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I need some guidance, opinions, and help.
By AaronS
8/13/2013 3:14:56 AM
I'm 18 and I've been affected by mb for about 6 years. Its just gotten worse through out the years. I have had a lot of anxiety and I don't know if it's because of the mb. But now in my life I feel like I have a lack of self confidence and self worthiness. I just see other people better then me. I don't feel addicted to prn, more to the mb, but I have vied pretty explicit material.

I had been clean of any activity for 7 months, but I relapsed last week. I felt pretty good that I had controlled it for that long. The only problem is I've never talked to my bishop or parents about it. I don't really like sharing my emotions and I'm just to nervous to do it. I really need to figure something out. I've even subconsciously delayed my mission for a year because of it. I also believe that this act has made me not gain a testimony of the church. I just want to be cured of this burden and Be able to enjoy this life that I have.

I want and need to know that people love me, that I'm unique and one of a kind.

What are your suggestions for me? Where should I start? What should I do? How should I distract myself from temptations and the urges at night?

Comments:

First of all, talk to your bishop    
"And congratulations on being clean for 7 months.

It's interesting that you said, " I have had a lot of anxiety and I don't know if it's because of the mb." More likely, it's the other way around (originally): your anxieties caused you to seek relief in mb. Then your mb made you more anxious, therefore, you relied on mb more, etc. It's a bad cycle. And when you mb, you release chemicals into your system that you become dependent on, i.e., you suffer withdrawals when you try to stop. So really, all of us are drug addicts even though we don't take drugs.

I would recommend downloading or buying the LDS Recovery Manual. It's excellent. Although it's written from a drug addict's standpoint, it is applicable to all of us addicts. And work the steps (do the action steps and work on them every day). Find support group meetings to attend and go at least once a week. You'll find others who are struggling, as well as those who are free of addiction. It's like a small testimony meeting.

Your bishop will help get you on the path to recovery. He's there to help you, not to fine you or put you in prison, or judge you. I'll bet he's dealt with this problem before and he knows what you're going through. So he should be your first contact. Pray that he'll be inspired to provide you with the guidance you need, and then meet with him.

Welcome to the site. You'll find a lot of good people here who are helping each other. As I've said so often, we're each other's cheering section : )"
posted at 10:41:10 on August 13, 2013 by dog
And, as I've been recommending on this site    
"Try http://curethecraving.Com

Welcome!! You are not alone. You are loved."
posted at 11:22:06 on August 13, 2013 by beclean
A few thoughts    
"Your 7 months is certainly a victory! Be proud of that! I know it's hard to stop being hard on yourself for your slip up, but seriously, 7 months is awesome. Recovery takes time, and is bound to have a mixture of successes and failures along the way.

You said several things that stood out to me that I wanted to comment on.

I resisted talking to my bishop for a lot of years. Too many years, in fact. I finally managed to get past all the shame and embarrassment and talk to the bishop just a few weeks ago. Honestly, it was one of the best things I've ever done in my life. I've heard that confession is like having a massive burden lifted, but I had no idea how incredibly positive that the experience would be for me. He's not there to criticize you, but rather he's there to join in your fight and be part of your team.

If you struggle with the idea of talking to your bishop (and/or your parents, for that matter), I'd strongly suggest asking Heavenly Father what you should do. Be totally willing to do whatever He says. If He wants you to go to the bishop (that is what happened with me, and I couldn't deny it), then ask for the courage to do so. Whatever happens though, you must be totally willing to follow whatever promptings you get.

For a long time, I also wanted to be "cured" of my own problem. For me, that meant that I wanted the temptations to go away so that I'd never have to deal with them again. While some people speak of experiences that might be considered being "cured", (see Kick It's blogs on this site), it seems to me that most people are never "cured" in the way I wanted to be. While you may not be "cured" from addiction, the addiction can be managed, and you can live a life that you enjoy. I've heard addictions compared to having a disease, similar to diabetes. Diabetes can't be cured, but it can be managed through actions you take on a daily basis (e.g. diet, insulin shots). In a similar way, temptations will be there the rest of your life, but you can learn to manage them through actions you take on a daily basis (e.g. prayer, scripture study, 12 step programs, avoiding your personal triggers, etc.)

Don't confuse "cured" with "healed" though. The Savior has the power to heal the damage you've done. He can heal your heart and restore peace to your life, and he takes care of the impact of your bad choices. Not only *can* he do this, but he *wants* to do this, and he wants to do this for YOU personally, Aaron. Never forget that.

Good luck! We're all in this together."
posted at 11:53:14 on August 13, 2013 by rmww
Hang in there    
"My heart aches for you and anyone else who may struggle with mb. You are of worth my friend. I hope you can find what you need to give you the strength to overcome this challenge."
posted at 22:05:19 on August 13, 2013 by Anonymous
Thanks    
"Hey thanks for all of the replies! It's nice having people comment back with their thoughts.

I really feel like the church should make it more aware to teenagers that man is more common then they think and that it's a sin and they should fix it as soon as possible. I think if we knew it was more common we wouldn't belittle ourselves and feel like we were lost in the dark. I also think a lot of teenagers don't know it's technically a bad thing at first.

Like I said I don't really like sharing my feelings and I get nervous just thinking if talking to my bishop. Even though I know he's probably helped a lot of people out with this sin and that he's just there to help. To bad I just can't write it like this to him haha.

Well I think I'm doing better now. My best friend came down to visit for a few days and that took my mind off of things and reminded me of my life and reality. I'll just keep trying to remember the feeling of beating satan and continue living.

I don't think I need a group to go to either. I feel pretty confident that I can get over this once I get everything sorted out. Just curious, if I go to the bishop and repent what happens if I slip up again, I don't really see going to the bishop every time if you were still struggling.

Remember friends if you have the urge, just think "No!" Loudly in your head, try to keep yourself out of poor situations, and just think of the high of life you get when you are happy."
posted at 02:41:18 on August 16, 2013 by AaronS
Cure the Craving    
"Did you see the videos by Tony Litster that BECLEAN posted earlier? They really helped me understand the different facets of the addiction and provide an action plan on how to overcome it. I highly recommend it.

I guarantee that you are not alone. There are Young Men in your Ward/Branch who are having the same problems. So don't think you are inherently bad or some sort of freak. You are a son of God first and foremost. He loves you and He will provide a way out of whatever challenge you are experiencing. Persevere and keep the faith and you will find yourself basking in the light of a bright new morning. You have so much to offer. Best of luck to you."
posted at 13:39:07 on August 16, 2013 by stayingclean


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"Lucifer will do all in his power to keep you captive. You are familiar with his strategy. He whispers: “No one will ever know.” “Just one more time.” “You can’t change; you have tried before and failed.” “It’s too late; you’ve gone too far.” Don’t let him discourage you. When you take the path that climbs, that harder path of the Savior, there are rewards along the way. When you do something right, when you resist temptation, when you meet a goal, you will feel very good about it. It is a very different kind of feeling than you have when you violate commandments—an altogether different feeling. It brings a measure of peace and comfort and provides encouragement to press on. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990