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QUESTION/UPDATE (CAUTION SOMEWHAT LONG)
By churchgirl
3/29/2013 8:53:12 PM
HI ALL!
I KNOW ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I HAVE BEEN ON HERE.
SO I WANTED TO GIVE AN UPDATE.

IN 17 DAYS IT WILL BE A YEAR SINCE I HAVE CONFESSED AND WAS OFFICIALLY FORGIVEN OF MY SINS OF DOING SEXUAL ACTS AND INAPPROPRIATE PICS. I JUST WANT TO SAY IF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THE REPENTANCE PROCESS OF THESE SINS OR EVEN IF YOU NEED A SPONSOR I WILL BE MORE THAN WILLING TO HELP ANYONE. I KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE. NO IT WONT GET EASIER BUT PRAYING STUDYING YOUR SCRIPTURES WILL HELP YOU FIGHT OFF THE TEMPTATIONS OF YOUR ADDICTIONS. THE SEXUAL DESIRE IS STILL THERE FOR ME BUT I KNOW THAT IF I PRAY AND READ MY SCRIPTURES EVEN THINKING OF A CHURCH SONG WILL HELP THAT DESIRE TO WANT SEX GOES AWAY. SO IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE FOR ME THE SPONSOR THEM I WOULD BE MORE THAN WILL TO GIVE YOU MY NUMBER.MY LIFE HAS CHANGED DRAMATICALLY SINCE I FULLY REPENTED. AND YOURS CAN TOO!

HERES MY QUESTION: THERES THIS GUY I HAVE MET IN MY LITERATURE CLASS AT SCHOOL, HE'S LITERALLY EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED AND EVER LOOKED FOR IN MY "PRINCE CHARMING". HE'S FUNNY, SMART, GOOD LOOKING AND A COMPLETE TOTAL GENTLEMAN. HE'S LITERALLY THE YING TO MY YANG, IF YOU WILL. HE'S BEEN THROUGH A LOT. AND IF YOU ASK ME HE HAS THE PERFECT MORMON GUY QUALITIES THAT WE'VE ALL LEARNED ABOUT. THE ONLY THING IS HE ISNT MORMON. NOT SAYING THAT HE WONT EVER BECOME ONE BUT THATS NOT MY ONLY THING I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT. HE'S 29 AND IM 21, IS THAT A BIG DIFFERENCE? HE'S BEEN MARRIED ONCE BEFORE WITH NO KIDS AND NO CONTACT WITH HIS EX WIFE NOW. I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO APPROACH MY PARENTS ABOUT THIS. THEY'RE VERY PROTECTIVE OVER ME AND I'VE BEEN VERY SHELTERED MY WHOLE LIFE, LIKE LITERALLY SHELTERED. HOW SHOULD I TELL MY PARENTS ABOUT HIM? IM SCARED THAT THEY WILL BE VERY JUDGMENTAL CAUSE THEY MIGHT THINK 8 YEARS IS A BIG DIFFERENCE. BUT HONESTLY MY I HAVE 2 SETS OF AUNTS AND UNCLES WITH A LITTLE AGE DIFFERENCE ONES 6 YEARS AND THE OTHER IS 15 YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE. SOMEONE HELP ME!

Comments:

Church Girl    
"I married my wife, a non member, during a period of inactivity in the church. We have had issues arise because of the difference in our faith, but I can say it was always me that was the intolerant and judgmental one. When I let go of the idea that SHE had everything to learn from ME, we started to really grow together. We have been married for 11 years. She was baptized 6 years ago. I am still madly in love with her. Our marriage is solid.
Good luck to you. I know what your heart is going through. I don't know what the answer is for you. Just thought I would share my experience."
posted at 09:34:33 on March 30, 2013 by Anonymous
Question    
"WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING?"
posted at 16:35:31 on March 30, 2013 by Anonymous
tough.call    
"i would be worried for my daughter too. the guy has way more life lessons than you do. odds of conversion are low but doable. if thats important to you. i would recommend getting a marriage therapist to help you and him see the reality of married life after the honeymoon time has past and real life settles in. part member family is tough. im sure there are other areas of difference too. good to understand if these are deal killers before you are married.

that will show your parents that you are thinking this through and not just following your feelings. "
posted at 22:33:25 on March 30, 2013 by Anonymous
Hey...Just play it by ear....And follow your heart...    
"Hopefully, it works out. The age difference isn't a big deal. Maybe he's more mature than the other guys, which can be a good thing. :)

Plus, if it doesn't work out, there are tons of other guys out there and you can always just say, "Next?" :D For Real. There are many options for you out there."
posted at 18:18:13 on April 1, 2013 by g1rlie
My older brother and his wife just celebrated their 34th Temple Wedding Anniversary    
"and he's seven years older than she, and when they met, she wasn't a member. But he baptized her BEFORE (not apologizing for the shouting here, just cover your ears if any of you can't take it) they married.

