3 day porn binge
By they_speak
9/26/2013 5:26:33 PM
Sometimes, it's funny/not funny, I still have a hard time admitting that i've slipped/relapsed to you guys. After all I've been through and a lot of folks, here especially, having been along for the ride I start to listen to my ego tell me people are going to think "is this kid ever going to learn?" "how could he keep putting his wife through this after everything he's already put her through?" "if he'd just do this or that or just take things more serious or be more humble" etc. etc..

But, that's where I'm at today. Work has slowed down a bit (a ton) and for the last 4 or 5 days I've basically been hanging out in a basement with my beloved macbook air. A golden calf in itself; but that's another story. My wife is 3 states away until we can figure out what we're going to do with our 3 bedroom 2 bath prison. So, here I am. Feeling empty and all that other good stuff that comes with a binge. Disconnected. Uhg.

As seems common this comes on the heels of one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. Typical. Right? Fudgin annoying. I went to a Vipassana meditation course for ten days up in the CO Rockies. I could write a book on that experience alone. In fact I've been trying to blog about it for the past 5 days but have found it really difficult to condense into a coherent blog worth reading. Suffice it to say for now that 10 days in complete silence (you take an oath of silence) while meditating for 10 hours each of those days is an eye opener. Or was for me. During the course I felt like I entered into my own dark side cave. Like Luke Skywalker in Return of the Jedi. There I faced off with some of my own Vaders.

Yoda: "That place… is strong with the dark side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go.
Luke: "What's in there?"
Yoda: "Only what you take with you." (as you remember the man behind Vaders mask in dark side cave turned out to be Luke himself).

Gosh, so many details I'd love to share about my experience there but there's just so much. The Holy Ghost visited me there as I've only felt one other time in my life, in the MTC during a blessing I was receiving, and showed me a few things and guided and encouraged a few other things.

Then I come home and wammy here I am. I was telling my wife I think part of my problem is when ever I exert myself for some time for whatever reason be it for my job or school or for spiritual reasons or even exerting myself for entertainment like vacations when I'm done or the exertion period is over I feel like I just have to be lazy. Let my hair down. Relax. To make up the difference. I don't know that 'entitled' is quit the perfect adjective for my feelings but it is as if I really believe if I don't relax I'll die or something. And that seems to be when I get caught in the snare. I don't know how to relax, and or maybe I don't know how to exert myself, properly. With wisdom.

It started with Facebook and Instagram. "Oh, I'll just check to see what I've missed in the world for the last week and a half". Then music "man, I've got this long drive home and I've had a spiritually grueling and rewarding week...I just need to listen to whatever I want and zone out for a bit. I'll listen to books on tape and classical music once I've relaxed a bit." The next thing I know I've been sitting in bed literally all day completely isolating doing to most useless superficial things to satisfy my craving for approval with "Likes" and witty banter and the static in my brain from music is so loud I am practically un-conscience. A sleep walker.

"The millions are awake enough for physical labor; but only one in a million is awake enough for effective intellectual exertion, only one in a hundred millions to a poetic or divine life. To be awake is to be alive. I have never yet met a man who was quite awake. How could I have looked him in the face?" ~Henry David Thoreau

It's no wonder at this point I end up looking at porn. Even as I write about it it seems so clear and obvious. A scripture that keeps coming to mind right now is "[they] could not endure his presence" D&C 84:24. Like Thoreau implies, it appears that it takes a measure of spiritual fortitude to endure the Light. Even within an awakened person. Light cleaveth to light. We must be awake to the light in us, or as vs. 23 puts it "sanctified", and cyclically we become conscious of the Light. His presence.

But, "they love darkness rather than light, and their deeds are evil, and they receive their wages of whom they list to obey.". Maybe all that seems a little high falutin but simply, as terrible as it may seem, I have noticed in myself when ever I find a measure of enlightenment or the Spirit or what have you I have a hard time enduring it. Like I just want to close my eyes again. Relax. Go back to proverbial sleep. Get a little dirty. "Oh this is just a little too clean. Too sterile. Too pure. I feel a little too alive, too awake, too ready to work seeingly. Eye's wide open." Awareness is just tough. Ignorance is bliss I guess. I don't know how else to describe it. Everybody, I assume, thinks they want what the prophets and enlightened and awake people of the past and present have...but it seems, at least in my case, it's going to take some practice and getting use too.

