More help needed!!
By Trying
8/20/2013 8:26:51 PM
Hey guys! Sorry that it took me so lng to get back to this site.... Once again, I thought I could do it alone. But I don't want to be alone!!! It is comforting and gives me hope to come to this site, see that others are struggling same as me, and then receive help and encouragement.
I have been doing better these past few weeks, (since my jumping into the deep pit again and feeling the worst EVER!!!)but I am still not perfect. I am frustrated that I can't just quick cold turkey and be all better! People have said that talking to my bishop may help. So nervous and scared! I'll think about that...

I do good for about a week and then I tend to mess up. Not doing too bad this week but i am worried that I'm going to screw up again! I'm trying to be strong.

Any good suggestions?? I'm needing some good encouragement.
Thank you Daisy, SeekingHelp, Brady and everyone for all your kind words to my previous post! They do help!!!


one day at a time    
"I hate when i am told to take things one day at a tim becaue i think about the future so much more than the present. But i have learned that if i am worried i might screw up....I DO! Its so frustrating! But thats exactly what happens. go to your bishop. Trust me i know its scary. But he is a judge inIsrael and that means that he has power through Christ to help you through this. I know its easy to think that he is going to think poorly of you but he wont. He will be there for you. You are not alone. And having someone be there for you that has the priesthood keys to help you through thi and receive revelation with you and for you is so powerful and uplifting. You are not perfect. Neither is your bishop. But Christ is. He has already paid the price. You just have to do your best to become like him and as you repent you will be blessed. He is the clostest way for us to be strengthened whe we are weak and he will see you through. Have faith and know YOU CANNOT DO THIS ALONE! Iam a very independent person. I dont have my family backing me up. I am putting myself through school and I dont let people help me really with anything. Im so independent... But the second i realize i am NOTHING without my Father in heaven, the more strength i have when temptations come. Realize thatthe spirit cant stop you from giving into temptation...but He will warn you. You have your agency and no matter how weak you feel you will always have the strength to turn away. You wont be tempted above that which ye are able. Go to your Bishop. Receive counsel. And let this site and the programs offer help you. This is difficult and hard and I wish i could tell you whats to come... But i dont know. but Heavenly Father is aware of you and will guide your bishop in the things he should say. Make a meeting with him and pray for strength. Ask to start the meeting with prayer if your bishop doesnt and you can ask him to say it. Ask for a blessing if you feel the need. The priesthood is real and you should use it more often. It is the power of God on the earth today. USE IT! I love you and you are in my prayers. Keep up the hard work and DEPEND ON THE LORD!"
posted at 01:07:53 on August 21, 2013 by daisy
I'm going to defend my previous position...and call it how I see it    
"I realize that Kick It and Daisy have both made up new email addresses to use on this website. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

I just want everyone to know I'm (still) a little uncomfortable with people posting email addresses on a site like this and then setting up communication and possibly even meetings behind the scenes.

There are minors on this site, young women and men. Some people are young enough their brains haven't fully developed (you know, the ones who aren't allowed to drink alcohol), and so they don't always make the best decisions.

In fact, I'm quite certain that no one on this site always makes the best decisions, and most of us have made our fair share of REALLY bad ones.

In other words, some people on this site are prone to making stupid mistakes, and others on this site are prone to doing terrible things on purpose--to people who make stupid mistakes.

If you chose to contact anyone on this site behind the scenes. BEWARE!!!! I say I'm a 30-something-year-old man with a family and I've been here for years, but do you really KNOW that about me?

Is Kick It really a nearly retired man who spent his entire life addicted to pornography until just 8 months ago?

Is Trying really a teenage girl who wants to serve a mission but is vulnerable to sexual temptations?

If that is actually TRUE, I would say you two people should never intentionally hold secret conversations together.

If that is actually FALSE, I would say you two people should NEVER intentionally hold secret conversations together.

Just sayin'

posted at 19:46:13 on August 21, 2013 by BeClean
I'm actually a 30 something pervert with a scary over grown beard    
"...not a 30 something pervert with a scary...over, grown...dammit. I wish I was just pretending to be this awful creep.

Gotta be honest...I don't think much of people contacting each other. I mean I get the concern. But, meh. I mean I'm not really into it. But mostly just because I like the luxury of being able to communicate with ya'll as lazily or as vigorously as I choose. Friends in real life are just...uhg a lotta work ;)

Actually this reminds me. To the few people here (like the 2 or 3 I think) that I have communicated with outside the blog - if you're reading this sorry I'm a shit friend. I did appreciate the emails/texts though. Seriously."
posted at 20:15:19 on August 21, 2013 by they_speak
i get your point...    
"however... Im smart. I dont think an email is going to hirt anyone. Meeting outside of this... Now that would not be so harmless."
posted at 21:25:21 on August 21, 2013 by daisy
i get your point...    
"however... Im smart. I dont think an email is going to hirt anyone. Meeting outside of this... Now that would not be so harmless."
posted at 21:25:22 on August 21, 2013 by daisy
IF you really are a struggling young woman...    
"I'm glad youre smart.

