 6, 2014 by Anonymous
Hymns In Many Ways    
"In my experience,the hymn can be a powerful tool for avoiding and overcoming negative thoughts because that's where it starts from.But consider using it in any of these ways:
-hum the hymn
-have a huming partner or a hymn humming date or moments
-join a choir and learn new arrangements for your favourite hymns
-learn the sulpha notes of the hymns and sing them instead of the words,and many other ways you can fin
d to sing or do the hymns. President Parker taught that 'worthy music is a powerful instrument to govern the mind' and you can know if a song or music is worthy 'by what it brings to the stage of your mind'.Learning to sing the hymns in a variety of ways have actually helped me avoid bad thoughts and desires and I know it can and would work for you with effort on your part because we are all children of the same Parents."
posted at 00:13:37 on October 7, 2014 by ABC
Media    
"There is a ton of bad media out there. At the same time, there is also a lot of good media available to us. I do like listening to church music. however, I don't have a specific hymn picked out for when I'm feeling inappropriate sexual desires. In my mind, if I did, then in sacrament meeting when the hymn was played it would turn my thoughts to inappropriate things. For me, I have the Mormon Music channel loaded on my phone. I listen to it in the morning as I'm getting ready for work. This allows me to enjoy music I like, feel the spirit, but not tie a particular song to my attempts to overcome bad behavior. In the April Conference, one of the General Authorities said, "Having a smart phone, does not make you smart..." Very true. I have a program on my phone called Mobicip that makes it difficult to view inappropriate stuff. My bishop set up the codes for it, so I can't change my settings. I use my phone to listen to hymns, read my scriptures, and listen to General Conference talks. I'm trying to find ways to make media work for me instead of against me. Good luck. I hope some of that can help."
posted at 09:24:46 on October 7, 2014 by DANO42


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"Just as the landfill requires dedicated work and attention, laboriously applying layer after layer of fill to reclaim the low-lying ground, our lives also require the same vigilance, continually applying layer after layer of the healing gift of repentance.…Our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, feel sorrow when we choose to remain in sin, when the gift of repentance made possible through the Atonement can clean, reclaim, and sanctify our lives. When we gratefully accept and use this precious gift, we can enjoy the beauty and usefulness of our lives... "

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