Anyway, back down to earth. I ask myself "what 'sacrifices' am I ultimately going to have to make to stay in the Light? To 'endure' the presence. To remain awake." I actually wonder if it's not the big obvious one's but the little 'harmless' things I do to escape. Even just for a second. Whatever they maybe. Okay, this blog is getting really long.


Thanks for sharing, Speak    
"Hopefully you know that God still loves you and accepts you. You are his child, with infinite worth. You are more than enough. You are loved and desired. You are a wonderful person.

I have a hard time remembering those things, despite my obvious blessings. If you have the same problem I do, I wanted to let you know I think you are a great person. And don't write that off. Believe it.

Have you tried the Tony Litster stuff at ? I can't remember if you have. Reading your post, and knowing that you are into meditation and other such stuff, I just feel like Tony has exactly the stuff for you. Unless I'm wrong and you've already tried it and it's not helping.

I believe Moses 1:9-12 is the exact story you lived with your Vipassana meditation course (and the days afterwards). The same thing happens to me (and probably most of us) right after we talk with God. And it happened to Moses. 1) We feel weak, and 2) Satan immediately comes tempting saying, "Son of man, worship me." Unfortunately, we altogether too often listen to him--which may explain why we are not prophets and dispensation heads. If it didn't work to tempt people right after God talked to them, Satan wouldn't do it. It must work pretty well; it's one of his main tactics.

Love you, friend."
posted at 21:02:01 on September 26, 2013 by beclean
Deja vu    
"After writing that Moses stuff, I felt like I had written it all before on here. I checked around and found this entry from three years ago:

I'm not sure I feel EXACTLY the same way now as I felt about it back then. I think God is much more gracious than I thought he was then. But, the story is still appropriate.

Interestingly, this definitely lends some credence to the casting out of unclean spirits, but I'm not certain it's a once-for-all thing. If these spirits are all around us, ready to tempt us any time we take a false step OR every time we talk to God, perhaps we should create a habit of regularly casting them away from us whenever we feel tempted? It appears that we can do this for ourselves, as Moses and Jesus did, without needing someone else to do it (unless they were unique..., which they were)."
posted at 21:14:20 on September 26, 2013 by beclean
I almost feel out of my seat...    
"When I saw the user name. Cool Hand Luke, me. It was a user name I had made years ago but never really used. Since I came on as They Speak I would use it occasionally usually to talk about my marriage...because I carried/carry a lot of deep shame about it that I didn't feel I could blog about under my regular name. Because I feel like you guys know me. I needed the extra anonymity. I didn't want anyone responding toward me with all the bias's I assumed surly people would bring in respond to They Speak. In that blog you linked to in particular it was my own bias's that motivated me to blog under that user. Actually it started with the blog 2 days prior but they are both kind of part of the same elephant in terms of the experience. I remember distinctly posting as Cool Hand Luke because at that time the They Speak you all knew was ashamed to admit that maybe he'd had revelation. Or that God told his wife to have faith in him (among other incredible things). Or that God hadn't understandably abandon him completely. I thought how could anyone trust God speaks to me or thinks anyone especially my wife should have faith in me..? I told my wife to follow what ever she felt good about but that in my opinion God was out of his mind. That experience alone would literally, literally in the moment of eternal balance, save our marriage 8 months latter. Your post hit me like a ton of bricks.

Quite a series of seemingly innocuous events. And timing!, whooee. The message. Or messages. Yours. Mine. My wifes. Gods. All coupled together the things that had come to me and my wife at that time is so tied up to my experience and the messages I received in Vipassana last week. You have no idea man. I can't even begin to explain in a blog format. In fact 6 days ago I quoted to my wife from memory a section from her journal about all these things 3 years ago as they related to the things I saw and heard in Vipassana. And now, the last 3 days, and what you unwittingly REiterated... Geez man. My head's spinning.