She was very rich, we were poor, we grew up in tough east coast neighborhoods, she on the west coast in the richest municipality in the U.S. Etc. Every marriage counselor would have advised against it.

Theirs is the best marriage I've ever seen in my life, bar none, period. The respect they feel for each other is off the scale and they've learned to work out differences quietly, not by shouting or storming around. Remember, "a soft answer turneth away wrath." Great thing to remember for any relationship, even with co-workers.

A huge complication can result when children come into the picture. Do you want to raise your children in the Gospel? Do you really realize how much time and effort the Church is going to ask of you? Of your children? Scouting programs for the boys, plus tons of young men's and young women's activities and outings, conferences, camping trips, etc. Plus all the meetings. And Sundays, and Fast Sundays. And tithing. And temple attendance. And missions for the children. This can be a huge drain on a ""mixed marriage", even when the non-member is very good-natured and a very good person. Plus, he might have religious convictions that would cause him to resist allowing his children to be baptized into the Church. Have you talked to him about any of these things? How close are you?

Have you ever invited him to church? If so, how did he react? Is he even interested in you to the extent that you should be concerned about this? How important is the Church and the Gospel to you (I would say "very important" if I remember your struggles, and how difficult it was for you to confess and to stay clean).

Whatever you do, COMMUNICATE. About your commitment to the Church, about how you would like to raise your children, about what type of atmosphere you would like in your home, especially on the Sabbath Day, about all the programs and time and money commitments you would like to honor.

I would be the last to rain on somebody's parade. This might be the right guy for you. But President Monson said something about selecting a mate (before he was president). He said that the Lord would not leave you alone in this decision. And he won't. When you're ready to go ahead with a decision, take your decision to the Lord, with an open heart, willing to receive and follow any answer He gives you. And then follow it.

I am certain that the Lord is intensely interested in your happiness, and foremost in that is your choice of a mate. Don't let "senior panic" set in. Make your decision wisely.

As far as eight years is concerned, I wouldn't even give it another thought.

I would recommend two books on marriage (by non-LDS marriage counselors) whomever you marry: "Married, for Better, not Worse," by Gary and Joy Lundberg, and "Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts" by Les and Leslie Parrott. The second book is especially good because it comes with two workbooks for both the man and the woman about their upbringings and expectations for marriage, and it truly promotes (requires) communication.

And no, I'm not married."
posted at 20:00:43 on April 2, 2013 by dog
Two cents    
"My wife and I have been married 15 years. She joined a year before we married.
One thing - I didn't convert her, the gospel and the Book of Mormon did.
It is a significant age gap, especially since he's been married.
Be very wary of temptation, and pray often about this."
posted at 21:19:23 on April 2, 2013 by Hk-47
the age thing does NOT matter.    
"your both in your 20's! SO BOTH OF YOU ARE SO YOUNG!;) hey, your like me-my hub was about that age and I was 21 also when I met him. I been married 20 years to him. :) I will say my sis married a non mormon. It seriously the best marriage I have witness. It prob both of their personalitys BUT ya-she never attended the temple which is sad. She doesn't want to go if she can't have him go...so that been the big eternal lost but maybe he will come around someday. They been married 30 years? The temple for me been seriously my happiest place and it makes me sad for my sis she never been there. Have Hope for my bro n law that he convert but he fine the way he is now. All of their grown kids are not active. My sis did take them regularly to church every week growing up. But I'm sure the confusion and look up to their dad and he not LDS has huge part on their beliefs. BUT hate for anyone to pass up a great guy where it makes your heart pumping!!!!! Think with anyone in a relationship and especially you if your a sex addict....just be careful. If he respects you to keep your sobriety to be celibate for marriage-than he a great guy. "
posted at 00:52:54 on April 5, 2013 by marie sober
Help    
"Hey churchgirl. I don't know if you'll even see this but I'm scared and I need help. I'm sixteen and it's been a long time since I've talked to my bishop about my addiction. It bothers me to talk to him freely because he's someone I know and encounter regularly, and, well, if I'm being honest it makes me uncomfortable talking to a GUY about these kinds of things. I just want to talk to someone who can empathize with my situation. Do you think I could get your email and talk to you privately? I'm desperate. Please help me."
posted at 15:59:58 on July 8, 2013 by Anonymous


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General Conference, October 1988