Help, does this ever end?
By churchgirl
9/30/2013 2:40:48 PM
So i had been doing really well there for a while and then the craving of sex came back to haunt me. I've had some hot and heavy make out sessions and I want sex so bad now. I honestly want a temple marriage,. I haven't done anything sexually in over a year but I do talk about it. Any thoughts of what I should do? How do I get that temple marriage? I'm tired of living this way. I'll be 22 in a couple of months and i want to start settling down.. Some one please help me.


I don't know    
"I don't know if it ever ends. But they say eventually the obsession goes away most of the time as you gain recovery. And it seems that this is true, at least in my case. But, the good news is, you only have to worry about one day at a time. Attending SA meetings is one thing that had helped me. to find a meeting, go to Hang in there.

posted at 15:06:15 on September 30, 2013 by Anonymous
posted at 19:18:46 on September 30, 2013 by Anonymous
"Something that's been helping me (even though I had a stumble) is the principle of Anicca or Impermanence. Edmund Burke said "...people never give up their liberties but under some delusion". I have found that one of the greatest delusions I fall under before relinquishing my liberty to act/choose/surrender is the delusion that "this IS permanent" "this will NOT go away". It does go away. Without acting on it. And just like it's onslaught it's abatement is also, unfortunately, impermanent. Lust, passion, anger, depression, joy, love, ecstasy, awe, all come and go. Like the tide. Attachment to any one feeling or emotion is a vicissitude in itself. For none are permanent. Remembering this, even now as I'm starting over, is very helpful to me. I will not always be on day one. And day 100 (or 5 or 14) will not always be so hard. Good luck playa."
posted at 22:20:00 on September 30, 2013 by they_speak
"Girlie, check you out man. Just throwing down wisdom like it ain't no thang. Look how far you've come! I'm proud of you :)"
posted at 22:30:47 on September 30, 2013 by they_speak
Please remember how far you've come    
"and remember to ask the Lord to help you. It's not evil to go before the Lord and be completely open and honest with him. Tell Him what you've told us, and then ask Him to grant you the desire to have the desire to be clean (sometimes we don't want to give up our addictions, so we have to ask for the desire to do so, i.e., we need to ask for a change of heart.) This works 90+% of the time when I have cravings for my addiction.

I'll be praying for you. You have been an inspiration to me.

BTW, have you talked openly with your boyfriend(s) about this? I mean, have you said that you want to stop the heavy makeout sessions? It takes two to tango, and these sessions are obviously a trigger for you, as they are for everyone, male and female. We were designed by God to be that way, but only in marriage. I think it's well within your capabilities to stop the makeout sessions, and if not, pray for strength in that matter, too.

Another practical, doable (do-able) thing is to seek good associations and wholesome activities. This could be service projects as well as any Church-sponsored young adult activity, like barbeques, etc. You could have a lot of fun and maybe meet some new guys who don't need to make out with you to enjoy your company.

As far as your question "does this ever end" is concerned, I don't know. I was addicted at a very young age and I left the Church for twenty years, and so things got ingrained into the very fibers of my being. I don't think you're anywhere near that stage now. But for all of us addicts, the phrase "crucifying our flesh" is a very real thing, because that's what abstinence feels like in its earlier phases, and sometimes we have flashbacks even well into recovery.

I think you're having flashbacks, but I think you've brought them on by these heavy make out sessions. Stop triggering yourself. Don't throw away the blessings of the next life by giving in to momentary urges in this life. The next life is going to be so much better, infinitely better, so please don't miss out on it. Remember the experiment with the children and the marshmallows (you can have one marshmallow now, or wait fifteen minutes and have two). Wait for two marshmallows (or an infinite number of marshmallows, much better than the first one).

I hope this helps you. Go to twelve step meetings, work the steps, and find a sponsor. You need someone you can call at a moment's notice who can help steer you away from evil cravings. If you are isolated from mainstream LDS youth, get back into the mainstream. God be with you."
posted at 12:45:49 on October 1, 2013 by dog
"You seem like you are flailing as well as spinning your wheels and getting no where.

What are your feelings on the Atonement."
posted at 14:57:19 on October 1, 2013 by Anonymous
You need to choose    

I am a recovering addict and I admire you for having the courage to share your struggles with us. For you to be clean for over a year is amazing and do not ever forget how far you've come. Remember the craving of sex is Satan's way of trying to tempt us. To him, it doesn't matter how long you've been clean, he will continue to try to tempt in you in the most subtle ways. But we have the spiritual strength to resist him when we prepare ourselves regularly.

You want sex so badly but you a temple marriage too. I think we have to focus on the good. Remember waiting to be worthy for the temple marriage will be such a greatest joy for you. I suggest trying to focus on serving others. Keep yourself busy with whole things to do. It's not about holding the cravings of sex inside, but releasing it through something else, like service. Volunteer on your spare time. Get out of the house when you are alone. Make it a priority! Things like that will help decrease that desire. Also, recovery meetings are very helpful. This is what I did to help my addiction.

Temple marriage only comes when you are spiritually, physically and mentally ready. That's where your partner comes in too. Make sure make out sessions never happens anymore. Try to spend time with your boyfriend by being with other people too. Help will always be available if you want it. I support you, and I will pray for you. Don't give up!"
posted at 14:33:11 on October 6, 2013 by kimi
I understand    
"dear churchgirl,

I understand exactly how you feel. Trust me I believe you can do it. I know you can. I find that through the atonement we can overcome everything. that I promise you. I truly do feel for you churchgirl. I know what it feels like to want those things so bad and not feel you deserve them or can make it, but the atonement is infinite and he can make us clean, if not it wouldn't be a true atonement. Our father in Heaven loves you more than you will ever know. He died on the cross so we could all find courage to overcome these weaknesses we have. Trust me I served a mission and I beat myself up everyday for the mistakes I have made since getting home only eight months ago but I refuse to let satan think that he has won. I'll tell you something that helps me. When I'm about to fall into temptation I like to pull from my wallet two photos. one is a picture of the savior and the second is a picture of my mother and everytime I think to do something I will regret I think of how much it would hurt both of them to know I am caught up in these things. it helps a lot. churchgirl the savior loves you and he will never give us a trial we can't overcome. there is a lot of power in that scripture. that is proof in and of itself that you can overcome it. you will overcome it. you will get married in the temple and you can have all of the blessings our father in heaven has in store for you. Now just find the answers you need to overcome it."
posted at 11:37:12 on October 11, 2013 by rogermerril

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"The solution to this problem ultimately is neither governmental nor institutional. Nor is it a question of legality. It is a matter of individual choice and commitment. Agency must be understood. The importance of the will in making crucial choices must be known. Then steps toward relief can follow."

— Russell M. Nelson