Print
Porn/Masterbation addiction
By pettitt1775
11/3/2013 11:54:21 PM
Well I had a porn addiction since I was 10 years old, three years since I was exposed and converted to the gospel. I had to say it was off and on because in my off spouts I was actually able to advance to the priesthood. Basically my usage became worse and worse. By the time I was a member it was a real struggle to go to long without watching it. Well my addiction went through all of highschool and by the end of my years I stopped going to the church. I even had a one year rebellion my sophmore year where I didnt even go to seminary. (in highschool)

I am now a college freshman. In the early months I didnt go to church and I tried running away, instead of fighting my addiction I succumbed and even had sex. Instead of going further deeper into sin I knew I needed to make a change. I went to my local bishop and began the repentance process. I founded friends and surrounded those around me who would not bring me down.

I still had my porn and masturbation addiction and it had grew so bad that by the time i was in college I felt like it just managing to watch porn and masturbate 2 times a day was a miracle. Well I continued this until about Mid October, Ever so slowly I was fighting this and I have actually been reducing my usage. I try stopping forever each and every time but that seems so impossible to me.

My church right now dosent have their addiction clininc set up yet and I have been begging the bishop to let me know as soon as possible when I can attend. I started going to church again almost every Sunday and studying scriptures but I felt like a heathen every time I went.

By mid october I went from just about masturbating every day to just completly stopping. I was essentially giving my all to stop this once and for all. It was actually working and for two and half weeks there was no purposeful porn viewing or masturbation. (if I viewed it was either due to a popup or email that I quickly closed) However on a Sunday after I was ordained a priest, I then succumbed to both porn and masturbation.

Everyday for a week it seemed like a hammer was pounding my head almost all the time to look at porn and masturbate. I was able to fight and ignore it most of the time but for whatever reason this sunday was the worst.

The only time I had peace from this temptation was in church and when I got out the temptation was even worse. I TRIED changing my thoughts but t only seemed to focus on me getting my sexual release. My mind at the time was even more lustful than it had been when I viewed porn a few weeks ago. This temptation was to much and I succumbed both to porn and masturbation.

I dont why I should still be alive, I feel though that death should be my punishment because I was ordained a priest and I this was supposed to be behind me. I am not suicidal but I am wondering why the lord is letting me live. I want to stop and when I prayed it didnt help me this time. I dont know what to do.

I was supposed to be going forward and getting a patriarch blessing and continue in the priesthood. I am going to give one more push and hopefully this will be the last I haft to make. I really dislike myself for doing this.

Comments:

Try a schedule    
"You sound like you need some real help, but haven't found it yet. Given your frequency, I would suggest you give "the schedule" a try. I did this when I was still very high use and couldn't go a day without some porn.

It's very simple. You set a specific day and time range. Example: Tuesday, 8pm-9pm.

That's when you can get your fill. How many days / time slots, its up to you, but the goal here is to reduce them and stick to them, preferably in 30 day increments (that's how long a habit takes to form). What you are doing is creating a habit that controls and out of control habit, then you reduce how often it's needed. If you don't want to "act out" - you don't have to, you can just pass on the opportunity.

I know this will sound nuts to you, but trust me, this works. It's sorta like a nicotine patch approach - very appropriate for high dependency users. I know... I used to be one! I'm now at a point where - if I'm on top of my game, I can go a few weeks. I fell off the wagon most of this year, but even then... I could go a few days no problems.

There is hope. You can beat this. It helps to have support, something I'm missing right now and looking for.

Seriously evaluate your lifestyle. Younger addicts find they need to build a new life, not return to some former life."
posted at 02:14:27 on November 4, 2013 by shootingstar
"Will power is not enough"    
"After re-reading your post, you sound exactly like I was before finding help. Check this out, Candeo is a neat online program - I find it works best if you have a significant other, but it's still possible to use it without one - you just need to be a bit creative:

http://candeobehaviorchange.com/3-keys-to-breaking-free/"
posted at 02:22:42 on November 4, 2013 by shootingstar
If you can't afford Candeo    
"Tony Litster is free, and you definitely don't need a spouse, just an open mind and a desire more than anything to overcome. http://www.abettermormon.com and http://www.curethecraving.com

Welcome to the site. You will find love and acceptance here. You are not your addiction. You are SO valuable to God. He let's you live because he knows you WILL overcome. Jesus has already won this battle for you, and he has already died for you. That is why you live.

Welcome. We love you. You are a good person because you want to overcome. Bad people don't want to overcome. You will win this fight through Christ."
posted at 08:26:30 on November 4, 2013 by beclean
You are not alone    
"You are not alone. Satan wants you to believe you are alone and that you are awful and horrible, but you are not. You are a son of God, and more capable and full of power than any of us can imagine. Never give up. Life is a journey. You are not done yet. Keep doing your best. Consider counseling. I am here for you if you ever want to talk."
posted at 22:07:35 on November 6, 2013 by CptMoroni
Look at my profile    
"I think what I posted recently can be beneficial to helping you stop and break bad habits, I don't feel like re typing it lol, so just click my profile to find it"
posted at 07:49:16 on April 16, 2014 by dive_boy7
Spiritual root of the problem    
"I really feel for you, don't give up. God will never give up on you, so don't give up! There is a spiritual root to the problem that most people overlook. As you described the hammer pounding, I know exactly what is going on. Go to http://wholesomelives.wordpress.com and read the article "Why you can't stop once you start" and you will have a better understanding about the powerful pull this has in your life. With the right information you will be more empowered to get this problem out of your life. God bless you!"
posted at 11:53:39 on April 16, 2014 by Anonymous


Add a Comment:


***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)








help
join
"Don’t live your life in despair, feeling sorry for yourself because of the mistakes you have made. Let the sunshine in by doing the right things—now. It may be difficult to begin, but pick up the scriptures and immerse yourself in them. Look for favorite passages. Lean on the Master’s teachings, on His servants’ testimonies. Refresh your parched soul with the word of God. The scriptures will give you comfort and the strength to overcome. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990