Seeing the Bishop
By stayingclean
7/24/2013 2:00:43 PM
In a few weeks I am about to hit my six month mark since my last prn/mb binge. I am feeling good and feeling hopeful about it but it has taken a lot of constant daily work. I can't afford to feed my addiction one scintilla of stimuli. It is the only way I can make it through the day and keep me from any kind of prn which will lead to mb.

Well I saw my Bishop recently. I saw him a year ago as well and even though I have had a rough time since, I didn't want to see him again until I had this thing under control. This was a personal choice and may not work for others. Funny thing he did not want to talk about it much only to tell me that he is glad that I am making progress. We actually focused on an entirely different issue in my life. Actually more serious in nature to do with my family and not a worthiness issue. I can't tell you how rough things are in my life right now apart from my past issues with prn/mb. All I can say is that I felt better after talking to the Bishop. We didn't solve anything in particular but I felt that I was able to have someone lift my burdens long enough that I could see above a miasma of doom.

Much blessings to you all.


Truly worried...    
"In really excited you've had a long clean streak, but something about your post made me worry you are white knuckling... Building to a relapse. Are you able to experience and face your cravings when they come and see them as a part of life — a sign that life is out of balance? Or do you run from the cravings and worry that if you let them stay for one second, you will fall? Cravings are going to return. That's life.

I hope my analysis is wrong. I think you can know by answering my questions."
posted at 01:30:05 on July 25, 2013 by beclean
words of encouragement    
"I am very excited for you 6 months! I want to give you all of the love and support that I can. I am new to this site, and I am also a facilitator for the LDSARP substance abuse meeting here. As far as your bishop goes and you "not" discussing your addiction much, possibly I can share with you a little about what I learned recently. In discussing some of the issues currently taking place with the addiction recovery area leaders, the Church is taking steps to better educate our Bishops all throughout the program. What LDS Social Services has found is that so many Bishops are not really familiar with addiction recovery and they want to be careful in laying too much on Bishop's plates. I have been asked that when I refer someone to make a referral for them to LDS Social Services until we can get the Bishops better educated. It's actually a matter of protecting "your" anonymity. Bishop's are wonderful people and they have huge callings, so I would say please be patient with you Bishop and continue praying to the Lord as it is the Spirit that will help guide you as only the Lord knows your complete situation. Just remember that through the Atonement you can be healed completely and that the Lord does not expect perfection. He expects us to keep facing Him and doing a little better each day. You have come so far. So just keep it simple and remember...we are clean only one day at a time. Good job on your efforts. My prayers are with you."
posted at 09:50:17 on July 25, 2013 by tokala
White Knuckling it?    
"That is a genuine concern, but I would say "no". Mainly because what I wrote was a summation of what I have experienced in retrospect. I can't remember the last time I felt cravings in the last 3-4 months. Because I consider myself an addict, I still consider it "work" and that I stay on guard despite the fact that urges and impulses have diminished considerably. I have no delusions that cravings can return but I understand more fully that they did return because I made seemingly harmless choices. I know I can't do that anymore."
posted at 20:42:39 on July 25, 2013 by stayingclean
My Bishop    
"Tokala, I appreciate that insight. I saw this Bishop a year ago with my issues. My experience was TERRIBLE but partly because he was only in the job for less than a month. This is what prevented me from going back. I actually went back for this "other issue" and gave him an update on my mb/prn issue while I was there. Can I tell you what a difference ONE YEAR has been? He has really grown into the calling. He said all the right things it seems. He told me what I needed to hear and I am truly grateful for that."
posted at 20:47:47 on July 25, 2013 by stayingclean
"Thanks for the additional information. I think it was your phrase, "I can't afford to feed my addiction one scintilla of stimuli." Of course, stimuli will come. It's part of being human--or at least being a man. The challenge is to deal with it, not run from it--to recognize that even Jesus was tempted. Temptations are a part of life, and we don't have to freak out when they come. We just ask ourselves, "OK, I have this craving. Why am I wanting to do that? What is my REAL need? Will that really solve it, fun as it might sound? What should I really go do?"

Too many addicts think sobriety is keeping themselves far away from the cravings and temptations, and when they actually feel the desire within them to sin, they automatically think, "Oh, No! Here we go again! I can't avoid it now. I know where this is going." And they try to run from it as long as possible--but they eventually give in, because they never recognized that it's OK to feel those feelings. It's normal. They just need a different set of habits when they feel them.

Anyway, I thought from your phrase that you might be running from the temptations and cravings instead of accepting them as a part of life. I think we have to accept that they will be here before we can really maintain sobriety."
posted at 22:07:09 on July 25, 2013 by beclean
"Stayingclean, I'm glad to hear it all went better for you. I have witnessed miracles all over the place the last 10 years and after awhile they just become everyday events of life. Keep up the determination and know that I have faith in you. Just a thought, "And if men come unto me, I will show unto them their weakness. For I give men weakness that they may be humble. And my grace is sufficient for all those who humble themselves before me. For if they will humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." (Ether 12:27) ;-)"
posted at 23:27:49 on July 25, 2013 by tokala
"BeClean: I think you were looking too much into it (I think you realize that), but I stand by what I said. Yes, we cannot control the stimuli that we are bombarded with but the distinction is that we can make a choice not to "feed" our addiction with further stimuli. Joseph of Egypt "fled" from his stimuli. The problem we have as addicts lies somewhere between fleeing and lingering. I think anything less than fleeing is feeding our addiction."
posted at 23:28:46 on July 25, 2013 by stayingclean
Weaknesses made strong    
"Tokala: I think my problem was that because I had gone over a decade staying clean that I became too proud of that achievement feeling that it was okay to indulge a little here and a little there. Clearly that was unacceptable."
posted at 23:35:00 on July 25, 2013 by stayingclean

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"My spiritual prescription includes six choices which I shall list alphabetically, A through F:
  • Choose to Be Alive
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    — Russell M. Nelson

    General Conference, October 1988