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Im not sure what to do from here
By jman04
1/22/2014 6:26:44 PM
Ok so Im 16, an Aaronic priesthood holder, first assistant to the Bishop of the priests quorum. I was born into the church.

My problem started when I was very young, primary age. Back then I wouldn't have considered it to be an addiction and I didn't fully comprehend how serious it was. I was carrying a painful burden until the start of last year. After having the most spiritual experience of my life (at that point) at EFY I felt the need to repent more than ever, and I did take some necessary steps which involved talking to my Bishop. (During this time I was 15 and 1st counsellor in the Teachers Quorum presidency) For the first time in a while I felt a sense of freedom after that first confession....However, the year 2013 rolls on and within that time I had to confess two more times. It got to the point where by Bishop said these exact words, "Mate, with the way your going you're heading for Disfellowshipment." And also, "The next time you mess up I'll have to release you from your calling."

Since then I Volunteered to participate in the Addiction Recovery Program in my stake, I am the youngest participant. I say volunteered because...I did, I was never told that I needed to by Bishop or anyone, I was just so angry with how spiritually weak I was/am and needed more help.

I can't remember when exactly was the last confession I made, I would estimate in the months, but I have slipped up again. I am completely in shock, it has only been a few weeks since returning from another spiritual EFY experience, I returned with a desire to improve myself, I had the privilege of having a member of the 70 preside over a recent stake conference, his inspiring messages only increased my desire to become better.. So today I'm thinking..."WHAT HAPPENED??"

I understand that some action of repentance needs to be taken and I would humble myself should I need to have ANOTHER confession, but is it completely necessary? This was a single slip up, I do feel a familiar guilt that I had before I first confessed.

All I want to do is be worthy to hold the priesthood, have the spirit in my life, serve a mission and get married in the temple. I will do what ever is necessary. If it means being released or even disfellowshipped, then it has to happen.

So I would like to know if it is completely necessary to confess all "slip ups"

Comments:

No idea what the answer to your question is, but...    
"God knows we are going to make mistakes in this life. He made us natural men and women. We do not have the strength to overcome our weaknesses. God have us these weaknesses do we can learn that we are still men and women in need of a Savior. God gave us these weaknesses so we can learn to rely on him...that we can become strong through His power.

You can overcome this, Jman04. It is possible. This, too, will pass. Just don't give up"
posted at 16:10:18 on January 24, 2014 by Anonymous
What did you do?    
"Was it porn? masturbation? petting? sex?"
posted at 17:33:50 on January 24, 2014 by beclean
Sorry if you struggle to make sense out of this, Ill try to explain in detail    
"I used to be constantly indulging in pornography, can't remember exactly when it started, maybe when I was 12/13. I also began masturbation when I was around the same age. I discovered masturbation by accident (curiosity of a 12 yr old...) however at that time I had no idea that masturbation was a sin because we are taught in school that it is normal for young teens to masturbate and that there is nothing wrong with it, I didn't get a church lesson on it until I was 15 but by then I was addicted. So anyway I confessed for the first time, I expected to have some priesthood privileges taken away from me but nothing happened. Bishop said that he knew I was really a "good boy" deep down and told promise me to promise him that I would take precautions to prevent more indulgence and slip ups e.g. not using internet late at night, those kind of things....

Several Months later....

I have ceased my addiction with viewing pornography but I still continued to masturbate, though I did go on any porn sites, any kind of "love-scene" from movies, t.v, music videos almost always triggered familiar habits. I confessed for the second time. (At this point I am 1st assistant in the priests quorum) He tells me that should I stuff up one more time I would be released from my calling and that anymore significant indulgence with this could result in disfellowshipment. BUT still, I was able to resume doing my priesthood duties, partake of the sacrament, hold a temple recommend, etc.

a few more months later...

I slip up. I didn't masturbate or go on a porn site. I watched an explicit music video involving nudity. It took me 2mins into the vid to get out of that situation. So, completely shattered and angry for stuffing up, I willingly confessed for the 3rd time. After describing what happened he said something like this, "How I see this, is that you were on the edge, about to dive into a pit of despair, you did not commit any sinful action afterward and I see that are being truly repentant..." This confession ended the same way no consequences. I then asked to join the addiction recovery program and I did find it helpful after going through the 12 steps. Then came summer vacation and my family went on holiday for 3 weeks (Dec 19 2013- Jan 11 2014) and I was able to attend EFY while on holiday. SO...since I left, I have missed 6 weeks of the addiction recovery progam...

I slipped up again. Same as last time, not a porn site, I did not fully masturbate but I have been doing some inappropriate touching/feeling. This is my current situation. I am wandering if it is necessary to confess this slip up or to start going back to recovery meetings, daily prayer scripture study, etc OR BOTH??

