Building a New Life
By shootingstar
10/30/2013 12:28:10 AM
I've been thinking about this for sometime. As addicts we all fight the same battle, but I've noticed a very distinct difference between two camps. One are guys like myself, very young exposure, essentially growing up on porn. Then there are the guys who get hooked later in life, maybe around 18-20, after crucial developmental years. They usual dabbled here or there growing up, but the full blown, screw your brain / life up stuff didn't happen till later on in life.

With that said...

A lot of recovery groups talk about "getting your life back", or "getting back to normal". That's all good and fine for the people who got hit by this later in life, but for guys like myself, you can't identify with that. You're whole life, literally 100% of the portion you can remember, has revolved around porn. I can't get this "old porn free life" back, much less try to remember it, - it simply never existed for me. Which brings me to the real topic of discussion.

Building a new life.

I've learned that in addition to cutting down / eliminating porn in your life, guys like myself need to also accept and focus on building a new life. We have no choice, there is nothing to go back too. It certainly is extra work on top of an already tough job, but young addicts can't move forward without creating a new life.

If your in this position, what have you done?

I personally have gone threw several self-help lifestyle type programs. I've challenged myself to find new highly social hobbies (I've taken up social dance lessons).

I spent much of my formative years hunting for porn - not building any social skills. I've benefited heavily from books covering communication basics, like body language. Learning body language really made a huge impact on my life, especially when I changed my own to only powerful, confidant body language. This might sound weird, but until I started to study that stuff... I had no idea so many women in porn didn't want to be there. Once you learn the subtle details, you can just see that most of the women in the photos and videos you look at... don't want to be there. They clearly don't enjoy the sex they are having. Most often they are in real physical pain as their partner pays no attention to their comfort.

What have you done? I'm always looking for new ideas.


John 3:3    
""Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."

Your post describes the need for a new life. The true meaning of being a Christian is to change our old life and follow Christ during our new life. Step 3 in the LDS manual is very good at bringing this out. During that step, we commit our will and life to Jesus Christ.

In terms of building a new life, the later steps show how to do this, especially step 12. Being a part of the fellowship at group helps us come out of our self absorbed ways and learn to care about others."
posted at 20:09:00 on October 30, 2013 by ETTE
Ette: "Like"    
posted at 21:48:36 on October 30, 2013 by beclean

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"If it were possible to make your road very easy, you wouldn’t grow in strength. If you were always forgiven for every mistake without effort on your part, you would never receive the blessings of repentance. If everything were done for you, you wouldn’t learn how to work, or gain self-confidence, or acquire the power to change. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990