(My warning wasn't just to protect you.)"
posted at 22:41:47 on August 21, 2013 by beclean
"Hey, what are you doin' later?"
posted at 23:18:06 on August 21, 2013 by Anonymous
email address's can lead to problems    
"I was a regular blogger on this site all of the time and so was my husband, and one of my children. Then one day my son posted an email address so that one of the men could sponsor him. Somehow someone from this site began kinda stalking ME ( based upon my son's email address). He learned about my personal life and professional life. He even knew what town I lived in and the name of my dog. He emailed me personally on my business email address. Needless to say, that really freaked me out and my family stopped posting on here. I got some help from some very smart people who know more than I do about techie stuff. we figured out who the guy was and confronted him by name on this site. To the best of my knowledge, he has not been back since, and also deleted many of his very rude posts directed at my family. I had a few sleepless nights over that, and am very careful about posting any personal information anywhere online.

you may feel you are safe and that no one can track you from an email address, but they absolutely can. There are people our there, especially people who know how to extract info easily from having only an email address.

I am with brother BECLEAN when I suggest that you never exchange email with someone on this site. Please use caution. "
posted at 00:19:58 on August 22, 2013 by angelmom
I'm a 62-year-old man with a short beard, etc.    
"And I've communicated via email with brothers and sisters from this site (only one brother in the past few months, the others were long ago). So far, o.k., but one of the sisters said I was triggering her (even though we didn't talk about our problems in any detail), so I ended it immediately. My email had this phrase "let this be our last communication...", and it was.

Another sister, who was attending a Church university, accidentally included her real name and some personal information in one of her emails. So I immediately emailed her back (she already had my full name) and told her what ward/stake I was in, my bishop's name with permission to contact him and ask any questions she (or her parents) wanted, and I offered to give her dad (a cop) my SSN so he could perform a background check with the local police or whomever he wanted to. She didn't take advantage of this (to my knowledge), but the offer was real.

I have never asked to meet anyone privately, and would not do so, unless it was at Temple Square at noon, with the strict provision that we get in no vehicles and stay only in very public places where there are hundreds of people around.

The problem is, girls get very dumb in situations. They just do the stupidest things. Many of them don't know how to say "No." So they climb in a car with somebody because he keeps begging them and assuring them that everything will be o.k., and he seems so nice, blah, blah, blah, then she's never heard from again. Stupid. Don't be stupid.

My worry here isn't so much that you'll do something so stupid that you'll be kidnapped, etc., but that you will trigger each other. Are you going to engage in "sex talk"? That's what I fear.

When I emailed sisters, we mostly talked about the root causes of our addictions, i.e., family life, bad experiences, etc., and how to deal with them and the other pains and voids of our lives. And we talked about our lives and how things were going. I did mention one fetish but I regret that, but I thought it was funny at the time. Big mistake. But then again, I went for months without even thinking about acting out on my addiction. No triggers for me, just a lot of healing, and it was good for me, good for one sister, and bad for another (both are doing very well now). The brothers were short term and I think they're doing well now. Two brothers that I tried to contact never responded and I fear that both committed suicide (Lost Soul and Cwatts18 -- anyone ever heard anything from them?) Also, Ymir. Tried to get him to contact me with no luck (remember, he was the atheist who would frequently cut himself?).

If you're going to talk about doing your dailies, getting involved in service projects, giving general encouragement, and so forth, then it might possibly be a good thing. But even if you're both excellent youth in the Church, there still is the very real triggering issue. Read the "For the Strength of the Youth" pamphlet. As I recall, it says that "sex talk" is one of the things that one should not engage in, along with all other sexual misbehaviors. Whether it says it or not, it's still wrong and it can get you both in trouble.

Please, please, please, don't talk about sex. On this site, we have to, and that's the purpose of it. But it's anonymous and for me, non-triggering and it provides a lot of wisdom and support from both brothers and sisters. My greatest fear for both of you is that you'll meet, start dating, talk about your addictions, then end up doing something extremely stupid when it's late at night and you're both groggy. That's the very real possibility.

And yes, there's the very real but faint possibility that he's another Ted Bundy (a sociopathic killer who had an angelic, clean shaven face and was very outgoing and seemed very friendly and nice, etc.), but I'm much more frightened of the near certainty that one of you will trigger the other or you'll both be triggered just by your emails and your healing time will be significantly delayed. This would be the worst time for that for either of you.

Why not decide to get well before contacting each other, and keep posting on this site, and then if you're both doing well, email each other then, when you're both past your addictions?

If you do email each other now, please keep it for the right reasons, to help each other heal. Avoid sex talk. I know that young people are going to do whatever they want to do, but I can at least say that I did my best to help you avoid tragedy."
posted at 11:44:38 on August 22, 2013 by dog
Hey peeps    
"I am with BeClean. Unfortunately I personally was a "victim", if that's the right word, for being naive with the email communication. It serves no purpose, its fun at first but it can usually do more harm than good. A lesson i learned for life. Sucks to be me I guess!"
posted at 00:47:58 on August 29, 2013 by mint

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"Brothers and sisters, stay on the straight and narrow path. No, stay in the middle of the straight and narrow path. Don't drift; don't wander; don't dabble; be careful. Remember, do not flirt with evil. Stay out of the devil's territory. Do not give Satan any home-field advantage. Living the commandments will bring you the happiness that too many look for in other places. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006