The other day I told Maddy that if something comes to me more then once I listen up. Well, here seems to be a test to wether I was telling her the truth or not. I don't know how God could be more obvious. Thank you for being his mouth piece Beclean. I believe you. I trust you.

p.s. No but I've been paying attention and have felt the nudge to look into the Tony Lister stuff based on what you've been saying about it. I believe you've mentioned he talks about things like habits patterns too? Which my mom has been reading about and keep pestering me to look into (she's knows all about my addiction). Interestingly enough Vipassina is all about changing the habit patterns of the mind at the deepest levels. Hmm, there's those multiple messages again. God speed brother.

p.s.p.s. I completely agree with your take on the casting out of unclean spirits. Both intellectually and by experience :) Actually within a week of the that blog 3 years ago I had a wild one. Pff...this is too much. Lol. Maybe i'll blog about that story tomorrow."
posted at 22:44:38 on September 26, 2013 by they_speak
gotta be honest man    
"Didn't read your post. And I don't plan to. I feel like I'm a pretty liberal and willing to listen and consider all angels kind of guy but, my openness to your modus operandi has ceased. For a season anyway. Sorry dude."
posted at 09:05:33 on September 27, 2013 by they_speak
"Thank you for your honest post. I know it is hard for you to see your own growth but let me tell you, your post shows a lot of progress to me. You have taken a frank self assessment and come to the conclusions that will help you avoid the pitfalls that contributed to this slip in the future. I remember a time that you didn't even care, brother. Now you know that your trip to the mountain top doesn't change the need to attend to those daily things that will keep you clean. You've heard of H.A.L.T. Well, I would add to that an "F" at the end. Don't ever let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, or Fabulous! Yes, even feeling fabulous can be a trigger. You're awesome, brother!"
posted at 10:04:55 on September 27, 2013 by Anonymous
Speak and Anon    
"Speak- I will post later because I have a busy couple of days ahead, but know that you and your wife are in my prayers and so adored. Love your honesty and what I learn from you, even in in your most broken moments. Cyber Hugs to you!

Anon. Love the Fab comment. That is what just happened to my hubby, yes again. fabulous or complacent, sooooooooo true.

I do not love what addiction does to the addict, the spouse, the family, the world. But I am loving what it is untimely doing to me. There is never a better time for Christ like love, and I often have to go to the depths of my soul to give it and find it. But that is where I am gaining the best stuff. :)

I will post soon. In the meantime, I pray that all on this site will remember to praise God in the storm:"
posted at 10:59:33 on September 27, 2013 by angelmom
Not adequate    
"I want to say something. I just don't know what to say. Speak - I want to encourage and praise you for your honesty and courage. I want to cry with you for the relapse. I want to hug your wife. I want to say thank you, thank you, for the responses here that touched my heart. I want to write it in a way that adequately expresses how much this post and the responses are exactly what I needed to read today. I need to come and try and blog the details of these feelings later, but for now I have to take care of a bunch of family things, but I couldn't stop without saying something.

You are all an inspiration to me through your words. Someday I want to sit in a testimony meeting with each of you."
posted at 15:44:10 on September 27, 2013 by maddy
"Hey Clean! Nice to 'see' ya back!"
posted at 15:44:27 on September 27, 2013 by maddy
"They Speak,
I feel for you. I've been through the same problems with temptations during time periods when I'm not busy anymore. My sponsor told me that true serenity is the ability to relax and smell the roses without running straight to our addictions.

A big trigger for me is disappointment or achievement. The moment I've finished something difficult, I feel like I just have to act out as a reward.

I can also relate to your shame. This addiction is so embedded with shame. Strangely, it was less embarrassing for me to confess about fornication than it was to confess about porn and masturbation. It seems like you hinted at having similar sentiments."
posted at 10:03:21 on September 28, 2013 by ette
"ETTE: My big triggers are boredom and curiosity."
posted at 19:37:44 on September 28, 2013 by matt78
Thanks dudes    
"I, lol like some of you, have more to say than I have time for. I'm doing better. Last 3 or 4 days have picked up at work and I've managed to not look at porn or jerk off (sorry the "m" word is just awkward to me. science really dropped the ball on that term) or load myself up with toxic shame or self defeating delusions about myself and my circumstances. Anyway, thanks guys. I'll try and post on my day off."
posted at 22:26:14 on September 30, 2013 by they_speak
"Are such an inspiration to me. Thanks for those encouraging words on my post too. Let me know if you just want to talk."
posted at 22:30:21 on October 1, 2013 by Churchgirl
"I'm laughing pretty hard right now!, cause I just told Matt78 I didn't think anyone fits his profile of a troll but then I started reading your post's Churchgirl and bam...much to my dismay there was his profile of a troll. Which bums me out because you seem like a really nice gal that a lot of people here have cared about and prayed for. I would rather die than ostracize you based on a faulty hunch. I hope it's not you he's talking about. I really do. I also hope you're not the person that Mint was emailing that turned out to be a bad gig. Maybe he could ante in here just so we know. Ya know?

