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Responding to the "Farnsworth Sisters" Blog Post
By rmww
10/21/2013 11:08:33 PM
Apparently my entire ward thinks that the purpose of Facebook right now is to share a recent blog post called "What Christian Parents Need to Know about Pornography". It's an interesting article, and I agree with much of what was said.

farnsworthsisters.com/2013/10/what-christian-parents-need-to-know-about-pornography/

Something bugged me about it though, and I felt prompted to make a response. They have some sort of spam blocker that is preventing me from responding on their site though, so I figured I'd post my comments here instead... Just to get this off my chest. :-)

Sorry if it's long. Maybe that's why the spam blocker blocked me! Also, feel free to correct me if my opinions are out of whack at all... most of you have way more experience with addiction recovery than I do at this point.

- - - - -
First of all, I'm an active Christian / LDS father that unfortunately got sucked into my own addiction with pornography, which led to many years of unspeakable guilt and shame. I'm finally on the road to recovery now, after managing to break free from bad habits and turning my life over to the Savior as completely as I could. I've been free from this filth for a while now, and I never want to go back.

I agree with most of this blog post, but I think there are some key points missing. Yes, pornography is horrible. Yes, pornography is incredibly addictive. Yes, kids will come across inappropriate stuff on the Internet. But what it fails to mention is the unfathomable number of teenagers and adults that are ALREADY HOOKED on this filth. We still talk in terms of protecting our families (which I totally agree with!), although I personally think we need more honest dialog about RESCUING loved ones that have fallen into this pit. We talk in terms of how horrible this stuff is that "those" perverts and deviants are engaged in, when in reality, "those" perverts and deviants are secretly in our families and sitting around us in church, too ashamed to admit that they have the problem that we keep emphasizing is so horrible.

One good woman let her husband know that she would divorce him on the spot if she ever found out he looked at porn. Certainly an understandable attitude from a virtuous woman wanting to take a stand against this filth. But how does that attitude work out? Well, the taboo of it all makes pornography even more alluring. In a moment of weakness, the husband slips up. He certainly can't tell his wife for fear of her divorce promise, so he keeps it a secret. Addictions thrive in secrecy, and before he knows what happened, he's hooked even further. He's now introduced secrecy into the marriage, which poisons the relationship. Over time, the pornography warps his values (see #5 in the blog post), and his marriage suffers. Now, I'm NOT saying the wife is at fault in any way here. It's obvious that this sin rests clearly on the husband's shoulders. However, if the wife's approach was more of a "let's trust in the Savior's atonement and work through whatever problem comes up TOGETHER," maybe the husband could have gone to his wife immediately like he should have, and started getting the help he needs before putting the marriage in jeopardy.

The same things goes for our kids. If we aren't careful, the way we talk about pornography may end up fostering secrecy and addiction in our kids. WHEN they end up seeing it on the Internet (note the WHEN, not IF), our very own approach could shame them into keeping their problem a secret, and before long, we've inadvertently helped to destroy our own kids.

Pornography is a horrible plague. It really is. I wallowed in it for a long time, and it really sucks. I encourage everyone to stay as far away from it as possible. If you or a loved one has already messed up, get help! Please talk to your spouse, parents, or a church leader. But the longer we fail to realize that this is already a problem in our own families and church congregations, the more this cancer will spread. I think it's OK to talk about how horrible pornography is, but please, let's also mix in heavy doses of repentance and forgiveness, and the miraculous gift of Jesus Christ that provides THE way forward for those that have fallen.

Comments:

Great Post!    
"Thanks for your insight."
posted at 11:16:05 on October 22, 2013 by matt78
They Don't Get It    
"People who are addicted should turn to other addicts for support. There is a reason loved ones are separated from addicts at most groups. Recovered addicts will provide the best support for other addicts because they have been there and done that.

The blog you cited proves that addiction is very hard to understand for those who are not addicted."
posted at 21:15:19 on October 22, 2013 by ette


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"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004