Am I Relapsing?
By beclean
7/25/2013 2:38:44 PM
When do you start relapsing? What is porn to you? When are you walking around the BS box and lying to yourself, telling yourself you aren't relapsing yet, but you are?

Watch this clip to explain what I'm talking about, then come back and post what you are doing when you first start relapsing. That might help all of us notice where it starts in our own lives.


I can relate    
"I can totally relate to this. I never intend to relapse, but in hindsight I can see that I often start rationalizing up to several days before I actually slip. I tell myself "I'm not intentionally looking for porn, so it's not my fault if I accidentally see something inappropriate", or "what I'm looking at technically isn't porn, so I'm OK". I try to see how close I can get without actually crossing the line (walking around the BS Box), when in reality I've been slipping the entire time.

In addition to the BS Box idea, I also like the oft-told story of the stagecoach drivers. Lately I've become much more aware of my own triggers and rationalizations, and learning that I have to stay as far away from the cliff as possible. It usually doesn't work for me to flirt with the edge of the cliff, even if I still feel like I have everything under control, because sooner or later I end up going off the cliff."
posted at 20:46:47 on July 25, 2013 by rmww
BS Box    
"I love the BS Box analogy. It is so true. I found the more you have the strength to resist going into the BS Box, the more you are aware where those boundaries are, and the stronger you become in resisting its allure."
posted at 11:12:03 on July 26, 2013 by stayingclean
What we all have to do    
"is get to the root of our problems. Why do we seek porn, or masturbation, or drugs, etc., in the first place? WHY? What is bothering us that we need to escape via some kind of drug, sex, gambling, etc.? And why do we seek to self medicate rather than finding solace through the Lord? That's the real issue.

First of all, there's a character defect in all of us that causes us to turn immediately to self medication without considering alternative approaches to soothing our pains or filling our voids, or making us feel some sense of self worth.

The lack of self worth, the feelings of pain, the aimlessness caused by emotional voids are unfortunate but self existent conditions. The way we handle these pains, voids, and lack of self-worth is the root of our addiction. Those unfortunate conditions ARE NOT the roots of our addiction. THE WAY WE CHOOSE TO HANDLE THOSE NEGATIVE CONDITIONS IS THE ROOT OF OUR ADDICTION.

Choose a different way.

Ask the Lord to help you develop a sense of self worth. Ask Him to point you in the right direction to gain the tools and resources (could be people as well as books, videos, etc.) and knowledge necessary to fight your addiction. Ask Him the help you unweave the mess that your life is, one thread at a time, in order to find true, complete healing. One thread at a time. This will take a long time, no doubt, and it might require the help of a gifted therapist, but it's worth it.

The point is, as long as you don't deal with these issues at their foundation, you will only be white knuckling the rest of your life, usually in a cycle of sobriety,then panic, then porn; then sobriety, then panic, then porn, etc. And you'll be blaming yourself for turning to porn when in fact you should be blaming yourself for not doing the hard work in the trenches of finding out what's eating at you, then asking for the Lord's help in dealing with it. Thread by thread.

Hope this helps. It's helping me with my mb/ptsd/depression/etc., problems. Find your sense of self worth and then choose a different way, the Lord's way."
posted at 11:26:15 on July 26, 2013 by dog

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"Freedom from your transgression will come through sincere faith, true repentance, willing obedience, and the giving of self. Why the giving of self? Because selfishness is at the root of your problem. Where selfishness and transgression flourish, the Spirit of the Lord can’t enter your life to bless you. To succeed, you must conquer your selfishness. When your beacon is focused on self, it does little more than blind your vision. When turned outward through acts of kindness and love, it will light your path to happiness and peace. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990