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day 22
By torrenca
6/3/2014 12:21:57 PM
I have been thinking for a couple of days on what I should write this week. I haven't had any breakthroughs this week. Just going forward day by day. I don't feel like I am going in warp speed anymore. I am still dedicated to not letting temptation get me. I find that short little prayers help a great deal when tempted.

My relationship with my wife is getting stronger I don't feel that she is on the verge of having me leave. She still carries around a lot of hurt. She said that she couldn't believe that I had a secret life for the 17yrs of marriage. I am still giving her time to process it all. I have been dealing with this for decades so I am not expecting her to be where I am with the process. I find that giving my wife at least 15min a day just her and I has helped the most. I think it is showing her that I care about her more than anything else, Kids, Tv don't belong with us during this time.

Step 4. has me a little overwhelmed. I have been writing down my addictive behaviors and how it effects me and how I feel. I have never been the type to think of my feelings so I have had a lot of insight. I have never put the emotion of what I was feeling before during and after and how it changes how I relate to my family and wife. I don't want to be that person anymore. Shut off and pushing people out so I won't have to deal with their emotions or connect to them mentally or spirituly .

The main reason I am writing on this blog is to help me and maybe one other person that might read this blog and have it help them in the future. So I will be checking in once a week to let that one person know what I was feeling and when I feel it as I go through this process of the 12 steps. Because the things I read on this blog site helped me turn my life from darkness.

I am still holding strong through are father in heaven. Please God bless us all

Comments:

congratulations    
"torrenca,
it sounds like we have similar experiences. i am working on about 10 days of sobriety and I feel now like I am in a slog right now, hopefullly things continue wel for you"
posted at 07:10:02 on June 7, 2014 by sjanderson
Junk miles    
"My husband is a runner and he has a thing called 'junk miles'. It is a terrible name because it sounds negative, but if you know what it means it's kind of cool.

Cause the junk isn't junk at all.

See it goes like this...some days as a runner you are on fire. The vista's are amazing. The air is fresh. The breeze is perfect. You push harder. You go faster. You break new personal records. You feel the burn. You embrace the race. etc... You get the point.

Other days, it is all you can do to get your sorry butt out of bed and get your shoes on. You run. But you feel heavy. You feel like a slug. You don't finish. You're dragging. It's too hot. You get a stitch in your side. A car almost hits you. etc... He calls those days the junk miles. Nothing new happened. It feels like there was no progress....but....

But you showed up. You ran.

Everyday you run. One foot in front of the other and everyday the training happens on both kinds of days. Both mental and physical training. We have to put in the junk miles. There is no way around it.

Some parts of recovery feel like junk miles. (You know where I am going with this.) There are meetings that you feel like you make a break through. There are ones that you scratch your head and wonder if it was worth your time. There are days we live free and exultant! and there are days where it feels like we just showed up breathing....but we are clean and we are sober and we are working our program on both kinds of days.

Soldier on my friend! Or as Sjanderson said, "Slog" on my friends. This is recovery. And you are working it!"
posted at 08:28:12 on June 7, 2014 by maddy


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"Are you battling a demon of addiction—tobacco or drugs, or the pernicious contemporary plague of ography? Whatever other steps you may need to take to resolve these concerns, come first to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Trust in heaven’s promises. In that regard Alma's testimony is my testimony: "I do know," he says, "that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions."

— Jeffrey R. Holland

General Conference, April 2006