Sorry if this was hard to follow"
posted at 20:55:08 on January 24, 2014 by jman04
My Opinion    
"You are doing great, and you need to recognize that. You are a valiant young man dealing with the same temptations and weaknesses all young men deal with. Of course women are attractive. Of course you are tempted to masturbate. You are normal.

If you told the whole truth here, I don't think you've done anything you need to confess to the Bishop. But you may want to keep attending meetings, and of course you should read scriptures and pray daily.

Please don't live in fear of messing up and being disfellowshipped. That only creates stress, and stress makes this worse. Instead, look for ways to reduce stress. Take better care of your body. Get a new hobby.

Do you know WHY you crave these things? Check out http://abettermormon.com

You are a child of God. Think about that and all it entails. He loves and accepts you. Turn to him. Give yourself to him."
posted at 21:26:31 on January 24, 2014 by beclean
Thankyou    
"Thankyou BECLEAN.

I will make a more determined effort to stay on the right path. Thank you for this feedback. I guess I will only know for sure if I still feel a strong sense of guilt but after reading your reply I felt a familiar sense of freedom.

Thanks again."
posted at 21:51:03 on January 24, 2014 by jman04
New account, relapsed    
"(Having trouble logging in to jman04 so I made this account - I am the same person)

Alright so straight to the point, I have relapsed. What exactly happened: Having given up masturbation for a series of months I have been having some wet dreams as pubertal boys do, there have been 2 occasions where I did masturbate straight after it happened. I guess I had this "excuse" that since I had ejaculated, might as well make sure that its all out. Just this morning (a sunday of all days...)I did it without having a prior wet dream. Clearly this must be resolved somehow but I would really appreciate some feedback. ps.I have moved into a new ward since my last post so I was released as 1st assistant to the bishopric."
posted at 19:29:38 on March 1, 2014 by rise
grr having trouble loggin in to any account!!    
"(This is Rise and Jman04)

I have never told my parents exactly what I have been doing, though I sometimes wander if they know and that they are only exercising faith in me to do the right thing. I asked my parents to drop me off and pick me up from my chapel for a "meeting", they didn't ask what it was, I assume they have an idea cuz my dad is a former bishop. I keep this from them only because I don't want to disappoint them, me being their only child and that I am ashamed. I commend your efforts too. None of us can be 100% worthy in this life because 100% is perfection, and we aren't perfect, but the Lord blesses our honest efforts and with him NOTHING is impossible, we will get through this!
ps. try not to focus on how many days you can go without sinning or the number of times you slip up. What really matters is how quickly you get back up and "come unto Christ" Moroni 10:32 says that we need to "come unto him first, then be perfected in Him and deny ourselves of all ungodliness...""
posted at 02:38:06 on March 2, 2014 by Anonymous
Two things    
"1. How far are you into the http://abettermormon.com program I mentioned earlier? Masturbation is not something you can really stop every time if you are waiting to fight it until the craving hits you. You need to be fighting it long before that moment. You need to be keeping your body, mind, and spirit balanced. You need to have great habits and excellent coping skills. If you aren't working on those things (with the http://www.curethecraving.com program), then you are likely to keep struggling with it. If you really, truly are ready to stop, check out the program and work through it. It helps.

If you are into pornography or other sexual things, then you REALLY need the program, and the Church 12-steps, and your Bishop, etc., etc. You can overcome--immerse yourself in these things.

2. If Masturbation is all you are struggling with, not pornography or other sexual experiences, then I would say you should not get too angry or frustrated with yourself if you mess up on occasion. I am not giving you free license to go do it all the time, but I am saying that it's not the end of the world, and you are not a bad person for slipping up once in a while. So, don't get all down about it and angry at yourself. Just get back up and move on. For almost forty years, the only thing the Church (and, last month, BYU-Idaho http://swampland.time.com/2014/02/06/university-president-explains-world-war-i-anti-pornography-video/ ) has really said aimed directly at masturbation is "Masturbation is a behavior that, if continued, could over time lead to things that are sinful." So, I say let's try to focus on spending our time doing other things--like taking good care of our bodies, minds, and spirits--but let's not be too frustrated with an occasional masturbation slip-up.

That's my opinion."
posted at 17:04:25 on March 2, 2014 by beclean
Unconventional Advice    
"Focus on pornography. That's the real danger, that will lead you down the path of destruction. Masturbation, I mean really. Touching yourself doesn't require sexual thoughts. It didn't for me until I started porn. Pornography is the real issue. Sex is a real danger. Masturbation is something teenagers discover because of crazy hormones. With parents who are scared to talk about sex, let alone puberty, it creates a huge taboo feeling.

MrJackoBoy, I forgot how old you are, but your hormones will almost force you to masturbate until your late teens or early 20s. People used to get married around 16,17 and that took care of that sexual appetite. Now all of the sudden its after your mission but guess what, your body doesn't care.