And please please please don't be offended or take this the wrong way if you are realer than the real deal Holyfield. It's just a little suspect that you consistently ask people to connect in private on a site like this. Does that make any sense or am I just being crazy? Not only that but dude, are you crazy?, I could be a freaking rapist. I'm practically the same damn thing I just use money as my means of force, and my money is accepted. I digress. You don't want to talk to me. Trust me. Plus, is there anything we can't share right here, in front of everyone? That's all I'm saying. Let's keep it public hommie. For your safety. And mine.

All that rubbish being said, I would love love love to talk to you, right here. Genuinely."
posted at 22:47:10 on October 1, 2013 by they_speak
"Look up her blogs "down moment" and "I did it!" by her. I think she/he is the one that scared moroni off."
posted at 05:05:15 on October 2, 2013 by Anonymous
Oh wow    
"Definitely didn't see that coming.
But I get on when I can, I'm in college so I can't always be on this but when I'm able to yeah I'll post and things. But I am definitely no "troll" by any means."
posted at 05:27:16 on October 2, 2013 by churchgirl
thats good to hear    
"Sorry to call you out directly. I just figure meet it head on so we can communicate through any doubts or questions together. That's just my style. Think nothing of it.

P.s. you are totally welcome for the encouraging words on your other post. I hope they help you as much as they're helping me."
posted at 07:17:59 on October 2, 2013 by they_speak
"So I just found out that my son, 16 years old, has been viewing Pornography for over four years. This came out on Monday this week. I am wondering what advice you can offer. I want to help him any way I can. I know it is going to be up to him to make the real changes but I want to help any way I can. He has met with his Bishop and has set up regular meetings with him.
I tried to talk with him and he told me he was just going to quit and never look at it again. That would be great but all I have been reading about and finding here on this site tells me we are in for a much bigger battle.

Any thoughts would be great to hear and any resources greatly appreciated. "
posted at 19:00:55 on October 2, 2013 by Anonymous
"...there's tons of advice I guess. I've never really been a parent so I don't know. I'm glad my mom was laid back about it. Because I was freaking the fudge out about it plenty bad without her faithless, fanatical, frenzied mind adding one more to the tango. But, every kid is different. Hell, maybe your kid needs a swift kick in the ass I don't know. But, again, I can only speak from my own experience. I'm SO glad my mom just thought/still thinks it's just normal and that I should chill out about it. Addiction is rooted in obsession and it wouldn't have helped me one bit to have a mother that was also obsessed over MY problem. That's another thing, as young as your son is, he's becoming a man. Let him handle his shit. That's what he's asking you to let him do. Even though he probably will find it's not as simple as "never look at it again" he needs to work this out as a man. Not a child with a meddling mother. Not that you are. But just restrain yourself if you feel inclined to be one. And that doesn't mean you can't be involved. But you need to show him, or it's my opinion that it's a healthy experience for him to see, you're willing to let go of the reins and trust life. It sounds like he's doing all the things he needs. Trust him. Trust God. Don't know what else to tell you right now but if anything comes to mind I'll let you know. I hope the other moms here will put in their 2 cents

p.s. One more thing. Boy's learn to be men from men. If he doesn't have a dad around (I didn't) trust/hope in your bishop or other dudes in his life. Hopefully he'll/they'll be able to relate to your son. Man to man.

p.s.p.s. sorry for all the swears. I'm really tired. I'll delete them tomorrow if I decide I took it too far :)"
posted at 21:05:54 on October 2, 2013 by they_speak
"For They Speak, not too far. For a faithful, loving mother just looking for help, maybe.

But you said some awesome, important stuff about letting go and letting God. I know I talk about it a lot, but that's because it's good stuff and FREE! Tony Litster at has advice for parents as well as addicts.

