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Challenging
By Wanttobefree
5/30/2013 4:32:56 PM
I have been isolating myself for the last few years and subsequently going deeper and deeper into my addictions to pn/mb. I was attending lds 12 step meetings in 2009 and then my work schedule changed and I made excuses not to go to meetings. I have been following this blog the last few months and finally got the strength and courage to join. I know that I need to come out of the darkness and get help from others! I am married and have been dealing with this for a while. My dear wife knows about it as well and she is very supportive. I want to be the husband and father that I know I should be! I dont tell her every slip up but we have communication about it every other month. I need some accountability. I have worked with previous bishops and they have all been very supportive as well. I have not yet talked to my new bishop. I am meeting with him next week. I am excited to be here and give support as well as gain support! Thank you to all of your posts that have been inspiring to me! Thanks again everyone!

Comments:

Here's what has helped me...    
"I do not really feel qualified to give anyone advice, considering how much I have messed up my life, but here are a few things that have helped me turn the corner on my addiction.

I started reading about sex addiction. I have done A LOT of reading lately, and it has changed my heart. I have read "Combating Pornography", "He Restoreth My Soul", and "What Can I Do About Me." As I read, I was seeing myself over, and over, and over. How could I have been so blind? The following websites have also been very helpful to me: rowboatandmarbles.org and lightsalongtheshore.com. And blogs as you find here are fantastic.

I started attending 12-step meetings through sexaholics anonymous. There is an addiction recovery class held weekly in our ward building, but it deals with all kinds of addiction, and I did not feel that would meet my needs. I have since learned that attending one meeting a week may not be enough for a lot of people with sex addiction. Sadly, there are not SA 12-step meetings in the area where I live - the closest is over an hours drive away - so I attend the phone meetings twice a week. I realized that this was not idea, but it was something. Many weeks, I attend more than 2 meetings per week. They are offered throughout the day, and cost nothing. Check them out at http://www.sa.org/meetings.php.

I also have made an effort to find a sponsor. I email him daily with how I am doing. I have started a journal, and I share it with him. He is not in my time zone (he is in west coast, I am out east), so emailing back and forth has worked for us. We arrange a phone call weekly, usually on Saturdays.

I mentioned my journal. Writing has been a huge help for me. Thinking about what I will write each day keeps recovery in the forefront of my mind. I share my journal with my sponsor, and my counselor. Blogging anonymously would also accomplish the same result, I believe, but I have yet to do that.

I have talked to my bishop on numerous occasions. He is a great resource. He has no special training in addiction though, and he knows it. He is not my counselor, but my spiritual leader, and he plays a big part in that regard. Stay close to your bishop. You need him!

Perhaps the biggest change was I started talking to my wife about my addiction. I could not do that before. Earlier this year, she told me that I was not in recovery. What did she mean, I thought? I was sober, and not acting out! Wasn't that recovery? I know know that she was right. She usually is. Recovery is so much more than not looking at pornography and not masturbating. It is all-encompassing.

I need to add that a HUGE part in my recovery has been that my wife is attending 12-step meetings (via phone as well) through S-anon. She is learning as much if not more about addiction than I am. It is allowing her to begin to heal from the trauma and pain I have caused her. She is also starting to work on issues that she has. Because of this, she is much easier to talk to, which is a great help to me. She is becoming less co-dependent day by day. She is discovering that she cannot fix me. Only I can overcome my addiction through the help of God and others. She cannot do it for me. And, funny thing, I do better without her constant obsessing about me and my addiction. One thing she did, though was hard. She told me that I needed to move out - that meant in my case, moving downstairs and sleeping in the basement guest room. This was a very hard pill to swallow. I hated it. I still do (It's been over 8 weeks now). She says I can move back upstairs when she feels safe. I do not know when that will be. She does not know when that will be. The thing is, though, that having her enforce her boundary with me gave me the motivation I needed to kick my recovery into high gear. I can't worry too much about when my banishment, as I like to call it, will end. I work on my recovery. And as I do, I feel us growing closer than we have been in years. I have hope. I think she is starting to have hope too.

I went from going to a counselor to keep my wife off of my back (and dreading each session), to where I cannot wait for my next session!

Again, I feel totally inadequate talking about this. I am just starting my journey towards recovery. But I can feel my heart changing. I want recovery now more than ever before. And wanting it gives me the motivation to keep doing what I need to do each day to make it another 24 hours. Perhaps most of all, I now realize that I do not have to fight this battle alone. Neither do you. I wish you the best!"
posted at 20:55:19 on May 30, 2013 by notsostrong
Welcome to the site    
"Welcome....both of you.

I don't know that there is a lot to say that Notsostrong didn't say. I loved that post btw Notsostrong. It was spot on.

If you've been reading for a while then you know we can be a pretty dysfunctional bunch of addicts around here, but I guess that is the nature of our beast. LOL But none of us have given up and I guess that is what really matters.

Again, welcome!"
posted at 21:10:26 on May 30, 2013 by maddy
Ditto    
"Welcome to the site and congrats on having the courage to join. SO much of recovery is about coming out of the darkness and isolation that so naturally come from these behaviors. This is a good step.

I want to echo the above post. The same things have worked for me - I'm still early in recovery as well, but have been attending 12 step LDS PASG groups for almost 3 years and have over a year of honest sobriety, something I never thought I'd get.

At the beginning I went to 2 support meetings a week, to help get me on my feet. I also get a sponsor who I would have a 5-15 minute phone call with nightly and met with for 1-2 hours weekly to discuss my recovery and how I was doing with the steps. Though young, he was incredibly wise and helped me work through the steps honestly, and I am still going through them.

Don't let this desire you have diminish as struggles come, because they inevitably will. Let me know if you want to talk more or want more help, I'd be happy to! Also, if your wife would like to talk to someone or email someone, my wife would be happy to help. It's really important for wives to have that.

recovery.gdodaat@gmail.com"
posted at 12:14:32 on May 31, 2013 by recovery.gdo
Thanks    
"Thank you for all of your responses! I know that by coming out of the darkness and isolation is the only way through this! Thank you for your advise and council! I will get a sponsor and start coming back to the lds 12 step meetings! Thanks again!"
posted at 15:43:25 on May 31, 2013 by wanttobefree


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"Lucifer will do all in his power to keep you captive. You are familiar with his strategy. He whispers: “No one will ever know.” “Just one more time.” “You can’t change; you have tried before and failed.” “It’s too late; you’ve gone too far.” Don’t let him discourage you. When you take the path that climbs, that harder path of the Savior, there are rewards along the way. When you do something right, when you resist temptation, when you meet a goal, you will feel very good about it. It is a very different kind of feeling than you have when you violate commandments—an altogether different feeling. It brings a measure of peace and comfort and provides encouragement to press on. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990