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Progression
By hopeful1
7/6/2013 9:57:04 PM
Hi people
I've had a lot of alone time lately as my wife is out of town. This naturally becomes a time of greater temptations for me. However, I have progressed to a point where I don't act out because I don't like the way I feel when I do, and I don't like the way it hurts my loved ones. I've had some very painful experiences related to this addiction and I won't go back there. I truly like the peaceful feelings and the presence of the Spirit in my life much better, so I choose that. There were times when I was faced with strong temptations and found myself wanting to look at stimulating images - not pornography per se - but stimulating - and that's where I'm a little bothered with myself. Prayer definitely helps - in those moments where I pray to God and say I can't do this - I don't have the power to do this - I need your help - I need your grace - and help me fall asleep (because I often have insomnia). It helps. I continue to battle lustful thoughts - meaning my eyes can find an attractive woman in a crowd like a heat seeking missile - and the gym is full of attractiveness - and I have to continually work so I don't look too long or do any rubber-necking, etc. I don't necessarily have any impure thoughts but it's more like coveting - wanting to possess - or I have thoughts of how life is so unfair and poor me, etc. Stupid! Satan has found a way to throw in stimulating images into apps like Instagram, Pinterest, and Vine - and some of which have pornography. Stupid Satan has to ruin a good thing. Anyway, I'm happy overall and see myself progressing step by step. Things are getting better with all my relationships. I still struggle with my many character flaws - or what I would consider flaws. I tend to think negatively of myself - like today I was feeling like a very uninteresting person - kind of boring and sometimes lazy - feeling unproductive. I used to really struggle with loneliness but strangely that's not such a problem for me lately. Recently I have been struggling with boredom and trying to find healthy ways to cope - so today while feeling very unmotivated I prayed and felt impressed to get on here and write. I hope someday the Lord will bless me with more opportunities to contribute and to be an instrument in His hands. I tend to think He is preparing me for that. I'm looking forward to teaching a Sunday School lesson tomorrow. I love reading and studying and teaching and bearing testimony. I'm so grateful for the privileges I had lately to use the priesthood performing blessings, passing the sacrament, temple baptisms, another baptism and confirmation. That feels so good.

Comments:

Temptation: Do I flee or linger?    
"Sure Satan uses every tool at his disposal to tempt us, but 99% is how you prepare to respond to that onslaught. Do you have a knee-jerk reaction to temptation like Joseph of Egypt who fled at the very sight of evil? Or do you linger thinking that you can just "partake just a little"? See, its between fleeing and lingering is where you are having the problem."
posted at 10:22:12 on July 8, 2013 by stayingclean


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"If it were possible to make your road very easy, you wouldn’t grow in strength. If you were always forgiven for every mistake without effort on your part, you would never receive the blessings of repentance. If everything were done for you, you wouldn’t learn how to work, or gain self-confidence, or acquire the power to change. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990