Our desire for sex is natural. Masturbation is not something created by man, it's something that just happens and it feels good. Simple as that. Your not ingesting anything or causing harm to others. Sure, if you had the simple choice of not doing it cool. But you and I both know its not that simple. A bunch of people on here will condescend me for what I say, honestly I don't care. They have their lifelong pornography, sex, drug, whatever addictions that's fine for them. But I don't like people putting masturbation in that same realm.

Personally, my pornography issue has been improved dramatically and masturbation helps. Some days I just feel a huge urge to use porn, but instead I masturbate. The urge/temptation for porn is dramatically decreased and I can MOVE ON with my life. I don't spend hours worrying about this issue. This isn't some thorn that I will carry the rest of my life. Stop making it such a huge burden. Simply focus on god and spiritual things instead of worrying. Guilt is not a godly thing, and all of this crap on masturbation only produces guilt. Yes try not to do it, but if you canr think about anything else and finally give up and do porn, is that better?? Pornography is a psychological addiction. That is so much worse than the sin of touching yourself.

Do what you want to. Just remember you are going through puberty. Many people have forgotten what that is like, and many just see everything as black and what. Although I don't believe masturbation to be a grievous sin, if you were to ask me at the end of my lifetime if I regret the sin of masturbation in order to overcome the sin of pornoraphy, I would say of course not. Taking that little step back in order to make huge leaps forward were easily worth it.

good luck."
posted at 03:20:07 on March 3, 2014 by mint
Masturbation is a Gateway    
"Masturbation is a sinful gateway to using porn or other sexual perversions. Masturbation was first, andnas soon as I learned what it was called, I noticed plenty of articles online on how to increase your pleasure. Of course porn was highly reccomended. So I told myself I'd only look once, see what it's like. Of course that turned into worse and worse porn. We just keep wanting more and more. Usually when we masturbate, lustful thoughts go through our head, which as the apostles put it, is the same as comitting adultery. You think touching yourself wasnt spurred by sexual thoughts? Pffft. I seriously doubt it. I don't think we should treat it so lightly, because it's very damaging as well. I can't say I ever felt the spirit while I was doing it everyday, even though I didn't know that it was bad. But I did know the sexual thoughts were bad. And masturbating just fueled the fire. If you want to replace one sin with another, be my guest. I just don't think that's the right thing to do."
posted at 09:46:03 on March 3, 2014 by Anonymous
And of you're like me    
"If you're like me, you've probably become an expert at masturbating. I don't want to get too into it, but you find out what feels good and for how long you can do it. For me it really hampers my academic ability and the ability to focus. Having this problem + ADHD just makes studying horrible. I either stay up late masturbating, because I can do it for too long... That ruins my quality of sleep. Or I do it during the day which ruins my focus. The fact is no sin makes you happy in the end. I tried once to not think a thing of it when I relapsed, and to be happy. That just led to more guilt and I felt like I was trying to fight God by trying to ignore the punishment which is sadness and guilt of sin... I don't think we should blame "hormones". There are plenty of guys who go through life never doing it. They probably had their parents teach them the right way before and they had strong testimonies of the gosepl. Sadly I had neither foundation when I started. I also once tried to replace sin with another sin, saying I would abondon the other one once I overcame it. As you've probably read, I have a homosexual attraction problem. So I decided I'd start masturbating to women again, not porn exactly but sexualized images. Obviously it didn't work because I'd already ruined my brain chemistry...."
posted at 09:58:00 on March 3, 2014 by Anonymous
My friend    
"Buddy, if you use what I say to justify a relapse, then that is your decision, and I take no fault for it. You are in control of yourself.

I said exactly what I believe to be right, and I stand by it 100%. I said for 40 years, the Church has not called it a sin. And the quotes you gave me were about that old. And the scriptural verse says nothing about masturbation.

Now, please understand me. Masturbation is not something that serves you. It doesn't solve the problem that you need to solve. It leaves you empty, and it makes you feel bad. It leads to other, greater problems. It is usually accompanied by other sinful behavior. I would definitely work on trying to avoid it.

I don't do it.

I choose not to. I choose to work on my body, mind, and spirit long before the temptation ever comes. I keep myself in balance.

I recommend you do the same.

But if you keep telling yourself that you are some kind of bad creature for masturbating, then you are only going to make the problem worse.

But I'm not going to win this fight here. We've had it so, so many times. There are those of us who know it's not the worst thing in the world, and there are others who think it's as bad as anything else. You pick. Either way, we all agree we should stop. I just think it's easier to stop when you realize that you aren't the piece of trash you think you are.

