By stayingclean
4/5/2013 5:53:01 PM
No, not 50 years old. I'm 50 days sober. I logged in today and there it was like a neon sign with white letters on a dark blue background.

50 days ago today, I binged like crazy. I came to work and spent the better part of the day binging on prn. Funny thing, I did not wake up that day and say, "I think I will look at prn today." No! It happened much more seductively than that. I had an impulse, then a curiosity, then I was clicking around and BAM! I was hooked on it until quitting time.

So what have I learned? I have learned to BE PRESENT when impulses rear their ugly head. Its like an innocent little monster much like a Gremlin. Innocent at first and you feed it (or let it get wet) and BAM! It grows until it swallows you whole and you can't think straight. Now I say to myself, "Don't do it! Don't do it! Feeding those impulses just make them even more hungry and you are going to feel bad afterwards."

So far so good...


"Doing awesome. You ar kicking some serious tail. :)"
posted at 18:30:53 on April 5, 2013 by Anonymous
"me too.... awesome. Everyday is a Miracle. You have a sponsor? I do-and it really really helps. I love what you said feeding the impulses makes me more hungry. That for sure. I am never satisfied"
posted at 20:45:17 on April 5, 2013 by marie sober

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"If, through our unrighteous choices, we have lost our footing on that path, we must remember the agency we were given, agency we may choose to exercise again. I speak especially to those overcome by the thick darkness of addiction. If you have fallen into destructive, addictive behaviors, you may feel that you are spiritually in a black hole. As with the real black holes in space, it may seem all but impossible for light to penetrate to where you are. How do you escape? I testify the only way is through the very agency you exercised so valiantly in your premortal life, the agency that the adversary cannot take away without your yielding it to him. "

— Robert D. Hales

General Conference, April 2006