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Should I talk to my bishop Even though...
By thereishope
5/17/2013 11:10:50 PM
Hello,

My name is Daniel, I am not afraid to share to the world that I have been a sex addict. So My question is: Do I need to talk to the bishop if I messed up once in 5 months?

I am not sure, I attended a few recovery meetings (Which are the best) and after 7 years of being addicted to masturbation, I finally over came it - at least I thought - But that is okay, the past is the past and we got to learn from it. Anyway, I stopped for 5 months and in this time I received my patriarchal blessing and finally was worthy to get the Melchizedek priesthood. I messed up earlier this week. I know the root causes to why I was so stressed, but man!!! What should I do? I can't forgive my self until I get opinions about my question. I was thinking about telling my dad that I messed up as I told him a few years ago about my addiction.
It is not so much an addiction anymore, I know that I did have a change of heart and the Holy Ghost told me that via reveltaion in the temple, but now I messed up - does that mean I am turning back to my old ways?

Thanks.
I am also planning to go on a mission in December.

Comments:

Addiction    
"Your story reminds me of mine... I also had a relapse in my progress towards the Melchizedek priesthood. I know it's painful, but I would always recommend talking to your bishop and or your father. You should have a person to turn to when you need support. My bishop has always been fair with me.

Try not to beat yourself up, from what I can see you are doing very well. that 5 months is a great accomplishment. there's no distress in progress, be happy. It's important to let somebody know though, the adversary loves to use old unconfessed relapses to rationalize a return to sin.

We will pray for you.
Gondor"
posted at 23:51:02 on May 17, 2013 by Gondor44646
Why not?    
"So why not go to the Bishop?

We often talk at this site about "Should I go to the bishop???" "Do I need to go to the Bishop?"

Well, if you aren't sure then go and ask him!!! Why not go? What do we loose by going to him if we didn't need to discuss it with him? What do we loose if we did need to and we don't? Or we don't as quickly as we should?

Seems like a pretty simple situation. Do not let a relapse mess you up. You don't have to fall back to addictive cycles, but that means you have to handles things differently. Leave NO ROOM for justifications.

If it were me? I would get my butt into his office as quick as possible and be talking to him about these questions."
posted at 22:45:55 on May 18, 2013 by maddy
P.S.    
"Welcome to the site!"
posted at 22:46:58 on May 18, 2013 by maddy
If you need to ask    
"If you need to ask, then you probably should."
posted at 16:33:15 on May 19, 2013 by Anonymous
Mission    
"I think that is admirably that you want to serve a mission. It is truly a wonderful uplifting experience. But if you feel burdened you should see your Bishop. When you say sex addict as in addicted to sex is it just limited to mb and/or prn? I think I messed up a four months before I went on my mission. But not after I went to the temple. I am sure I resolved it before I went to the temple. I was able to stop mb and looking at prn on my mission thank goodness. But that is my unique situation. I know that there were Elders who struggled with mb and I had a companion who had a prn issue. So don't think that by going on a mission it is going to cure you."
posted at 20:39:11 on May 19, 2013 by stayingclean
I can understand your discomfort speaking to the bishop    
"I grew up seeing the Bishop as the "common judge" and giver of punishments. I also justified that I didnt need to see the bishop because I could "take care of my own issues on my own" and "not a big enough deal to warrant speaking to him"

It sounds like you are feeling similar anxieties.

My relationship with my bishop was forced because of my bad actions but since then, my relationship using the bishop has changed.

I have learned that porn, fantasy and masturbation aren't healthy for me. when I slip, I can hide, lie or tell the truth. When I talk to the bishop now, it helps me to avoid lying or hiding -- that is very healthy for me. Addiction is about shame and secrets and getting it out is exposing the wound to fresh air.

The bishop has seen and dealt with a lot of pain in the ward family. He isn't going to condemn you. A good bishop will encourage/ and help apply the right amount of "fix". Slipping with Masturbation is important in your life so take it seriously.. If you had cancer and successfully fought it off and a few years later found a few cancerous cells, you would flip out and go to extremes to ensure it doesn't get another foothold in your body. Repentance isn't about paying a price, it's about changing your habits so you don't slip again.

I think it's awesome that you are on this site talking about it in the first place. Great start. Adding a real person to the confessional is next step.

"
posted at 09:13:33 on May 20, 2013 by Anonymous
Just Recommit    
"If this leads to you starting to do it more regularly then, yes I would go see the bishop. However you do not need to go to the Bishop. Its possible, for many things, to be forgiving by stopping and recommitting to the Lord. Every time I told the bishop, or mission president about a masterbation screw up they just said, dont worry about it just move forward, seriously it was like a 10 second conversation. In fact my mission president told missionaries to stop coming to see him for it. Just take care of it on your own, and recommit to the Lord and move forward."
posted at 11:55:44 on May 20, 2013 by Homeward
I'd say yes    
"I would say yes - anything that helps you see that slipping up is not ok is good. It can be a good strength to keep your foot-hold and not continue to slip."
posted at 11:37:38 on May 21, 2013 by recovery.gdo
Take Ownership and Reclaim Power    
"First, congrats -- once in 5 months is a good accomplishment. Many (most) P/M addicts can't go that long, and you should feel worth as a son of God that you've abstained for so long.

Now it's time to start again, and that's okay -- just keep going.