You are a child of God with infinite worth. He loves you and accepts you, and he would have loved you, even if you had chosen, of your own free will, to masturbate. But perhaps you wouldn't have loved yourself. If that is the case, I recommend you learn to love yourself.

Please check out http://www.curethecraving.com. You're a good person."
posted at 14:57:34 on March 3, 2014 by beclean
Balance    
"If you are staying up late to masturbate, I can tell you are living a life without balance in your body, mind, and spirit.

Step one is not "I'm going to stop masturbating."

Masturbation is a symptom of a problem. It is not the problem.

Step one is, "I am going to go to sleep by 11 pm and get 7 hours of sleep every night. No questions, because I want to stop being tired!"

Step two is taking care of your diet. Step three is getting regular exercise. Step four is meditating and avoiding stress. Step four is working on your relationship with God.

When you do those things, your body, mind, and spirit will all stop craving what they need...and you will stop trying to give them masturbation and pornography as a replacement drug.

Take care of yourself. Give yourself what you really need. And then you won't crave."
posted at 15:28:48 on March 3, 2014 by beclean
I understand, and again I wasn't blaming you, I'm just saying even little things like that plant and grow in an impressionable teens mind.    
"I've done step one. I go even earlier than that. I got to bed at 9:30 everyday, and it has helped some. Last time I relapsed I woke up at 11:30 and as I said, since I'm so 'good' at masturbating and so bad at resistig temptation, I was up until 1:00 am. I feel this mentality, that once I start, it's too late to stop. Then I'm up even later feeling horrible and trying to correct myself and set myself back on the right path. It's not that. I feel like a horrible person for masturbatinng, though it is a small part of it, it's because I'm angry that I can't control myself. I look back and all of my mishaps were COMPLETELY preventable. Some I even gave in too easily. I've fasted, never made it 24 hours. I always cave in an hour or two before. Sure the effort I gave is great but I can never get over the top. Same wih masturbation, no matter how hard I try, barricade myself, keep my day full of spirituality, i fail in the end. I feel I have no self control. But I don't know... I'm just a stupid kid."
posted at 20:57:34 on March 3, 2014 by mrjackoboy
Your Bishop's Response?    
"I have never heard of a bishop that threatened disfellowshiping someone for viewing pornography or masturbating. Was he referring to these things leading to do things that would disfellowship you?"
posted at 00:38:40 on March 4, 2014 by no2name2014
my 2 cents worth    
"I have been around. I was an addict to porn and mast for over 35 years. I have been involved with the church's PASG program from its beginning, first as a participant and for the last 9 years as a missionary serving in the program. I am still recovering ,
I have seen hundreds of people go through our group and have been able to experience the lives and experiences of those brothers. I can tell you that porn and yes masturbation is not just a gateway path to sin but is sin.
The advantage of a pasg group over a regular arp group is that the sharing is much more honest and focused on sexual addiction. I can tell you with extreme accuracy the results of porn and mast. Over 40 percent of men will lose their spouse who are addicted to pornography. I agree with that statistic. To lose an eternal family is a big win for Satan. I have seen countless men who have lost their jobs as well to this addiction.
Pornography is bad enough on its own, but it is masturbation that causes the most brain damage to the pleasure centers of the brain. Porn is the fuel that drives most mast. The chemicals released during orgasm are more addicting and affect more areas of the brain than crack cocaine.
As far as church discipline goes I have seen bishops hand a temple recommend to someone with a p and m addiction and have them use that recommend as a tool to help them stop, by becoming more spiritual. I have seen bishops forbid the use of their priesthood, and partaking of the sacrament and lose of their church positions over just p and m. I have personally known several who were dis-fellowshpiped and a close friend who was ex communicated from the church for porn and mast only.
I suspect the difference in church discipline has most to do with the attitude and the willingness to change on the part of the sinner.
We have had brothers as young as 14 in our group and as old as 85. If you knew what I knew about this stinking addiction it would scare the hell out of you, it has and continues to scare me.
I pray for success for all of us here
brother harvey "
posted at 09:39:48 on March 4, 2014 by harveyf
Get in, get it done, get out    
"Masturbation is not good. The main problem with masturbation is fantasy and where masturbation leads. If you are looking at pornography and masturbating, that is doing terrible, terrible damage. If you are looking at porn and not mb, that's really bad, too. And if you are spending hours mb and fantasizing about porn or other fictitious situations, THAT'S JUST AS BAD AS VIEWING THE PORN, in my opinion.

When I say that mb in and of itself is not a sin, I'm talking about the occasions where you almost accidentally touched yourself, it felt good, and withing 30 seconds, you were done. And you were shocked and blindsided. You didn't fantasize about anything...it's almost like you sneezed, and instead of snot, you ejaculated. It's a daytime wet dream. (I'm trying to be a little disgusting here so as not to turn someone on.)

