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help...
By jkweston
7/12/2007 1:23:11 PM
i have been addictied to porn and masturbation for 7 years or since i was 11. my best friend at the time got me into it, and for a while i thought it was silly and just something to do when i was bored. well 7 years later i met my future wife. i told her about my addiction and that i was trying to stop. i've went to the bishop, and i've told the ones closest to me. she has an codependency and aniexty problem and she thinkd that every time i screw up that she is the one who caused it. we wanted to get married in october, but with recent events of me screwing up today i don't think it will happen. i'm talking to my bishop on sunday. but it seems everytime we talk that i just fell like i'm not getting any help. i'm trying so hard to get over this, i read my scriptures, pray, go to church, pay my tithing. but when i think i get away i fall hard and i hate myself for it. i just feel so alone. i dont feel like the lord is even there with me. i feel like i've been givin to many chances and that he's done with me. i'm at a ends, and i don't know what to do.... i want to go to the temple, and i don't want to stand before the lord and be covered in sin. i'm scared, i feel lost, and i dont know what to do..... if anyone has any advise it is gratefully welcomed.

Comments:

Support Groups?    
"JK, it sounds like you haven't tried a support group? LDS Family Services sponsors support groups for addiction recovery. Some bishops aren't aware of these groups. Others aren't aware of how serious a problem this really is. It sounds like your bishop may fall into one of these categories. For a list of the support groups, go to the links page above and click on the LDS Family Services link. These support groups are amazing sources of strength. They are run by missionaries and you can receive much help from others who are just like you. You'll probably be scared to death to go the first time, but do it, and you'll quickly realize that there is nothing to be scared of.

Also, have you received any counseling? Almost always we develop addictions as a way of dealing with complex emotions and thoughts that we don't know how to handle in any other way. You probably don't even realize yet the "triggers" you have that keep you returning to your addiction. But a good counselor can really help you learn a lot about yourself, your triggers, and how to deal with those triggers in appropriate ways. LDS Family Services has counselors working for them who work specifically with porn addicts. Also, I highly recommend my counselor. He is a former bishop and has written quite a few books on overcoming pornography and sex addiction. He has been an amazing help to me and also to my wife. If you're in the Salt Lake City area and interested in his information just let me know.

I know you feel SO alone and scared right now. I've been there. Please know that the Lord IS there with you. He will not abandon you. The fact is that addictions are powerful. We allow Satan to bind us with his chains and we lose our agency. It takes an all-out effort, a lot of lifestyle changes, and much prayer and strength from the Savior to free ourselves from those chains. But it can be done. Reading scriptures, praying, going to church, and paying tithing is a good start but it's not enough. You DO need outside help, to assist you in learning how to depend on the Savior and let yourself be changed. You can do it! Good luck and keep us posted on your progress."
posted at 13:40:25 on July 12, 2007 by derek
Grace    
"I just found out two weeks ago that my husband has an addiction to p*rnography. I too, like your fiance, feel like there is something I've done to cause this or that I'm not good enough or pretty enough or whatever enough. I have these thoughts everyday, but this is still fresh for me, and for you. I know this is an addiction and I just have to continue to pray daily, sometimes hourly for Heavenly Father's help to know that it is just Satan trying to use this against me as well as my husband. The other day when seeking wisdom and comfort I came across the following excerpt from Stephen E. Robinson's book, Believing Christ, the Parable of the Bicyle and Other Good News on gospeldoctrine.com. I think it is a wonderful look at the grace of our Savior and if you haven't read the whole book I would highly recommend it. It just reminds us that no matter how much we have to give, it is never enough and we have to believe in Christ and the Atonement and that it is by His grace that we will be saved. It doesn't mean we don't have to try, but when our mortal selves fall short He isn't going to forsake us. It helped me and I hope it will help you too. Please hang in there and seek some outside help. Know that Heavenly Father wants you to succeed and will be there for you no matter how many times you fall.

dja

This principle is beautifully taught by the parable of the bicycle. In the parable, the father had promised his 7 year-old daughter that she could get a bike if she saved all of her pennies, and so she spent weeks working as hard as she could to save enough money.

"'Sarah, what are you doing?' I asked. She...said, 'You promised that if I saved all my pennied, pretty soon I'd have enough to get a bike. And Daddy, I've saved every single one!'

"Well, she's my daughter, and I love her. I hadn't actually lied to her. If she saved all of her pennies, eventually she would have enough for a bike. But by then, she would probably want a car. In the meantime, sweet little Sarah was going everything in her power to follow my instructions, but her need were still not being met. I was overwhelmec. 'OK, Sarah,' I said, 'let's go downtown and look at kikes.'

"We went to every store in Williomsport. Finally, in one of the big discount stores, we found it: the Perfect Bicycle (probably the one she know in the premortal life). From halfway across teh store, she knew it was The One. She ran and jumped up on the bike and said, 'Dad this is it. This is just the one I want.' She was thrilled.

