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No Hope
By Draffon
4/12/2013 1:17:38 AM
Things have been so hard lately. I have no faith in myself at all. I want eternal happiness and it feels like it will never happen. I am afraid of losing my relationship with a wonderful girl but her interest in the church seems to be fading. It is during this time that I feel vulnerable and weak and want to cry. I have hope that I can beat this but my doubts are always here.

For years I have wanted my own family and thought I could have that with my ex wife yet that ended badly. My addiction was part of it and even now the relationship I am in I fear. Fear of it ending, fear of getting hurt, fear of going back to the porn. The pain of being alone in my home state is brutal at times and a lot of times I find myself seeking solace from porn.

I am physically and mentally tired from fighting and trying and striving. Yet I haven't quit. My girlfriend has lost interest in the church yet I have hope for us and it drives me to fight this addiction. The thought of a future is great motivation as is the aspect of eternal happiness.

I want to hide.

Comments:

There is always hope!    
"You can have anything you want if you want it desperately enough. You must want it with an exuberance that erupts through the skin and joins the energy that created the world.
Sheila Graham

Healing does not mean going back to the way things were before, but rather allowing what is now to move us closer to God. - Ram Dass

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but we look so long at the close door that we do not see the one which has opened. - Helen Keller

In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy. - David Steindl-Rest

Remember that Jesus loves you and only wants the best for you!"
posted at 04:35:18 on April 12, 2013 by Anonymous
Trying    
"I am trying to hold on. I know that beating this addiction is the most important thing. My family and her are my biggest support and I am grateful for that. She has been very supportive and despite her not being a church member she understands to a point. Right now she has no interest in the church because of things that have happened. I am just worried that I am going to hear an I told you so somewhere along the lines..

What I do know is that I have found my incentives to beat this problem. Eternal life is a happy prospect and I want that. Lately the desire to look at porn has been very low and I take advantage of that. All the extra stress that has been building up lately makes me worried that I will fall.

I hate to dwell on this subject but I have a couple good reasons for beating this. One is eternal life as I mentioned. That is my biggest priority. The second is I want to be a better person and not feel hatred to myself. The third is the woman in my life. I hope that I can get this under control so that IF I am to be with her, which is another scary thing, that I don't bring this inot our marriage. I am very afraid I am losing her or am going to lose her because of this.

Faith has kept me going for a long time and I cling to it right now. I cry, I yell, I get angry at my short comings but I believe that I have reached my breaking point. I have too much to fight for and I won't give it up."
posted at 19:40:00 on April 12, 2013 by Draffon
Fight a good fight.    
"I think you are trying to white knuckle your way through your addiction and it is driving you insane. If you walk down the street thinking: "Don't think of elephants! Don't think of elephants! Don't think about elephants!" What are you thinking about?

The best option is to redirect your thoughts and actions into exercise and something good. You will likely struggle your whole life with sexual addiction. It is a cross that you are called to bear for being a follower of Christ. The good news is as you grow it will get easier to resist sexual temptation. It will not always be easy, but you will learn to rely on the LORD for strength. Also know that if you continue to try and always get better relying on Heavenly Father you will be on the right path. When you give up and decide it is hopeless is when you will fail.

I struggled with masturbation for many years. I did not indulge too much in visual pornography praise the LORD, but I still struggle with the occasional slip of reading material that is sexual in nature. I went six years without masturbating and then I messed up once about six months ago. I still struggle and fight to follow the LORD some days. The bottom line is just this: DO NOT GIVE UP! Pray for hope, and deliverance from temptation. Get rid of your Internet access for a time if you have to. Just do not ever say it is hopeless and give up."
posted at 22:46:51 on April 12, 2013 by Anonymous
Jacob 6:7    
""For behold, after ye have been nourished by the good word of God all the day long, will ye bring forth evil fruit, that ye must be hewn down and cast into the fire.""
posted at 03:35:31 on April 13, 2013 by Anonymous
Spirit    
"I've seen you refer to this before in some of your blogs. What is their signifigance in addiction? Unclean spirits that is."
posted at 18:15:51 on April 13, 2013 by Draffon


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"By emulating the Master, who endured temptations but “gave no heed unto them,” we, too, can live in a world filled with temptations “such as [are] common to man”. Of course Jesus noticed the tremendous temptations that came to him, but He did not process and reprocess them. Instead, He rejected them promptly. If we entertain temptations, soon they begin entertaining us! Turning these unwanted lodgers away at the doorstep of the mind is one way of giving “no heed.” Besides, these would-be lodgers are actually barbarians who, if admitted, can be evicted only with great trauma."

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987