But you see, I'm talking about the most benign masturbation you can think of--but don't think of it, because that's already heading down a different path than what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about when your doctor tells you to provide a sample of semen, or he tells you that if you don't ejaculate every few days, your prostatitis will get worse, or when your wife tells you to take care of yourself and then come to bed. Or even when you feel a sudden, strong temptation to look at porn, and you decide that mb without porn or fantasy would be a lot better for you.

In these cases (not every case), if you get in, get it done, and get out in about 30 seconds, I think you are helping yourself, and it's way better than lying in your bed for 2 hours wanting to mb, fantasizing about porn, and then finally doing it, because you feel you've reached a point of no return. That has much worse consequences for your mind, spirit, and even body than if you had gotten it done in the first minute, said a prayer afterwards, and gone to bed to get some much needed rest.

Look, try to get in balance so that the cravings don't come often. If you really want to fight the cravings, you need to eat healthier than you have ever eaten before and get sufficient rest and exercise. You need to figure out what it is you are REALLY craving when those feelings start, and you need to give it to yourself. For me, I'm usually looking for excitement, rest, or stress relief. If I'm taking care of my body, mind, and spirit, those cravings don't come.

But when the cravings come on strong, it's much better to just decide--actually make a conscious decision--to get it done right now than to fight yourself for days or hours on end and build up with all kinds of fantasy and anticipation. That is so destructive. Just get it done, without porn and without fantasy, if possible, and then get back on the wagon. After it's all over, reevaluate your life and see why the cravings came back, and use it to prepare for next time."
posted at 10:58:51 on March 4, 2014 by beclean
Excommunication for an addiction?    
"I cannot understand how a bishop would ever disfellowship or excommunicate a person with an addiction to anything. That bishop obviously does not understand addiction in the least degree. If a person is in his office telling him about these problems then that shows the person's desire to change. I can't imagine the savior having someone excommunicated or disfellowshiped for viewing porn or masturbating. That makes people like me not want to go in and confess anything to him because they are suppose to be there for support and not to take drastic measures. I understand excommunication for adultery or fornication, but when someone is addicted to something there is a lot more to the addiction than just wanting to do it. Most of the time I hate pornography and I don't want to masturbate, but every three months or so for some reason I get out of balance and my brain changes my desires. I want more than anything to have this out of my life and hearing that there are bishops out there that take those kinds of measures makes me want to just keep it from him."
posted at 12:44:24 on March 4, 2014 by no2name2014
ok ok so many replies, and some misunderstandings    
"(Btw this is jman04 and rise - the one who posted the blog)

My bishops response relating to disfelllowshipment was due to my situation. At THAT time I held the Aaronic priesthood and a calling od 1st assistant in the priests quorum. The way he said it was that should I continue with this addiction as it had been going on for a number of years (and within that time I had been exercising my priesthood, taking the sacrament and held a temple recommend) I may be called to a disciplinary court which could result in disfellowshipment. He then stated and I will quote him exactly, "The next time you stuff up I'm gonna have to release you from your calling." That was a huge motivation for me to make sure that I DONT slip up, but I have and conveniently as I move to another ward being released anyway.

My thoughts on the seriousness of masturbation and porn. Both equally as serious, breaking the law of chastity is the most serious of all sins except murder and denying the holy ghost, I understand the 'hormonal' influences that teens (especially boys) go through is different to those in adolescence and adulthood but I really believe in the phrase, "with God NOTHING is impossible." and I want to just kill this addiction full stop, every time I relapse it feels as if I have let my Heavenly Father, my Saviour, my bishop, my parents, my family and myself down because they all have faith in me."
posted at 13:40:07 on March 4, 2014 by Anonymous
And that's why you continue to struggle    
"You said, "I want to just kill this addiction full stop, every time I relapse it feels as if I have let my Heavenly Father, my Saviour, my bishop, my parents, my family and myself down because they all have faith in me."

In my humble opinion, you will never be able to stop with that attitude.

Wait for it...I'm trying to help. I've been clean for a long, long time (I don't bother counting, so I can't tell you exactly how long).

The first step is to "Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable." Your attitude above seems to indicate that you still think you should be able to manage this. You still think you should have power over this. You think everyone is counting on you and they all have faith in you.

That's garbage, and it's why you are stuck.

You are powerless. You cannot overcome this. No one has faith in you, and you shouldn't either. You are a normal teenage guy. There's no way you can handle this. Stop trying.

But God can. Jesus Christ can handle this. He already did. So, stop feeling like you are dirt every time you mess up. He gave his life for you. Jesus knew you would mess up, and he sacrificed himself for you anyway. God the Father knew everything you have ever done and everything you still will do, and he gave his only perfect son for you.

And it was a good trade.

You are a child of God with infinite worth. God loves you and accepts you. As you come to him, wanting his help and guidance, he loves you. It doesn't matter what you have done, it matters where you are. It matters what your desires are.

