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Day 1
By wantfreedom
7/15/2013 12:49:11 PM
So Day 1 is here yet again. Last night was hell. To save myself from venting I will be brief. I work at a restaurant and my friend is the manager and I am a supervisor at night. I work my hardest every day to please the owner and to take care of the customers and I have trained the staff I work with to do the same.(this will lead to my addiction in a minute I guess I just need to get this out before I explode) The other staff that I don't normally work with come in late 10-15 minutes every day. My friend(the manager) doesn't say anything. SO to be brief I go in on Sundays to pull all the meats out of the freezer so they can be thaw in the morning. Well I was disgusted how the Saturday night shift(I didn't work Saturday night and I guess I didn't train them well enough) had left the restaurant. I really don't know how come I let it bug me so much but I called my friend and he didn't seem bothered at all. I then drove home and when the wife and I were going to bed it was still eating at me. I suffer with anxiety attacks from time to time and I found myself launched into this depressing anxiety attack where I was unable to get tired until four in the morning. My wife gets up at 5:30 and I had a lot of things planned for this morning. Well last night I acted out and that just made things worse. So I played video games trying to hide my feelings. Now I am sad to say that I didn't once pray for help or even turn to the lord but around 3 AM I found myself at this site reading posts. This calmed me and frustrated me(I know oxy moron and thanks for letting me vent I guess I am really trying to use the "recovery through writing" excuse). When I came back to this site I wanted answers and solutions and I was frustrated that I was not getting these. Then I realized I was part of the problem. If I want help I need to help others. So I am committing myself to get on here once a day and read posts and if I have something constructive to say to reply and to help those that I can. While also posting every day on what is working for me that day so others who like to just read and not write can maybe get some help. That realization calmed me enough that I could finally fall asleep. As for my job I am applying at this restaurant that is just about to open and I am fairly sure I will get it(because another friend works at the owners other restaurant and he put in a really good recommendation for me).

So now with that off my chest I can say I feel better. I know I have issues haha I hope as I work on my porn and masturbation addictions that I can learn to love others more. Anyway, I also saw beclean's post about curethecraving.com I have started that 9 month program(which is free) It will be interesting but I plan also to attend a 12 step meeting, read, pray, actively going to church and participating(for me I am leaving the smart phone at home so I cannot play games during classes anymore). That is my plan for now. We will see what works and what doesn't. I know this was a huge ramble please forgive me. I haven't gotten much sleep and I am still trying to find ways to deal with my emotions right now. Thanks for the read. All comments are welcome. Keep going my brothers and sisters.


Edit**
So I wanted to explain why I shared my story about my work. I find my addiction was my coping skill to stress, anger, loneliness and other unpleasant feelings of the human condition. I realize that my story probably only benefited me but I needed to say it somewhere. I was hoping that sharing my story could help share the background feelings that I feel need to be dealt with. What has been working for me so far today was getting up(not lingering in bed{mornings are my greatest temptation}) then I got on my computer checking email/facebook as I was trying to wake up and then BAM temptation came flying in and hit me in the face. All from a stupid picture on facebook. From some power not from myself I typed in ldsar.org into my address bar and started reading. The temptation is still there I can feel/hear it as a whisper in the back of my head right now but I am choosing to do something else. I am going to do something that I have not done in a LONG time. I am going to pray. Keep moving strong and take recovery one day at a time. Baby steps to recovery(love the movie what about Bob...) anyway All comments welcome.

Comments:

You can do it!    
"Yes, stress is a big trigger. You wrote out your own answers: Do the free nine month program, attend a 12 Step meeting, read, pray.

Sounds like a decent program of recovery to me. You mentioned one very important tool at the end...take it one day at a time. Don't attempt staying clean for a lifetime. Too overwhelming. Try ONE day. Anyone can do ANYTHING for 24 hours. When you arrive at 24 hours clean, thank the Man upstairs for keeping you clean and repeat."
posted at 00:32:10 on July 16, 2013 by Anonymous
Thanks    
"@Anonymous

Whoever you are thank you for your support.:D It means the world to know that something I said made sense. :D"
posted at 23:20:26 on July 16, 2013 by wantfreedom


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"Now brethren, the time has come for any one of us who is so involved to pull himself out of the mire, to stand above this evil thing, to “look to God and live” (Alma 37:47). We do not have to view salacious magazines. We do not have to read books laden with smut. We do not have to watch television that is beneath wholesome standards. We do not have to rent movies that depict that which is filthy. We do not have to sit at the computer and play with ographic material found on the Internet."

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004