It's a good bet that every member of the family would be better off by learning to keep their lives in balance and by learning how to cope with stress and life better. Most people have poor coping skills and the need to learn new habits. This takes at least 90 days—longer if the people don't take it seriously or don't believe they need help or if they are forced into it."
posted at 22:48:04 on October 2, 2013 by beclean
Hey Anonymous Mom - ready for a novel?    
"Hey there Sister! My name is Maddy and I am a codependent.

Welcome to the site. So here is a bit of my story. I have a husband who has sexual addictions that range from pornography to strip clubs and such. I have a teenage son who was first exposed to pornography at the age of 12 through a school assignment website that I let him get on (because it was assigned by the teacher and approved by her) while I went and made dinner. It was only about 30 minutes and when I went to check on him his face let me know something was wrong. We had a good talk, but that seems to have triggered the curiosity. Our home computer was locked down pretty tight because of my husbands issues (though the school website obviously got through) so my son went looking for it at school over the years. He got caught there and got in trouble eventually. But "where there is a will, there is a way". I am not so innocent to think I've caught all his methods of access. He now has a girlfriend at school that he's been stealing my phone and sexting with. (He doesn't have his own phone for these reasons.) So that is a bit of our story, so when I tell you that I know this is hard, I kinda get it. But I also know that it can be ok.

Resrouces: Read "He Restoreth My Soul". Click on the purple button to the left and start reading the Family/Spouses manual. Look into Tony Lister's free downloads on this topic.

So how did this 'come out' as you said? Did he come to you? Or did it come crashing down around him?

My advice to you is this: Stay calm. Your job is not to fix this. You have ONE job here. Only one....and that is to love him. You do not need to be his teacher. You do not need to be his disciplinarian. You do not need to be his confidant. You certainly don't need to be his savior. Just love him. Of course, there will be things for you to do to create healthy boundaries in your home, but those 'things' shouldn't be at the core of why and what you are doing. Love him. That is it. Hug him. Tell him you are proud of him and that he is normal.

No drama. This is not the end of the world. Is it a big deal? Ya, probably. But it'll work out for his good in the end. So don't be afraid of it. There is no reason to be sad.

Talking about love again: It is NOT your job to raise a Christlike son.

Remember that. Believe that.

It is your job to be a Christlike mother. There is a huge difference between the two. His life is his life. Let go of it completely and simply mother him the way the Christ would treat him.

If your son has been looking at pornography for 4 years regularly then I am going to guess he is addicted. You can't snort cocaine for 4 years and not be addicted and this stuff is worse than that. He really believes that he can just stop with his will power. You are right...That isn't going to happen if it is addiction. Part of the definition of addiction is it is something you can't stop on your own. Again, that doesn't mean that you have to fix this. It means God needs to fix this and you can't force your son to God. Hmmmm, forcing someone back to God....what does that sound like??? I seem to remember someone had a plan about that? Who was that? Oh ya...that was satan. Guess what? You can't do the Lord's work using Satan's methods. Don't try to control any part of him. Just let go. I know if you aren't familiar with ARP then that sounds weird when people say "Let go." all the time. As you travel this road, I promise that it'll make more and more sense.

Can I also just say, please don't feel guilty. That was one of my first instincts. I blamed myself and I blamed my husband. I still do a lot. But now I know that I need to let that go too and give it over the Christ to carry. I did a lot to create this monster for my son. I've always been too hard on him and he just wanted to feel happy. Pornography and all addictions are just a way to fill the holes in our hearts. I know I left a lot of holes in my son's heart. That is truth. I have to make restitution for that, but I MUST stop carrying it. I have to let my Jesus take that for me entirely. It is the only way to give my family and myself our best shot.

Ok, just a little more advice. Don't LECTURE. Ever. If you have something to say, ASK him if he would like to hear some of your thoughts first. If he accepts then go ahead. Do not force words onto him no matter how true they are.

Again, nice to meet you Anon. Remember that you are in the majority not the minority here. Most LDS mother's of teenage boys are having this exact same struggle today. No one talks about it openly but it is true. Next time you look around at Church just remember that. You aren't the odd family and your son isn't the weird kid. ALL his friends are probably struggling silently with the same thing. And Christ has each one of you in His hands. Don't worry.