My brother, God loves you, even when you mess up. Why do you hate yourself when you mess up? Instead, turn to Him and say, "Oops. Sorry. I did it again. Please take it from me." And get back to your life. He's there for you. He'll gladly lift your burden and fight your battles.

I recommend you stop letting this problem consume you. Stop worrying about it constantly. Stop fearing that you will mess up. When you do, stop shaming yourself. Let it all go.

Instead, start giving yourself to God. Tell him in sincere prayer that you are powerless, and that you cannot overcome. Tell him how much you need him. Ask him to fight these battles, because you cannot fight them any more. Tell him you are going to do everything you can to serve him, and you are going to stop trying to run your own life.

Trust him to make you perfect. Trust him to take care of this problem. He won't do it today. It must be done in his own way and on his own schedule. He might choose to remove it tomorrow, or he might choose to leave you with this struggle for years.

IIII give unto men weakness that they may be humble. And my GRACE is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me. For if they HUMBLE themselves before me and have faith in ME, then will IIIII make weak things become strong unto them.

Notice the part of that, which you are responsible for? NONE of it. Just humble yourself and have faith. That's what the 12 steps are for. Let God work in your life. Stop trying to make this better. Ask him to make it better. Spend your time doing his work, and he will do yours for you.

OK Sorry if that came across all wrong. I just so badly want to help; but this is a lesson that cannot be learned except by the Spirit and by experience.

With great love,"
posted at 15:12:29 on March 4, 2014 by beclean
excommunicated for an addiction:    
"This ONE person was totally unrepentant and unremorseful and that is why he was excommunicated NOT for the sin itlsef. He was an exception to the rule. I have witnessed the results of hundreds of confessions and in almost all cases love was so present, when meeting with the bishop. If someone is trying to change there is always hope given and any discipline is temporary. I do not think anyone who is trying is ever given up on. I only mention this one isolated case to make the point that p and m is bad and needs overcoming at all costs. I do agree with beclean about different levels of thought and badness. There are different levels the less the level the better and a little tumble off the wagon is better than a big one. There is always hope."
posted at 15:33:34 on March 4, 2014 by harveyf
I don't know, beclean.    
"I dont know what to make of your comments, beclean. Everytime I read what you say I feel confused, I feel part of your words come from the adversary, or maybe my intrrpretations are coming from the adversary. I just dont know. I've prayed on it, yet I am still confused. Maybe its because the holy ghost has left me. Thats what they teach in church... That the holy ghost is no longer here to guide me.i want to believe your words beclean, but i keep coming back to having to have a broken heart and a contrite spirit."
posted at 23:00:20 on March 4, 2014 by Anonymous
But id like to add    
"Im on part 5 of the better mormon thing. So i have begun to think differently about a couple of your words. He also mentioned you have to pay for cure the craving. Oh well..."
posted at 23:06:25 on March 4, 2014 by Anonymous
no cost    
"You don't have to pay for cure the craving. Keep going."
posted at 23:26:42 on March 4, 2014 by beclean
The Adversary    
"You wondered whether my words come from the adversary.

You and I both want you to stop masturbating. I'm not telling you to keep it up.

I'm telling you the solution is Christ. He loves you and will fight your battles for you, if you turn to him and stop trusting yourself.

The adversary is telling you that you should be able to do this, and you must be some wicked unlovable person because you can't stop.

Don't believe the adversary. You don't need to be perfect today for God to love you. You just need to keep believing in him. He will make you perfect.

Keep working on cure the craving and make small changes in your life as Tony suggests. If you are also using porn, go to 12 step meetings and keep working with your bishop.

The adversary never invites anyone to believe in Christ.

I promise you, Christ is the solution. He is what you are really craving. He is the cure."
posted at 08:36:21 on March 5, 2014 by beclean
I agree with @BECLEAN    
"Christ is the answer and he is what you are truly looking for, but it may take some effort for you to be able to grasp what is right in front of you.

I am 2 years into recovery. And that is how I felt, alone, judged, flawed, broken. I was always asking God the wrong question: "Please help me stop"

There is so much more to it than that. The more complete process is "Please help me heal". That involves so much more. It involves studying the addiction, learning it's ins and outs. It means accountability and doing things you have never done before, like a group or counseling and being FULLY HONEST with yourself and having others you can be transparent with to keep you honest. It means learning to control shame and not letting it destroy your faith and hope. It means learning to set appropriate boundaries. It means learning more about yourself, discovering what your true trauma issues have been in your life and why you seek solace or comfort or distraction in porn and masturbation.

And then, you will see clearly what pains you are really running from. Then you can ask for more specific healing, Christ is the answer, but you may be asking the wrong question.

