Cure the craving
By beclean
7/14/2013 4:23:50 PM
From Tony Litster at

Why is a porn addiction so hard to quit?

If porn addiction were a simple bad habit, people would not give up their marriages over it.

The reason pornography addiction is hard to quit is that acting out sexually (porn, masturbation, etc) works! It is predictable. It shifts away from the negative feeling and towards the feeling of satisfaction- every time.

Any time a guy (or girl) feels exhausted, stressed, lonely angry, bored, horny- they can almost instantly run from those feelings and feel great for a few minutes.

This is the most reliable coping tool they have ever had. (And maybe the only coping tool they’ve ever needed because it’s so reliable).

It works every time, guaranteed. And very quickly- after the high goes away, they feel awful. Guaranteed.

Like an aspirin pill that instantly takes away the headache every time- and gives them cancer too.

The reason a pornography addiction is hard to quit is because it works.

So when a wife tells her husband he has to stop his porn addiction- he really tries his best. But he usually goes back. Even if there is a painful consequence staring him in the face, he goes back.


Because he has never learned any new coping tools to help him effectively deal with porn addiction.

He only knows one way to deal with the uncomfortable feelings of being human. It’s the only way he’s been doing it since he was 12.

And to expect him to suddenly know how to cope in a different way with stress, and fatigue, and loneliness, and a low self esteem, and a lack of human connection and normal sexual cravings- that meets the definition of insanity: Doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result.

And to just take away the only tool he has ever used, and expect him to know how to handle a life he has never handled- that is the most ridiculous expectation I’ve ever heard.

There is no magic bullet to overcome porn addiction. There is no program on the market that can “fix” someone. That doesn’t exist.

There is one way to change this behavior that has proven to be effective for thousands of people.

And that way is learning new coping tools for porn addiction. Learning new ways to manage stress. Eliminating the shame that was his whole life. And learning how to take care of his body, mind and spirit in healthy ways.

This means creating new habits. And new habits take time. And repetition. And constant reinforcement. They need to be reminded of these tools over and over.

And to expect him to just figure out these new tools all by himself is no different than expecting an English speaking child to just figure out how to read Chinese.

He needs to be taught these new tools from someone who has overcome a porn addiction.

And that’s it. That’s the great secret to the plague of this generation.

We need to teach these men (and women) the coping tools they were never taught as children so that they can overcome porn addiction. And then there is not as much need for escape.

Then porn goes back to its natural place- a distraction that occasionally seems interesting, but he avoids most of the time.


"for the great post, BeClean. :)"
posted at 16:49:02 on July 14, 2013 by Anonymous
"That was truly awesome. I can totally identify with this idea: "Like an aspirin pill that instantly takes away the headache every time- and gives them cancer too." What a great way to put it.

Thanks for sharing."
posted at 20:49:13 on July 14, 2013 by Anonymous
thank Tony    
"Be sure to check out more of his stuff, if you like it. I'm not writing this. Tony's stuff is changing the way I view the world — again. That's happened a lot lately."
posted at 23:24:00 on July 14, 2013 by beclean
"I have been listening to him for a year now. It has really helped me out. Clean going on nearly six months."
posted at 10:03:56 on July 15, 2013 by stayingclean
the magic bullet    
I'm not a LDS but a Christian too. I can witness after my 100 clean days - there is a magic bullet in this addiction. What's this? - It's a trustful prayer in the moment of temptation plus before a promise given God that whem in temptation I instantly start begging God for rescue and help plus a general religious life - Scriptures reading, regular prayer..... This is really a magic bullet . I've obtained God's grace every time I needed in the past 100 days. Of course I had to cooperate with that grace - no watching porn or erotic, avoiding it, self-denials....
Mr. Eko"
posted at 15:49:41 on July 29, 2013 by Anonymous
God's grace    
"Relying wholly on God's grace in every part of our life is definitely the only way to safety. He saves us.

Welcome to the site, Brother and Friend."
posted at 19:39:56 on July 29, 2013 by beclean

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"Just as the landfill requires dedicated work and attention, laboriously applying layer after layer of fill to reclaim the low-lying ground, our lives also require the same vigilance, continually applying layer after layer of the healing gift of repentance.…Our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, feel sorrow when we choose to remain in sin, when the gift of repentance made possible through the Atonement can clean, reclaim, and sanctify our lives. When we gratefully accept and use this precious gift, we can enjoy the beauty and usefulness of our lives... "

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