Ok, so now where is Angelmom?"
posted at 09:30:28 on October 3, 2013 by maddy
Another very hard call    
"I'm not sure how old your son is and how set he is in his ways?

I don't have sons and have not had this problem with a child although if you check the stats girls aren't that far behind these days.

I do remember a family at church who had several boys and they were into stealing, drinking, drugs and vandalism. I know that the mother was always covering up for them and telling her husband to love them like the saviour would. The father on the other hand wanted to ring the police on them, take them to jails to talk to prisoners or make them go to boot camps. He felt he had tried the very loving way and it was not working?

The mother would never let any of the things the Father wanted to try happen and she wanted to be like the saviour and show complete love. I know now that most of them have been in and out of jail and are worse now than they were when they were children.

I also remember when my daughter was diagnosed with schizophrenia and went to three different institutions for about three weeks at a time in the first year. The second institution she went to there was a young man in his early twenties obviously was suffering from schizophrenia. His parents were sitting beside him and the young man was masturbating in front of everyone.

I was worried out of my mind because in the last institution my daughter went to a young man tried to grab her and kiss her. This caused her much distress because my daughter has always obeyed the law of chastity. However this young boy was MB and his parents were pleading with him to stop. The young man kept laughing and saying to them "you're just embarrassed because your Mormons."

See when my daughter came down with so called schizophrenia she thought that she was a destroying angel from Revelations of the bible who had to destroy the wicked from off the face of earth.

Unfortunately there was also a Muslim man in there too who thought he had to bomb all the infidels. This caused me endless worry.

However what I am trying to say is that if that Father was able to discipline his sons would it of made a difference?

I know that my daughter herself and others contributed to her mental vulnerabilities which lead to her getting possessed. If I knew these things then I would of taken her and my other children to institutions and showed them what can happen when you get things like so called schizophrenia because evil spirits do contribute to these mental disorders and they also contribute to addictions. All temptations come from the devil.

I always thought that the Saviour taught discipline and after the discipline you show an out pouring of love. My daughter was 21 when she became ill and possessed. All I am trying to say is there is a very real evil spirit component to addictions that most people do not even consider and sometimes people can cross the line and open themselves up to the buffetings of Satan.

My daughter who obeys the law of chastity, has never stolen anything, obeys the law but for about a year she did not eat properly and smoked some pot. This was six years ago and now her / we have suffered immensely. We still suffer even though now for the past five years she does nothing wrong at all now? She could tell you exactly what hell is they show it every single night in nightmares.

I think that the older men on this site should try to help those young people around them and express to them how truly devastating this addiction is and stop having pity parties and patting each other on the back every time they slip up.

If you truly feel so low and absolutely devastated once you have slipped up but go back and do it again and again and again year after year after year well you know what doctor Phil says the pain of doing the sin has not yet got worse than the sick enjoyment or pleasure you get from it.

I really feel for you and your precious son I hope that he will find the power to overcome this evil that is engulfing our world. Joseph said that sexual sin would destroy the priesthood in the last days.

God Bless!"
posted at 17:40:04 on October 3, 2013 by Aussie
Aussie- Patting Backs?    
"I have a hard time understanding you at times. No one on here ever sugar coats this addiction. The men do help those who are younger. Do you really think anyone on here glorify's this stuff? You are extremely codependent and I think you should focus on getting yourself some help and stop berating people on this site. The lady asked to hear from other moms of addicted sons, and that is not you. You and your husband believe in the harsh side of the law and that was done away with long ago. your posts stress me out. What you hear from people on the site is something called empathy. Maybe you have never been shown it, so that is why you have a hard time giving it. oh brother!"
posted at 20:28:38 on October 3, 2013 by Anonymous
"I was thinking about this tonight and realized I totally forgot to mention filters and when you asked about resources that that might be some of the help you were looking for.

We use NetNanny and I really liked that, but there are a lot out there that people can recommend. There are some that are better for computers, phones, etc... so maybe people can speak up about their reviews of filters."
posted at 20:55:52 on October 3, 2013 by maddy
Incorrect Judgement    
"Maddy, all I can say is Amen to what you posted. I prayerfully consider if there is anything I can add that might help.