It took me a year and a half to realize that right in front of me was answer, I had just been chained out of its reach. I had to take a different path to become free of those chains. Now I have rounded a corner and I see clearly in the distance that my destination is and always has been Christ."
posted at 10:51:29 on March 7, 2014 by WHATTODO2
A suggestion for a program to try    
"My 15 year old son is currently using this program called Fortify. It is free for those 20 and under. The link is at the end of my comment.
The Lord loves you! Read the quotes that show up in the upper right hand corner. One of my favorites is Maxwell from GC 1987. The Lord keeps his promises and really has made a way for you to escape! Keep going! Keep the faith! You can do this!!!
Here is the site:
http://www.fortifyprogram.org"
posted at 04:59:29 on March 17, 2014 by 1stepatatime
Truth    
"Just a couple quick comments:

1. Disfellowshipping an Aaronic Priesthood holder for looking at porn and masterbation is not according to the handbook. Releasing from calling, encouraging you to not take the sacrament, taking away a temple recommend....these things are acceptable. But threatening disfellowship is not the right way to tackle this problem. Mainly cause that's all it is, a threat. I highly doubt someone, especially not endowed, has ever been disfellowshiped for that. I had a bishop once that gave me pages and pages of "good material" that would help me understand my problem with pornography and masturbation. 3 hours of reading later I was convinced I was going to become a serial killer, will likely cheat on my wife, and molest my children. This is not the right way to encourage recovery. The ARP program is the right way. Love is the right way. Christ is the solution, and any ecclesiastical leader not pointing a member addicted to lust in that direction is not following what God wants them to do. IMO. It is unrighteous dominion to try to manage an addiction to lust, porn, masturbation, etc by threatening severe consequences and not with love. I understand that infidelity and serious transgressions warrant serious consequences. But an addiction to pornography does not fit into the disfellowship/excommunicaiton catagory.

2. At 16, you have a long road. I see myself in a lot of your comments. There are so many ridiculous thought processes going on that it is humorous to think back at all the crazy things I thought. Like, "I'm just going to get on the computer when no one is around to check ESPN. And that's all." Uh huh, right, I'm just going to "check how the games went last night" Ridiculous I know. Everyone reading this has had these crazy thoughts. In reality, every time I was really getting on to "mistakenly" look at porn. Then I can say "It" happened. And I become a victim. We like to be victims. The pain is less that way. I see that in a ton of the comments. People sounding like victims and that pornography just happened to them. The TRUTH: pornography is the symptom not the problem. You have a poor self image, and to feel better about yourself you choose to look at things that make you feel better. Until you realize that slip ups don't "just happen" and that you are really choosing the path you're taking, your recovery will be marginal at best. Another ridiculous thought, while i'm on the topic, is this: if I can just stop for 1 month (whatever other number all of us out there have thought up) then I'll have this thing taken care of. Guess what, YOU will never have this thing taken care of. There, I said it! YOU will never take care of it. NEVER! It will always be with you. You will never overcome it. This is the 1st step. You must realize that you are powerless to overcome your addiction. GOD and Christ are the ones who will make this happen. The key is to admit these things, then allow them to make it happen.

3. Lastly, the person who talked about how masturbation is only natural for teenagers and isn't a big deal.......is soooooo wrong. Do not believe that lie. It is inappropriate. It is a gateway. And it doesn't just stop when you get married. Marriage and sex does not cure an addiction to pornography, lust, masturbation. Just ask anyone who has tried this "solution." It doesn't work. "
posted at 00:22:15 on March 31, 2014 by Anonymous
Misinterpretation of Alma 39    
"Jman04, I also think that you are over-interpreting Alma 39. You're taking it out of context. The breaking of law of chastity is only the third worst sin when you have the level of knowledge and have made the level of commitment that Corianton had. You're an Aaronic Priesthood holder, and while that does carry responsibilities, you have not made the higher covenants in the temple. Yes, looking at porn and masturbation are bad, but they are nowhere near the third gravest sin ever. For that same reason, adultery is much worse than fornication. Don't use Alma 39 to make yourself feel guilty. There are much more applicable scriptures are chastity.

