Print
How can I....
By SeekingHelp
4/21/2013 12:51:04 PM
....get over the thoughts of "I've been here before....I'm just going to fall again"? I figured out yesterday while writing in my journal that I have been clean for one month two weeks and two days today. So I guess that's what....46 days? Anyways, I can't stop thinking that I have been here before and I have always fallen back into the trap that is this addiction. I hate those thoughts because I know that when I start thinking like that is when I fall again. And falling is that LAST thing I want right now. I love the way I feel when I can pray and not have thoughts of how unworthy I am to be praying for anything. I love the feeling of being clean, but the lore of how good the addiction is is still there as well.

How can I stop those thoughts? How do I convince myself that this time its going to work? How do I focus on the good and not doubt myself? I've also been struggling a bit with depression lately and these doubting thoughts just make that worse. Anyway, I guess I just needed to turn somewhere besides my journal because it can't answer back....

Comments:

Aware    
"You are very self aware. You are recognizing the pattern and how discouragement and doubt play a role in relapsing. That is HUGE!

I think for everyone there is a personal way we come to peacefully accepting that healing can be real and it can be forever. Strangely for some people it may come through loosing your fear of relapsing. Because I am the spouse of an addict my fears were tied into the opposite side of the coin, in that I was afraid not that I would relapse, but that he would. Every time things got good, I would whisper, "Yea well you've been here before....it wont last" That was so toxic to my soul. My personal road to peace was tied into learning gratitude. Gratitude for everything including the 'bad' things or the trials. I don't doubt or despair like I used to. (I am NOT perfect with this! But it is world's better!)
I guess I am saying, I don't know. But I do know that you are asking the right questions!"
posted at 21:08:37 on April 22, 2013 by Maddy
It's hard    
"Hey man, I hear ya. After telling ourselves SO many times that 'last time was the last time' and SO many times going for a while without acting out when our hope turns to pride. It's really hard to believe ourselves when we've told ourselves and others so many lies. I'm at over a year of sobriety now, which I've never done before, but I still find myself worried cause other people go years and relapse after 2,3,4 years too. Anyway, it's a rough business.

Things that help me.
1) I focus on 1 day at a time. I don't know what will happen next year, next month, or next week. But I do know what will happen today. Or at least I know what will happen in the next hour. I will chose to be aware of my addiction and reach out to God in all things. I can do that each day. I've been clean for 446 days, but that's just 1 day 446 times.

2) I remember that I have found the way out. Satan has thrown everything he can at me in the last year and I have been able to use the power of God to repel it. I now know that if I just stay on this path then I will stay clean. I need just to make good decisions each day.

3) Last - fear leads to relapse. You know that. And you're trying to get rid of it. It's ok if you don't know this time it will work. Just know that today it will work. And then recommit tomorrow. I think it's ok if you doubt your ability to stay sober. I doubt mine too. Without God, I would for sure end up back in addiction no matter what I did. I don't doubt God's ability to help me as I reach out to him in my character weaknesses, and that's good enough to keep me going.

Good luck, and email me if you want to chat more about things!
recovery.gdodaat[at]gmail.com"
posted at 10:20:22 on April 27, 2013 by recovery.gdo
Rely on Him    
"Jesus, Take the Wheel!

You can't make it, but He can. Realize that you are powerless without Him, and stay as close to Him as you can-- not so that you will beat the addiction, but so He will. Pray to tell Him you are afraid and can't do it. Ask Him to fight the battle for you. Then, go do something else and don't worry about the feelings and concerns you are having. They are natural. You are not destined to fail, unless you leave His side or try to do it yourself. Let Him do it. Turn it over to Him."
posted at 15:50:00 on April 28, 2013 by beclean
Forgiveness, Understanding the Atonement    
"Maybe if you get a chance you can read my blog. I won't share as much here, but BELIEVE me when I say I know those feelings. I will admit up front I don't have all the answers, I'm still searching myself. But here is what I do know:

I think the biggest thing you can do is to forgive yourself. As you repent and strive to be this new person you are envisioning you are asking Jesus to forgive you. He has already atoned for ALL of our sins whether we ask Him to or not. So you need to trust him, and forgive yourself. He has already forgiven you.
Guess what? This time is different! From your blogs it sounds like this is the first time you've really reached out, the first time you've REALLY committed to change.
I envy you for your success, and I applaud you!

I came to the realization of the importance of personal forgiveness a while back when I was talking to a good friend of mine. This guy really did hit rock bottom.He was not raised in the church, had a child out of wedlock, then the mother left him and took their child with her. At some point after he joined the church but hadn't made important life changes, and after a couple of who were not members of the church and some riotous living he landed himself in jail. He really did some soul searching,re-acquainted himself with the Book of Mormon, and realized the man he needed to be to live the life that he wanted. When I met him, I would NEVER had guessed at any of that. He is not that same man he has told me about, I still have a hard time believing him sometimes. And even with as far as he has come, to this day he cannot forgive himself and let himself be happy. Because of this he cannot recognize all the good he has accomplished and the AMAZING man who I have had the privilege to come to know and respect.

There in lies the danger of not forgiving yourself. You will never be able to move on past this addiction if you can't do this. I know that this has been going on for sometime now, and that you are still in the early stages. This whole thing is a process and won't be accomplished overnight. I encourage you to search out the steps to repentance. I know a long time ago, possibly in Primary or early years of Young Womens, we had a lesson over it. Forgiving yourself was one of the earlier steps, and without it your repentance will never be complete.

Satan is going to do everything he can to convince you otherwise, it seems like he already has. Tell Satan to take a hike, there is no room for him in this or anywhere in your life for that matter. As I've read your posts I am amazed at your openness and how you willing you are to not only look for help but also to ask for it, especially in the early stages. I didn't have the guts to do that when I was at my rock bottom, I had to prove to myself that I meant it this time. You are a rock star!

I know, a little cliche...but it's true ;)"
posted at 02:55:50 on May 7, 2013 by anewrainbow


Add a Comment:


***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)








help
join
"Just as the landfill requires dedicated work and attention, laboriously applying layer after layer of fill to reclaim the low-lying ground, our lives also require the same vigilance, continually applying layer after layer of the healing gift of repentance.…Our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, feel sorrow when we choose to remain in sin, when the gift of repentance made possible through the Atonement can clean, reclaim, and sanctify our lives. When we gratefully accept and use this precious gift, we can enjoy the beauty and usefulness of our lives... "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006