Aussie, I often ignore what people say on here, because people are entitled to their opinion and because I am a busy lady. I do however feel the need to address what you just said on here on two points One: This anon woman's son is struggling with addiction and punishment is not the answer. I know, I've tried that and it was a disaster. Thankfully I found a better way and it was through the Savior's love.

It sounds like you are judging this woman in your neighborhood without knowing all of her facts. I was judged like that and so was my family and the truth was far from what some people thought they knew was going on. So I take issue and feel the need to set you straight on this one. You never know why or what someone else is going through in their homes. Sometimes it's just their trial in this life.

One of my son's was held accountable, shown, and taught right from wrong. He was sent to camps, jails, you name it. We even had a cool experience casting out evil spirits once. But he has his God given agency, and boy did he use it. I don't know the rest of his story yet, but I believe that Christlike love is first, and all else flows from it. If there is one thing I've learned from having a range of children (practically perfect to downright devious), and that is that you can do all the right things, and they still make their choices. If you love them through it, it will all work out. As Joseph said "teach them correct principals and let them govern themselves". Both my hubby and I use to operate from a standpoint of fear and war. Wow we operate from the standpoint of peace and love. My hubby and children are still addicted. None of them really want this addiction, but they do know that they are loved and can count on us to meet them with love and compassion. They know we will do nothing to support their addiction, but we will everything we can to help them do the right thing to move forward.

I know I can't fix this no matter what I do, but I can share God's love with my family and I will tell you that we are all better for it. I cannot imagine meeting the Lord on the other side of the veil and him telling me that I should have disciplined more and loved less. I believe that he will thank me and hubby for doing all we could to seek him for answers and follow him to the best of our ability. And for the times we fall short, he will remind us that that is what he suffered and died for. I accept my addicted loved ones, warts and all and have enough faith now to know that one day, in His time, He will heal them.

You are a dear woman who loves god and her family, that is obvious. But what you said about that family of boys brought me back to a time when we needed love and support. However, rejection and judgement clouded the minds of the saints in our neighborhood and that dearly hurt our family. If people only knew the truth, they would have judged less and helped more. Thankfully the atonement lives in us and we are using it heal all wounds. It only gets better from here!"
posted at 21:37:46 on October 3, 2013 by Angelmom
Maddy- Filters    
"Are necessary and I believe every home should have them for sure. I just thought I would share that one of my addicted sons told me that he has been able to bypass every filter we have ever installed.

Gotta love kids that are smarter than computers. And gotta especially love a son who may happen to have an addiction, but is still honest. :)"
posted at 21:44:14 on October 3, 2013 by Angelmom
More on filters    
"Same here - obviously. Filters only can stop so much and there is always a way to still get access. Netnanny made the trail traceable and non delete-able because they keep the data separately and I could access the reports remotely, but it can't stop it 100%. But it does help with A LOT of prevention and with accountability. I agree that we should all have them though even if they aren't perfect."
posted at 07:19:44 on October 4, 2013 by maddy
"Some times I wonder if you're a chromosome shy of 48. Thanks for reminding me why I decided to quit reading your husbands drivel. Looks like you need excommunication from my brain as well.

Peace, love, dope."
posted at 13:41:10 on October 4, 2013 by they_speak
They Speak    
posted at 21:58:48 on October 4, 2013 by Anonymous
"Google it."
posted at 09:38:05 on October 5, 2013 by they_speak
"Just what exactly are you recommending this sweet mother do? Punish her son for his porn addiction? (If so, HOW?) Call the police? Immediately call the Bishop and tell him her son is "possessed" and must be exorcized? What steps should she take; it was very unclear from your post. But it appears, since you have no experience dealing with sons who struggle with porn, that you have made the assumption that porn users are no different than schizophrenics, and perhaps you have also made the assumption (as your husband has) that since nothing else ever worked for him, nothing else could possibly ever work for anyone else, despite all the undeniable evidence to the contrary. (Many, many more people have recovered through the methods espoused on this site than either of you ever give credit for... it's like you are closing your eyes to the truth--but you would never do that.)