You should feel guilty for your sins, but remember that overcoming addiction is a process that is going to be a lot of effort from you, but also a lot of reliance on the enabling power of Christ's atonement. You're going to slip up. I've been clean for ten years and I still get tempted a lot."
posted at 02:30:32 on April 1, 2014 by Anonymous
Thanks for your posts.    
"Thank you to all of you who take the time to post and try to help. It seems to me that everyone posting has a sincere desire to help. It's a cool thing. I pray for all of us struggling with these challenges."
posted at 13:14:38 on April 3, 2014 by Anonymous
Why it is so hard    
"I have read the original post, and glanced over the rest; a lot of input on this. Let me just say there is information that might be helpful in giving you a better understanding as to why it is so hard to do what you ready know you should do. The basic premise behind addiction has a flaw. With the right information and tos it doesn't have to be such a wrestle. Read the post "Why you can't stop once you start" at http://wholesomelives.wordpress.com and see the missing piece that almost no one is addressing. God bless you!"
posted at 13:19:10 on April 4, 2014 by Anonymous
just to add (this is jman04)    
"I hate how I have this weakness. I mean, why this? why porn/mb? why can't I be tempted by something easier to overcome like... Coca-Cola. I really feel like ive been thrown in the deep end of addiction(1Nephi 20:10). There are times where I wish I could just stare down Satan face to face without a flinch as if to say, "Come at me bro!"

Can't imagine what future generations will be up against...

So relapses continue to happen, I was really inspired at the last general conference to change, so I am going to talk to my new bishop. I checked out the sites suggested by BECLEAN, I guess there isn't any different advice I could get from here apart from, "TRY HARDER!"

My 17th birthday is on the 19th of April (2days away) The best thing to do is to take this recovery 1 day at a time, but I would like to have a complete relapse-free year before my 18th (mission time).

So the needs for my body, mind and spirit must be balanced, just saying I also struggle with time management and have a habit of leaving things until crunch time...so ill just have to be in the clutch.(excuse the b-ball reference I am a baller and it helps to motivate me)

"My attitude is that if you push me towards something that you think is a weakness, then I will turn that perceived weakness into a strength." - Michael Jordan

“Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best.” - Tim Duncan

ok ill stop now...Thank you to everyone that replied and I pray that we may all be able to overcome our addictions."
posted at 23:04:33 on April 16, 2014 by Anonymous
More truth    
"I see myself in everything you say. When I was preparing for a mission I did the exact same thing. And you know what, I did it. But not for the right reasons. All I wanted was to avoid the social suicide of not going on a mission when i was supposed to. That's it. You cannot base recovery on abstinance for 1 week, 1 month, 1 year, etc. I used to tell myself if, "if I can just get to 6 months, i'll be fine. i'll have this thing cured." Problem what, I got there, and what did I do? Act out again. Because I was not managing the source of the problem. I was doing what many refer to "white knuckling" my recovery.

Everyone with this addiction (and you are addicted my friend) should be required to read a book entitled "Sitting in a Rowboat throwing mables at a battleship." Just google rowboat and marbles. You can go to the website and sign up to be sent the dropbox copy of the book. It is incredible. No where are the ins and outs of this addiction so articulated. And it is written by the best kind of expert, a recovering addict. Please please ready this brother. It will open your eyes. It has made a huge difference to me in seeing the false understandings i had when it came to this addiction."
posted at 21:11:42 on April 17, 2014 by Anonymous
good masturbation    
"It is true that masturbation can be seen as a good as well as a bad thing, but at the end it just does not matter that much since the person acting it, just needs to release the tension. These being said here are some awesome babes just for entertainment:
http://newshoax.com/search/masturbation/"
posted at 16:14:20 on October 16, 2014 by Anonymous
Broken Brain    
"There's a HUGE difference between sinning and having an addiction. Is porn/masturbation addiction a sin, yes, but they are also different.
I know what you are going through. I beat myself up over and over thinking that I wasn't spiritual enough. Thinking I was a wicked wicked person.
Your brain is broken. Addiction is different than just sinning because despite the consequences, you keep going back. from what I can tell you are a VERY VERY spiritual person. Just look at the calling you've received. Presidencies were inspired to give you your callings. So yes you are spiritual. You are great. but your brain is broken and it doesn't work like a "normal" person's brain does. You need help, and since your brain is broken, you can't fix it yourself. Neither can your bishop or stake president, why? because they aren't qualified to fix brains.
I would act out, slip up, fall down, and cry and feel GENUINE remorse and would GENUINELY repent, seriously, I would repent, only to fall back into it, why? Because my brain is broken and doesn't function correctly. So its not about if you are praying enough or reading enough scriptures. Think of it this way, if you broke your leg, would you go home, get a blessing, pray and read your scriptures and repent repent repent? While all those things would help you, God still expects you to go to a doctor who KNOWS what he's doing and help set and mend your leg. Go to 12 step meetings, see a certified therapist who knows how to help mend brains. It will help. Like the guy who's comment is titled, "MORE TRUTH" said, GET THAT BOOK, it will help you understand."
posted at 02:20:17 on November 11, 2014 by Anoni Mouse


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"My spiritual prescription includes six choices which I shall list alphabetically, A through F:
  • Choose to Be Alive
  • Choose to Believe
  • Choose to Change
  • Choose to Be Different
  • Choose to Exercise
  • Choose to Be Free "

    — Russell M. Nelson

    General Conference, October 1988