I would recommend you DO make a visit with the Bishop. Why? Because it means you OWN your problem rather than it owning you. You're in control here -- not fear, not compulsion, not addiction, and not pride. By making a visit and having a chat, you'll be showing the Lord you value His kingdom and His commandments more than the things that are telling you that you don't need to talk about it.

Good job, brother. Keep up the good work."
posted at 20:53:26 on May 23, 2013 by johnroberts
Take Ownership and Reclaim Power    
"First, congrats -- once in 5 months is a good accomplishment. Many (most) P/M addicts can't go that long, and you should feel worth as a son of God that you've abstained for so long.

Now it's time to start again, and that's okay -- just keep going.

I would recommend you DO make a visit with the Bishop. Why? Because it means you OWN your problem rather than it owning you. You're in control here -- not fear, not compulsion, not addiction, and not pride. By making a visit and having a chat, you'll be showing the Lord you value His kingdom and His commandments more than the things that are telling you that you don't need to talk about it.

Good job, brother. Keep up the good work."
posted at 20:53:26 on May 23, 2013 by johnroberts
Try this anyone struggling! :)    
"I know this is weird, but what worked for me was sleeping with my scriptures in my bed! I read them, pray, sleep with them against my side (I sleep on my back) and I wake up with them there. Early in the morning before I'm even really awake is when I have always had problems slipping up and going back to masturbating because of morning you know. But with sleeping with my scriptures I wake up, and my first thought is them! I pray, read them, and have the spirit all day! I actually plan to repeat this daily ritual for a long time. I need it now to break this habit, but I think one day I won't need it. But when that time comes, I think I still might do it. I have never been able to keep such a regular reading schedule without forgetting. I know it is weird, but I encourage anyone struggling to try! Maybe I'll be a trendsetter :P one day they will be saying, "don't forget to tuck your scriptures in next to you before bed!" Lol


Hope this helps"
posted at 01:54:07 on April 16, 2014 by dive_boy7
Bad advice    
"I have to say this because it sooo true. There's a lot of bad advise on here. I mean that with no disrespect either. Why? Because I had a warped sense of reality about my addiction too. I've been working on recovery for approximately 7 years. I became complacent when I finally got to where i could abstain for 3-4 months at a time. I thought to myself, "I guess this is as good as it gets" I would act out so many times talking to the bishop was getting old. I firmly believe that Bishops have an important role in the recovery of this addiction. But that role is not counselor on addiction. Their role is judge in zion. They are to guide you in repentance. Think of it this way, if you break your arm because you got drunk and fell out of a tree, do you go to the bishop to repent of breaking your arm? NO!! That would be crazy. You talk to your bishop about getting drunk and repenting from that. You see a doctor to fix your broken arm. Lust addiction is the same way. The bishop is important, but they are not skilled addiction doctors. In my experience they give a lot a bad advise. Why? Because they aren't addiction doctors, they are repentance doctors.

If you only read one thing in this comment read this!!!!!!!

You cannot recover from this addiction alone!!!!!!

Again

You cannot recover from this addiction alone!!!!!

Again

You cannot recover from this addiction alone!!!!!

Got it?

Why am I emphasizing this? Because of the bad advice on here and given by many bishops. This bad advice fits into the topic I like to call, "Isolation recovery." Where does addiction live? Right, Isolation. Where does the addiction want to stay? In isolation. What does everyone tell you to do? "Just pray harder and have more faith!" Why is this bad advise? Because that's exactly what us addicts what to hear and it's exactly where the devil and our addiction want us to stay. In isolation! We think, "Oh ok, good. I can recover from this thing on my own and I don't have to tell anyone anything and suffer the humiliation of telling my parents, spouse, friends, some weird sex addicts and those 12 step meetings. I can take care of my 'little problem' by myself." Who do you think wants you to think that? Right, your addiction! Satan wants you to think that. Coming from a guy who started into pornography and masturbation at the age of 15 and is now in his 30s, this doesn't work. It hasn't worked for me or anyone that I've ever met who has had consistent recovery. That's just the truth. So all these people telling everyone here, "Don't worry, just get over it, you'll be fine, just pray harder." Speaking from experience, this is not the solution. You CANNOT recover on your own. You need Gods help. What does his help often come in the form of? Other people!!! And there are a lot of people who have had consistent recovery who want to show you how because they know how much misery they were in. I'm one of them. I was in misery and I'm here to tell you there is a way out, where you never act out again, ever. And you can't just pray harder, read your scriptures, and have more faith and expect to never act out, ever. This is bad advise. You have to get a sponsor. Someone who has blazed the path and can show you the way. arpsupport.org is a place to do this. I signed up not too long ago and it was the smartest decision I ever made. You have to do it. It's required for recovery. You gotta be careful where you are seeking advise. If I were you, I would not listen to you. Look at what you've done by listening to you. Just think about all the things you've told yourself about how to get better and how they haven't worked. You should stop listening to you. I've stopped listening to me. Because who dominates the conversation, the addictive me. And he gives really bad advise. So stop listening to you and start listening to Him. He is talking through recovering addicts. They will show you the way. He will show you the way. I promise. He's showing me the way and I finally feel like i'm moving the direction i'm supposed to."
posted at 21:58:30 on April 17, 2014 by Anonymous


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"Jesus rejected temptation. When confronted by the great tempter himself, Jesus "[yielded] not to the temptation‚ÄĚ. He countered with scripture. Gospel commandments and standards are our protection also, and like the Savior, we may draw strength from the scriptures to resist temptation."

— D. Todd Christofferson

General Conference October 2006