So, what are you, with your limited experience, suggesting this mom do with her newfound discovery? Something like what Bob does in this classic clip?
posted at 10:09:46 on October 5, 2013 by beclean
In other news    
"Yeah, Anonymous mom, filters are great. What I've found I really like about them is when I'm in good recovery they just take a load off. I don't have to worry about getting into a hopeless tug of war within myself every time I hop onto my computer. However, when I'm not in decent recovery, they are a challenge. Like Angel mentioned I too can by pass them fairly easily it just takes some time and inconvenience. Inconvenience i'm not normally willing to deal with when I'm going to meetings, doing my dailies, and surrendering to God. Inconvenience, I'm ashamed to say, I almost revel in when I've allowed myself to be high jacked by pride and lust. So, yeah, I'd recommend a filter. But get it with eye's open. It won't solve the root of the problem :)

We use netnanny on our Mac's and Android phones. And we turn Safari off on our iPads and use K9 web browser. Netnanny on Android...meh, messes with my pure nerd experience but I can deal with it. K9 browser isn't the snappiest. But, they're pretty good at blocking porn. Oh!, you're son may have to work with someone, you perhaps, in reporting when he finds a site that get's through because he can customize the filter to block them. But he'll need the password to get on and put the url that needs to be blocked in the filter system. It's getting a lot more rare but there are a few things I have to still block specifically.

Good luck sister."
posted at 10:13:31 on October 5, 2013 by they_speak
"I'm loving that video!"
posted at 10:18:39 on October 5, 2013 by they_speak
"Filters are to protect children, and they are needed in every house with kids. Accountability software is helpful to teenage and adult porn users. But the best protection is reprogramming the mind, learning that you have infinite worth, and figuring out new habits to cope and deal with the stresses and challenges of life. Porn is just one very destructive way of coping. We and our children need to learn new methods."
posted at 10:21:07 on October 5, 2013 by beclean
"That vid was solid gold. Pure genius.

Well put on the filters BC. Agreed."
posted at 10:29:52 on October 5, 2013 by they_speak
i feel like making clear    
"I believe Aussie and Kick It have extremely valuable advice to ADD to this conversation, and we should all take seriously their warnings about unclean spirits. They are real and should be cast away and avoided. AND there is so much more to learn on this site that they choose to belittle and ignore."
posted at 11:24:21 on October 5, 2013 by beclean
yeah, but,    
"Everything they say that's worth a damn is in the scriptures. I don't need to be spoken down to in order to hear wisdom. I prefer just going to the Source myself. Putting Kickit out of my mind amap has been a really good move for me personally and has rejuvenated what this site is to and for me."
posted at 13:34:38 on October 5, 2013 by they_speak
i have no problem with your view, Speak    
"I'm just making mine clear, too. And thanks for this particular long, winding, but interesting and informative thread."
posted at 13:58:39 on October 5, 2013 by beclean
i undersatand    
"I wasn't meaning for my post to sound like a challenge or defense. Actually, my thinking in reiterating my view is that I know im not the only one who shares it and I want those who are bothered by one thing or another by anyone on this site to know what ignoring someone has done for me. I think its a bummer that cats like Mint will leave the site before they try just ignoring people that suck. It works wonders.

P.s. something that has been on my mind: I hope no one was offended by the Cool Hand Luke thing. Especially you BC. I know how fond you are of anonymous posters and in a way I was hiding behind anonymous identity. It's just what I needed at the time and it seemed like an appropriate time to cone out about it. For the record I don't post under an other user name and I can count the times I've posted anonymously on one hand. And that was just at times (awhile ago) that I was taking a break from the site and thought posting anonymously would help keep me from getting to wrapped up in the on goings. Now ya know :)"
posted at 10:19:54 on October 6, 2013 by they_speak
"understood completely. I've done similar things."
posted at 11:31:59 on October 6, 2013 by beclean

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***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)

"My brethren who are caught in this addiction or troubled by this temptation, there is a way. Don’t accommodate any degree of temptation. Prevent sin and avoid having to deal with its inevitable destruction. So, turn it off! Look away! Avoid it at all costs. Direct your thoughts in wholesome paths. Please heed these warnings. Let us all improve our personal behavior and redouble our efforts to protect our loved ones and our environment from the onslaught of ography that threatens our spirituality, our marriages, and our children. "

— Dallin H. Oaks

General Conference, April 2005