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Being Present in the Moment of Impulses
By stayingclean
3/20/2013 11:17:46 AM
Someone remarked that "There are some people, that when they dont have access (to porn) they go to great lengths to get there. Mounting up credit card bills, going on "trips" to have an excuse to binge, idk people get creative."

I just wanted to point out that in one point in my life my addiction did reach that point and thankfully now it is not though I have a lot of work to do. Just to give some context, I had commented that my porn addiction is a function of access. If I did not access, I am 100% sure that I would not look at it nor would I act on it. I only look at it at work, about 4-5 times a year and binge for a day. I have been fighting this for two years now after being clean for TEN YEARS. I have gone as long as four months without it. When away from it, I don't crave it especially when I make an effort to keep my thoughts clean.

Here is my point, at one point in my life I was heavily addicted and would get it anyway I can. Now I am a casual user that wants to get rid of it entirely. What is the difference?

On a molecular level, porn excites us because it pumps our bodies full of chemicals that are highly addictive. Sometimes when we go without it, we crave it like an illicit drug. To what extent are we trying to satisfy a chemical imbalance of some sort or using prn as a coping mechanism? Or using it as an escape from our mundane or stressful lives?

This is in no way an attempt to excuse behaviors that we are fully responsible. But if there is a chemical imbalance, I believe there are ways we can manage it or minimize it before it reaches a breaking point. Do we indulge when we are tired or stressed and we want to use prn as a form of release? Are we cognitive of and are "present" and aware of our bodies in moments of impulses? If so, what can we do beside indulging in our cravings? Maybe part of recovery is about creating new habits of coping with stress.

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"Each one who resolves to climb that steep road to recovery must gird up for the fight of a lifetime. But a lifetime is a prize well worth the price. This challenge uniquely involves the will, and the will can prevail. Healing doesn’t come after the first dose of any medicine. So the prescription must be followed firmly, bearing in mind that it often takes as long to recover as it did to become ill. But if made consistently and persistently, correct choices can cure. "

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988