"Then she noticed the price tag hanging down between the handlebars, and with a smile, she reached down and turned it over. At first she just stared at it; then the smile disappeared. Her face clouded up, and she started to cry. 'Oh Daddy,' she said in despair, 'I'll never have enough for a bicycle.' It was her first bitter dose of adult reality.

"The bike, as I recall, cost over on hundred dollars. It was hopelessly beyond her means. But because Sarah is my daughter and I lover her, I have an interest in her happiness. So I asked, 'Sarah, how much money do you have?'
"Sixty-one cents,' she answered forlornly."

"'Then I'll tell you what, dear. Let's try a different arrangement. You give me everything you've got, the whole sixty-one cents, and a hug and a kiss, and this bike is yours."

"Well, she's never been stupid. She gave me a big hug and a kiss and handed over the sixty-one sents. Then I had to drive home very slowly because she wouldn't get off the bike. She rode it home on the sidewalk (it was only a few blocks), and I drove along beside her. And as I drove, it occured to me that this was a parable for the atonement of Christ."

"You see, we all want something desperately, buy it's not a bicycle. We want the kingdom of God. We want to go home to our heavenly parents worthy and clean. But the horrible price - perfect performance - is hopelessly beyond our means. At some point in our spiritual progress, we realize what the full price of admission into that kingdom is, and we also realize that we cannot pay it. And then we despair...."

"But only at this point, when we finally realize our inability to perfect and save ourselves, when we finally realize our truly desperate situation here in mortality and our need to be saved from it by some outside intervention - only then can we fully appreciate the One who comes to save."

"At that point, the Savior steps in and says, 'So you've done all you can do, but it's not enough. Well, don't despair. I'll tell you what, let's try a different arrangement. How much do you have? How much can fairly be expected of you? You give me exactly that much (the whole sixty-one cents) and do all you can do, and I will provide the rest for now. You give me all you've got and a hug and a kiss (that is, make this a personal relationship), and the kingdom is yours!...You do everything you can do, and I'll do what you can't yet do. Between the two of us, we'll have it all covered. You will be one hundred percent justified.""
posted at 15:13:04 on July 12, 2007 by dja
thanks    
"thanks for the advice. i have tried a support group and i just don't feel like they really help all that much. my mother was the one that told me about them. i'm still going to them and i particapate in the meeting. but i just don't feel like it helps. i will get into the counseling. i'm talking to my bishop on sunday. thank you so much for the parable, i love to read them."
posted at 23:37:28 on July 12, 2007 by jkweston
You Are Not Alone    
"The Savior is there for you. He does love you. Our Father in Heaven wants you to return to Him. It may feel like you're never going to make it, but that's Satan talking. And as Elder Uchtdorf said in his talk "Point of Safe Return": "Satan wants us to think that when we have sinned we have gone past a 'point of no return' - that it is too late to change our course...To make us lose hope, feel miserable like himself, and believe that we are beyond forgiveness...[but] Satan is a LIAR."

Father in Heaven loves you, more than you can imagine, and through Christ's Atonement anything is possible."
posted at 21:27:12 on July 15, 2007 by whitney h
Please help/ I dont know what to do    
"I have a question as well, if thats ok? Before i was baptized i used to masturbate, i wasn't a mormon so i didn't think it was bad. I havent done it on purpose but when i am sleeping somehow i am masturbating and i wake up not having control over what happened and i feel like i didnt even do it on purpose. I have made sure that i didnt just do it any more on purpose like i used to before i was baptized.. so when i have not done it at all i dont understand how tht happens to me while im sleeping.. i get really mad because i feel like i had no control over it and didn't do it on purpose.. do i need to talk to my bishop? i dont feel i should or tht i would be comfortable with telling him about that when its not even on purpose i dont even know im doing it. It has happend at least 4 times, BUT thats only in the past year, which is not too bad but i dont understand why tht is happening to me while i sleep.. i just wake up and im like what the heck.. Any help from you guys or what you think i should do i would extremely appreciate it. Should i just keep praying unto heavenly father to help me and not have tht happen in my dreams and still ask for forgiveness from him about it??"
posted at 18:54:27 on September 1, 2013 by sara123
Sarah,    
"Yes, you are perfectly fine. That is not a sin and no need to talk to the bishop."
posted at 19:49:02 on September 1, 2013 by Anonymous
Anonymous    
"thank you, i really needed a 2nd opinion. i just have been thinking about it a lot, so i kept thinking tht i had to talk to the bishop or something and repent but it hasn't happened after i got baptized on purpose."
posted at 22:32:05 on September 1, 2013 by sara123


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"I have come to know that thoughts, like water, will stay on course if we make a place for them to go. Otherwise, our thoughts follow the course of least resistance, always seeking the lower levels. Probably the greatest challenge and the most difficult thing you will face in mortal life is to learn to control your thoughts. In the Bible it says, as a man ‘thinketh in his heart, so is he’ (Prov. 23:7). One who can control his thoughts has conquered himself. As you learn to control your thoughts, you can overcome habits, even degrading personal habits. You can gain courage, conquer fear, and have a happy life. "

— Boyd K. Packer

BYU, Speeches of the Year, 26 Sept. 1967