In a very bad place.
By torrenca
5/9/2014 11:44:29 PM
I have had a mb problem since before puberty. Due to a certain older person that was in my life. In my 42 years I have only had one six month period 5yrs ago where I managed to do without. In that time I managed to get sealed to my wife and my children. This was the most happiest time in my life. I did this on my own without help from my bishop just me and my savior.

A year ago last Easter my wife caught me. This as you may understand didn't sit well at all with her. My marriage has been on a down hill slide and is I fear at its end. She told me this Monday that she wanted a divorce. I don't blame her I have stopped going to church, helping her with anything, she looks at me with such hurt eyes. She doesn't want me to touch her.

I'm at my ropes end last night knowing that my marriage is more than likely over I took all of my garments and burned them destroying the last thing from the one of the best times in my life. I still mb though something is very wrong with me.

After she caught a year ago I tried looking for help and found out about the psag program. I live in a small town and they said they have one so I go to my first meeting hoping to get some help and insight only to find out that it wasn't a psag meeting it was the drug addiction program. They were nice and all and I went for a few months but it didn't give me the support I needed. I couldn't bring myself to share. It made me wish I had a drinking problem so I could fit in.

Not knowing what to with my life and instead of looking at other things on the web. I punched in lds pasag on my serch engine and here I am. If anyone has any sugestions or help please help

signed one lonely stupid man


You are more    
"You are more than your mistakes. There is hope for you. I'm glad you are here, working the steps with us"
posted at 01:50:29 on May 11, 2014 by Anonymous
Much More!!    
"As Anonymous commented - you are more than your mistakes!!! It takes a mighty warrior to admit and show his weaknesses and to strive and seek for the strength to make them stronger. I feel this in you brother and I know that this battle you are currently in is one worth fighting for. Do not let the enemy take from you that which is most precious to you: your wife and your children - FIGHT!

WarriorOn while remaining WarriorStrong - No Matter the Cost!!"
posted at 11:13:04 on May 11, 2014 by warrioron
Hey man    
"Welcome Torrenca!

Seriously I love addicts like you. You have no idea how awesome you are. You are so broken it is like you are hanging on your own personal cross and those are the people who I can see Christ in the most. You may not see it in yourself but you are kind of the best person in the world to me right now. I love step one and you are so there!!! You are shaking off the fog and it's like watching a birth. It is so beautiful. Just please, keep going forward!

Ok, so let me tell you how I see this. Masturbation addiction (like all addiction) comes from deep roots in our life of wanting to feel good, loved and safe. You've got a hole in your soul. You are filling it (temporarily) with the powerful chemicals your brain releases when you masturbate. Honestly, this is hard to break, but it isn't a big deal. Think about just want to feel happy. How does that make you a bad person? It doesn't. It makes you a good person. Dont worry about the masturbation part of the equation. Just focus on healing that hole in your life. When you do that, the symptom will disappear too. (BTW I totally relate to the wanting to be an alcoholic part of what you wrote. I FELT THE SAME WAY! I am a codependent and I totally feel jealous of the alcoholics and they laugh at me when I say that. I actually prefer meetings with alcoholics and drug addicts than our local pasg. I wouldn't worry about sharing about sex addiction at an AA meeting. It's all the same. Doesn't matter what the vice is, the source and the solution is always the same, even if the story is different. BTW Have you searched for any SA meetings...not LDS?) You were abused as a child. So was I. So was my husband. That hole in our soul is bit bigger than most people. Ok, cool...that just means that when the Savior fills it, because he is the only solution, that there is more of Him in us than other people! AWESOME! We are the real rock stars! YAY for big painful holes in our life...they lead us to Him.

Your wife is hurt and she has a right to be. But the best marriages I know are the ones where there has been addiction and infidelity. Maybe she'll divorce you. Maybe she wont. Maybe this can be saved. But I know that either way, you don't have to live a sad life.

I understand burning the garments and quitting on church too. We need symbols of change. Rock bottom is ugly and hard, but this can be your rock bottom if you want it to be. Sounds like to me you are kind of giving up. Which can be great! Because giving up and submitting are just a hair's width away. Just shift your focus a tiny bit and you've got this.

You are already willing to admit the weight of the problem. You aren't hiding it. You are letting it show here on this post and that is AWESOME! Step one baby!

If you are looking for pasg meetings it means you are still looking for God. You didn't really find him at church... ok, cool. Neither did I. In fact, I don't think He goes to church very often. I think He hangs out in the wilderness. Sounds like you are lost in the wild. You might just bump into each other.

Believing that you can bump into Him, that's step two.

Welcome again. Keep posting. Think about keep going to meetings.

Oh, and far as your wife...maybe write her a letter that focuses on her. Try and see things from her perspective and give her what she needs right now.
Some turning points for me and my husband were when he told me that he understand that he had destroyed my dreams with his sex addictions. When he said he'd do everything in his power to fix what he'd broken. Even if that meant distance or even divorce. He told me that he'd support me, even if that meant supporting me leaving. When he showed me THAT kind of love, (and we did separate a couple times) I had hope that things would get better. Guess what? They have gotten better. And he keeps messing up but that's ok because he's getting better. Relapses dont define us. They are just times for re-valuation. Your marriage can survive this if you are both willing to be ok with imperfection and put the other first. Just start by loving yourself. Sounds cliche....but it's so true. Just give her the respect and support she needs and you may be surprised."
posted at 10:11:17 on May 16, 2014 by maddy
my wife    
"I love her so so much and i'm telling her that now and like your husband, I will support her what ever way she wants to go divorce etc. But I will fight for her until she says divorce. I will fight for her. I am giving her my time. Listing to her instead of the tv. Touching her mentally and physically but not sexually. I am going to give her the time she needs to heal. I think this is good for me also showing love with out the sex getting in the way I have never done that before. It drives me crazy but I will do it. I pray for insight so I can earn her trust."
posted at 18:45:27 on May 16, 2014 by torrenca

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"One of the great myths in life is when men think they are invincible. Too many think that they are men of steel, strong enough to withstand any temptation."

— James E. Faust

General Conference, April 2002