Print
Yep. Guess who's back.
By Chiswright
3/17/2014 2:37:37 AM
Disclaimer: sorry for the big words, i speak a lot more expressively when im mad

So I'm back, and this isn't a happy return. I'm having a really hard time staying sober right now, and I feel like this site and The Lord are the only places I can turn to, as I have already told my dad/bishop three times now, and after thinking I had fixed my problems and been clean for a month, we dismissed the problem and I haven't talked to him about it since. This is a hard life we lead.

I feel the need to indulge every single day, and my *** drive has been overly active for the last week especially. I'm trying to run off of willpower and hymns, but neither of those are working now...I feel like I'm at the point where nothing will help me. I have a friend that I know I can trust and will help me, but I'm hesitant to tell him because I'm afraid he'll see me different and the only person I've told besides God is my dad. Should I tell my friend? As always, no matter who you are, even as an anonymous just passing by, please try to answer and give insight.

Sorry for the whining, but I am in way deep and need help.

Frustratingly,
Chis

Comments:

You have great courage!    
"Hi Chris,
I don't know how old you are (and please do not feel the need to post it because that is personal info) but there is a new program that just came online called Fortify. It is for anyone with an addiction to porn, but is free to those 20 and under. For those 21 and older it is only a one time payment of $39. My son doing this right now and it is the best that I have seen. I am not familiar with your story, so I don't know what you have tried in the past, but I have seen a lot (husband with a 30+ year addiction). We both wish something like this had been around for my husband so many years ago.
Please tell someone. You are no different than the many many other church members that are facing this challenge, however you are courageous just by searching out this site and seeking help! I am proud of you! Please tell your bishop as soon as possible. You will know when the time is right to tell your dad. Remember that the numbers are huge of those with this addiction. 70% of men, 30% of women. That is the statistic over all and the quote from LDS research is, "and the numbers in the church are not far from this." Honestly, there is a good chance that your friend has already had his own challenges.
The Lord loves you! Read the quotes that show up in the upper right hand corner. One of my favorites is Maxwell from GC 1987. The Lord keeps his promises and really has made a way for you to escape! Keep going! Keep the faith! You can do this!!!
Here is the site:
http://www.fortifyprogram.org"
posted at 04:16:06 on March 17, 2014 by 1stepatatime
Questions    
"How do u gain the support of ur wive who you have unintentionally hurt so many times by indulging in s...x addiction

What have u done to gain strong recovery from it"
posted at 21:03:27 on March 17, 2014 by Anonymous
Recovery    
"Chiswright - PLEASE don't think that you've fixed your problems after managing to stay clean for any period of time. I had that problem for 17 years. I managed to have lots of clean periods for months at a time, but then out of nowhere I'd face temptation, and it was like my willpower switch just shut off completely, and I was compelled to act out. You can definitely recover from addiction and become clean and spotless, but please, for your sake, plan to manage your addiction every single day from now on, no matter how long it has been since your last slip up (1 day, month, 1 year... it doesn't matter).

Have you literally turned your life over to the Savior? I don't mean just acknowledging and appreciating the Savior based on what you've learned in church, but rather I mean PERSONALLY turning your life over to Him and being willing to do whatever He asks of YOU, no matter how far outside of your comfort zone that is. It can be a little scary to actually do this, especially when you realize you are giving up control over your life, but you MUST do this.

In terms of practical advise, how much of the following have you done?
- Deep, heartfelt prayers while kneeling, at least twice per day.
- Read and ponder the scriptures every day
- Get the ARP manual (see Recovery Manual link at left side of this page) and work through the 12 steps
- Attend recovery meetings, and GET A SPONSOR that has been through the program
- A Better Mormon program (overcoming addiction from an LDS perspective) - Download the MP3s at abettermormon.com
- Cure the Craving - curethecraving.com
- Find a new hobby
- Give meaningful service (try family history indexing if you need something easy; you can do this anytime - familysearch.org/indexing)
- Overhaul your diet - Cut out junk food and eat healthier
- Exercise more
- Change your sleep habits - early to bed, early to rise
- Stop listening to music that might distract from your ability to feel the Spirit

You sound like a good person that really wants to do what is right. That is awesome! Please don't give up on yourself. Recovery is definitely possible (and amazing!) with the Savior's help."
posted at 11:22:15 on March 18, 2014 by rmww
Honesty    
"I totally agree with the above comment. The harsh reality of what is going on is, you are still in denial about what is really going on.

For me, it took 10 years of denial thinking that in I have abstained for at least a month that will be enough time to completely lick this thing. How completely wrong I was. And even after that 10 years I finally start on a path toward real recovery, I still struggle for another 8.

Here's why:
#1: Your real problem is not looking at pornography and masturbation
#2: #1 is only a symptom of your real issues
#3: Your real problems are specific to you, but common ones are: negative emotions, self pity, self depreciation, lust, dishonesty, poor communicator, manipulation, PRIDE, etc.
#4. You are acting like a victim. You may not think you are. But you are. I didn't think I was. But I was. For some reason I thought that looking at Porn was something that just happened to me and I was frustrated that "it" kept happening. The truth......I had low self esteem and lust was a way to make me feel better about myself. So I acted on those negative feelings by looking at something that made feel better but only temporarily. It didn't "just keep happening." I made a choice to act on my weaknesses and thought (pretty naively) that I could take care of it on my own.

This is a very very deep issue that will take many many years of diligent focused recovery. It will be with you the rest of your life. 1 month of "white knuckle" abstinence does not = cured. But with that, you cannot and must not tell yourself that if you slipped up or acted out that you are back at the bottom of the recovery ladder. You are not. One month of abstinence is awesome. That slip is a small decline on a trail that leads to the top of a mountain. I've spent almost 8 years in recovery. Not total recovery. I've been on many declines and many steep ascents.

So where to you learn all this, the suggested resources above are great. What has made the biggest difference for me are LDS ARP meetings. In my area there is a Pornography specific meeting. I've been able to realize that there are many many people who use pornography as a mechanism to cope with their problems. I am not the only one. You are not the only one. This has made a huge difference. You need to talk to your bishop. Talking to you father is great. Talk to your friend? sure. But you have to decide if this friend will give you good advice and be supportive or be more judgmental and try to fix your issues for you.

The first three steps in recovery are to come to realize these three things;
1. I can't!!!!
2. God Can!!!!!
3. I am willing to do what it takes to give my addiction up and allow God to help

Find a group meeting and GO!!!!"
posted at 00:09:37 on March 29, 2014 by Anonymous
Spiritual Roots to Addiction    
"Chris, I want to help you better understand why this is an endless struggle. Many people have given you good advice here, but there is a really important element that people are missing, and this is why the struggle continues despite your good desires. Read the post "Why you can't stop once you start" at http://wholesomelives.wordpress.com to get a better understanding a out the spiritual roots of the problem. With the right information and the right tools it doesn't have to be such a struggle. There is a way to end the wrestle
God bless you."
posted at 13:45:43 on April 4, 2014 by Anonymous
Nice to see you back    
"Nice to see you back. Every once in a while it is necessary to go out of the rooms and work on step 1.

Matt"
posted at 11:01:38 on April 5, 2014 by Powerlessnes


Add a Comment:


***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)








help
join
"Brothers and sisters, stay on the straight and narrow path. No, stay in the middle of the straight and narrow path. Don't drift; don't wander; don't dabble; be careful. Remember, do not flirt with evil. Stay out of the devil's territory. Do not give Satan any home-field advantage. Living the commandments will bring you the happiness that too many look for in other places. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006